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There have been some pretty wholesome couple posts on BP, but now let's dig into the not-so-wholesome ones.
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#1
When he accused me of cheating on him from the following "evidence"..
- there was a hair clip in the back of my car
- he could not track me on "find my friends" and therefore I had turned it off. (This was during the hour it took me to drive home from work!!).
This was the catalyst after 5 years of emotional abuse, which I did not realise was happening until after it was over.
I have since moved on with a lovely man who treats me with nothing but respect and love.
Final score:
31points
#2
You want not-so-wholesome? When I got the highest grade in a college English course on an essay, and my then-bf looked at me with absolute hate, and stomped out of the class with his D paper in his fist. Worse, I apologized for hurting his feelings. (Don't worry, I got better!)
Final score:
28points
#3
When I found out he had sexually assaulted several younger girls on church trips!
Final score:
26points
#4
Background - years ago I was in an abusive relationship that left me with broken and missing teeth. I was deeply ashamed of my teeth and never smiled in public. I would even cover my mouth with my hand when I was talking to people.
Seeing as I am an American, it took me over a decade to be able to get the broken teeth out and dentures in.
Once I did though, oh my word, I felt amazing. Confident, worthy, beautiful even. I smiled at strangers on my way home to show my BF.
So, I get home and I see him, my "best friend" and I gave him my biggest smile of all hoping for a small kind word at the least, maybe even a hug. Instead, he sneered at me and said "I liked you better without them".
I was crushed. At that moment I realized that he would never allow me to be happy as long as I was with him. There was so much more but that was the moment when his mask got ripped off and I could never unsee the selfish monster that was inside him.
Final score:
23points
#5
My ex, C, was controlling and terribly jealous. There were a lot of incidents but I didn't realize how bad it actually was until I went to university in a city 150 km from where he lived. He would call in the middle of the night to see if I was home and alone, he'd go through my stuff for signs of other men, he'd bombard me with things like gingerbread hearts saying 'you're mine', pictures of him, etc, and demand that I put them up on my walls so everyone would know I had a boyfriend. In his bedroom he had an altar-like corner that made me cringe: Hundreds of photos of me. One day I told him there was a party for a fellow student's birthday in another city. I wanted to stay the night and had also agreed to take another (male) student there who didn't have a car. C lost it and said he wouldn't let me go together with this guy. I didn't change my plans and took the other student to the party. When I went to see C the day after the party, he had removed all my photos from the walls. They were torn up and scattered all over the room. He said no matter what I‘d tell him he was sure I had cheated on him (I never did!), and that I had to work really hard to gain back his trust. I just couldn't take it anymore and broke up.
Final score:
22points
#6
She was straight, pretending to be lesbian and was in a relationship with me because she thought it was “quirky to be gay”
Final score:
17points
#7
Looking back, I'm fairly sure that I was the awful one. On reflection, all my exes seem like genuinely nice people bar one.
That one had a secret cocaine habit and an unpredictable temperament. She moved in with me and one day she simply decided to go upstairs and live in the attic. No explanation. She never paid a penny towards the bills either.
She was also drop-dead movie star gorgeous though, but following our split, I have become more of a 'personality' guy.
Looks aren't everything.
(Even though I am fairly sure that my wife is the most beautiful person in the world)
Final score:
16points
#8
This was years ago before the everyone had mobile phones or used email. He sent me a letter listing all the reasons I was to blame for why he wanted to break things off. Conveniently forgot to mention that he was cheating on me with another woman. When one of his friends let slip about his new girlfriend and I confronted him he then said that he'd only kept our relationship going until he found someone else because he "didn't want to be alone."
Final score:
15points
#9
When he harassed my family and I after I told him I just wanted to be friends, told me he wanted to marry me after he confessed to cheating on me, and sent threatening emails after breaking up with him. Bullet Dodged!
Final score:
13points
#10
It was the moment he physically assaulted me, while I was holding our infant daughter. The marriage had been deteriorating for almost a year, but in that moment, all I could think was that I had to leave.
Final score:
13points
#11
I've got some doozies but I'll go with two: the night after our baby died, he told me my crying was disturbing him and he had an important meeting the next morning. For some reason, we went on to have more children, and he once told me taking care of the house was more important than taking care of the children because "broken furniture can't be fixed but broken bones will heal".
