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If you cringe hard every time you hear dad jokes, this list might not be for you… However, if you enjoy this type of humor and make yourself comfortable, as a boy, do we have a treat for you today?

Collected from the gold mine that is the ‘Dad Jokes’ subreddit, these jokes ought to make the hall of fame of puns dads are famous for. If you’re as excited about them as we are, wait no longer than a second and scroll down to view them. And make sure to upvote your favorites!

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#1

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) Why does Dracula always bite people in the neck?
Because he's a neck romancer.

EDIT: getting downvoted, might have been a grave mistake posting here...

EDIT 2: getting a lot of upvotes now, I guess the Count is rising

Typhann , Unknown author - Universal Studios Report

Final score:
275points
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#2

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said... "...40 second birthday". I was so proud.

amplifi-dash , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:
176points
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#3

My local barber was arrested yesterday for selling drugs. I've been his customer for years. Didn't even know he was a barber!

binary_world Report

Final score:
163points
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#4

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have [intercourse]?"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

madazzahatter Report

Final score:
160points
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#5

Never understood why dads and corny jokes were a thing. I did notice it's a mostly true thing.

But I understand today. Asked my four year old what an 8 is. He doesn't know so I enlightened him that it's a zero with a belt.

Lost. His. Shit. He's just mastered numbers and letters and this was hysterical to him. I'm the funniest man alive. He's told the joke back to me about twenty times. Today.

Teenagers, this is why dads tell those jokes. They're chasing the indescribable high of this moment with a little kid. I found them cringeworthy as a teenager, but I get it now.

anonymous Report

Final score:
158points
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Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. I was a comedy GOD when my kids were little. Now I'm a source of embarrassment, lol.

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#6

My son asked why Star Wars movies came out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3.
I answered in my best yoda impersonation: ‘In charge of scheduling, I was’

My son loved it, I heard a sigh from my SO, and when I looked at her, she just shook her head

Demonazzzz Report

Final score:
152points
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#7

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again

anonymous Report

Final score:
142points
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#8

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: *turning to daughter* "If you don't sleep with him, I will."

jomjimmerjome , Pinkinesss Report

Final score:
141points
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#9

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

ArchipelagoMind Report

Final score:
141points
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#10

Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit

StewPaddasso Report

Final score:
134points
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#11

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) My wife asked me to flip the calendar to the next month... To my surprise, the calendar skipped from April to June. I turned to tell her we're missing a month.

She said, "What's the matter? You look dis-Mayed..."

She's apparently been waiting a month for this set up

lan_mcdo , 戴 宇扬 Report

Final score:
126points
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#12

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning. It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz

StuntsMonkey , Carlos Santiago Report

Final score:
117points
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Ali H M Salehuddin
Ali H M Salehuddin
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am in body-building program too. Though I concentrate only at the belly area. So far, in my 2 years of this body-building program, I've added 5 kg in that area.

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#13

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”

“Thanks, man, ” he replied, “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”

GhostPotency , Italo Melo Report

Final score:
114points
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#14

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) The wife and I were walking in Target this evening. We were walking in the clothing section, behind an employee who was moving a mannequin. Out of nowhere the whole arm pops off, and the poor woman can’t bend to pick it up because… ya know… she’s holding the rest of the mannequin. So I walk up, grab the limb while she’s looking around for another employee to help, hold it out to her and say…

“Here, let me give you a hand”

She took it. No laughter. My wife? Nothing

nsk09003 , Jonathan Cooper Report

Final score:
109points
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#15

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) A guy went to a costume party carrying a woman on his back. The doorman asks, 'What are you supposed to be?' The guy replies, 'A turtle.' The doorman asks, “What’s on your back?' The guy says, 'That's Michelle.'

OctoberFire1 , Katerina Holmes Report

Final score:
108points
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#16

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”

porichoygupto , Emma Craig Report

Final score:
101points
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Anyone-for-tea?
Anyone-for-tea?
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh I am being very slow today! I couldn’t work out why he wanted to be a 1yr old, but I see it means fifty cards now…

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#17

I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... “That’s just spam.”

madazzahatter Report

Final score:
96points
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#18

The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

Sur5er Report

Final score:
95points
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Adrian
Adrian
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure it also bothers them that it's a global pandemic...

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#19

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) Just got a pet termite called Clint—Clint Eats Wood.

Personal-Tea7226 , Petr Ganaj Report

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#20

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

anonymous , Pixabay Report

Final score:
91points
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#21

I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused. Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

porichoygupto Report

Final score:
90points
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#22

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

God-2008 , Leah Newhouse Report

Final score:
88points
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BC
BC
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the words of The Princess Bride hag, “BOOOOOOOO!!!” 😂😂

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#23

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian

ebkbk , Hannah Nelson Report

Final score:
85points
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#24

My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!” I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”

porichoygupto Report

Final score:
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#25

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable

Foreverxtrue24 Report

Final score:
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#26

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

_joshi_ Report

Final score:
79points
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SCP 4666
SCP 4666
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Die Geburt der Tochter meines Bruders hat alle Hoffnungen auf einen Neffen zur Nichte gemacht

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#27

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) It was so cold yesterday my computer froze. It was my own fault though, I left too many windows open.

TheQuietKid22 , Ekaterina Shirshova Report

Final score:
74points
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#28

Two men walk in to a bar. The first man says, 'I’ll have some H2O.' The second man says, 'I'll have some H2O, too.' The second man dies.

casualiandie Report

Final score:
67points
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Anyone-for-tea?
Anyone-for-tea?
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I has to look it up as I didn’t know what H2 O2 was, and it’s hydrogen peroxide!

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#29

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) Once upon a time, there was a king that was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible leader, but he made a great ruler.

saltedpork89 , SHVETS production Report

Final score:
64points
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Michael Largey
Michael Largey
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At 12 inches tall, he wasn't just royal - he was imperial. But then the people scaled the ramparts and overthrew him, founding a banana republic.

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#30

The Pinnacle Of Dad Humor, As Shared By This Online Community (30 Jokes) What genre are national anthems? Country.

rupanath97 , Vitaly Gariev Report

Final score:
48points
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Northlander72
Northlander72
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a certain music genre uses steel guitars, wouldn't that be metal?

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Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

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