Hey Pandas, What’s Your Biggest Secret?

What's your biggest secret?

I guess I'll go first then. The fact that I have ideations almost constantly. While my wife knows that I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety before leaving the military, I would never let her or my children know that these thoughts happen more than a few times a day. Don't have the time or money to go get seen, and the VA won't even entertain my claim since I haven't been going to be seen, so I live with it and this is the first time I've actually mentioned it to anyone.

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Lost Panda

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I have tried and failed 5 times to end myself over the last 20 years. Probably made many more attempts, half ar#ed but either fallen asleep or woke up to myself.
I’m lucky Australia has such strict gun laws or I’d already be gone.
I still think about it daily. I’m on medication and have been for years but it doesn’t seem to be working anymore.
I love my children so very much, however I always feel that they would be better off without me. I’m a complete failure as a mother, human and friend.

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