I had been on a date that didn't go too well. I ended it early and left. (This was pre-Covid)On a crowded cross walk, waiting for the light to change, I caught a glimpse of random stranger's expression. Sensing his night hadn't gone much better, I just asked,"So how's YOUR night going?" He replied right away,"S*****. I'm in town for my buddy's funeral. He killed himself and now all of us gotta see his girlfriend tomorrow. It's her fault man." He gave me a look saying I had been dismissed- either not expecting a reply or already sick of hearing "sorry to hear that" type of reply. Instead, I said I knew the feeling- only I was the girlfriend everyone blamed when MY boyfriend had killed himself a few years ago. What followed was a long conversation in his hotel room. He was deeply conflicted and angry. I was able to express my understanding of his shock, horror, confusion, etc. I was also able to shed light on what that poor girlfriend was most likely experiencing. I can recall the understanding dawn on his face as I described perspectives and viewpoints he clearly never considered. He kept saying,"You're blowing my mind, I can't believe this is happening, what are the odds" so on and so forth. I ended up leaving after a few hours and never saw him again. I don't even remember his name. All I can say is I could tell certain things deeply resonated deeply for him. My hope is that all this was shared the next morning with "all his buddies." I'd like to think I was able to brunt some of the blame the girlfriend (knowingly or unknowingly) had coming her way. I hope this eased her experience and somehow did something positive for everyone involved. Because, really, what are the odds? However, I find this type of thing happens to me, around me, a lot. I don't know why and I am wondering what others experiences have been like?

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Donkey boi

Donkey boi

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3 years ago

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Grief often manifests a need to find blame and it can often turn really ugly. What you did for him would have resonated and he would have likely shared that perspective with his friends, allowing everyone to grieve without incident. It seems that your own bad experience has been turned around and allowed you to help someone else. You should be proud of yourself.

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