Hello bp parents, speaking from a teenager’s perspective here. I find that parents should never ever compare their child to another one. This happened with my folks a few years back and long story short, contributed to my terrible mental state (I’m doing a lil better now). I also think that parents shouldn’t get on teenagers for having “an attitude” it’s only because we are getting older and thinking that we are maturing enough to voice our own opinions! We aren’t having an attitude! We 👏 are👏 just👏 voicing👏 our 👏 own👏 opinions👏
Get it together!

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Elyce

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BoredBirb

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2 years ago

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Couldnt agree more

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Please whatever you do, DO NOT COMMENT ON YOUR CHILD'S BODY! It causes body dysmorphia, facial dysmorphia, and eating disorders in some cases. It is never okay to say to a kid "You should eat less, I mean look at you" It's very harmful to their mental state.

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~Mochi~(She/They)

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jolie laide

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Ahh, my Dad got a gold medal in this. His favorite time to bring up my weight, was during our weekly Sunday "family dinner" which he usually controlled. Aka, steak and potatoes and a veggie. He'd wait until we were sitting and just started to eat before "bringing it up". I can't count how many times I cried at the table and lost my appetite. That would kick off an epic fight between my parents, etc. The only other time I remember, we were having a SUPER rare "Dad and daughter" movie night. I made popcorn. I was carrying the bowl into the living room, preparing to try and cuddle next to him and he looked right at me and said, "Do you really think you should be eating that?" I asked him once, why he was so critical and he said, and I quote, "So that you can have any man you want." What I took away from that? My Dad WANTED men to look at me sexually. What Dad does that? Yeah, if you're worried about your kids weight, make damn sure it comes from a place of HEALTH, and not sexist b******t.

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Show them that you can be bothered. Seriously, make time for your kids and make it their time, not 'their time in between you flicking through your damned phone'. Oh and when they're little read to them, show them that you love books, make books a thing and it WILL pay off in later life, trust me on this.

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Peej Maybe

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Suzanne Haigh

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I was read to when I was very little, I read to my daughter and encouraged her to explore books and now she does this with her children. We are all big readers (when there is time) now

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You should know that gender and sex are separate concepts. Just because your child has a penis and testicles (sex) that does not mean they are a boy (gender).

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Nathaniel

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Caro Caro

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2 years ago

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Nathaniel, some moron is downvoting us again.

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It's ok to cry in front of your kids.
Mind you, this is a personal experience and may not apply to everyone.
I grew up unconsciously thinking that my mom couldn't feel pain. She would never cry, and I thought I couldn't open up to her because it would show weakness. At a very low point in my life, she finally cried in front of me. She opened up to me and we both cried about what was happening together. That was the closest I ever felt to my mom.

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Llama King

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jolie laide

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Amen. And let your kids know that you're a source of comfort for them, when you're crying. You want them around, you want to hug or hold them, etc. That they're being trusted with your emotions, that they can help instead of feeling like something is wrong but they don't know what or understand, that they're in the way, etc.

