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Some people have such a way with words they can even make insults sound good. In reality, you don't even have to channel your inner Shakespeare to make an insult pleasant to one's ears. It just has to be clever enough to make the other person want to disappear inside their shell like a turtle.
We're fans of wordplay and justice here at Bored Panda, so, we've got a collection of the sickest and most inventive burns that people have dished out on the Internet. If you're looking for inspiration or want to see some cleverly-crafted justice where jerks got put in their place, check out these clever comebacks!
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#1
A Thread On Aposematism
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#2
A New Service For Beauticians To Offer?
#3
Blaming Young People For Being Triggered
Did you think Twitter invented people throwing insults at each other in a public space? Well, think again! Back in the olden days, poets would engage in insult rap battles referred to as "flyting." Today, we can find examples of flyting in classical works such as Beowulf and King Lear, but other cultures have their versions as well: the Japanese haikai and the Arabic naqa'id.
The most famous example of poets giving each other lashings in verbal form would probably be "The Flyting of Dunbar and Kennedie." That medieval rap battle was the first instance a poet used an excrement-related joke and also used the now-ubiquitous curse that starts with an F.
#4
They Got That Johnny Bravo Aesthetic
#5
Very Funny Things Are Happening
#6
Degree Man Strikes Again
UndertaleLover (She/Her) 1 week ago (edited)
I friggin love this guy. He gives me the warm satire fuzzies
What was the point of these flytings? Not just to flex the poets' rhyming muscles, if you were wondering. Just like diss tracks today, they could make or break them: the poets' image, honor, and social standing depended on their performance. The poets performed the flyting to the royal court, but people outside the court could read their insults and boost their profiles.
Nothing was off-limits during flytings. As Christine M. Robinson writes, Dunbar listed many of Kennedy's defects: "his highland origins, begging, cowardice, treachery, ugly appearance, venereal disease, jaundice, and sexual activity." Well, at least he didn't accuse him of downloading PDF files.
#7
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
Maria Maria 1 week ago
I had COVID-19 twice and I have never felt worse in my life. The first time I genuinely thought I wasn't going to make it.
#8
Lake Superior Hasn't Wrecked Anyone Like This Since The Edmund Fitzgerald
Most Old English insults would be borderline nonsensical today, but we can't deny they sound pretty fun. Let's take "Blowsabella," for example. Yes, it's an insult to women, but not what you might've thought. It's a comment on a woman's hair, most often about how disheveled and unkempt it looked.
#10
She Has A Beautiful Way With Words
keyboardtek 1 week ago
And Trump flies on Airforce One multiple times a week to go to Florida to play golf. In just a few weeks he has cost the taxpayers over $10 million!
#11
100% Pure Beef
michael Chock 1 week ago
The world would be a better place if our nuggets, burgers, sticks and ribs where shaped like the animals they came from.
#12
Then There Was Flood
michael Chock 1 week ago
Liberal media - lets expand privilege. Christian conservative media - we are the American Taliban, if it isn't Christian we will burn it.
Other old insults which might sound like they came straight from a five-year-old's vocabulary, are Gollumpus and Grumbletonian. And no, they don't have anything to do with The Lord of The Rings or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Gollumpus was a "large, clumsy fellow," probably originating from the verb galumph (to move clumsily with a heavy tread). And a Grumbletonian was someone who complained all the time, no matter how good they had it.
#13
Great Reply
Remi (He/Him) 1 week ago
Good job on standing up for the delivery driver instead of cow towing to the customer like many companies do
#14
Aggressive But Relatable
michael Chock 1 week ago
The government can't force you to use your body to keep someone alive. Doesn't matter if it's blood donations, organ donations, slavery or being a human incubator.
#15
Blame Your Parents For This One
Lost Panda 1 week ago
At my high school graduation, we had a brain surgeon who was an alumni come and give the speech. He talked about becoming a surgeon, going around the world, climbing the himalaya, but the one thing he wanted us to always remember... and I quote "MOON PIES MAKE YOU HAPPY!" and he began throwing them into the crowd XD
Not all Old English insults sounded so nonsensical; some were worded quite normally. Like 'Afternoon Farmer', used to describe lazy people, perhaps because farmers would rise early and grind through the day. If people wanted to call someone emaciated or skinny like a skeleton, they would call them 'Death's Head Upon a Mop Stick.'
