40 Times People Got Threatened In Such Weird And Chaotic Way, It Was Actually Impressive (New Pics)
You know that feeling when you’re having a heated conversation, and you want so badly to come up with the perfect response, but your mouth just can’t seem to form the words? Your brain glitches for only a second, and suddenly you’ve missed your golden opportunity to craft the perfect insult or comeback because the moment has passed. Well, if you’d like to be prepared for the next time that opportunity arises, pandas, we might have the perfect article for you.
If you’re not familiar already, allow us to introduce you to the Rare Threats subreddit. This intimidating group is dedicated to sharing the most creative and brilliant threats the internet has ever seen, and you just might want to keep some of them in your back pocket for the next time you find yourself in a heated argument. From oddly specific to frighteningly ominous threats, this subreddit has it all, so enjoy scrolling through this list and be sure to upvote any rare threats you plan on utilizing in the future! And you better read them all, or I’ll hide all of your fruit in the oven and you won’t know until you preheat it for dinner then open it up to find blackened apples and bananas.
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Found On R/Skyrimmods. Op Got Flamed For Asking A Basic (But Genuine) Question
Spotted This Sign At My Local Community Garden
So That’s How I Died
The Rare Threats subreddit has been around since January 26, 2019, and it has already amassed an impressive 60k members, likely through its expert use of intimidation. This isn’t the first time we’ve featured the Rare Threats subreddit at Bored Panda, though. And lucky for us, the last time we covered the group, about four months ago, my colleague Jonas was able to get in touch with one of the sub’s moderators, Left4pillz.
Left4pillz was kind enough to provide some insight into how the group formed and what it has been like running it. Apparently, the post that started it all was a man’s bizarre threat to continue taping fish onto out-of-order ATMs until they were fixed. You can find that full post right here. That inspired the mods to create Rare Threats, and the group has only been growing ever since.
🕳
That is exactly why we commit war crimes, or maybe start a war and begin using your powers as the dark lord while looking for a piece of jewellery
Taste Buds
We also previously asked moderator Left4pillz about the challenges of managing the Rare Threats community, and they shared that the biggest difficulty is simply having enough time for the subreddit. "Between my job as a cycle courier, and the hobby of porting and recreating older video game maps for Pavlov VR, I don't really have much time to spend moderating here,” they told Bored Panda. “Thankfully, the report system makes it easy enough to see the posts that break the rules more easily without having to spend tons of time looking at every post.”
Left4pillz also shared what they personally believe makes for the best rare threats. They noted that creativity and brevity are always key, urging threat artists to avoid “[going] on for paragraphs.” Incorporating humor is also a plus, they added!
Why Does It Always Involve Kneecaps
This exactly why kneecaps are a privilege and not a right
There Is No Worse Sin
And open a pack of Oreos in it after stomping on the packet until it’s crumbs
Tortilla Chip
"Generally the best posts are threats/warnings that are found naturally, rather than ones made specifically for the sub,” Left4pillz previously told Bored Panda. “And in my opinion, the real best of the best ones are found in real life as they're typically much rarer, like these two," the mod said, referring to these hilariously threatening signs right here and here. And while it may be hard to spot rare threats such as these in real life, it seems to become easier and easier to find them online nowadays, considering that they can be found on any social media site and even other places online. And I have to admit, I’m extremely thankful for the unlimited content the sub has now. Although, I might be a bit frightened if I heard any of these threats directed at me…
Organic Carrot
Cheese?
No, a better way - which I did many, many years ago to an inconsiderate arsehole of a neighbour - is to buy a kipper or smoked mackerel and rub it through their air inlet grilles on the car ; it takes about a minute and the smell lasts forever, especially when its hot .... If you really want to ruin someone's car and life do this with Surstromming .... look it up, nasty, nasty stuff but surprisingly tasty with pickles and black bread !!
Discord Discorse
As with anything in life, threats are more fun when executed with a bit of creativity and eloquence. Gone are the days of ending a threat with an ominous, “Or else…” We have evolved, and now we know that it might be even more effective to threaten to make someone’s skin vanish or to utilize very realistic fears like choking on a tortilla chip or getting shampoo in your eye. But while the Rare Threats subreddit may be only 4 years old, the act of using rare threats actually goes much further back. We can credit some of the best rare threats to the man who was a brilliant writer of comedies, tragedies and insults: Shakespeare.