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I read this post this morning and everything that was said made sense, was good advice. That was 14 hours ago and in that time, nineteen babies were wiped from this planet. NINETEEN little ones who left for school this morning but now, will never be dismissed for home again. Nineteen tiny souls who never stood a chance and it's partly, if not all, down to the fact that at least half of the most powerful men and women in our federal government will not vote on universal background checks that would supposedly prevent massacres like today's. It's been two years since this bill was introduced, but guess what? Its sitting in limbo and what good it might have done is now nothing but a pipe dream. This bill might have done some good but even if it was enacted tomorrow, it would be too little, too late. That f*****g boat has set sail, been torched and is now sinking. It's too late for "safeguards" that were supposed to stop these nightmares. There are no safeguards that will have any effect on the weaponry available to obviously anyone with a pulse. At this point, the only reasonable solution is to take away all of it, like they have done in other countries. Keep your hunting rifles, that is fine, but there needs to be a system in place that ensures a more thorough licensing process in order to own and use that rifle. Don't want to give up your God damned assault rifle collection? Too. F*****g. Bad. Want to scream about your civil liberties? Go the f**k ahead. Tonight, there are nineteen babies who will never have the chance to enjoy ANY civil liberties afforded to us as citizens of this country. I'm ashamed of this country, especially in light of the last dozen years. We are not what was meant to be. So, go ahead and raise hell in defiance of gun control laws, but know this - your children and loved ones are not ANY safer because you own an assault rifle. If this were the case, where are you and your stash of semiautomatics when innocents around this country are being wiped off the face of this planet? How have you and your arsenal not prevented these horrors? The seemingly number one argument for the right to bear arms is the need to protect your families, but if this is the case, why the bloody hell are nineteen babies dead tonight? Where were you when you and your AK47 could have been defending the lives of innocents? Not in the line of fire because obviously your reasonings are complete bullshiit. So, that being said, the question of what today's parents need to know is this: know that your families have turned into mere cannon fodder and tomorrow's gun casualties. Know that there is no bastion for safety in this country. Know that we need to get our heads out of our asses and set about making this nightmare something we stand a chance of waking up from. I know this is not the response Natalia was looking for but it's the only submission that would work for this rant and I really needed to rant. Thank you for the space to do this, Natalia.

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Katy McMouse

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Caro Caro

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Katy, you're absolutely right!

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Your kids are people. Speak to them no worse than you would speak to a coworker. Give them at least that much courtesy. I used to say this to my now ex. The least you can do is give me the courtesy you'd give to a coworker. Meaning no insults, no yelling, and no draconian punishments. Kids generally are just learning and making honest mistakes. The more you clamp down the more they will rebel and fight you. Lead by example. Parent or partner with kindness, respect, and love, and that is what your kids will learn.

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censorshipsucks

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Make sure the kiddos know you love them! It doesn’t matter if you’re not like the other parents around you, either… give them your best and your love. Even if after a while they may not seem to need or want it, they do. As long as they know you are trying, you are doing the best you can do and no one has a right to say otherwise.

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St34mpunk_Pirate

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jolie laide

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I'd go a step further in this, and say that parents should be aware of "quantifying" their love. When you're a kid, you think love is love and it's huge and boundless, etc. Don't tag stuff onto your love. "I love you, but why can't you have normal friends?" or "I love you, but why do you want/need/like/etc. ____?" The "but" kills the "I love you" part because it feels like they love you in spite of something they think is "wrong" with you, aka, opposed to them, depending on their delivery and it's usually hard to miss that. Never quantify your love.

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Do all the things when they are young. They will grow up on you and need their space, give it to them, but be accessible. Simply asking how the day went consistently opens a door to discussion if they have something serious to discuss. Admitting when you're wrong is just as important as helping them take the right path. Teach them life skills that you wish were taught in schools, including how to keep a budget, file a tax return, cook, clean, and do laundry. Never forget you're preparing them for life without you and never let them forget you're on their side the whole time, no matter what!

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David Bowlby

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Sasage

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This should be higher. I wish my parents or schools would have taught me how to cook, and how to do taxes, and how to understand if I was being paid fairly for a job I was hired for, etc.

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Don't just assume your kids want to do something. Like, I mean, I guess it's okay if they're little, and you want them to open up to new experiences. But when they're 15 years old, they might not want to go with their younger siblings to a musical kiddie flick. Ask them before you buy the tickets. My parents, love them dearly, ALWAYS forgot this.

Also, not everyone likes spontaneity. Even if you know your kid will like it, tell them in advance if you want to go somewhere. Give them time to prepare, or check their schedule.

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Matt Ronald Slater

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I am hugely appreciative of the way I was raised: my parents treated me more like they were my senior co-worker rather than my boss. Instead of giving orders and responding with either rewards or punishment, they gave guidance, recommendations and examples, and would respond with either praise or disappointment.

