Hey Pandas, What’s Your Best Dad Joke? (Closed)

Just a dad joke, it dosn’t even have to be funny.

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Q: Where do bad rainbows go?

A: Prism. It's a light sentence though.

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Final score:

31points

Sebedie

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Michelle Horn 2 years ago

Two in one!👏🏻

4points

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I'm reading a horror book in Braille... Something's about to happen... I can feel it!

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Final score:

31points

Sebedie

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I was walking past a farm and a sign said "Duck, eggs"... I thought that was an unnecessary comma and then it hit me...

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Final score:

29points

Sebedie

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blobby_grrl 2 years ago

yeah, that took me longer than it should have

2points

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100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars... Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses... Clearly the stables have turned!

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Final score:

29points

Sebedie

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Emmie Corwin 2 years ago

Corny.🌽

3points

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar... but it's a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house... the difference is staggering!

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Final score:

25points

Sebedie

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Sir Guy 2 years ago

These jokes are so bad that they are good.

6points

Waiter: "How would Sir like his steak?"

Sir: "Like winning an argument with my wife"

Waiter: "Rare it is then"

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Final score:

21points

Sebedie

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JUINNO TAN Moe 2 years ago

of course

1point

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The Beastie Boys are releasing a 5 part anthology... parts A-D are for free, but you have to fight for your right to Part E!

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Final score:

18points

Sebedie

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Karen, not *that* Karen 2 years ago

Truly groan-worthy. 😅

0points

Child: Dad. I am hungry

Dad: Hi hungry. I am dad

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Final score:

18points

Elliot Fowler

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JUINNO TAN Moe 2 years ago

Child: dad I'm serious. dad: I thought you were hungry. child: WHAT THE F**K

3points

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I was walking down the street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, and 1MB...

It was a trip down Memory Lane.

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Final score:

15points

Sebedie

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Sushi Gurl 2 years ago

I don’t get it

3points

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#10

This is my step ladder....
I never knew my real ladder

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Final score:

15points

James Bailey

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Karen, not *that* Karen 2 years ago

One of my favorites!

0points

#11

Q: why dont seagulls fly over bays?

A: cus then they’d be bay-gulls, geddit?

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Final score:

13points

( ._.)

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#12

what do you call a deer with no eyes?
no idea.

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
still no idea

what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
still no f*^king idea.

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Final score:

13points

DOH!

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Luis Hernandez Dauajare 2 years ago

That took me an embarassingly long time...

0points

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#13

Poop jokes aren't my favourite kind of jokes... but they're a solid number 2!

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Final score:

13points

Sebedie

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Les G 2 years ago

I'm using that one tonight

0points

#14

Q: What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts cost $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.

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Final score:

13points

Mark Brown

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Hope Cows&Chickens 2 years ago

YES! Sorta naughty dad jokes that are also puns are the best!

1point

#15

Two men walked into a bar.

The third one ducked.

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Final score:

13points

RK Barbo

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Night Owl 2 years ago

The bar is very low for dad jokes

3points

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#16

This one my dad told me a while ago

Did you hear of the math teacher who was scared of negative numbers

She stopped at nothing to avoid them

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Final score:

13points

Pikachu

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Seb Benson 2 years ago

Nice!

0points

#17

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

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Final score:

10points

Nathaniel

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JUINNO TAN Moe 2 years ago

maybe a run

0points

#18

What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

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Final score:

10points

Rainbowskull13 (she/her)

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Michelle Horn 2 years ago

I think that's perfect

2points

#19

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A. A stick.

(fav joke ever)

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Final score:

10points

jen hadley

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Luis Hernandez Dauajare 2 years ago

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

0points

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#20

Whomever stop my copy of Microsoft Office I WILL FIND YOU... you have my word!

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Final score:

9points

Sebedie

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Seb Benson (Submission author) 2 years ago

Oppsie... typo, but can't edit :(

6points

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#21

Dad: What’s the first letter in “yellow”?

Kid: Y.

Dad: Because I want to know.