Final score:
13points
#12
When we went to relationship counselling. First appointment, refused to attend and I could hear myself defending their behaviour to the counsellor, second visit attended but was combative and obviously didn't want to be there, third visit refused to attend any further. I went and realised that anyone who didn't even want to engage and all the stuff that I'd said defending them to the counsellor showed how toxic it was for me. It limped on for a while after that but that was when I knew..
Final score:
12points
#13
his exact words were "your dads bot abusive, you are disrespectful. stop talking to me about your problems. it is disrespectful to complain to me about your dad" he is dumped . . . very dumped.
Final score:
12points
#14
Bit of a long one (about 11 years), so I wont bore you with it all.
My soon to be Ex wife
Turns out she had been gas lighting (tell/convincing me that my brother and Mother didn't give a s**t about me), verbal abuse and all the other abuses that come with that.
Last straw was her buggering of on holiday for 3 weeks on my 40th birthday (actual day of). The friends I had left, managed to get through to me that that was just not on. It made me question a lot of things.
About a year into the divorce now and I'm still trying to connect the dots from all the lies I'd been told.
Final score:
11points
#15
When his new dog ate the cat's head. He had the cat for years but all he cared about was the dog. When I asked him about he did not care.Broke up with him that day.
Final score:
11points
#16
First off, my ex wasn't all that awful, but I realized that our relationship is not doing great when I shared a career dream, and she went on to criticize it instead of supporting it.
Final score:
10points
#17
When she dumped me at a party and snogged someone else right there
Final score:
10points
#18
The relationship was a disaster from the beginning, but I didn't realize that at the time. I worked with him and we always flirted and it was fun. We married within 6 months of being together. It was his 4th marriage and my first. After the wedding, it turned AWFUL. We worked at the same place, commuted together, we were together all the time. I found out about a week after the wedding that he chewed snuff. I honestly never knew that - he kept it very well hidden until we were married. He was a very heavy drinker and kept that hidden as well. After the wedding, I would find evidence hidden all over the house, garage, shed. After finding all this out, he decided he didn't need to hide it anymore. How gross to find chew spit in beer cans on the kitchen table in the morning... finding out all the money he spent on alcohol. I stayed in that marriage for WAY longer than I should have. I finally decided I'd had enough and told him I wanted a divorce. It got way worse after that, but that is a story for another time
I actually realized I'd made a huge mistake when I found out he hid that he chewed snuff.
Final score:
9points
#19
When she cheated and wouldn't admit it. Every time I tried to talk to her about it, she claimed she was single and that we never actually dated. I eventually got angry and started to avoid her and her new boyfriend.
She's back now, and keeps on trying to be around me.
Final score:
9points
#20
I had orders to report to my new station which was in a state I had never been before and knew absolutely nobody. My ex was the first person I met and established a friendship with and that's really the only reason why I let it go on for so long. It first started with calls during work screaming about whatever was upsetting her, which was usually (and I'm not just saying it like this for effect) about absolutely f*****g nothing. I was military police, I would be on scene dealing with a domestic and she would call non stop til I answered. One time she was so distraught by me not answering so she messaged me saying she took 10 ibuprofen and was trying to cross to the other side. Now we all know that statement doesn't get taken lightly. I was informed if someone were to try to o.d. on acetaminophen it would take somewhere around two weeks for it too give the results one was expecting (any medical professionals please correct if the timeliness is off, or if this fact is not valid ). Anyways I'll keep going, her background story was mother was murdered by father in Puerto Rico and father was waiting for firing squad, (parents lived in Kentucky happy as h*** I learned later) also learned her last name was fake. Do not get me started on the amount of lies if found I out also, the icing on the cake was when she admitted to my FU***** FACE THAT SHE LIED ABOUT HER AGE! I dropped her off at a friend's right then a there, got a huge a** trash bag and shoved all her junk in it and threw that too the curb. Three months later I met my wife, I've been with her for 9 nine years and oh thank heavens!!! I love this woman.
Final score:
9points
#21
When my son was born 5 weeks early by emergency cesarean and my ex apparently needed to finish his fishing trip and didn't come home for 4 more days.
Final score:
9points
#22
First- when he started putting me down in public. I was putting up with his abuse both physical and verbal but when he put me down in front of our friends it clinched it. Second When his new wife reached out to me to apologize to me for the way he and his family treated me while we were married. She now knows I wasn’t the horrible person they made me out to be. At the time she had a restraining order against him and the cops on speed dial. Her and I are friends to this day.