It made a huge impact on me, and allowed me to feel free and respected, while also feeling respect towards them as well. I had no rebellious or even annoyed/aloof stage. I always appreciated their presence, at whatever distance.

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[]

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Caro Caro

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Troux, this is a very nice post. I remember me doing something stupid and instead of getting an earfull my parents didn't say a word but looked disappointed and that made me very insecure and I thought about what I did and apologized. I felt so guilty.

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Accept them for who they are. Get them a binder, get them a packer (if they're of age), get them the proper love they deserve. If your child isn't who you want them to be, too bad. You can't change what someone knows themselves to be.

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Legolas Greenleaf

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Magnus Eklund

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2 years ago

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What do you mean by binder and packer?

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Kids are a lot smarter than you give them credit for.

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Deno

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Teach your kids to name their feelings. When they’re little you guide them - “are you feeling frustrated because you wanted to spend more time at Target today?” - and talk about why they feel that way and what they can do to feel better. If they can name it and claim it, they can tame it. Getting kids into the habit of that type of self-awareness, self-regulation, and openness is valuable.

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Shasta Morris

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Mrs. Jan Glass

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2 years ago

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We need to do this as adults, no less!

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Former teacher here...your kids are not stupid. They hear and take in everything, including *how* you say it to them. Don't assume you have to "dumb down" things for them. In fact, they will astound you with what they can do if you let them! From art to math to music and more, I've seen kids do really cool stuff over the years when they weren't stifled by low expectations.

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Nimues Child

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don't hit your kids. i had enough for everybody.

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WoodenLion

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Liana

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It was/is (I don't know) pretty standard here. In my opinion, adults wanted to be respected, but some people are just not that type. I mean, some people have this personality, that they are respected. You look at them and you see it. And those who don't, they want to have that respect and had to force things. It was the easier way.

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Two parter:
You do the best with the information you have. Don't beat yourself up for something you didn't know, especially something you couldn't have known.
Try and learn as much as you can; about different ways of doing things, different cultural parenting practices, ect, when you can. And talk to your kids about it, openly and honestly. Let them have their opinions. They're just other humans doing other human things, too. And they're learning how to be a better human every day, support that, encourage it.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. And in ways that your kids can see or know about (a bath or a treat of whatever kind, a day off, ect). It helps them to see that people need grace periods and to take care of themselves. But also give your kids the chance to do the same.

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Pursuing Peonies

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Mrs. Jan Glass

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One of the best things parents can say to their kids is "I don't know. Let's find out!" Don't lie to your kids or bluff if you don't know/remember how many planets are in the solar system, or how to play backgammon.

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Don't use your kids as a pension plan.

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Frannie Kaplan

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Mrs. Jan Glass

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If you had kids to take care of you when you're old, you are selfish. Not to mention wrong.

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You can not spoil them with love. Please, don't think picking them up or snuggling them or speaking to them gently or listening to their perspective is "spoiling" them. I have friends who were very cold to their children because they didn't want them to be "spoiled" but now the children are angry and cruel to others.

Love is like riding a bicycle. If kids don't learn it early, it will be much harder for them to learn later on.

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5points

Michaele

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Mrs. Jan Glass

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Spoiling them is when you don't have and enforce boundaries. You can love them, and still say "no" and enforce good behavior.

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I strongly agree with a lot of these responses. They are mainly common sense and highly reasonable contributions. The one about gender and sex though. I mean, it threw me for a loop momentarily because I immediately started trying to figure what age was the most appropriate to entertain such kinds of discussions with your child. Help...

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Miss Benzo

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Polly Hart

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The correct age to tell them is when they start asking questions. The answers may go over their head, but that's OK. Eventually it'll make sense and they'll be matter of fact about it.

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I'm a teenager. I get treated as an adult a lot. So I should act like an adult and have the maturity of one. But the truth is, I'm just a child. I shouldn't need to be dealing with suicide or people who self harm.
Here’s the truth about being a teenager: NO ONE ACTUALLY LISTENS TO YOU EVER. Adults think you’re too old to be making mistakes and too young to take over their jobs. No one would just hand power over to a sixteen year-old, no matter how cool their prophecy or magical birthmark is.

