Please vote this to the top. Both posts are amazing.

Seriously. It's like stuffing a panda into a wetsuit.

2020 and 2021 feel like ages ago (but 2013 was NOT 10 years ago!). since the end of 2019 until midway 2022 everything is a time blob and feels blurry... anybody else feeling the same way?

Toast is the same. One can't buy toast. Only bread. So sad.

Amazonian Giantess would be a great store name with clothes with larger than (*GASP*) L size.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Cabbage are great. Kirsti is idiotic.

I'll keep this one on standby.

And then you used something so important under the wobbly leg of the table...

I always prefer to sit with the kids! My 5 neices and 11 nephews are some truly wild, funny, interesting and intelligent little people and I love spending time with them. Eg; I have a 5yr old niece who is obsessed with animals (especially bugs) and is full of interesting facts about them, she also loves magic tricks and playing pranks on people. Her 4yr old brother is princess crazy and loves to wear dresses, he is the most sarcastic kid ever, has the craziest expressions and treats all adults like they're idiots because they don't understand his logic (yesterday I was an idiot because I didn't know that his insistence that he only wanted to eat 'no 4' meant that he wanted French toast? Figured out that no5 meant lollypops though.) I'd rather spend my time with some cool little people than talking about boring subjects or stupid gossip, that I don't care about, with a bunch of dull adults!

This is excellent

They were brainwashed watching Finding Nemo "Mine" "Mine" "Mine" "Mine" "Mine" "Mine"

Funny, but male baldness come from the mother's side of the family.

Autocorrects to *Lemon box*

Savage

Wait till the joint pain starts

Six years ago, in an old-fashioned inn, my Lindt chocolate truffle disappeared in the middle of the night.

Wouldn't it be a flash of darkness followed by a momentary void of noise where all soundwaves are absorbed, replaced by a second of oppressive silence?? Imagine being outside and all of the sudden the sky goes dark and all noise just cuts out as the earth vibrates

Lmfao no please… this is making me shed Blood Sweat and Tears ;)

Love that there is a headline that tells the whole story.

Excellent!

"Chaotic Eating", where the only food you eat is half a frozen pizza and 2 jumbo marshmallows.

do they eat lasagna

Go Orcas!!

seal: but it tickles so funny :)

Hell yeah! Even I would totally go for someone who hit me up like that, ethos pathos logos your way to romance homeslice ✨

It’s a valid question tho lol where DO you guys put it? Is it just hidden in the folds of ur pants or smth so you can’t see from outside?

I know all the words yet my brain is unable to parse this sentence...

A always applaud myself if my inner voice pronounces wednesday right

Lmfaooo what is this, a layer of hell?

"A platypus statue?" *puts hat on statue* "A Perry the Platypus statue?!"

My team is getting ready to release some new software. I'm adding these to the EULA agreement

That’s absolutely not nearly enough cows

Almost there, just need for them to burst out of the chest and drip acid and then we have the perfect accessory

My first thought was... Is there another kind of nipple besides a titty nipple?