Final score:
9points
#23
*Trigger warning: domestic violene. **Trigger warning 2: tl,dr - ex was a douchbag. When there had been so much gaslighting that I questioned my sanity and didn't know up from down anymore. When he humiliated me infront of everybody who knew me at my *th birthday, because I had dared to do something for myself - first birthday I'd had for a long time. When he heckled and laughed during my university graduation, and took photos of me to remember the day but then exposed the film so that it got ruined, and when he said a teaching degree isn't a real degree anyway. When he took up long-distance sports when I had newborn children with additional needs so he wasn't there to help me with them, even though I'd been hospitalised with post-natal depression. When he would tease my friends and put them down, and tell me they didn;t really like me. When he mocked my dreams so that i didn't follow them - I could have gone to the olympics but he would have missed me, so i turned it down. When he told my kids i was crazy, usually jsut for having an opinion that was different to his. When he knealed ontop of me pinning my arms to the ground and sitting on my chest so I couldn't take a breath in and was passing out, and he looked into my eyes smirking and I thought that was the end. When he got off, I had been questioning myself so much already that I coudln't work out if it had actually happened or I'd just made it up. And when I left finally, and could see perspective on the situation, it took me so long to own my story and be okay with things that had been done to me. I'm worried I will vicariosly traumatise other people just by saying my story out loud. It makes me feel trapped sometimes, that the options I have are to lie to cover a terrible truth, or apologise for speaking something that makes others uncomfortable, or be silent and alone with a whole pile of c**p. Knowing that he is not walking around with any of this pain, that he had money, a house, family support, and that I would be walking away from everything I knew into a life where I all of a sudden had nothing, knew nobody because I'd been isolated from all my friends and family, had no job lined up to keep us afloat. We lived on handouts and ate at soup kitchens the first month and I thought we wouldn't survive. Knowing that I left home really young to escape violence and thought I was going somewhere safer, but it kind of morphed into the same situation, and I never saw it coming because I had been vulnerable and in a desperate situation. Knowing I was being tracked with GPS but if i turned the setting off, he would instantly message and call and do the same for my kids and threaten us, so it was easier to disclose our location and turn it on because he would get so worked up. Packing an emergency bag when he was at hospital with my eldest in an emergency situation, which was the first ever time i'd had to pack for leaving, and being so so scared of being found out but knowing if we didn't go that day, we might not make it out again. THe first time I went shopping after leaving, I stood in the grocery store and cried, because I knew i wanted to choose one thing for myself, but i didn't even know what i liked, and i felt so guilty choosing something and felt i would get in trouble because it would all be tracked, but had to remind myself it was ok and that wouldn't happen anymore. Has a happy ending though, as I have my freedom and have rebuilt my life the way I want it, and I am surrounded by people who cherish me. I feel like me, and I never knew what that was. Thank you for the opportunity to say this out loud, i've never been able to before now. Please take care of yourself if anything was triggering, and know that there are services out there if you need support, or need to leave a DV situation.
Final score:
9points
#24
When all of the 3 places we lived in together had holes in walls because of his drunken rage.. sadly only realized it wasn’t normal anger at the 3th one because it was almost my face instead of the wall
Final score:
8points
#25
He threw an eraser at me that he'd written
"(new gf's name) is better" on
Final score:
7points
#26
So I'm in highschool and was dating someone who, well was figuring themselves out. They transitioned from female to male and changed names like 3 time when we were dating plus was polyamorous. As a 8th grader. Also they broke up with me on my birthday so yay best birthday ever
Final score:
7points
#27
When he swore on the lives of his children there wasn’t another woman and there was.
Final score:
7points
#28
When I look back I can see the little things. After we had our daughter I realized he didn't really care about me like he acted when I was pregnant because he was getting sex from me at the time, and after birthing he couldn't and tried to force it on me.
I'm not saying play games with your spouse, but PLEASE, before you make any commitments/big decisions that could potentially keep your partner in your life for the long run (i.e; have a child with them), do a test trial of no sex with each other for month. The word is NO. Do not give in to each other's whims. (Sure, go at it with yourself, but make sure you're alone). Just try it. You don't even have to discuss it with him. Because if one of you ever gets in a situation where you can't have sex, or just a long spell of not being in the mood and you find each others sexual needs times are out of sync with each other, it's very telling how respectful and caring they are of you and the relationship as a whole.
