I'm glad to know my house is overrun by pricks, whores and communists.

Ugh... I’m going to have to get used to that “previous century” part.

The scorpios reading theirs and saying it's a compliment, is showing me how right their assessment is.

The horoscope told me to kill myself. That makes me a bit sad.

My Mum had this back in the seventies....

Someone will get murdered because of this. m u r d e r e d b y m e

AHEM! I AM NOT A WHORE! I am pretty artistic tho... and I do freakin' hate realitly (BOOKS MAKE A GREAT ESCAPE)

As a scorpio, I think that was the least negative assessment I've come across. Almost a compliment, actually!

When I was 7 years old (that was in the mid-1980's) my father got some personalized horoscopes for each member of the family, printed from an old computer, quite similar to the one here. The people who wrote these horoscopes might have met my father but they really didn't know us, they just had our precise birthdates. Many years later I happened to read this and the accuracy was quite upsetting. It described precisely what kind of kid I was, how I saw the world and so on, many things I used to believe only I could be aware of. It also predicted how I would grow up and behave as an adult... and that was so relevant.

This is old very old joke 🤣

Most horoscopes try to be vague enough that anybody could see themselves in any of the descriptions. This one is not vague in the least, and yet I have never had a horoscope be so spot-on! You're right, Rude Horoscope. I *am* an extremely frugal gemini bisexual who does well with school and puzzles.

IM NOT BI I JUST DONT DATE EVER

I accept my fate

Pisces is good but one thing he/she is wrong on is: "You have no influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power" I dont have friends! Wonder what star sign this wanker is?

Hey!! I already wanna kill myself but no one else is allowed to tell me to do so!!! >:0

guys im a communist now! we love being a taurus

As an Aquarius I have never felt so called out and attacked

Perhaps this was written by an angry, underachieving psych student.

OH MY GOD THIS HITS HARD (I'm a virgo)

Who wrote this and thought it was a good idea?

Actually... for mine it says "you should kill yourself" and I'm not trying to be a downer, but I'm struggling and Jesus Christ, that didn't feel funny

as a Gemini, I am extremely insulted XD

There has never been a Capricorn of any importance...Jesus?

Being a Leo, always the youngest, being expected to be the same standard as my brother and always being picked on for being too young is bad enough. Now you are shooting lies at me and calling me vain and a bully??? And my best friend is an Aries, she is the funniest, nicest, happiest person I know. I'm pretty sure one of those Aquarians wrote this. (Plus, why does only one month have the opportunity to be LGTBQ+?)

These are "character traits", not "predictions". Illiterate journalism ... the latest fad.

telling someone to kill themself is not funny, you should be charged

This is so stupid.

The suggestion to "kill yourself" is too far. : I'm Aquarius, so apparently everyone hates me. :O (btw, I get the joke and I think it's funny as f**k, but the "kys" was too much)

"Brutally honest"? Does the author of this headline know what "honest" means?

As a Gemini, I confirm

Anyone know where I can get a horoscope like this every day?

For some unknown reason, I feel I can relate to all zodiac signs but Scorpio :)

I'm a Pisces and that's accurate for me lol

The only horoscope people who believe in horoscopes need.

Me laughing: this is funny I should send to my daughter. (Looks up her sign) whore that will likely die of STD. Maybe not lom