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Final score:

9points

Beth Bartel

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#22

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like?’.
I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’
She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’
‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.'

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Final score:

8points

Scagsy

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JUINNO TAN Moe 2 years ago

hey I'm just kidd... YOU ARE FIRED!!!

0points

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#23

My uncle got his tongue shot off during the war. He never talked about it

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Final score:

8points

Rex Green

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#24

6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down🤣🤣 ( this is my dad’s favorite)

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Final score:

8points

Da Dragon Queen

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Karen, not *that* Karen 2 years ago

When is it time to go to the dentist? ................................2:30!

1point

#25

Two snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other "Can you smell carrots?"

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Final score:

7points

Peej Maybe

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#26

My husband announced that he was divorcing me in a letter he left taped to the ceiling. Our marriage ended on a high note.

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Final score:

7points

SlothyK8

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#27

Woman in the bathroom hears knock on her front door, yells who is it? Voice from the door says, it's the police ma'am your husband has been run over by a steam roller. Woman says, can you slip him under the door, I'm in the shower.

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Final score:

7points

Patricia Manteuffel

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#28

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees?

Cause they're so dam good at it

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Final score:

7points

Boba_Queen7

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Stephanie Did It 2 years ago

How do you spot an elephant hiding in a tree? You look for his red tennis shoes. Why didn't you find the elephant in the tree? Because he's wearing his blue shoes today.

2points

#29

I have a few!! 1. What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint! 2. Some people think prison is just one word, however to a criminal it’s a whole sentence. 3. Shout out to anyone wondering what the opposite of in is.

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Final score:

7points

fifi.x

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#30

What do you call an albino alcoholic Rhinoceros?
An albino wino rhino

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Final score:

7points

Richard Graham

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Vasha 2 years ago

excellent

0points

#31

Q: What do you call a fish without eyes?
A: A fsh!

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Final score:

7points

Jesse Hoover

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#32

What is at the end of a rainbow?

The letter 'W'.

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Final score:

7points

Mini Yaya

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Magpie 2 years ago

Perfect example of how annoying dad jokes are. Perfect, so a vote up. :D

-1point

#33

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint 🤣

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Final score:

6points

That midget Jo :)

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#34

Why didn't Cleopatra realize she was in danger until it was too late?

Because she was Queen of Da Nile

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Final score:

6points

wowbagger

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#35

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!

(Then he’d always say, “get it? No-eye-deer!”, with such a happy look only seen immediately before, during or after a dad joke has occurred - we all know ‘the look’)

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Final score:

6points

Princess Consuela Banana-hammock

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Henry Myers 2 years ago

This is so wholesome!

0points

#36

I sure hope the rain keeps up.

Huh, why?

So it won't come down!

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Final score:

6points

steven Srok

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#37

Did you ever look up and see geese flying in a "V" formation?

Isn't that pretty?

Did you ever notice that one side of the "V" is usually longer than the other side?

Did you ever wonder why this is?

..because there's more gesse in that one line.

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Final score:

5points

Rannveig Ess (don't / care)

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#38

Which vegetable goes around in circles?

Spin-ach.

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Final score:

5points

Mama Penguin

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#39

So, the potato chip company owner was thinking of new products and was having trouble coming up with something. After a long day at work, he sat down in his chair at home, took off his shoes and socks. He exclaims: Ahhh, Fritos!

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Final score:

5points

Ozymandias73

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#40

The Dali Lhama (sp?) is in NYC and decides to get a hot dog from a vendor at a cart:

"Make me one with everything" and hands the vendor a $20 bill

The vendor assembles the dog and adds all the condiments, sauerkraut, onions, etc. and hands it over to the DL

DL says to the vendor,
"thanks, but where is my change, I handed you a $20

Vendor replies back, "all change must come from within !"

... I will see myself out!

-Actual Dad of 2

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Final score:

5points

Simon Eppstein

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#41

This is a series of jokes

How many elephants can fit in a Volkswagen Beetle?
Four-two in the front and two in the back!