Final score:
7points
#29
After he screamed at his mother on his 30th birthday because she bought him the wrong kind of gift cards he wanted.
Final score:
7points
#30
i went to give my BF a BJ and his appendage smelled like poop come to find out he and his twin had a thing going on everyone knew but nobody told me
Final score:
7points
#31
Ohh, where to start...
Ex made me take care of their socioptic child, we both worked full time jobs but I was the one doing all the housework because ex was tired...
Jealous of a friend that I would go to sometimes.
Cheating on me with a collegue and denying it for months on end and when it came out it was my fault ex cheated because I wasn't paying enough attention to ex.
When I finally broke up with ex I received multiple death threads.
Best hoot however was the fact that ex demanded I would get myself tested for std's because ex was convinced I cheated, while when ex was cheating, ex never did do those tests...
I have one holy rule, when in a relationship I never cheat.
Found the most loving man that I could ever wish for and got to know my selfworth, how freedom and being loved feels like and not te regret the past, because it doesn't matter what happened before, all the things we both went through lead to the moment we got to know eachother and after months, finally meet...
Haven't been separated for more than 15 days all together in the last 5,5 year and we never ever fight ;)
Strange thing is though, that he knew my ex was no good from the moment they accidentally met... it took me 16 years to see the light, it took him 16 minutes.
Final score:
6points
#32
When I discovered that he'd been copying all of the cute messages and future dreams I'd sent him and using them to chat up a married woman that he'd been seeing when he told me he was with his children. Apparently it had been going on before we got together and didn't count as cheating because they only did it in his car!
Final score:
6points
#33
When I would come home from work and cry in the shower. Not because my job but that I was home. Also, thinking him having a tragic car accident wouldn't be so bad.
Final score:
6points
#34
Well, at first I must say that I was too naive when I was younger and I didn't see this as a red flag at all. Sadly, I realized it a little bit too late, right after our break-up, but at the beginning of our 4-year relationship, my ex used to take me to ride his car together with him through the city... following his ex. If you think that's creepy, remember that I became his ex later on too.
Final score:
6points
#35
Would constantly put me down for simple things. For example they would casually be talking to me then all the sudden they say, "Wow I'm glad I'm not as horrible at that as you are" Or they would remind me of things that were really embarrasing throughout the day. On top of that when I confronted said person, they gaslighted me into thinking that I was the horrible person instead, basically just projecting what they were saying to me. My ex would also flirt with other people. There were times where I would be having anxiety attacks and they would completly ignore me, and often go off to another person they had interest in. After we broke up they were often really passive aggressive. Last straw of staying in contact was when they started to get really..... intimate with my best friend.
Final score:
5points
#36
When he told me I said "I love you" too much. He said this as he was leaving for the last time.
Final score:
4points
#37
he refused to accept break up after he raped me & threatened to jump off a bridge
Final score:
4points
#38
When his dog ate his cats head and he did not care.
Final score:
3points
#39
We were married for 3 days! There was a snowstorm and the car got stuck. He was out there shoveling snow, cursing, kicking the car and tires, throwing the shovel. I had no clue about his mean temper. My first thought was, OMG, what have you done! .
Final score:
3points
#40
When had truly seen how much c**p I went through for him. And when I got a chance to heal and look back at all the things I let below over and let him get away with. An when I was truthful with myself. An when I realized. That I deserved better. And that he had issues. And I didn't need someone like that to complicate my life and so I moved on
Final score:
3points
#41
Started speaking to me as if I was an errant child. Should have known 6 months earlier when he’d fold his underwear before coming to bed.
Final score:
3points
#42
Been in a relationship for nearly a year, as far as I was concerned it was going fine, met parents, best friends, work colleagues etc. I had to travel abroad for work for less than 6 months - we kept in touch by email, chat and calls (that was before mobiles and video calls), not a hint anything was wrong. About a week before I was due to travel back he said not to bother contact him as he had met and MARRIED someone else. Never mind a bullet, I think I dodge a whole missile there!
Final score:
3points
#43
I honestly don’t know. It was so gradual with his verbal abuse and emotional manipulation. It was when he actually wrestled with me for a cell phone that I woke up and kicked him out.
