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These quarantine days make one cranky and sarcastic to the smallest things you used to neglect.
When was your peak savage moment? How you handled unnecessary sarcasm and/or entitled behavior of people trying to insult you?
How did you make your siblings shut up for good?
Share your most fulfilling moments of making annoying people speechless.
(Can be anything, a verbal comeback or an empowering transformation or just showing people mirrors.)
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Every year I shave my hair down to almost skin. And because of that, this happened at a bar.
DRUNK GUY: You one of them transexuals?
ME: No.
DRUNK GUY: You look like a transexual with that hair cut, girl.
ME: (Lying) I have cancer.
DRUNK GUY: Oh my God. I'm such an asshole. Damn. I'm sorry. What kind of cancer?
ME: Testicular.
Final score:
71points
Aroace tiger (any pronouns) 3 years ago
1. Drunk guy is an asshole 2. Who calls it transsexual??
RELATED:
#2
"You don't look disabled"
"You don't look stupid, yet here we are."
I really said that.
Final score:
69points
Two_rolling_black_eyes 3 years ago
Stolen from Josh Blue replying to someone making fun of his disability. - We're the only minority group anyone can join at any time. Don't make me snap this cane off in your ass and recruit you.
#3
Back when I was a teenage security guard at a supermarket, I was dealing with someone who would now be called Karen. She'd been stopped for theft, and kept spouting how she owned a Hotel chain. She was not happy at being stopped/caught, and angrily spat the words "I deal with jumped up little shits like you every day" to which I replied, without missing a beat, "What Security guards? Are you THAT bad at shoplifting you get caught every day?". The look on her face was priceless, and I can still see it 18 years on!
Final score:
60points
#4
Worked as a waitress at a trucker stop.
Customer: Hey I heard that black girls are fun in bed, is that true?
Me (Black woman): I wouldn’t know I’ve never slept with one.
Final score:
55points
#5
I don't care enough about you to judge you.
Final score:
54points
Catlady6000 3 years ago
See, everyone likes me because they think I'm nonjudgmental, when it's actually this
#6
Your laxatives have backfired mate, the shites supposed to come out the other end
Final score:
50points
#7
I once told my sister: "I thought the gravitational pull would be much greater when I got this close to the center of the universe!"
Final score:
41points
#8
Once, my mom asked me if I was finished my homework. I told her “Yes, but you asked that everyday and yesterday you said that you rarely ever ask me that.” My mom said “Rarely means everyday!” And I said “YOU said you RARELY buy me pizza, so if rarely means EVERDAY, then get ne pizza everyday!” She stopped asking me that after.
Final score:
36points
#9
Laugh, stop and say "Oh, you were serious." The classics always work.
Final score:
32points
#10
A customer came in to our store and demanded to talk to the smartest person about one of our products. I started telling him about what he wanted. He ignores my technical advice and says things like "I'll do this," and "this should work."
I stopped talking. After a few minutes he noticed and asked about my silence.
I looked him dead in the eye and asked "Did you come here to speak to the smartest person or to be the smartest person."
Final score:
29points
#11
After somebody asked a nonsensical question (can't remember what it was, it was THAT incomprehensible) I said "I could answer that, but then I'd have to pretend I understood what you asked"
Final score:
26points
Catlady6000 3 years ago
While I don't believe there are stupid questions, I know there are stupidly asked questions
#12
My husband and I were eating burgers at a pub one night. An extremely intoxicated guy stumbled over to our table, pointed at me, and yelled at the whole restaurant, “Look everybody! We have a cannibal over here!” Everyone’s looking around like “wtf is he talking about?” He leans in to whisper to my husband and I, “You know? You are what you eat? You’re a cow?” Without missing a beat I responded, “Wow! You must eat a lot of d**k and ass.”
Final score:
25points
#13
When I was a kid got called a smart a** and replied "better than a dumb a**"
Final score:
24points
Isidien Gudmundsdottir 3 years ago
My mom once called me a smart a** and I replied: "I'm just the apple who fell from a tree..." She Gibbs smacked me with a smile on her face....
#14
Ex-barmaid here.
We had called time and I went out to collect glasses from the punters and the tables. A particular, nasty regular was acting the big man in a group, and was nursing the dregs of his pint. I asked the guys to drink up and Manky man said to me 'suck my f@cking c@ck'
I dunno where it came from but I deadpanned him and said 'I would but there is so much cheese on it, it would keep me in sandwhiches for a week!' His groupies exploded with laughter as he slammed down his glass and flounced out of the pub.
