This I believe to be true

Oh Yeah!!

Where did you get that picture of me??

true true

Whoooo!!

"And you really should smile more. "

Pretty much

Upvote for Dean

So do I, but I just don't have their energy. Mumbling profanities is the best I can do.

Seriously, where do they get those mirrors?

OMG lol

This logic makes no sense to me.

loved this show

Autosaves are nice but I'll never trust them.

They all have that haircut.

That is acting more like an adult than answering it bc all the bs calls.

or an air molecule that landed the wrong way.

i felt this in my soul

Okay, this absolutely made me laugh out loud. I'm serious. Literally literally.

Definitely my wife. She needs her white noise and air flow!

Like many problems in life this can easily be solved with an ice axe

Go ahead, start talking out loud about some completely random product and you'll start seeing ads for it.

Hell, I'd be satisfied with someone saying ,"I'm gonna pay you $100 to f*ck off"

Over 60? How about over 40?!

As long as it doesn't involve me.....

The only advantage I can find to my lack of sleep pattern is that I have never suffered from jet lag.

I noticed!

I remember my brother offering to treat my cut with this and me asking specifically "is that the stuff that burns?" and he said "no." And that is how trust was destroyed in my family.

Only Plants

I mean, what was she thinking? Maybe she doesn't have a mirror but just imagining this move should make one feel stupid.

My husband and I have our own company, and even though it’s ours and I have, do, and will work under the occasional pressure that pops up, I still ain’t gonna die for it.

Literally me today. I felt fine when I woke up, but now I'm dead tired.

Yum Yum...🤤

Only in English though. So many different and apparently unconnected words for butterfly in Europe. Schmetterling, mariposa, pili pala, borboleta, vlinder, skoenlapper... Edit: I wasn't being pedantic, I'm just fascinated by the fact that the words for butterfly appear to be so unrelated across Europe. Though I believe papillon and pili pala both have roots in Latin

"The other kids at school will be so jealous!"

Buy a ticket

hard cortex parkour

You'll NOTICE when I'm not here.

To be fair, it boggles me how the most expensive houses often have the most questionable design choices.

"It's cancer!... or pregnancy" - Doctor Google

Highfalutin Heron

Highfalutin Heron

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Stackexchange _every_ time you go: would like some cookies? You gotta have *some* cookies.

lmao i thought they meant crocodiles...

And that is a great way to ensure a kid goes no contact

If there's 1 thing I hated in school, it's the damned 60 minutes ticking clock.

One minute it's Friday, two years later it's Friday afternoon, 20 minutes later it's Monday

I'm really glad I figured this out: be sure you do something you enjoy on Friday night, so that is when your weekend begins. Otherwise it doesn't start until you get up on Saturday. You know, in the afternoon cuz you slept in.

That is me but with cheese.

I have 4 greedy dachshunds sitting in a semi-circle monitoring every single mouthful.

Lol, I just took a picture of my kid sleeping in a box

I, a fully functioning adult with my own private Google account and nothing to hide, uses incognito mode for every single search because I'm paranoid

Hm, his face sorta looks like a big "M"

If it’s important, text me