#16
That's Some Seriously Old Beer
#17
God Is Out To Get Her
#18
Died Of Hungry
General Anaesthesia 1 week ago
The surgeon went in for the lobotomy and came out empty-handed.
But how can we talk about insults without talking about The Bard himself whose put-downs were almost second to none? Truly, who else could come up with quips like "froward and unable worms," "fat guts," "clay-brained guts," "luxurious mountain goat," or "February face"?
#19
That’ll Show Him
Tobias Reaper 1 week ago
this makes no sense its like the people who bought Harry Potter books then burnt them to protest JK Rowling they already bought the books and made her richer so they are out of pocket not her
#20
"Why Doesn't My Kid Visit Me Anymore!?"
#21
Plot Twist: She Pays The Full Rent Now And Does Not Want Her Man To Build Up To Much Self Esteem
Tabitha 1 week ago (edited)
We’ve been married almost 24 years. We’ve always had joint checking and savings accounts, plus our own accounts. The joint accounts pay the living expenses we have in common, as well as save for common goals, and our own accounts are ours to do with as we please. I don’t know how Eden can’t understand that both people in a marriage have to contribute to the relationship. If she can’t contribute money, then she contributes in another substantial way (for instance, a SAHM may not contribute a paycheck, but she does contribute her 24/7/365 time and effort to keep the kids cared for, and whatever other household duties she can manage, kept up with). A marriage where one partner exhausts themself working long hours, keeping bills paid, kids cared for, and the house kept decent, while the other lays around not contributing anything but expecting everything to be done for them, will not last. No one is worth allowing yourself to be taken advantage of by them. I don’t care how rich, famous, good looking, or great in bed they are. Advantage-takers all come with a very short relationship expiration date.
Shakespearean insults aren't just for name-calling. He was also a master of witty retorts. In Henry IV, Chief Justice tells Falstaff: "You are as a candle, the better burnt out." Or how about this very politically incorrect observation: "No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe; I could find countries in her."
#22
He Is Honest. The Best Kind Of Doctor
#23
Wow It's Like Makeup And Having Your Hair Down Makes You Look A Little Different
#24
This Is What This Type Of Parenting Leads To
ABC NrTen FCK CENSORISM 1 week ago
"we not friends" - yeah, because OP sucks bigtime as a father. The reply is spot-on.
The reality is that we don't live in a Shakespeare play. When someone insults us, we spend way too much time thinking of a comeback. A good retort only comes to us when we're lying in bed at night the following night. Psychologists say that's because the parts of our brains that are responsible for coming up with a witty remark turn off at that moment; they're sensing a threat.
#25
I Have No Idea Who This Man Is But I Love Him
#26
Maybe That Rat Makes A Nice Meal And You're Being Judgemental
#27
Incel Says What?
Psychotherapist Melanie Williams says that "Are you okay?" is the most universal response when someone says something wildly inappropriate to you. "There's so much packed in this short comeback," she told TIME. This flips the attention back at the insulter, not so much what they were talking about. Also, Williams notes, it invites the insulter to self-reflect.
#29
And The Most Hair-Raising
Susie Elle 1 week ago
In all fairness, I've made salmon in the microwave before and it turns out pretty great
#30
Cooking Together
Which of these comebacks did you like the best, Pandas? Do you think you will be using any of them in your own life any time soon? Let us know in the comments! And while you're there, don't forget to share with us the best witty retorts you have in your arsenal!
#32
Get In The Ball
Remi (He/Him) 1 week ago
And sending the extra ones off to be grinded to candy you can feed to the survivors so they'll get tougher :)
#33
It's So Simple
DennyS (denzoren) 1 week ago
Why didn't I think of this sooner, all I needed to do was take $3mil and buy a treasure bond? Silly me...
#34
Two Sides Of The Same Coin
Lisa T 1 week ago
I’m a “grown” 53 year old woman still playing video games. 30 years of Playstation.
Alexandra 1 week ago
Let me trump (no pun) that: 62 years old, WoW-veteran from the get-go...
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Amelia Jade 1 week ago
I'm a 50 yr old woman who spends all the free time I can playing GTA V. I've been playing video games since I first played Pac Man as a little kid in the early 80s. I spent a lot of time in arcades. I don't see why I have to stop playing video games because I'm an adult.