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That_Sexy_Dinosaur

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Jane Alexander

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2 years ago

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Suicide and harm? Find someone to help you deal; An adult you trust? at school? church? child protective? Truth is that we deal with whatever we're given to deal with. Like it or not we can't not see the 'elephant in the room' and so we deal, but not alone. I was a teen a long time ago and still feel like people don't listen, too busy with their own thoughts, but find someone who hears you.

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Give your kid/s space when they need it and let them have freedoms of their baby but do👏 Not 👏 let 👏 them do something that they will seriously regret. From a teen here that has a disorder preventing me from truly understanding emotions I have seen the consequences of my friends actions because they were too emotional to listen to logic

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Alias-the-shade

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Make sure your child gets the education they, and we as a society who pay for it, deserve. Too much time, money and hope wasted on incompetent 'schools' who nit-pick wardrobe and cram 'sports' down our throat instead of giving the young the tools they'll need to survive like basic math, grammer budgeting...

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4points

Jane Alexander

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StevenTheNeat

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2 years ago

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yes, yes. this human knows things.

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that video games ARE NOT A CURSE. they are as good for some of us as taking meds, guys. sure, filter the games they play, but let your kid play video games WITHOUT GUILT. man, its every freaking time, "look who's out of his cave" "gaming is bad for social skills" "gaming is a serious addiction" like, really guys, stop making your kids feel bad for doing something that does no harm to them! they aren't just games. for some of us, its just how we keep breathing. also, just don't talk about your kids behind their backs in general.

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StevenTheNeat

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Jane Alexander

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We didn't have video games but now as a senior I can get a lower rate on car insurance if I what? Play the video games they provide. Maybe not social skills, but they do hone re-action skills.

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Just because the world looks bleak and doomed right now doesn't mean it's going to stay this way forever. That's what life is all about everywhere. There are tragedies, natural disasters, collapse of government power, economical hardships and injustices on humanity and environmental destruction throughout history. Nothing is for certain. Tell your kids you love them every day. Kiss and hug them. Make them the priority. Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty for giving them a place in the world. People will learn to accept them one day.

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LagoonaBlueColleen

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Kids are people. That’s the most important thing to remember.

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Lara M

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don't belittle them when they bring up serious issues such as their own mental health. If they are depressed they need someone to talk to not someone telling them to stop being depressed.

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Magnus Eklund

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Kurtis Cobainus

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2 years ago

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Lol, just got this from your omment on another post

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Give your child the tools and knowledge to go as far as they can with their passions and talents. Insisting that they spend all their time preparing for "Plan B" teaches them how to fail at what they are truly good at and what they truly love to do. They will not thank you for that.

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Nimues Child

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Don’t patronize or be condescending to children. They deserve to be shown the same respect. Rather than freak out yourself when they have a melt down in public. Wait for a break in it. Calmly ask if they are done. And take the time to tell them, you will be willing to speak with them when they calm down. You would be amazed by their response. (But then taking them down the candy or toy isle because it shaved a whole minute of your time, don’t wonder why). I have taken kids to the store, and giving a two year old the ability to reach those carrots and how that’s their job prevents melt downs. Or asking them, which can of (insert veggies of your choice here) keeps them busy and makes them feel like they are a part of the process.

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Lucky2BAlive

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How to make homemade baby formula. We thrived and survived.

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Cranky Gurl

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Magnus Eklund

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2 years ago

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And I loved it as a kid 😀

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Just be you. You are doing the best you can. Ignore all the social media posts and focus on your child. You’ve got this! On the flip side, never be afraid to ask for help. We’ve all been there!

