Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Someone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions That Are Beyond Hilarious
User submission
11.3K
322.7K

Someone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions That Are Beyond Hilarious

Someone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions That Are Beyond HilariousThere's A Brutally Honest Horoscope From 1979 And It's Absolutely HilariousPeople Are Cracking Up At These Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions Written In 1979Someone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions In 1979 That Are Beyond HilariousSomeone Wrote A Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions In 1979 That Make People Laugh At ThemselvesSomeone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions In 1979 And People Are Still Cracking Up At ItSomeone Wrote Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions In 1979 To Hilariously Roast PeopleSomeone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions In 1979 That Are Both Hilarious And OffensiveThere's A Brutally Honest Horoscope From 1979 And It Hilariously Roasts Every Zodiac SignSomeone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions That Are Beyond Hilarious
ADVERTISEMENT

We all are guilty of checking our horoscopes once in a while. Even those who don’t believe in them have read what the future holds for their star sign at least once out of pure curiosity. While your birth date may not have anything to do with your fate or who you are as a person, sometimes horoscopes can make us take a hard and honest look at ourselves. Especially this one from 1979 that made people clutch their pearls after reading it.

More info: twitter.com

Someone shared a horoscope written in the previous century and as it turns out everyone was a prick back then

Image credits: friends3000

Shared by a Twitter user who goes by @friends3000, this baffling horoscope written several decades back hilariously insults every single sign. Basically, we all are jerks in our unique little way. Which is true, at least sometimes. Ready for this special personal attack written in the stars? Read your horoscope below and tell us in the comments about how accurate it is for you.

Image credits: friends3000

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you’re stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a [freaking] jerk.

ADVERTISEMENT

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are followed by the FBI or CIA. You have no influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence an are generally a dips**t.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You are the pioneer type and think that most people are d**kheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. Your nothing but a dam communist.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard/b**ch.

Cancer (June 2 – July 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding of people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a [damn]. Everybody in prison is a cancer.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and can’t tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving and mother f**kers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22)

ADVERTISEMENT

You are the logical type and hate discord. This [crap]-picking is sickening to your friends. You’re unemotional and often fall asleep while f**king. Virgos are good bus drivers and p i m p s.

Libra (Sept23 – Oct 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are nil. Most libra women are wh**es. All libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Now 21)

The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and can’t be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-b**ch. Most scorpios are murderers.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of sagittarians are drunks. Nixon is a sagittarian. You are not worth the time of day.

ADVERTISEMENT

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken[crap]. There has never been a capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Here’s how people reacted to this unexpected roasting session

Image credits: aaa_ana_

Image credits: piperjamas

Image credits: ciani__marie

Image credits: bpxari

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: themonsediaries

Image credits: boring_raccoon_

Image credits: strawberrymarss

Image credits: magic_idkhow

Image credits: DANCE0FDRAG0NS

Image credits: INFESTATION1970

Image credits: MacKenzie_Virgo

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: maulsabers

Image credits: sociaImanifesto

Image credits: johnni345

Image credits: YoongisH0pe

Image credits: koresflowerpath

Image credits: Lukadowdric

Image credits: kay___teee

ADVERTISEMENT

323Kviews

Share on Facebook
Andželika

Andželika

Author, Community member

Read more »

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

Read less »
Andželika

Andželika

Author, Community member

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

What do you think ?
Add photo comments
POST
Gipsy Kings fan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the '90s I worked in an office where we used primitive computers, but we needed electric typewriters to type the addresses on envelopes. One day I had to change the little correction ribbon on my typewriter. I looked at my horoscope in the newspaper that evening, and part of it was, "You will be involved in typewriter repair."

Podunkus
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh... I’m going to have to get used to that “previous century” part.

Jennifer Crompton
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A few weeks ago my 13 yo son asked when I met his dad/my husband. I said 1998. His eyes got big and he said "you've known dad since the 1900s?!?". 😳😳😳 I've never felt so old in my life.🤣🤣🤣

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
Gipsy Kings fan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the '90s I worked in an office where we used primitive computers, but we needed electric typewriters to type the addresses on envelopes. One day I had to change the little correction ribbon on my typewriter. I looked at my horoscope in the newspaper that evening, and part of it was, "You will be involved in typewriter repair."

Podunkus
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh... I’m going to have to get used to that “previous century” part.

Jennifer Crompton
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A few weeks ago my 13 yo son asked when I met his dad/my husband. I said 1998. His eyes got big and he said "you've known dad since the 1900s?!?". 😳😳😳 I've never felt so old in my life.🤣🤣🤣

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
Related on Bored Panda
Related on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda