To understand the world of online dating better and to learn how to determine whether somebody on Tinder is genuine, we reached out to the founder of The Modern Man, relationship expert Dan Bacon. 

According to him, online and traditional dating are both fundamentally different ball games, texting is easy but can deceive us, and while it’s important to be playful and attention-grabbing on Tinder, it shouldn’t be overdone as it “can come across as try-hard or desperate, which results in rejection just like in real-life interactions.” You’ll find his insights below, so be sure to read on.

Navigating Beyond Funny Tinder Messages

If you want to find out whether somebody is telling the truth and generally being genuine on apps like Tinder, then it’s vital that you don't just stick to chatting via text. “Get to a phone call, or video call as quickly as possible, so you can actually get a feel for each other and see if you click.” 

“At the very least, send voice texts back and forth so you can determine each other’s level of interest, as well as personality type and temperament,” relationship expert Dan explained that you should put in the extra effort and go for various different types of interactions.

And while just texting back and forth can seem like a fun and easy way to communicate, it can be deceiving. As a result, this can lead to someone’s feelings getting hurt because they’ve interpreted their potential partner’s words or emojis in a way that’s far too removed from reality. 

“A man might send a woman a text and she then replies with a laughing emoji, with tears of laughter. He thinks he’s doing well, but in reality, she is rolling her eyes and thinking that his joke was lame. He might then continue using that type of humor and causing a disconnect between himself and her,” Dan said. He reiterated that phone calls, video calls, or even those humble things we call voice texts can be a way to solve this conundrum.

Dating Platforms Increase Women’s Standards for Men

“Online dating is more superficial and based on appearances compared to real-world interactions, which is more about how both people feel when interacting with each other in person,” the founder of The Modern Man put it bluntly.

What’s more, online dating completely changes the ‘positions of power’ that men and women are in. In short, the relationship expert noted that online dating seems to favor women while traditional dating favors men. Dan said that when it comes to Tinder and similar apps, women are ‘in the position of power’ because of the large amount of attention they’re getting from many men who want to be their match. According to him, this can then lead to women  ‘significantly’ increasing their standards.

“A woman who would normally accept an average, confident, good guy in real life, will often have very high standards and only accept very good-looking men on Tinder, or online dating. This results in millions of average-looking men wasting their time trying to match up with women who just aren't going to give them a chance. It also results in some women being able to date very good-looking men who normally wouldn’t be interested,” he said.

Men Tend to Use Tinder Conversation Starters More

“With traditional dating, average-looking men can enjoy the position of power because almost all men are afraid to approach and talk to women in real life. When an average-looking man has the confidence to approach and talk to a woman in real life, as well as the ability to flirt and create a spark during a conversation, he will find that many of the single women he meets show interest and give their phone number,” Dan detailed how different traditional dating is from its online equivalent.

“In some cases, a pretty woman who would never be interested in him via online dating or Tinder, can fall in love, marry and start a family with him, all from him having the courage to walk up and say hello to her in person.”

However, there appears to be a crisis of courage in modern society. Dan pointed out that most guys don't have the courage to walk up to someone in person and talk to them, so they choose to go down the path of online dating. And, while that’s easier, the competition’s also far bigger. “They end up competing with tens of thousands of other men for the same woman on online dating [apps] or Tinder,” he said.

“Many guys spend years trying to get a match via online dating when they could get a match in real life in a matter of minutes or hours if they just had the confidence to approach and ability to flirt and create a spark,” the relationship expert hinted that online dating shouldn’t be used in isolation but perhaps as a supplement to traditional dating which requires more effort and, well, courage.

To Break Up or Make Up: Relationship Advice From Dan

We had a chat with relationship expert Dan, the founder of The Modern Man project, about the ups and downs of relationships and what to do if you’re sitting on the fence about breaking up. He explained that every situation is unique, however, if you feel like your relationship is in trouble, you should try to find the reasons why you seem to be having issues.

“It really depends on why you are on the fence about breaking up. If you’re temporarily feeling that way after a fight, or a problem that occurred in the relationship [or if] you feel that way all the time, or very often,” relationship expert Dan said that you shouldn’t make rash decisions if your problems can be solved and if your feelings of doubt are only temporary.

Turning Relationship Challenges Into Strength

Dan said that difficulties in relationships can be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship: “You need to understand that overcoming problems together as a couple can make you closer, stronger, and more committed if you approach it correctly.” 

“If wanting to break up is a feeling that you have all the time, or very often, then that person isn’t the one for you,” relationship expert Dan said that good, strong relationships have to be clear and unambiguous. If you can’t decide how you feel about someone, then perhaps, it’s time to move on.

“When a couple loves each other and truly wants to be with each other for life, they won’t be on the fence about it. It will be as clear as day for them that they want to be with each other and no one else, so breaking up won’t even seem like an option to them. It will almost seem laughable because they know they wouldn’t want to be with anyone else as much as they want to be with each other,” he told Bored Panda.

According to Dan, getting temporarily annoyed at one another in a relationship isn’t the same as the relationship breaking down. “If they happen to have an argument or experience a problem in the relationship, they might temporarily feel a bit annoyed at each other, but they’ll both be willing to fix it, grow and make the relationship better from then on,” he said. “That’s what the happiest, most in love couples do.”