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30 Of The Wittiest Dad Jokes That May Help You Finally One-Up Your Own Dad
We love our dads endlessly. Dads have certain behavior stereotypes, like how they act at the airport while watching football or teaching us to drive. Though a very precious one is dad jokes. Do not confuse them with regular jokes, as dad jokes fall into a completely different category. They are often in the wrong place at the wrong time, sometimes annoying, and almost always cringe-worthy. Yet, they have become an internet phenomenon with a devoted following.
The ‘Dad Says Jokes’ Instagram page is a portal to a parallel dimension where fathers reign as the unofficial kings of comedy. Get ready for a mix of emotions as we share a new collection of posts from the page full of hilarious misfires, heartwarming wordplay, and moments that will make you wonder, "Did he really just say that?"
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#1
Samsquatch & Monko 2 years ago
“Why is it in a bucket? Why do you have bloodstains on you? Why do you have a bloody knife in your pocket?” So many unnecessary questions.
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!" Do you get it? Me neither... My dad told me this joke when I was eight years old and fell on the couch laughing. I guess dad jokes fall into a niche category, often best understood and appreciated by dads themselves. Nevertheless, the Instagram page 'Dad Says Jokes' has a whopping 4 million members who seem to appreciate the art of cheesy humor and pun-filled wit. It's a world where groans and eye-rolls are met with proud chuckles from dads all over the internet. The page has become a digital gathering place for dads to unite, sharing their best jokes and creating a bond over their unique sense of humor.
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#2
Der Kommissar 2 years ago
My wife met me at the door wearing a negligee. She was coming home - Rodney Dangerfield
#3
Matthew Lindeman 2 years ago
You should have one of them claim the vote was rigged to make it seem more realistic 🤣
Happy Onion 2 years ago
And then have their friends bust through the front door and try to steal the pizza anyway
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Lexekon 2 years ago
I am unclear whether the other comments quite caught the part, where it was money that made the real selection, the election itself was a distraction. If you thought your vote mattered, you missed the part where money preselected the candidates you choose between. The pro-money party always wins, because it runs unopposed.
David A Paterson 2 years ago
If this is supposed to be representative of democracy, then you only give them a choice of two movies and two pizzas. Anchovy and red pepper pizza or spinach and chick pea pizza.
Robert Miller 2 years ago
You didn't teach them about democracy - you are teaching capitalism .
Spannermonkey 2 years ago
To be realistic, they should have been voting on a choice of only 2 movies, neither of which any of them want to see, to be screened at an indeterminate time in the future (subject to cancellation without notice,) and a selection of very boring pizzas that nobody likes and which clearly are insufficient to feed the whole family. Or maybe I'm bitter.
Cuppa tea? 2 years ago
That wasn't example of democracy, that was example of corporate oligarchy, aka system in the USofA.
The term "dad joke" was first recorded in a 1987 Gettysburg Times column penned by Jim Kalbaugh. On Father's Day that year, Kalbaugh introduced the term "dad joke" to the public and passionately advocated for keeping the genre alive: "As we approach Father’s Day, I would like to propose that ‘Dad’ Jokes not be banned. They should be revered, preserved."
#4
I heart Boo-BI-es 2 years ago
And falling, tripping, things jumping out in front of you out of nowhere, like people, cars,houses,trolls, purple elephants...
Somebodys grandmother 2 years ago
This is my x-husband.... I once saw him on a bridge walking while drunk... he used the whole d@mn bridge... It is a big bridge and we lived on top on the hill on the other side... OMG was he drunk... 🙈🤣
#5
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
Appreciate all our bus drivers out there. Very few other industries were hit harder by the pandemic and have yet to recover.
#6
Dad jokes strike a perfect balance between being neutral and punchy, which is where their beauty lies. “What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung dung,” comedian Paul Seven told the National Post his dad's favorite joke. "It’s so stupid. There is no social commentary in there, there is no agenda, no political material, its neutral."
#7
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
Only slightly related but I just saw seven turtles chilling in a pond and swimming with their little noses out of the water and both me and the kid were delighted
#8
Philly Bobcat 2 years ago
Corn oil from corn, sunflower oil from sunflowers, peanut oil from peanuts... baby oil from... wait? WHAT???
Alditekim 2 years ago
Babies' sweat, p**s, and tears. No babies were harmed during the making of baby oils.
Load More Replies... nala simba 2 years ago
Lap dancers from Lapland. Pole dancers from Poland. Germs from Germany.
#9
Toasted Applesauce 2 years ago
They're texting someone with the name "dad" yet the person also refers to them as "dad" Sorry this bothered me really badly
Seven considers dad jokes to be true works of comedy, often drawing their humor from puns, which he believes is a lost art. He thinks that dad jokes are a genre that kids from all backgrounds can relate to, requiring no cultural or social knowledge to appreciate.
#10
jon gilbertson 2 years ago
I read a recent government study that said three out of four people make up 75% of the population. Not sure if I believe that.
#11
Philly Bobcat 2 years ago
Like those girls who make duck faces... I just toss them a piece of bread...
#12
Marvin HeartofGold (she/them) 2 years ago
I have kids and I agree. "Sorry, boys. We just can't afford to take you out tonight. Babysit each other, don't set the house on fire. We'll be back...at some point."
Load More Replies... Dad jokes never go out of style because they don't even try to stay in style, unlike stage comedians who constantly update themselves to stay relevant. "Dad jokes take the audience away from everything awful to something so neutral and inoffensive, without even trying," says Seven. "You don’t have to think and no one gets hurt."