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Kathleen Moran

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Teen here. If I hand a parent my phone to show them something, it does not mean "keep scrolling." And when I take it back, it doesnt mean I have something to hide. You cant pause online games! There arare other people playing too! Real. People. Not cpus. You're just as addicted to technology as I am! I'm not some antisocial emo teen, I just dont like being on camera. It makes me super anxious and afraid. If I ask you something and you say no, and I ask you why, I'm not giving you attitude. Im simply asking why you said no. If you come home from work one day and I say "Hi mom/dad!" It doesnt mean I did anything wrong. Maybe I just wanna show my affection towards my own parents? If I'm in my room all day and I come downstairs to say hi, and you start saying "oh who is this? Did someone turn off the wifi?" Im just gonna go right back up the stairs. I was GOING to be social but your mocking just drives me away. If you ask me to come down and say hi to someone that knew me when o was a baby and try to get me to be super social I'm not going to be. Maybe they've known me, but I certainly dont remember someone I knew as an infant and never saw again until now. They're just gonna be a stranger to me. No. More. Teasing! It could be fine as a little kid but as a teenager it starts to actually hit hard. So please stop. Most teens today have enough self image issues to deal with already. Teens have their own mental issues they need to go through. You may think you're doing a good job parenting but please be mindful of your own kid's needs and feelings.

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Hxllokxty (They/it)

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Wednesday

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2 years ago

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There is a point where all people really do need to stop being sooooo sensitive, but it would also be nice if more people stopped being such cruel, heartless asses... So there it is.

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Let your kids more space! I was 6 year old, when I was going to school by public transport. I was going out in the afternoon to play with my than-friends for hours without my parents knowing exactly, where am I. It was just in late in 80s, early 90s..... so no like 70 years ago. So, all you kids growing up the same way, let that freedom for your kids. what you had!

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Fenel F.

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Don't hit your kids. I don't care where you live, silly, just don't hit your kids. I don't care if YOUR parents hit you as a kid, don't hit your own. (keep in mind that when I say "hit", I don't mean being spanked every once in a while, I mean being beat. like with a belt. or getting punched or slapped.)

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the bee boi

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To school-aged kids, cool matters.

Your adult opinion on whether or not cool is important is irrelevant. Kids are mean little jerks who will pummel uncool kids. As parents, IT IS YOUR JOB to make sure that doesn't happen.

It's not a joke, it's not funny. You send your kid to school dressed in hemp, with some disgusting homemade oily peanut butter hippie sandwich, your kid is gonna get flogged.

A kid doesn't have to be spoiled, or the pretty mean girl, or some jock bully to be cool. Just don't make your kid a target with YOUR tastes or politics.

No third-grader is going to remember getting an atomic wedgie as some character-building exercise that brought him to Berkeley graduate school. He's going to remember his parents dressed him like a dork, sent him to school with a funky lunch and he spent school alone, with no friends, not invited to anything, with his books slammed out of his hands daily.

We know we take the scars of adolescence to our coffins. Don't be that parent who expects child minds to understand the adult bigger picture. No kid should have to wait for adulthood -- and getting out of your house -- for the fun to start.

Not for nothing, but you know exactly who you are if you do this.

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Jane Alexander

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2 years ago

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Not a parent s job to cater to bullies. Bullies should be kicked to the curb, but no, it's all about the money and they'll lose 'precious funding' if they kick the rotten kids out or try to dicipline them..

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That their little bundle of joy is a parasite from the time of conception in the womb. They will suck you dry, mentally, physically, spiritually and monetarily yet we would die to protect them at any given moment. Good luck with that

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Potty pagan panda

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StevenTheNeat

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2 years ago

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sounds like people at my church, actually.

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Oh where to begin..

You made a choice to have children. That makes them your responsibility. When you take them out in public, and they're being cranky, disruptive monsters, that means you actually have to deal with that behavior, and teach them how they are expected to behave in public. If they can't control themselves, then it's your responsibility to remove them from the situation, even if that means that you feel like you're being punished too. You love your children, and they may well be your "whole world" but to the rest of us, they're a choice that you made that is now ruining our day, night, outing, and you're the entitled person pretending it's acceptable. Children need guidance, boundaries and to understand that actions have consequences. Much better that your plans get ruined, and they cry their little eyes out a few times when they're young, then to be faced with that reality once they end up in handcuffs or the hospital.

