I work in retail, kid is being all bratty about to throw a tantrum and the father goes

"If you don't stop, we'll just go straight home with no shopping!"

The kid who was maybe about 4 or 5 hits back with

"THAT'S WHAT I WANTED THE WHOLE TIME!!!"

Was in church, during Confessions, and overheard the priest say to the person who was in the confessional: "You did WHAT?!"

Got to witness one of these. Dude spent about an hour and a half talking nonstop about Game of Thrones. Like dude went on a full on lecture about Game of Thrones. Girl did not speak the entire time, she tried but he would not pause... Then he ends it with this gem, "but you are a woman and so I don't expect you to understand the deepness of high fantasy" my husband and I looked at each other, when we hear "Did you forget I'm a librarian Paul, I've read the f*****g books!" Before she stormed out. Apparently dead Paul was giving his long winded theory based off just watching the show.

This was about three years ago, and I was on a flight to Asheville. I speak Arabic. Man #1: Where is the woman with snacks? Man #2: She is in the back. What food do you want? Man #1: I would like the crunchy cheese snack. Man #2: What? Cheese is not crunchy. Cheese is soft and delicious, like your mother. Man #1: hits him playfully in the arm I lost my s**t laughing and when they realized I could understand them they were amazed and we had an enjoyable flight convo.

One time i was waiting at the dentist and i heard two women talking and it went like:

"I just found out who was using my phone when i'm not around."

"How??"

"I download a security app that takes pictures when someone tries to unlock my phone."

Then she made a pause.

"Dude, my phone is now full of pictures of my cat"

Overheard 2 65 year old women in office talking. One said she was taking grandkids to dinosaur exhibit on weekend. Second Lady said “ I think dinosaurs really existed.” First Replies “ you do?” Second said “ but they couldn’t talk to God.” First says “ Sure, they could!” Second says “How?” First “roooooarrrs loudly!!!” I thought I’d fall off my chair laughing at insane discussion.

Was on the bus and a small girl and her father were sitting in front of me. The kid was misbehaving a bit and wouldn't sit still even though her father would tell her to settle down several times. Eventually he lets out an exasperated "Why won't you do what I tell you to?" and the little girl answers, matter-of-factly: "Mom always tells you to stop washing your balls in the sink but you still do it!" Needless to say they got off that bus very quickly as every single person around them was desperately trying not to laugh.

At the movie Paranormal Activity, a girl behind me was constantly blurting out "Did you see that?" Eventually the girl with her yelled fairly loud "B***h, we're watching the same f*****g movie!"

I was in a shoe store and a little girl was playing on the floor with her mom. The mom kept asking her to stand up but the little girl would continue rolling around the floor. Finally she rolled under her mom's legs and looked up and said loudly WHY DONT YOU HAVE ON ANY PANTIES? And the mom dragged her out of the store quickly.

I'm in a game store. A couple walks in and strt looking at games. The girl says "Do you really need more games?" The guy looks at her, nods toward the shopping bags she's carrying, says "Do you really need more shoes?" The girl points to a game and say "This one looks good!"

It was in the bus.

There were two guys, one of them had birthday that day. Their conversation was something like: "dude, you're 35, what do you want to do in life?" "well, I'm still at the university, I don't know" "bro, that's your seventh major, you need help".

I'm still laughing about it.

In a Wal-Mart. Older gentleman shopping with his wife says “I’m hungry”. She never looks up from her grocery list; just says “No, you’re not” and walks away looking for the next item. The gentleman realizes that I’ve witnessed the entire exchange and says to me “Well, I thought I was”. He just looks down dejectedly at the floor and shuffles off after his missus. I was wheezing.

All I heard as I was walking by the lunchroom was " mayonnaise is not a beverage Sharon"!

