Can I be vicariously bicurious through you?

Yes, he has an irrational fear of persecution. Mental Illinois doctors call it peoria.

A genuine cutie 😍

using one's child like this is shrimply unacceptable

I absolutely hate that people are starting to write would of, should of, could of... Stop it!!!! That s**t doesn't exist!

From hereon, cauliflower shall be called Cow Flower. Just Because.

She is yellow and smells of sugar puffs

Hand soup has alot of spuds I’ve noticed

Duckman for all your duck sanitation needs ))

They called me illiterate but that's a dirty lie. My parents were married the day before I wuz born.

no he means snoop owns the world

I know what it is... but my attempt to spell it will end up similar 😂 centrifuge.. help from autocorrect😅 it's a medical thing so seperate blood from plasma. I'm also possible talking rubbish.

The fact it’s an antique is what distinguishes it from the rest 😉

Return that back to Bob

Ah, familiar. Took me a while.

I hate it when illiterate people somehow manipulate the system to get accepted into college.

Hey, at least he takes baths. Hope he washes his a*s too.

If I could save mind in a bottle, the first thing that I want to do....

I always wondered where it came from and why it tasted so bad

An ostrich brain fits in a teaspoon, hence bringing new meaning to the term Bird Brain

Oh man i lost it at boneappletea.

Ratten?

Did You Hear About the Pottery Furnace That Exploded? It was terrible. They had to notify its next of kiln.

How much seed should a woodchuck suck for a woodchuck to succeed??

You asking for a friend?

The queen is too busy enjoying her roasted peasant.

Well, he’s not wrong. Signing is silent.

Blame Jena!

Ah yes, the master of the pork sword.

This explains why our kids glow in the dark after breast feeding ;o)

Bet its held a few little terrors in its life, too...

Diagnosis: patient is a dragon.

Auto-correct strikes again.

That's how you end up with herpes.

Heck, the singular form of hex.

"When a couple of guy fieri's - who were up to no good - started making polpette in my neighborhood"

"Exorbitant". I was an English/Creative Writing major and reading this entry made my brain dumb. I literally stared at it for close to a minute before I realized what word they meant instead of "absorbent" XD

Well you see, philosophers like me just didn't have the time to contemplate the workings of a morally questionable video game. We were far too busy watching cute cats and dogs...