Do not perpetuate the fantasy that they can do anything they want in life as long as they go to college and "try their best" or that the only path to financial security is through college. Following your dreams may sound romantic, but there's a lot of information you really need to know before you go down that path. How saturated is that job market and how long to graduates spend looking before finding a job, how much is the WORST salary you can expect to get in that field, and how long would it take to pay off your loans at the lowest salary. What's the work life balance like, and what' the turnover rate? Where is the best place to live to pursue that career, because if it's not where you are, or plan or want to be, that needs to be considered.

Encourage them to learn a trade skill instead of working retail. Aside from the fact that many people truly enjoy working with their hands, and being able to see, touch and smell that accomplishment, not every kid is built for, or even want to pursue a college education, nor can they afford to. Skilled labor jobs are, and have been desperate for workers for decades, Its really, really nice to have more than one plan, especially if your plan A leaves you $50K in debt with zero job prospects.

Talk to your kids about sex, and love and relationships. At best, their school might teach the mechanics of sex, but they don't touch on any of the complications that go along with it. Buy your sons condoms and put your daughters on birth control as soon as they hit puberty. A little awkwardness is much better than being a grandparent in your 30's/40's.

Your childhood, and what the world looked like throughout have no relevance in today's world. What worked for you, let alone your own parents has no value when it comes to preparing your kids for the world.

Handing them everything they want, isn't showering them with love. It's setting them up for disappointment. Life does not reward you just for showing up, and nothing worth having comes without some sort of struggle.

Explain yourself. Blind obedience might make your life easier now, but you can't expect children to learn anything if you don't explain why you're making them do something, why it's important. If you can't justify yourself, you don't earn respect, you just end up resented.

Don't let them on social media, don't let them get all their information from a single source (like social media) and teach them that the best way to defend your own views and opinions, is by listening to and understand the opposing views of others.

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iseefractals

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Magnus Eklund

Magnus Eklund

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2 years ago

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Yes yes yes

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They are called kids. Not Sims. Please don't drown them in a pool without a ladder.

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Magnus Eklund

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Happi doggi (all pronouns)

Happi doggi (all pronouns)

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2 years ago

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Why do I find this funny tho

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I'm writing this as a teen, and I need to say, let your kids do whatever they want, but not too dangerous. Do they want to play soccer all day long? Perfect. Do they want to try a cig? No. Give them things that they will like.

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Kurtis Cobainus

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You do not and should not regulate and schedule every moment of your kids life - unless you want them to have crippling anxiety and the inability to think and do things for themselves... Your teaching moment may be interfering with what they are trying to learn. Back the f**k up....

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Wednesday

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Let them know that parents make mistakes and apologize when you're wrong. Always listen and investigate even the smallest complaints they make, especially about school. Let them know their concerns are valid

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Brenda

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Coming from a child therapist: If you are bringing your kid to therapy so they can be "fixed", 9.9/10 times nothing will get better unless you go to therapy as well. If a kid is misbehaving, you have to learn different ways to handle it, because right now your way clearly isn't working.

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Meg L

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Your kids are not as important or innocent as you think they are. So stop shoving them down the world's throat. And it's OK if your kids get their feelings hurt from time to time. It's called life experience so stop trying to force this fairytale life on them that doesn't exist. That's how they grow up to become active shooters.

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J.B.

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Susan Barker

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2 years ago

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They need help, guidance and acceptance along the way. It does not help them to deal with the wide world if you just let them flounder. They do not know how to "deal" with stuff if they have not been taught. These are learned skills.

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They should know we are young, Young people don't understand their parents as much.Parents should think like us that way we will agree more with the .