Heard on bus: Girl: well I'm gonna get my daughters ears pierced soon, if you do it when they're really young they don't really know what pain is
Guy: I'm pretty sure they can still feel pain
Girl: Well what about boys when they get circumcised, cause they're babies they can do it earlier and it won't hurt as much when they're that young
Guy: I'm pretty sure if I go and punch a baby in the face he's going to cry because he knows what pain is.

It was back in my high school art class while we were working with clay. Overheard some kids at another table asking each other if they would eat clay in a survival situation. Then they had an hour long discussion on the nutritional value of clay and if it was even edible. Which then lead into a discussion on the nutritional value of other art materials. Not gonna lie they were making some interesting points.

Working maintenance in a hospital, shared an elevator with a new grandmother on her way out of the birthing wing and overheard her part of a cell phone call: “She’s doing fine. Had a little boy. Baby’s good- she’s going to name him a jr when she figures out who the father is”

Overheard two employees talking at Starbucks: "It's like all we do here is make coffee."

Turkish store. 3 Turkish men having a loud discussion in Turkish. suddenly they all go quiet. one says "Michael Jackson" they all burst out laughing and kiss each other on the cheeks then leave the store. and i will never know what that was about.

I was sitting in the break room eating lunch when out of the blue my table is commandeered by my Hispanic coworkers gossiping about other coworkers to themselves in Spanish. After 15 minutes of awkwardly listening to them sling dirt I get up to leave, and they ask (still in Spanish) 'how awkward would it be if the gringo could understand what we've been saying?' I responded (also in spanish) 'you don't know I speak spanish?' They were mortified, and one of them let out a really high pitched cackle of a laugh. I felt more respect from all the latinos at that job after word got out that I was a hispanohablante.

On the shuttle bus to campus:

"He keeps saying he loves me more than I love him, it's ridiculous." "Well, you are cheating on him." "He doesn't know that, though, so it's not fair."

Girl 1: Are you [Name]?

Girl 2: Yeah.

Girl 1: Hi! I'm your math tutor.

Girl 2: Oh! You're cute! I'd totally date you, but I'm not a lesbian.

Girl 1: Thanks! I'd date you, too, but I'm straight, and I have a boyfriend.

Two teenage girls sitting across the aisle from me.

Girl 1: "I love trips. We should take a road trip to Hawaii this summer!"

Girl 2: "You are such an idiot. You don't even have your driver's license yet!"

I was at a graduation party for my best friend when she graduated high school in '07, and a boy she was hanging out with at the time was there. He had to use my friend's house phone to call his mom and the last thing he said to her before hanging up was "I'm a grown a** man, mom, I'll skateboard home!" We still use that to this day.

I once walked by a group of girls in the mall and overheard one girl say, "...and that's why I don't roller skate and read anymore."

I was just on an international flight and the dude sitting behind me was talking to another woman. She asked him why he was in Europe and he said it was for a UN summit (or something). Then she asked him if there was any good news that came out of that, he just sighed and said "No".

This happened the other day at my restaurant. Not really weird just a hilarious dad moment. Young kid: "I heard today that one of the members of One Direction left the band" Dad: "Does that now make them Two Directions?" Classic dad joke right there.

A woman was planning her dog’s birthday party, and was debating which dogs to invite since some of the dogs didn’t get along with her dog.

In Costco and they had giant crab for sale Little girl: dad what do they eat Dad: Little girls called Megan.

At the Museum of Natural History, looking up at the Blue Whale hanging from the ceiling:

"Wow! How does that whale fit in the ocean?!"

Not mine, but my friend's story.

She was playing PUBG with a bunch of random people and one of the dude's mom goes "ARE YOU TALKING TO A GIRL?" in the most dramatic voice and then he disappeared. The other dude went like "Oh man, let's pray for his soul".

Little girl next to me at the zoo looking at the Pandas: "Mom, when I grow up I want to be bamboo."

2 girls on the bus sitting in front of me start talking about a date that one of them had recently been on, one of them says "and then he stuck his hand up my skirt" and her friend says "the one with the stripes on it?"