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#15
LooseSeal's $10 Banana 2 years ago
The KY truck crashed a little further up the road, but everyone was able to slide through without too much trouble.
Chintan Shah 2 years ago
The fumes must also have cleared up congestion from neighboring highways and cities
That's what makes dad jokes even more appealing in today's world. "I think we’re tired of turning on CNN and watching the absolute nightmare that is the reality around the world," says Seven. "And then you go on Twitter and you read about dad puns."
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#18
Let’s Be Kind 2 years ago
In that case, “Banana” and “avocado” are both good passwords.
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In today's online world, dad jokes offer a brief and innocent escape from the harsh humor found on social media. "You look at old-school comedy, somebody is the victim of some joke somewhere," says Seven. "In my mind, comedy should heal, make you feel good about yourself." A good dad joke offers a quick laugh, often accompanied by a slight cringe, delivering exactly what you need.
#19
SolitaryIntrovert 2 years ago
After I read this, I had to stop for a second and compose myself.
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
This joke doesn't make sense to anyone speaking German as 'Bach' sounds nothing like 'back'.
Tiny Bun 2 years ago
I’m going to the market with my Chopin Liszt instead of hiding, wanna come with me?
Load More Replies... #20
Admiral Graf Spee he/him 2 years ago
It is gonna be a bright sunshiny day
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I heart Boo-BI-es 2 years ago
🎶 Did I choose right,right,right,right? I hope I don't have to pay🎶
#21
Danny Boy 2 years ago
Heard a keynote speaker at a physics symposium use this joke. Ugh. It bombed. LOL Poor guy.
Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago
I'd follow it up with "Okay, now I can see what I'm dealing with. Let's start with the basics."
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Dad jokes, in their own quirky way, can sometimes lead to unexpected honors. For example, the dad who invented knock-knock jokes won the no-bell prize. Keep scrolling down, and you'll find plenty more jokes like that waiting for you below. And remember, the next time you hear a dad joke, embrace the groans and laughter that follow, knowing that these pun-filled gems have the power to brighten our days.
#22
#23
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
My only boyfriend was nicknamed (by me) the ten-second squirt. We had sex five times. I have had less than a minute of sex in my life. We were together in '94. No, I am not making this up.
nala simba 2 years ago
My husband was good in bed. Fell asleep quickly and didn't take up much room.
#24
80 Van 2 years ago
This implies that the wedding video starts at the bar and follows the groom to the church before the wedding starts, which would be a very interesting wedding video.
Der Kommissar 2 years ago
also liked the part where the stripper gave the best man the money back
Roger Lickers 2 years ago
Better than playing a video of your kid being born backwards, I suppose...
Michele Garrard 2 years ago
It's a joke, not real life. Does anyone know what a joke is anymore?
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#26
ProbablyNotBehindYou (he/him) 2 years ago
That's the joke, because naan sounds kinda like non. In real terms yeah, but then it wouldn't really be funny
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#28
nala simba 2 years ago
I used to be a Publican before I retired, but I missed it, so now I'm a Republican.
nala simba 2 years ago
If you cycle to work in the mornings, does that mean you recycle (home) in the evenings?
#29
#30
David A Paterson 2 years ago
There's a Two Ronnie's joke like that. A man lost the middle finger of his right hand in a work accident today. He didn't notice it was missing until he was saying good night to the foreman.
#31
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#38
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
Must not have needed an ambulance either because he likely galloped his way to the hospital with his 6 horsepower behind.
#39
#40
#42
I heart Boo-BI-es 2 years ago
They all came for the Milky way martini, heard it was out of this world.
#43
#45
Danny Boy 2 years ago
I never, EVER pass up the chance to tease old people. (I mostly get away with it, because I'm old.)
Super Beast 2 years ago
that's what i wanna be when i grow up (37 years old)
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#47
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#54
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
The toddler has started to say 'oh shît' for me when I drop something. That's so thoughtful of her
#56
#58
Natty Tempest 2 years ago
A lot of people have spotted that crows are being hit by trucks and lorries. When they're eating on the road, one waits as a lookout. However, they only ever say 'car! Car!' so the other birds don't fly high enough to avoid trucks and lorries.
#59
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#61
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 2 years ago
I told my (now) husband when we first met that my favourite flowers are Cadbury's Roses.
Downunderdude 2 years ago
Wife (crying) 'You don't even know what my favorite flower is' Husband 'Yes I do. it's self raising, isn't it?'
#67
#69
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Just like when someone threw a block of cheese at me. How dairy!
#70
#73
Khall Khall 2 years ago
Some of you people only care about tesseracts and asps...
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#76
Owen 2 years ago
But Frankenstein's monster wasn't a monster. He was just trying to live. Dr Frankenstein was a monster among men.
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#77
#78
Final score:
6points
Cat Dragon 1 year ago
To quote someone whose name escapes me on the Sea of Stars subreddit after I said that the people who like Acolyte Four are "treacherous, and horrible, too!": How do you delete someone else's comment
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What do you think ?
Markus Holstein 2 years ago
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Am I just getting older, or are Dad jokes actually getting better?
Duvet Woman 2 years ago
I am slightly embarrassed that I thought they were really funny
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Mermeow Overlord (they/them) 2 years ago
Did BP just recycle this 2 month article and change the date on it to 4 days ago?
Markus Holstein 2 years ago
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Am I just getting older, or are Dad jokes actually getting better?
Duvet Woman 2 years ago
I am slightly embarrassed that I thought they were really funny
Load More Replies... Mermeow Overlord (they/them) 2 years ago
Did BP just recycle this 2 month article and change the date on it to 4 days ago?
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