Final score:
3points
#44
1. Took a few times, but when she'd pick me up for us to go somewhere and solely relied on GPS to get us somewhere. Even though I lived in the area for 11 years and know my way around like the back of my hand she'd snap at me about "backseat driving" and would take the LONGEST routes to our destinations. By the 3rd time I about had it.
2. The amount of negativity and anger within her. Every time we talked on the phone, even in person, I'd be nothing but someone for her to vent to, whether it would be about the day's work or something that happened years ago (same story repeatedly). I can understand needing to vent to someone periodically, but this was 95% of the conversation. I could barely get a word in. And when I'd try to get her to look at the positive sides, she'd flip it around and shut me down.
Final score:
3points
#45
I came home to the mechanic fixing her car. he was her boyfriend.
Final score:
3points
#46
When he called someone who had been admitted with thrombosis a hypochondriac saying that's not something young people suffer from, overlooking a) hospitals don't admit you for no reason, and b) the morning of our first night together years earlier I got a phone call at his house (this was before cell phones) that my 27 year old friend had died from a pulmonary embolism. We had broken up by then, but this was the moment I stopped trying to be friends.
Final score:
3points
#47
When taught me martial arts, but karma striked him, when I used it any time he would hit me.
Final score:
3points
#48
There were so many! Makes me feel stupid for not leaving.
- When she told some girl online that she never wanted to touch me again.
- When she went to Jamaica, got drunk and got pregnant.
- When she stole my money.
- When she moved her mother and abusive boyfriend into our house.
- When she gave me Covid
- When she snatched our baby and moved 250 miles away with no notice.
- When she moved in with another chick and got married to get a few months later.
- When I started going to therapy and realized just how much she abused me!
Final score:
3points
#49
I finally realized that, even if I had actual proof that I was right about something and he was wrong, he wouldn’t end the argument, no matter what it was about, whether serious or trivial.
He wanted to be right, and worse, he wanted me to like that he was ‘right.’
This doesn’t sound like much, but after over an hour of an unresolvable argument, late at night, I refused to discuss the issue any more and went to bed. He followed me up and kept going. I grabbed my purse and went to the garage, got in the car to leave. He followed, apologized. I came back in, got ready for bed, and he started in again. ‘But I’m not finished!’ ‘I refuse to discuss this any more.’ Three hours in at this point.
I ended up locking myself into the guest room, and he STILL kept going through the door. I was seriously thinking about climbing out the window onto the deck roof, where I could easily get to the first floor and the garage again.
I started hunting for an apartment the next day.
Final score:
3points
#50
Didn’t say what type of ex!
I have an ex-friend Claire. We met in Kindergarten and were best friends. Things got rocky in 5th grade. I became friends with this kid “K”. K was an outcast for having ADHD and was labeled as a weird kid but he’s actually pretty damn sweet! So anyways, idk what made her do it, but Claire suddenly texts me and says I need to apologize for something.
Now I was yet to develope the backbone I have now, so I start apologizing for everything I imagined I somehow did. We argued over text. (I’ll be honest she was probably jealous I was spending more time with K)
So we avoid each other for most of the year until the end. I became friends with another girl S (what became of us is another story lol) but Claire didn’t know. So I became a spy for S and they were rivals. So me and Claire were once again “friends” before she found out I was pretending.
Eventually we were cool until 7th grade. She was bullying K for having ADHD and even called him Asian slurs and swore at him. She did it to me when I defended him. She bullied us for the rest of the year. I tried to settle this once and for all BUT it was only between me and Claire (K wasn’t invited despite also being bullied). She lied her a*s through it and the teacher believed her. Eventually I had a breakdown and went to school in the city for Grade 8.
But there is karma for her friends. 8th grade rolls by and she…
-Gets bullied
-Gets expelled for being a jerk
For me
- Much happier away from her!
Final score:
2points
#51
He left me to go join a group of rowdy boys. When the boys bullied my group, he only protected me and not my friends. He didn't care about them.
Final score:
2points
#52
When he got married to his new wife (elaborate wedding and reception) while he was still married to me. The divorce was final a couple months later.
