My first instinct when I see an animal is HIIIII! 😍

😂

It's considered put away when you put it on!

What about the avocado toast?

that’s some hard truth 😭

One still betrayed him thou

Sometimes, they can't even STFU when a judge tells them to. Looking at you, Donald.

If you sleep on the dinner table it shouldn't be a problem.

Mood molecules +/or receptors can be so fickle, like they have their own bad moods...

I need whatever endorphins this girl gets after working out. I NEVER feel good after working out.

Ahhh, yelling at inert technological objects

OMG I’ve had a toothache since late last year and yet I still haven’t been to the dentist because of this exact reason. I don’t want to hear the cost 😅

And the people involved in all three can remain compartmentalised too - I don't get it when people mix all three together, they're three distinct flavours not neapolitan icecream!

"per my last email,"

I needed to hear this.

THE FINGER POINTERS AND THE SCENTED ERASERS AND OMG

Afraid to do this thinking I’ll forget stuff behind when leaving

Why on earth would anyone put such a big bell on a cat?? In case anyone is wondering, cat’s hearing is super sensitive, so I think bells are cruel, would you like the equivalent sound of a cow bell every time you move??

Well someone is delusional and guaranteed to be depressed when reality slaps them in the face.

I used to say things like "progress is great" and "technology is amazing!" Now I say, "You can all go ahead - I'm going to camp out here in 2010"

3.) it’s too hot

A 36 year old child that still has cereal for dinner sometimes

I have never had my phone or any of my phones off vibrate

*Person about to take my order : "Hello... blah blah blah... may I take your order?" *Me: Hi, can I please ha.... *person : "How are you?"

beep beep! oh, uh, gotta take this!

Whenever I’m over something unimportant I say “No. I’m done with things such as this.” Whenever I’m over something important, I pull out my Scarlett O’Hara and say “I’ll think about this tomorrow.”

I do. My sister's child asked me (with a quite offended look on her face) "Why do you like a dog so much?" Which wasn't A dog by the way, it was MY dog. So I asked her with the same type of facial expression "Why does your mom like you so much?" And she replied "Because she always wanted me." And I said "Well, there you go, I always wanted my dog." She asked "Why don't you want a child?" Me : "Because you guys never listen, you are always dirty and you touch everything, you are never happy with anything your parents do for you, you have to be told the same thing a million times and you just want everything without givong anything in return and I won't be giving all my time to that." Her : "Maybe yours will be nice." Me : "Maybe not, I ain't taking the chance" To everyone who is so offended by this….. she knows that in general I don’t like kids but there are exceptions and she is one of them. She knows that I love her, but I can also tell her “you are becoming a bit much now” without having me or her feel bad about it. Too loud, too busy, too all over me… I don’t like it. She knows that, and my sister tells her as well. Personal space and so on… Even if you are a kid, you still need to respect someone’s boundaries. So, I can tell her things without her thinking I’m rude. Also, if I was so “mean” or “rude” to her, would she always prefer to be on my team when playing a game, or drive with me in my car when we are going somewhere, etc.? No. We have a good relationship, we understand each other. You guys need to chill. And also, I didn’t say or think that she was rude either, she was asking a question and I answered it with an example I thought she would understand.

to whoever is making sped up audios - who decided to mess with 2023 like that?

Then in your 40s, someone asks you to go to their house party and instead of thinking about what you'll wear, you think about how you can get out of it.

This is totally me

Hahaha I think the same about my cat

That's what sleeping beauty did, why can't I?

I chuckled audibly at this one 😂

Don't shame women for being sexual beings and that lie won't happen.

Omg the gecko in the corner

But I still can't find 2023 and it's nearly gone....

I'm in this picture and I don't like it

Just wait until you get this root canal!

Both. Definitely both.

I work at a dispensary. Best job ever.

Here we go, for the guys who get in trouble for 'helping/fixing' - this is how to start the convo.

Who even has the time to record an 18 minute voice note??

I did this to the CEO of the large corporate I was working for. He saw me doing it, with a confused look on his face, I also wondered why the doors continued to close (I was trying to press the open button).

Just like the girls who say they aren't like other girls. Yeah you are.

Tirafreesu?

Every inaction generates a more debilitating inaction.

I need to lose weight. Also me: ...

LMAO “ignore🚩”

Gimme a break. Over 30% of today's men don't know how to change a tire.