Dude 1: "What time does the beer store close?"
Dude 2: "10:00"
Dude 1: "What time is it now?"
Dude 2: "10:15"
Dude 1: "We'll never make it."

Years ago, I worked in the dairy department of a grocery store. From time to time, we would have sales in which the price of a half gallon of milk was less than half the price of a gallon of milk. I was never quite sure why we sold any gallon jugs during those periods, until one day while restocking, I overheard this gem:

Lady 1: Oh look, a sale on half gallons!

Lady 2: Hmm... how many half gallons are in a gallon?

Lady 1: (without missing a single beat) Four.

Lady 2: F***ing (store name)!

I can overstate neither the speed with which Lady 1 replied to her friend, the confidence in her own answer, nor the immediacy with which the second lady both believed her and cursed my workplace. It was a thing of beauty.

I’ve bartended but my favorite conversation was overhead while I was on the other side of the bar. “Look all I’m saying is Grand Theft Auto severely ruined our generations perception of how many police helicopters exist” Sounded like they were getting really heated over the matter haha.

"Should we take a shopping cart?"

With complete seriousness, the person responds,

"You never know how much a 10 pound turkey is going to weigh"

Three years ago I was walking through the international terminal at the airport towards the gate. A man walking quickly with his luggage and talking on his phone (in a serious tone) said into the phone, "Yeah man, I did it. I quit my job and I'm running away to Thailand!"

'Ah man I smell today. You know you get those days where you jump in the shower but just forget to wash?'

'No. I don't. what the hell?!'

A customer is on the phone in the middle of the bar, not too crowded but a long bar. Guy couldn't have been more than 25. I go to help someone at the end of the bar and on my way back I overhear:
"No, I don't care! She's my sister, she is THIRTEEN and there is no reason she should be doing c*****e! At all!"
Gave him a few drinks on the house that night.

I lived in a working class area and the 7-11 on the weekends would produce hours of entertainment…. Mom to kids: “stop acting low income”.

On a family vacation to Spain:

“Dad? If there’s rainclouds in Spain does it rain?”

“No. Everyone knows hot sunny places don’t get rain”

“John. You’re an AP geography and biology teacher in a high school. You really should know how wrong you are”

“I have the degree so I know I’m right. None of you can tell me otherwise until you have my level of certification”

Those poor poor students.

Overheard on an elevator in a freshman dorm at college:

Girl 1: "How do you spell "bear"?"

Girl 2: "Like the animal?"

Girl 1: "Yes."

Girl 2: "B-A-R-E."

Girl 1: "Oh good I spelled it right. Thanks!"

I live in Ireland, I had a guy from England (a little tipsy) apologizing to all the Irish people in the bar for the 800years of occupation by England in our country and for the invasion of Oliver Cromwell. Kinda awkward.

Walking through a market that is known to sell santeria and witchcraft stuff I overheard an old man asking someone to put a curse on someone who took his car by tricking him in to signing some papers.

Being tricked one time wasn't enough for him.

I overheard a passenger passionately arguing with their seatmate about the correct way to eat a slice of pizza with chopsticks.

As a schoolboy I heard this one on the train: Boy: So why is he so afraid of cheese? Girl: Because his dad is a cheese technician and as a young boy he fell into a vat of liquid cheese and I guess he just never recovered from that.

A mom yelling at her daughter from across the park saying:

“Olivia! Do not throw away your shoes!”

At the exact same moment, Olivia pushed both of her shoes into the trash can and then ran to the swing set as if nothing had happened, while her mom was like:

“Olivia!! No!!”

"Do you think Brazilians celebrate Christmas?" "Yeah probably, but it's probably on a different day" "Yeah that makes sense."

I overheard a terrible first date. He only used hand soap. In the shower and to wash the dishes. I understand not needing 15 different cleaners but wow. He said he figured out how much he needed for his laundry.