Final score:
2points
#53
Everybody heard about him flirting with another girl (this was in 4th grade) and when I asked him he just laughed. 7-8 years of my life we were together. 😒
Final score:
1point
#54
I came home to the mechanic fixing my then wifes car. He was her boyfriend.
Final score:
1point
#55
Just wanted to say, this definitely isn’t a big a deal as most peoples, because she wasn’t necessarily rude to ME during thw relationship, but eventually she showed her true colors once we broke up.
Fell inlove with a girl. She obviously didn’t like me, but we still got into a relationship. She broke it up not even a couple weeks after we got together, and made my friend tell me that she wanted to break up, instead of telling me herself. Later on, I heard that she was dared to say yes, and told everyone she was dating me because I bought her lunch. Eventually, she showed the entire school group chat her nudes without any explanation, and it got spread around. And she admitted she loved the attention. I know it’s not as big a deal, but good god, that hurt :(
Final score:
1point
#56
When it turned out he wasn’t really gay, I wasn’t helping him hide the gay, and he was actually just lying to date me. Then he told me a ton of stories about fooling around with his friends (some true, some not) and then proceeded to harass me and turn everyone I knew against me when I dumped him. 15 year old me was not nearly as vicious as I eventually became and I could’ve gotten a blue ribbon for most obedient doormat. When he told me he had a talking demon book in his attic, turned into into a fox boy at night and went to an alternate dimension, and that he had magic super powers? I just couldn’t take it anymore. I dumped him for good. He threatened to end himself if I didn’t get back with him so I told him good luck with that and stayed single for a long time. He stalked me for 10 years. I had to drop out of high school but before I did, I made sure that every person he’d told stories about got the full rundown with text proof. He made me a pariah before but I destroyed any chance of friendship he’d ever had. He did so many more things before and after that that I can’t include them all but just know he deserved that and more. I ended up marrying the love of my life because of him though so I guess it worked out. As long as he doesn’t see me or hear about me, he leaves me alone. Guess that’s all I can hope for.
Final score:
1point
#57
It was a gradual wake up, he did all the classic narcissistic traits.. the love bombing, the gaslighting, the cold shoulder, so much emotional abuse. The day I had enough was when he swore up and down he wasn’t talking to a girl he was dating the same time as me (before we became exclusive) but my gut always said something was off. That night he accidentally left his phone at my place and I’d watched him put his code in and saw texts between them - nothing beyond friendly but he swore he wasn’t talking to her at all and he came back for his phone before I could really delve deep into their conversations. We got in an argument, he left all huffy because I was “making a big deal out of nothing.” He knew I was upset but instead of calling to check on me the next day I got the silent treatment and he went out and had fun with his friends and drank all day and hung out at the pool but never invited me. He finally called me around 6 o’clock in the evening bragging about his day knowing full well I was upset. I knew in my heart I just couldn’t do it anymore and so I broke up with him. The emotional trauma he inflicted took years to get over and I haven’t dated in 8 years.
Final score:
1point
#58
When her girlfriend of several years contacted me 2 years after the breakup to tell me they were in an open relationship the entire time she was with me. She'd told original gf that I knew. I had no idea. The relationship ended terribly, and I blamed myself for years. More than that, she was a serial liar & had lied to original gf as well about other stuff. We're friends now. It was a huge weight off my chest.
Final score:
1point
What do you think ?
Rebekah Coleman 2 years ago
I was married to a cop who is the highest functioning alcoholic. Two years after we divorced, I had to sue for SOLE custody of our daughter, as he was drinking (off-duty) and driving with her in the car. She was 8yo and was a paranoid and scared child because she knew drinking and driving was against the law. Yet, here was her dad, a policeman, doing the exact thing he arrested people for doing. He thought he was above the law and could do as he pleased. He lost all parental rights to her and, to this very day, hasn't gotten help. Burden of proof was me and I did what I had to do to keep her safe.
Rebekah Coleman 2 years ago
I was married to a cop who is the highest functioning alcoholic. Two years after we divorced, I had to sue for SOLE custody of our daughter, as he was drinking (off-duty) and driving with her in the car. She was 8yo and was a paranoid and scared child because she knew drinking and driving was against the law. Yet, here was her dad, a policeman, doing the exact thing he arrested people for doing. He thought he was above the law and could do as he pleased. He lost all parental rights to her and, to this very day, hasn't gotten help. Burden of proof was me and I did what I had to do to keep her safe.
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