He was so horrible, used to spit at me in the street after that, along with language best suited to a sailor! Ah, I don't miss those days.
Final score:
23points
#15
I would roast you but my mom said i can't burn trash.
Final score:
23points
RatBerries 3 years ago
One time I said this to some other person and they replied 'Darling, she's just worried for your safety. After all, you'd catch fire too.'
#16
The guy that I was with was being very LDO (Loud Drunk and Obnoxious) in a nice restaurant. When the waitress asked if we would like anything else I said, "Yes, may I have a different date please?" She said, "Sure thing! I'll go cruise the bar for you!"
He was poured into a cab and I drove my car home. We never met again.
Final score:
20points
#17
I'd argue with you but I refuse to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person.
Final score:
18points
#18
I was at the zoo. I was wearing a black hat with a veil and black roses, along with a spiked choker. I was taking a break in front of the sea lion exhibit when I saw some kids banging on the glass, as kids do. I went up to them. "Hey, don't tap on the glass. It scares them." An old lady who was probably their aunt or grandma or something was right behind me. "Pretty sure your look scares them more." I turned towards her. "Pardon?" She looked down at me. "You heard me. Your look scares them more." I stepped back, temporarily stung. After a moment, I smirked. "Good. That's the point." I walked away and sat back down on the bleachers, the family and the old lady walked away. I have to admit, it felt good to know someone thought I was scary.
Another occurrence was when my mom made a joke. My dad did a weird fake laugh thing. I interjected with "That laugh was so dry, it made the Gobe desert look like the Atlantic Ocean."
Final score:
17points
Cassie Ward-Renshaw 3 years ago
Im a goth & dress super quirky, i visit the zoo nearly every week and heard people making mean comments about me scaring the animals 😂 thing is the animals are scared of the loud rude people who bang on the glass & dont even like animals, the animals actually like me way more than any humans ever have they dont judge! I know all the animals names ive had lemurs untying my shoelaces, birds in the tropical house sitting on my arm(the keepers give me bugs to feed them), a fruit bat land on me (peed on me but i was honoured 😅), ive stroked the okapi on her lovely velvet nose & marjorie the tapir always comes to see me & blows me kisses with her trunk 😍 meanwhile the loud yelling people stand in an enclosure for 5 seconds yell ‘theres nothing in here!!’ and leave without seeing any animals!
#19
One of my coworkers was asking me what I was doing in the lunchroom and questioned why I was on break. I told him that I didn’t realize you were the hall monitor.
Final score:
17points
#20
(My comment about a photo of Trump posing with a baseball bat) - "My grandma would look more natural holding a bat - and she's dead."
Final score:
16points
#21
I was about 7 months pregnant with my third child and one of the many overly intrusive strangers I had to deal with came up and actually put her hand on my belly and asked when I was due. I tried to look offended and I said "I'm not". I never actually have seen anyone turn as red as that and she seemed speechless. I just walked away.
Final score:
16points
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
My mom met someone she knew in the hallway at church, and she was talking. At this time she was around 6 months pregnant with kid 10. She was talking about her pregnancy and this old lady came up and said "You're pregnant? Oh, I thought you were just getting fat." No savage comeback, sadly, but my mom was furious.
#22
Someone being judgmental - "Oh, is God hiring?"
Final score:
15points
#23
hmmmm... I don't know if this counts but I have a karen neighbor who I like to call Carrot bc her hair looks like a carrot to me and shes one of those "christian" karens, yk the ones who hate gay people and think "love thy neighbor" is conditional. Anyways, I have another neighbor who is really really cool and extremely self aware of his mentality because he has high functioning autism and some unknown mental illnesses. One day both are outside and he's making jokes about his autism because he got his final covid shot and she starts spouting completely seriously about conspiracy theories where the government puts trackers into the vaccine to watch us or something like that and he tries to talk with her for a minute but realizes the conversation is going in circles because she won't listen to any reasoning. He says "I don't want to argue so I'm just going to walk away" which to me seems extremely mature because he was self aware enough to walk away before getting angry/annoyed/upset, then my neighbor turns to me and starts talking bad about him saying hes so immature and its ridiculous that he would walk away when they weren't even arguing so I said something among the lines of "I'm going to do the same thing he did and walk away before this turns into an arguement too" but thats not all ppls, she goes "well of course you would take his side your a young person" like me being a teenager means I mindlessly follow other people? so I go "No i have my own opinions and my own feelings, me being younger has nothing to do with the fact that I agree with something he says or does" and then I walked away. Sorry if this was long.