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TheGamerPanda

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Educate yourself. My wife and I went to birthing classes, and the Early Childhood Family Education classes after our children were born. One of my first take-aways was that we will become our parents and raise our children as we were raised, warts and dimples, unless we make the time and effort to learn an alternative way.

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Fbrew

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It's okay not to have it all together. Also, don't invalidate their feelings. Just because your life is hard doesn't mean their lives are a piece of cake. Finally, please don't hide things. It just makes it worse when we find out.

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Procrastinating Panda

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Susan Abbott

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2 years ago

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should be higher up

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A kid is never too young to come out IF they know what they’re talking about.
For example, if your 14-year-old comes out as trans, and knows exactly what they’re talking about, they are most likely trans.
However, if they came out as pangender but did NOT know what it meant, they are probably not pangender.
I have always felt dysphoric because I was dismissed as “too young” to come out.
Most kids get a general sense of their gender around 3, but might not have the words to explain it until much later. Science also backs this up.

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Happi doggi (all pronouns)

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Susan Abbott

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2 years ago

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exactly!!! this should be higher up :D

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Create a tradition! We have a few, but here is an example of one. It's really simple, we make pancakes every Saturday. 😋
It can be something that happens every week, months or once a year. They just love it

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AgreeD 2

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Susan Abbott

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in my family we reserve a full-day trip to a resort with our grandmas, grandpas, cousins, aunts, uncles...and we would swim in a big pool and have fun activities like ice cream and t-or-d, and stuff. :)

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i can't pause the frickin game, mom! it's online!

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the bee boi

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Listen to your kids. Don't just brush them off all the time, because they probably have important things to tell you. Don't make assumptions and listen to their side. Not everything they say is to be rude or to talk back. From a teenage perspective, we almost never "talk back" with rude intentions, it's just that y'all adults never want to listen to anything that might contradict you in any way.

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the bee boi

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never make fun of issues they have. if they go through sh or an ed, those issues shouldn't ever be the butt of your jokes. it hurts, it sucks and it makes us feel us if our problems are just silly little jokes to everyone else.

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soren / hermes (they / he)

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I believe there r too many labels or theories on parenting. I believe the best bet is not to label anything and just deal with it as it comes along. I have read a lot of posts about bullying. When I was you I was bullied a lot, I entered high school at 4’11” tall and 95lbs soaking wet, it was not until my junior year in high school where I really started to grow. At the end of my sophomore year I was 5’ 5”, and maybe 110 to 115 lbs. Fortunately, I took after my mother’s side of the family and at the beginning of my junior year I was 5’ 9” tall and 145 lbs, by the end of my junior year I was 5’ 10 1/2 “ tall and 152 lbs, by the time I graduated high school I hit 6’ tall, and 160 lbs, I made it to 6’ 1” tall and 165 lbs by the time I reached college. By the end of my junior year people knew better than to pick on me. When my oldest son reached third grade it seemed things were flipped around, though he was both bigger and heavier than the 3 kids who picked on him. He did not really fight back. This usually happed on the school bus on the ride home. I talked to the bus driver several times as did my wife and he did nothing. We called the bus company and they did nothing. We talked to the school principal and she did nothing. Unbeknownst to them I had enrolled my son in Tae Keon Do and in 4th grade these kids kept picking on him. One thing I noted is if martial arts is taught properly it teaches kids to be respectful and no to start fights. Well, maybe this just makes me an a-hole but I would the same thing again. I have 3 sons in total, my oldest 2 younger brothers. We knew my oldest sons 4th grade teacher, she had a son the same age as my middle son. At the open house, she always asked if there was something going on she should know about. To her surprise and my wife’s I told her about my oldest boy being bullied. I then stunned the 2 of them as I informed them I had spoke with oldest son and gave him explicit instructions. My instructions were simple and direct if any of these 3 boys touches you again. You r to beat the living hell of them to the point if they ever thought about hitting you again they knew they would pay a heavy price with the worst beating they could imagine. I also gave him specific instructions if he started the fight he would be punished, I wasn’t sure how but I never hit any of my kids so he knew it wasn’t that type of punishment. However, if the started with them I specifically told him to beat the hell out of them, and not only would I not punish him but I would reward him and take him for ice cream, and I knew and intended him hat if there was anyone to take the blame it would be me and not him. I also informed the teacher my so had just received is dark blue belt and he was to use everything at his disposal. Well, it apparently scared the hell out of the teacher and she investigated the matter, she found out who the 3 boys were, 2 of them lost there recess for 3 weeks and one was expelled for a week. She informed the principal who finally got a backbone and she called the 3 sets of parents, one father called me and he was scared. He noted my son was twice the size of his son, and he knew my son was starting to build some significant skills in Tae Kwon Doe, apparently his son threw a punch at my son who caught his punch and threw it back at him, with his son falling down backwards on the bus. The father of course did not believe his son was one of the boys attacking my son. So, he said let me call you back, which he did. He profusely apologized for his son’s behavior and told his son and said to me his son would not be allowed to hang out with the 2 other boys, and if son started anything he would be punished, he also noted if his son did start a fight with my boy his son would get the hell beaten out of him. I assured him my son would not start the fight my son had explicit instructions from me to really teach him a lesson he would not forget. Nothing else happened my son was left alone, and yes I still took him out for ice cream not because he beat anyone up but because he stood up for himself. I know probably many of you do not agree with this approach but I would do the exact same thing again. My boys r all grown now and well adjusted. They don’t start fights. Respect everyone. All 3 did well in college, have a good amount of friends including girl friends. All have good jobs. I attribute a good dose of this came from their martial arts teachers, most of whom were in college themselves, and helped mentor them to be respectful and tolerant.