Sky Render 1 week ago
Hell yeah! 43-year-old woman, been gaming since I was 5 with the Atari 2600, still going strong with the Switch and PC.
Jessica Shookhoff 1 week ago
I started out on the Atari 2600 at 4yo in 1982. I learned how to play from my Mom, Great Aunt, & my older sister. I've played on NES, PS-1, PS-2, PS-3, PS-4, Sega Genesis, PC, Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, Xbox-360, Xbox One, Gameboy, iPad, Mobile. All 4 of my daughters game. Girl gamers have been around since the very beginning & we are legion! Shout out to all the Lit Chick's on this thread who also love gaming!!! 🤍🩷❤️🧡🤎💛💚🩵💙💜🩶🖤
somnomania (she/her, queer) 1 week ago
h**l yeah, i'll be 38 this year, i've been gaming since i was uhhhhh. what year did pokemon hit the states? that's how long. i can't focus on much else, most of the time, and the escapism is ideal, especially these days.
KrazyChiMama 1 week ago
I must have missed that memo I’m 47 and I’ve been playing video games most of my life…starting with Atari with my dad :))
Susan Wilson 1 week ago
61 year old woman here, currently playing Frontiers of Pandora after 4 playthroughs of Borderlands 3, but anxiously awaiting the next Assassin's Creed game. Big fan of anything AC. I have hundreds of hours in on Cyberpunk 2077 and hope the next one releases without as many bugs. I still remember the day my father brought home the newly released Pong. Oh and I wear makeup too.
TaSim 1 week ago
As a bit of an AC fan myself can I recommend Starwars Outlaws, whilst waiting. I just think of it as AC in space/the future because the satisfaction of stealth clearing a large enemy outpost remains the same regardless of the setting.
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🇫🇮 Goth Nurse 🇫🇮 1 week ago
I'm a 48 years old mother - and an avid gamer since the 80's so suck on it girl!
MushroomHead22 1 week ago
she says that, but probably spends about 1/3 of her day on her phone.
MartiBob 1 week ago
Cozy gaming is the only thing keeping this 45 yr old lady from snapping. Thanks for saving my life, Hello Kitty!
Rebecca McManus 1 week ago
57 yo female, still a gamer, age and gender is no barrier to k*****g things after a hard day pretending to like people
#36
Nothing Is More Accurate
#37
Best Way To Respond To Threats
#38
Well You Can't Argue With That Kind Of Logic
#39
Bro Deleted His Account After This
#40
Is That Why There's So Many Of You 23 Year Olds Around?
m6nbtfpx7q 1 week ago
I was just young and uninformed of the effects of antibiotics on birth control even in the days after you’ve finished them. Imagine that, US public school had “health” classes one day in sixth grade and thought we were prepared for life.
#41
It's Always Broken
#42
Scientifically Wrecked
#43
Worlds Greatest Comeback
#44
Who's A Vet Here And Accepts The Challenge?
#45
Sitcom Bullying
#46
That Wasn't Just A Roast, That Was A Burn
#47
It's About Creating Something Better
#48
I'd Really Love To Know The Thinking Pattern Behind This
UndertaleLover (She/Her) 1 week ago
I think the guy was trying something along the lines of "did you know if you say the word gullible very slowly, it sounds like the word 'orange?'"
#49
Emotional Damage
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What do you think ?
Anony Mouse 1 week ago
I love when I’ve scrolled through like 50 posts, then the page freaks out for no reason and I get sent back up to the top because this site is sh1t on mobile devices.
Bookworm 1 week ago
This was happening to me frequently. Then I cleared my cache and cookies and it seems to have stopped.
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Extinct Animal 1 week ago
Get a better adblocker... It's to do with the ridiculous fly by ads.
Anony Mouse 1 week ago
I love when I’ve scrolled through like 50 posts, then the page freaks out for no reason and I get sent back up to the top because this site is sh1t on mobile devices.
Bookworm 1 week ago
This was happening to me frequently. Then I cleared my cache and cookies and it seems to have stopped.
Load More Replies... Extinct Animal 1 week ago
Get a better adblocker... It's to do with the ridiculous fly by ads.
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