Final score:
14points
Michigan Guy 3 years ago
it's okay. pics and advertisements take a lot more bandwidth than a simple set of parapraghs..
#24
At a wedding reception a very creepy older male in-law of my new sister-in-law took my 20-something sisters hand in a really passive aggressive way and started kissing up her arm saying some tripe about being a "beautiful girl".
Being in a "relaxed" state of mind instead of being aggressive in my own right I loudly declared: "unhand my sister you craven villain or I shall demand satisfaction on the field of valour" in the manner of a character in a period drama.
He let go like he'd be struck and scurried from the venue and didn't return. The look of gratitude from my sister was the most awesome I have ever received. She then began berating her soon to be ex boyfriend over his lack of action.
I have no idea where this perfect moment came from but created the ideal out come of humour and derision that highlighted his behaviour without escalation.
Later it became clear that he had been making inappropriate advances to many other women and girls as young as 12! If I'd known I might have assaulted him.
He was never seen in that family again.
Final score:
14points
#25
Playing catch football with the youth group outside, there’s this one cocky kid always saying/doing stupid stuff to get attention, when the pastor’s daughter threw the football, he yelled in front of everyone “ ohh that throw sucks, you throw like a lil girl” I just came out and said “ yeah she does, but she throws better then you” shut him up
Final score:
13points
#27
Had some guy tell me to suck his d#*k- I said I would if I could find it then asked for a magnifying glass and tweezers.
Final score:
11points
#28
This wasn't really a comeback but it was a really funny altercation. So I'm in a soccer match at Uni, I'm a defender so the striker is right next to me all game and he just keeps trash talking like, "oh yeah, your sister was great last night" and "the things she did...it was so dirty"...along those lines. So I'm just smiling along with him. So he's getting louder with it and more dirty until a teammate of mine got tired of it and was like, "dude, he doesn't even have a sister" and the guy was like "oh" so I replied, "I don't have any siblings so I was surprised to find out I had a sister, I'd love to meet her". Not as great as everyone else...it was just quite funny.
Final score:
10points
Georgia Hebert 3 years ago
You should have replied, "but I do have a brother...". It was probably better you didn't, though.
#29
Idiot: Are you gay
Me: No
Idiot: You dress like a gay person
Me: And you dress like a b*****
Final score:
8points
#30
Not mine, but I love this one. A friend of mine visited his parents while in university. One of his mums friends was over. Mum’s friend: “Wow, you’ve become fat.” Friend: “Wow, you’ve become old.”
Final score:
8points
#31
I work at a casino. Where people spend all their money. Then they leave either happy they won. Or sulking (some are good humoured about it either way)
And at one point someone was complain that they didn’t win again. And I showed sympathy in which they replied “well you can’t even gamble here”
In which I stated “ Yep, but I always win money when I clock out”
(And believe me. I gamble every day i clock in...🙄)
Final score:
7points
#32
F**k you?
Final score:
6points
#33
My husband and I were hooked on a video game several years ago.
He got stuck on a level and just couldn't beat it. I managed to beat that level quite easily, and was quickly passing one level after another, getting further and further ahead of him.
He comes in the room, sees how far ahead I was, and starts (jokingly) complaining and talking cr@p to me.
I simply responded with "Hey man, don't hate the player; hate the game!"
Final score:
6points
#34
Someone was talking, kept talking, wouldn't stop talking. I barely listened, just nodded when I had to. At some point I sneezed and my first reaction was: 'Oh, I'm sorry... I'm allergic to BS'
Everyone cracked up, talkative person stopped talking
Final score:
6points
#35
{for some context, my parents are in their late forties, and my mom was not at this event} My uncle and my dad were talking, and mentioned something about a nude beach. I then asked "What nude beach?" and my uncle answered "That's where your parents go in Mexico when you not invited." I then acknowledged my dad and said, "Why would they want to embarrass themselves like that?"
Final score:
5points
#36
|| This is when I visited a confectionary store ||
Shopkeeper ( Laughing) : Why are u so dark?