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter!

How can you tell if two elephants have been in your fridge?
Two sets of footprints in the butter!

How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?
You can’t close the door!

How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?
Their Volkswagen Beetle is parked outside!

And then another set

How do you get an elephant into your fridge?
You open the door, put the elephant in, and then close the door!

How do you put a giraffe in your fridge?
You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and then close the door!

The lions want to have a meeting with all the animals. Who isn’t there?
The giraffe! The giraffe is still in the fridge!

I hope these made you laugh!

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Final score:

5points

AspenGalaxy

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Marina Fiore 2 years ago

Love them😂

2points

#42

What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo.

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Final score:

4points

Scagsy

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#43

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

Where's my tractor 🚜 🤣

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Final score:

4points

That midget Jo :)

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#44

Pete and Re-Pete were sitting on a fence. Pete hopped off, who was left?
Re-Pete.
Pete and Re-Pete were sitting on a fence. Pete hopped off, who was left?
Re-Pete!

Source: a YouTube video seen months ago

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Final score:

4points

Victoria Anderson

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#45

Q: How do you become a leg-end?

A: Perform mighty feets.

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Final score:

4points

Tuesday Next

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#46

10 yo me: Dad, where are we going?

Dad: Why, are you writing a book?

Me: Y...yeah!

Dad: Leave that chapter out and call it a mystery

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Final score:

4points

Saracynthiasylviasnout

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Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#47

What do you get when you push a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

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Final score:

4points

Krista Salerno

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#48

Why did the dolphin blush?

Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

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Final score:

4points

Mini Yaya

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#49

Never count on horses for encouragement. They're just a bunch of neigh-sayers.

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Final score:

3points

wowbagger

POST

#50

Why do nurses love red crayons? Because sometimes they have to draw blood.

What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.

Dad: did I ever tell you my corn joke?

Me: no.

Dad: shucks.

And then he threw a sheep, a drum, and a snake off a cliff. Bath-dum-hissss.

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Final score:

3points

Amy G

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Karen, not *that* Karen 2 years ago

So bad, they're great! Hahaha!

1point

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#51

A skeleton walks into a bar: He orders a beer and a mop.

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Final score:

3points

Cyndielouwhoo

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See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#52

I would do stand up comedy but I prefer to sit.

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Final score:

3points

Devil'sAdvocate

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#53

Q: Why did the toilet paper stop rolling down the hill?

A: It got stuck in a crack.

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Final score:

2points

enemjay82@yahoo.com

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#54

hear about the man with 5 penises? his pants fit him like a glove...

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Final score:

2points

K- THULU

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#55

I named my favorite cow Queen Victoria. She was not a-moo-sed.

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Final score:

2points

wowbagger

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#56

A hunter entered a bar & started a conversation with the person sitting next to him. Chatting for a while and seemingly hitting it off, the hunter asked his new pal, ‘You wanna hang out together again sometime?’ As to which his new friend replied, ‘Sure, I’m game!’ So the hunter shot him.

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Final score:

2points

Mr.Kris

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See Also on Bored Panda

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#57

Mom why don't we have chocolate milk because child your dad never came home with it

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Final score:

2points

I have been summoned

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#58

Jokes I made up:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
I know tyjits!
I know tyjits who?
Ooo you threatening me?

What kind of jacket does a cop wear?
- A pullover

Why did the kid put his Dad in the freezer?
- He was trying to make a pop-sicle.

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Final score:

2points

Dustin West

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#59

What is the oldest living organism?

Zebra.. cus it's black and white...

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Final score:

2points

Illyas Mohammed

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#60

Why was the fish in the fishbowl happy?

They had indoorfins (Endorphins)

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Final score:

2points

Grudge-holding Treefrog

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#61

How does a disabled gingerbread man get around?

He uses a tuilechair.

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Final score:

1point

Ryan C

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See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#62

People who eat people should be held a-cannabal.