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Leon Edelson

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how to raise them with morals and ethics. that discipline or saying no doesn't make you a bad parent.

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Cynthia Black

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Get off your mobile phone and talk to your kids - especially when picking them up from school. I see it all the time & the child is so wanting the parents attention; bursting with excitement about something they want to tell them.
Ask them about their day. Chat about things you see on the way home.
Looking at social media or texting your friend isn’t more important than your child. If it’s not a really important phone call - get them to phone you back later.

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Jono

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well, first of all, your kids dont choose their sexuality.

like, if they come out as gay, for example, there is no reason to get mad at them. sometimes you cant control your feelings or the gender ur attracted to!

second, dont be as strict on checking web history. true, you have the right to make sure your kid isnt up to anything bad; but maybe enabling safesearch, safekids, or kiddle (all those are search engines you can enable that dont contain any age-inappropriate results) just to make sure your kid doesnt, like, get into trouble or something idk.

third, enable screen time on your kid's device. once your kid learns not to spend their full time on devices and learns to spend time sensibly and actually get things done and be productive, you may either increase the time or you can just remove it altogether.

fourth, enable downtime on your kid's device, too. using screens at night before sleep is not good. personally, as a kid i had a downtime from 6 a.m to 7:30 on weekdays, (screen time was one hour on safari and one hour on the rest), and on weekends 12 p.m to 2 p.m (one hour on safari, half an hour on the rest) and i had pretty much learnt to be satisfied with the time and used it responsibly all the time (okay fine, most of the time).

and i think thats pretty much all i can think of. good luck to all and have a great day!

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𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕥𝕥 <33

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Susan Abbott (Submission author)

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2 years ago

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edit: 6 a.m to 7:30 p.m; not a.m!

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Stranger abductions are no more common now than they were in the 50's and 60's, when kids were less supervised. Over 90% of missing children are runaways. Most abducted children were taken by non-custodial parents. If you don't have any custody issues or extremely alienated teenagers, don't worry so much and over-control your kids. That said, the most frequent instance where stranger abduction DOES occur is on the way to and from school. We were required by the adults to walk to school in groups even in the 60's, although probably more for traffic reasons than fear of being kidnapped..

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yellowphantom

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