Me: Because I have more melanin . This makes me less prone to skin cancer.
Shopkeeper( Shrugging): What??!!
Me: Why r u so dumb?
Shopkeeper: *smiling in embarrassment*
P.S. I am an 17 yr old Indian with wheatish skin tone
Final score:
5points
#37
Me:Yeah I'm bi does that offend you
Rude kid: yeah rumor had it you kissed a girl.
Me: at least I have
Final score:
5points
#38
OK...I'll try to keep it clean.
A GF & I were out having dinner at a bar/restaurant when her ex walked over.
He was pretty drunk and yelled out, "How do you like that used pu*sy I left you?" I said, "It was just fine once I got past the 'used' part..." He walked away w/o another word....
Final score:
4points
#39
My friend's older brother always likes to roast me when I come over. I always roast him back into silence, but the best convo goes like this: (Lets call him boy)
Boy: Haha! Small brain! Small brain! (He was talking abt me)
Me: At least I got a brain b****h!
He didn't roast me for a couple weeks after that.
Final score:
3points
#40
my friend was telling me about a dream they had where their mum cut their hair off in the middle of the night to make a wig, and I said why would you want to make a wig out of a mop?
haha, we still laugh about it
Final score:
2points
#41
REALLY racist kid (we’ll call him chad) in my class was getting onto his friend (“dave”) for a “racist” comment (he had said that AFV was better when the white guy was the host, just marking eras with hosts bc we didn’t know names. He didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did) chad kept saying “dave you’re so racist” and when he was like “I’m not” chad said “well were you not here yesterday?”
At this point I’m fed tf up. Dave is probably the least horrible guy in that friend group so I go “have YOU not been here the entire year? You’re more racist than him!”
TL;DR: context: kid had said thing that could sound racist, wasn’t the intention and he clarified after. racist kid: “you’re so racist”. Not racist kid: “I’m not” Racist kid: were you not here yesterday Me, fed up with rk’s bs: have you not been here the entire year? You’re more racist than him
Final score:
-2points
What do you think ?
Ray Martin 3 years ago
So, here's a suggestion for Bored Panda: How about creating a site just for children, so we adults have this one back? Hopefully we could also lose the absurd censorship of "bad words" at the same time. Most of these seem to have been written by ten year old kids.
- K i l l j o y - 3 years ago
I really like that idea, but usually, sites that are aimed at people 16+ (or even 18+ sometimes) end up with kids way younger anyway. Take YouTube for example - you have to be 13+ to use it, but check out all the kids in the comments section (even if they are on their parent's accounts). Some mature videos are even intended for people 18+, but I can bet there are a lot of teenagers watching them too.
Load More Replies...
Axolotl King 3 years ago
Here's my story: So my sister and I aren't allowed to drink coffee (not that I want to anyways). I'm older than her btw. So recently after my birthday my mom finally decided that I was old enough to have coffee but she wasn't still. I still don't like coffee but I was excited because usually they treat us like the same age since we're only a year and four months apart. So anyways we were talking and eventually the conversation gets to her ranting about not being that much younger than me. Her: "I'm not that much younger than you!!" Me: "Okay, go get a cup of coffee then."
Ray Martin 3 years ago
So, here's a suggestion for Bored Panda: How about creating a site just for children, so we adults have this one back? Hopefully we could also lose the absurd censorship of "bad words" at the same time. Most of these seem to have been written by ten year old kids.
- K i l l j o y - 3 years ago
I really like that idea, but usually, sites that are aimed at people 16+ (or even 18+ sometimes) end up with kids way younger anyway. Take YouTube for example - you have to be 13+ to use it, but check out all the kids in the comments section (even if they are on their parent's accounts). Some mature videos are even intended for people 18+, but I can bet there are a lot of teenagers watching them too.
Load More Replies... Axolotl King 3 years ago
Here's my story: So my sister and I aren't allowed to drink coffee (not that I want to anyways). I'm older than her btw. So recently after my birthday my mom finally decided that I was old enough to have coffee but she wasn't still. I still don't like coffee but I was excited because usually they treat us like the same age since we're only a year and four months apart. So anyways we were talking and eventually the conversation gets to her ranting about not being that much younger than me. Her: "I'm not that much younger than you!!" Me: "Okay, go get a cup of coffee then."
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