No Amount Of Dietary Fiber Could Make That Easy
Interesting
Shakespeare might be better known for his insults, such as, “Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!” But he was also a master of the rare threat. For example, “By this hand, I will supplant some of your teeth.” And, “I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel. I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o’er-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways.” They may be mouthfulls, but they’re certainly effective. Some of my other personal favorites are, “Your hearts I’ll stamp out with my horse’s heels and make a quagmire of your mingled brains.” And, “I will beat thee into handsomeness.” And finally, “I’ll spurn thine eyes like balls before me! I’ll unhair thy head! Thou shalt be whipped with wire and stewed in brine, smarting in lingering pickle!”
Last Place I Expected To Find A Rare Threat Like This Was In Anime
2 For 1
“You Put A Block Of Cream Cheese In A Casserole Dish, I’ll Put One On Your F***ng Tombstone”
Oh wow this is so easy, this is gonna be so good y'all, you start with 2 sticks of butter and this block of cream cheese, you're gonna love it!
One famous character of Shakespeare’s who was a master of the rare threat was Prospero in The Tempest. One threat he gives Ariel, a spirit servant of Prospero’s, is, “If thou more murmur’st, I will rend an oak and peg thee in his knotty entrails till thou hast howled away twelve winters.” Prospero also threatens Caliban, his slave, with, “If thou neglect’st or dost unwillingly what I command, I’ll rack thee with old cramps, fill all thy bones with aches, make thee roar that beasts shall tremble at thy din.”
And finally, Prospero threatens Ferdinand, his soon-to-be son-in-law that if he sleeps with his daughter before the wedding, “No sweet aspersion shall the heavens let fall to make this contract grow, but barren hate, sour-eyed disdain, and discord shall bestrew the union of your bed with weeds so loathly that you shall hate it both.”
I Don’t Know A Title
Edit
He Is Truly In Danger
Lemme just say that, as an orchestra kid, that part at least is definitely true
As a band kid, no we're not that cool. We're just weird, loud nerds.
I'm a choir and band kid and I'm an introvert who's embarras3d to sing alone and also incredibly cool
I saw this and I knew you'd have to comment and you'd find this amusing. I was waiting for this. But yeah, choir kids being extroverts is a lie.
Load More Replies...Band kids are actually pretty cool. Smart, motivated, more likely to do well in school and go on to college. Conversely, the kids who think they're cool are usually jerks.
Wow he had some interesting opinions about band kids but at least the band kids have a skill worth mentioning.
In my experience, band is a weird mix of cool kids, socially awkward gremlins, and at least four instrument-based rivalries
ok but my friend lived in a small town with only one high school and coincidentally the nerds completely outnumbered jocks and “popular kids”. so it was actually like this there and i resent my own mind everyday for not transferring there
I take offense that art wasn't included. Though most of us are probably the quiet kids sitting in the corner and watching choir, band, and orchestra battle out who is the coolest.
Former and current military band members and I beg to differ. We are the cool kids and have the military training to back it up.
I Knew the band/ orchestra classes had their own wing of the school. Way, way at the end of that hall. No witnesses, no crimes.
For us chorus is people who don’t want to commit, or people who like singing but was deeply disappointed Orchestra is for the tryhards or the people who parents make them take RSM Band (me) kids who hate signing but don’t want to commit
there would be a world coalition that has to be formed to protect you from one with rage akin to SCP- 096, cause akin to John Wick, and the rest of the world supporting them like russia supported trump.
Obviously, on paper, threatening others is not really a great skill to have. But when it’s done in a comedic way by someone who does not actually have any harmful intent, threats can be enjoyed like clever jokes or even poetry. And if you’re interested in crafting some of your own rare threats, it might be best to think about niche fears that your target has. If your roommates keep stealing your food, perhaps you can put a label on your products threatening to put anything they steal in their beds or write, “If you eat this without asking me, I will tell the cute barista that you like that you got arrested for stealing donuts from the grocery store.” Something along those lines, feel free to get creative.
Gummy Bears
Salting Someone's Liver
Average Threat From My Friend
While rare threats can be found anywhere, there are some brilliant ones that have been featured in films. In They Live, John Nada utters the famous line, “Put on those glasses or start eating that trash can.” In Anchorman, Ron Burgundy states the threat, “I’m going to punch you in the ovary. That’s what I’m going to do. Straight shot. Right to the baby maker.” And in Gangs of New York, Daniel Day Lewis, as Bill “The Butcher” Cutting, threatens, “You see this knife? I’m going to teach you to speak English with this f****** knife!”