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Final score:

1point

Dick Langenbach

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#63

Late for work, sitting on the toilet and super irritated.
Man, I don't have time for this sh*t!

source Report

Final score:

1point

ShyWahine

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#64

its not really a puncture, its just tyred

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Final score:

1point

les

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#65

My sister and I went to Paris a while ago. My sister saw a Ferris Wheel, and wanted to show me.

I told her it was called a Paris Wheel.

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Final score:

1point

DarkMatr126

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#66

I was a clumsy child but I begged my dad
for some boxing gloves anyway.
He surprised me on my birthday, saying,
"Knock yourself out, kid"

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Final score:

1point

Brian Morphy

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See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#67

That's intense-- and Not the camping kind!

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Final score:

1point

Lucy Telkamp

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#68

What are they going to call Bob the Builder, when he retires?

Bob

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Final score:

1point

Settled for Infamy

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#69

Dung beetle walks into a bar, looks around and decides to leave. All the stools were taken.

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Final score:

1point

Geoff Pearce

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#70

Remember: you can only ran in a campground, because it’s past tents.

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Final score:

1point

Richard Samul

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#71

there's a line of people waiting to punch you in the face. . . . . . that's the punch line.

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Final score:

1point

WoodenLion

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#72

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Elephino...

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Final score:

1point

Khall Khall

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Karen, not *that* Karen 2 years ago

I see what you did there!

0points

See Also on Bored Panda

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#73

My dad and I every time we pass a graveyard..

My dad: "You know people are doing to get in there..🤪😝"

Me: 😑🤦‍♀️

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Final score:

1point

Actively Lazy Cat

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Actively Lazy Cat (Submission author) 2 years ago

Not sure how to edit but I made a small typo..the word doing is supposed to say dying..sorry guys

0points

#74

What is invisible and smells like earthworms?

Bird farts!

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Final score:

0points

Tinley's Aunt

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#75

The internet’s gone

Looks like we need to start putting up some missing posters

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Final score:

0points

POST

#76

Q: what would the country be called if Canada and the United States combined?

A: the United States of Eh

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Final score:

0points

Tanner Nelson

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#77

Son: What is a dad joke?
Dad: IDFK

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Final score:

0points

Glasia van Duivels

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#78

Why did Adele cross the street? So she could call from the other side.

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Final score:

0points

Mr.Kris

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See Also on Bored Panda

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#79

WHAT DID 0 SAY TO 8?
NICE BELT
HAHAHAHA

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Final score:

0points

Potato

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#80

Best joke I have heard listening to comedy radio:
For father's day my kids got me a gift certificate good for 1 full body massage at a local parlor.
I have never had a good massage before so I thought what the heck and went down there the next day.
Expecting an oriental woman masseuse I was quite surprised when a man with a French accent entered the room. I figured as long as he knew what he was doing I guess it doesn't matter after all a massage is a massage.
So I'm lying on my back in my underwear and he is working his magic on my shoulders and it's feeling really nice. At that moment I get embarrassed and ask him "this is my first good massage so forgive me when I ask you, is it common to get an erection?" He replies "actually it happens quite often if not every time I give a nother man a massage" to that I reply "well to each his own but could you get it out of my face?"

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Final score:

0points

Dustin West

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#81

Child: Dad, I feel funny...

Dad: go ahead and laugh then.

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Final score:

0points

Indosidius

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#82

"knock knock" "who's there" "you" "you who?" "yoohoo! big summer blowout!"

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Final score:

0points

notreallyraine (they/them)

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#83

My favorite: What do you call a seagull flying over the bay? ... A bagel!

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Final score:

0points

Jess Bosarge

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#84

What did the cop say to his belly button ?
your under a vest!!!

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Final score:

0points

bigboy10809

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#85

two elephants fell off a cliff - boom boom

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Final score:

0points

Rob Woollard

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#86

My grandfather (Dad's Dad) had one, but it hasn't aged all that well. I still think it's kind of funny though.

Q: How can you tell the difference between boy and girl potatoes?

A: The boys only "have eyes" for the girls.

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Final score:

0points