Delicious
It's Finger Licking Good
Low-Key Making Me Hungry
Are you feeling like you’ve mastered the art of rare threats, pandas? Whether or not you plan to utilize any of these in the future, we hope you’ve enjoyed scrolling through them and learning just how creative people can get with threats. Threatening is an art form, really. Keep upvoting your favorites, and feel free to let us know your best rare threats in the comments below. Then, if you’re interested in checking out even more threat inspiration, you can find Bored Panda’s last article featuring this intimidating subreddit right here!
Ah Hell Nah Not The Michal Jackson Plastic Nose
Clash Of Clans Gets Serious On War Day
Make It Stop
I Thought Cereal With Water Was Strange, But This
The It Customer Services Guy 😳. (Credit To My Friend)
The People I Have To Deal With (Jk I Love Them)
Here's A Threat That Doesn't Involve Kneecaps
Oh- Oh My
Baked Beans
Crock Pot
Mmm Gas
And I'm gonna leave your front door ajar, so every time the wind blows your security system starts beeping like crazy.
I Found This In R/Teenagers
Oh I love radium! Now hand it over so I can sit and let my mouth cave in over a sharp 8 month period of suffering leading to death
An Interesting Title
"Hope you get a socially unacceptable, painfully itchy, randomly bleeding rash on your a*s." That's my go-to insult.
Reminds me of the kids book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day, which has this threat: "I hope you sit on a tack! I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice cream cone, the ice cream part falls off the cone part and lands in Australia!"
Yes. And not your own urine, I hope it was the dog from next door's.
Load More Replies..."I'm going to suck out your eyes and use them as earplugs to block out your squealing as I headbutt you into a fine paste." - Bernard Black, Black Books
I am going to make my own… “I will break into your house and unplug your lamp!”
I like a pirate insult, "I'll sever the tendons behind your knees, roll you up in squid guts, and throw you to the sharks" Credit: the Harbingers Series
I think my favorite creative threat is "I will tie you to a hot air balloon and set you free"
I've used the following insults: "I'm going to play jump-rope with your femurs", "I will boil your kneecaps in Pilk", and "I will feed your ankles to the badgers".
I will break into your home and sprinkle glitter on every surface, grind it into the carpet, put it in every drawer, dump it in your clothes pockets and your shoes and on your keyboard and other electronics.
My threats be like: I hope you step on Legos and damp mystery towels barefoot every day, your water always tastes like rust, and your bed always one bit too warm for your blanket but too cold for sticking feet out. I will personally set my alien murder cats and alien screaming turtles and alien barky dog on you, and when they’re done with your body I will stick it into my spaceship freezer and trap your ghost in a trash can. Then I will wait for you to turn to dust, and I will use your ashes to make a punch bag with a bust of your head hanging on it with an annoyingly creaky chain that will forever haunt your ghostly days. (Yup, I’m super friendly)
"Hope you get a socially unacceptable, painfully itchy, randomly bleeding rash on your a*s." That's my go-to insult.
Reminds me of the kids book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day, which has this threat: "I hope you sit on a tack! I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice cream cone, the ice cream part falls off the cone part and lands in Australia!"
Yes. And not your own urine, I hope it was the dog from next door's.
Load More Replies..."I'm going to suck out your eyes and use them as earplugs to block out your squealing as I headbutt you into a fine paste." - Bernard Black, Black Books
I am going to make my own… “I will break into your house and unplug your lamp!”
I like a pirate insult, "I'll sever the tendons behind your knees, roll you up in squid guts, and throw you to the sharks" Credit: the Harbingers Series
I think my favorite creative threat is "I will tie you to a hot air balloon and set you free"
I've used the following insults: "I'm going to play jump-rope with your femurs", "I will boil your kneecaps in Pilk", and "I will feed your ankles to the badgers".
I will break into your home and sprinkle glitter on every surface, grind it into the carpet, put it in every drawer, dump it in your clothes pockets and your shoes and on your keyboard and other electronics.
My threats be like: I hope you step on Legos and damp mystery towels barefoot every day, your water always tastes like rust, and your bed always one bit too warm for your blanket but too cold for sticking feet out. I will personally set my alien murder cats and alien screaming turtles and alien barky dog on you, and when they’re done with your body I will stick it into my spaceship freezer and trap your ghost in a trash can. Then I will wait for you to turn to dust, and I will use your ashes to make a punch bag with a bust of your head hanging on it with an annoyingly creaky chain that will forever haunt your ghostly days. (Yup, I’m super friendly)