Hey Pandas, What’s The Worst Relationship You’ve Ever Been In?

Just rant.

I was an outcast socially growing up, bullied a lot, so I never dated until college. My freshman year, in an effort to try and be more outgoing and meet more people, I ultimately ended up meeting a girl. She ended up coming on to me and we dated for a time. Short version, things ended when she cheated on me with another guy. I know for a fact because she told me quite explicitly how much better he was than me. Two weeks later she was engaged to be married. To a third guy.

That's not the worst relationship though, that was just the background.

While recovering from that heartbreak, I met another girl. At the time, I had no intention of getting into another relationship, I'd just been hurt pretty badly. And she was dating someone else, her high school sweetheart. But we became friends and talked often. I actually spent a lot of time 'patching things up' between the two of them. The guy was, frankly, a jerk and did not treat her well, and she would come to me for advice when she was upset. I, in turn, tried to help her, encouraged her to salvage their relationship. Then came the car crash. She was in a terrible accident, one bad enough she shouldn't have survived, let alone walked away nearly unharmed. But after that she would have terrible nightmares. And I was the only one who could calm her down enough she could sleep. Not long after, she came to me with a new problem. She'd met a new guy, was starting to fall for him, and she didn't know what to do. Being young and foolish, I was surprised when she finally revealed it was me. That same young and foolishness is why I trusted her when I said she would have to break things off with the other guy.

We got together for a time. But again, keeping it short, the end of that relationship was with her admitting that she was deliberately trying to push me into committing suicide. Her reasoning was that, after meeting me, her high school sweetheart "no longer lived up to (her) standards, because her new standards were (me)." In other words, I made her realize he was a jerk and other people would treat her better, and now all her dreams of 'happily ever after' with him were gone. And in retaliation she sought to hurt me enough that I would commit suicide.

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Doctor Strange

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Hard to pinpoint. There were the narcissistic, physically and psychologically abusive parents and the relatives, neighbors and teachers who watched it happen and did nothing to stop it. Then there was the lying, lowlife brother who has been to prison twice and is a registered sex offender. Then there was the girlfriend who dumped me after I joined the military in order to build a future for us together. Can't forget the ex-wife who suffered from numerous phycological and neurological problems for 25 years before we met but blamed me for causing them. Oh, and she was also physically abusive and used me as well as her elderly parents as punching bags. Lastly there are my two stepdaughters who I lifted out of poverty by marrying their mother but still worshipped their substance abusing father while they abused their mother and stole from me. Take your pick. I can't really decide.

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For 20 long years my worst relationship was with my alcoholic self. Please get help. And if you are aware of a mate spiraling please offer assistance but not at the risk of yourself. Take care beautiful pandas.

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Doozle bug

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TLDR : Violent Cheating Wife... Divorce ensures.

Hi all, first time posting.
15 years ago met my future ex-wife... Thought she was a Gem : Cute, Bio-Engineer... Things where great (as always) in the beginning. A few years into the marriage, when we argued, she started getting physically violent...

Ex n* 2368 : got to work 2 hours late, Manager saw me and gestured me into his office. I was like "really sorry Boss" (thinking what excuse i could come up with fast) He holds his hand up "it's not about your time of arrival, she's gonna m**o k**l you !" He saw my bruises, not the ones underneath my shirt... I was like "nah i'm handling it"... I was handling nothing, 'thought if i can't take a hit from the wify, how am i able to protect her'...

Never been a good people reader, did not see the 356 Red Flags.
During an argument, turned on our daughter, then 5, shouted "Do you know your father does not love you ?" I was stunned.

One day (i work in IT) i saw a new device on my home network.
She works 10min walk away and lunches at home. She usually tells me if she had friends over for lunch but during 2 weeks, the same new device pooped up on my network... I get suspicious and ran home, she's worried seeing me.
I go CQB in my flat and find (a rather hairy a**) hidding under my daughter's bed... Imma gonna off him but thought of our daughter... Went back to work.

blah blah it was a mistake won't happen again... ok...

3 weeks later he returned during lunch time, i thought he was gonne flee by the window...

I start the divorce.
Didn't want to tell the cheating wicked witch of the South mother of my child to leave the flat, i'll go myself... In Guest room for now, she remains violent. Had enough, packed & gave her the finger.

9 months of couch surfing / the streets, a friend moving in with her BF would rent out her little flat, i take up the offer.

Now happily divorced the last 5 years, have a mistress called Sony PS4 Pro. Witch scrambling to find a finance to buy my shares of our flat, will sell if she's unable.

I see my daughter 1 weekend every 2 weeks & half the holidays. She's cheerful & loves me.

Oh almost forgot : Just recovered from PTSD, ex is confirmed bi-polar (my fault of course & doesn't take meds). Took me 10 years to figure out Witch is a Narcissist.

Stay Safe Pandas

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TLDR: Drug addict who stalked me, SAed me and went to jail... good times (sarcasm)

So... when I was 17 (like 2 wks before I turned 18) I met a guy who was 24 (I didn't realise his age at the time). We met on the bus, he lied about going to my uni to try to impress me (not realising I knew immediately that he was lying) and I found him a welcomed change from the usual guys in my classes so we got to chatting and he ended up asking me out.

He portrayed himself as a pothead, social-smoker, social drinker who takes care of his ailing mother and who had had his heart broken by some woman prior. He put me on a pedestal and was clingy.

Over the course of our relationship I realised he had understated a number of things about himself...

1. he wasn't a pothead, he was a full on drug addict... in fact I never saw him smoke weed in the 2-3months we were together. I absolutely saw him popping a tonne of pills and other things. He would say he was hanging with 'friends' which actually meant he was passed out on the floor of his dealer's (crack)house.
2. he was a chainsmoker. He went through about 2 packs a day
3. he was an alcoholic-- he was frequently drunk by 10am-- and he worked in restaurants.
4. he owed his dealer alot of money-- but more on that later lol.

The first time he went on a bender... he just went MIA for 3 days, left me a vm begging me to come help him... by the time I got a location and showed up I realised that he was at a crackhouse two blocks from my uni. I found him facedown in the basement with like 5 other guys strung out lying on dirty mattresses and stairs and such. That's when I met his dealer who henceforth refused to call me by my name and instead call me 'halfbreed' as a term of endearment and took a particular interest in me which was absolutely repulsive. I helped my bf home and waited for him to sober up so he could explain

That's when I found out that he owed alot of money to his dealer, in fact, because he was also an alcoholic, essentially he would drink at work for half price until he was cut off every day and any amount he made went immediately into going to other bars and continuing to drink. So when it came time to pay for his drugs... there wasn't a penny left. He asked me to spot him and I told him absolutely not and he needed to clean up his act.

I think, because I was 18 and pretty naive... I hoped that being a positive force in his life might help him figure himself out.

I'm cutting down alot of details... but to run through the points quickly, not in order just grouped by description...
He let his dealer get handsy with me; he left me in a locked car with his dealer who kept feeling me up; he sat quietly while his dealer talked to his friends about all the things he would do with me; he literally asked his dealer if giving him me to sleep with would settle his tab; then actually asked me if I would do it. He tried to force me to have sex with him in a crack den after being MIA for over a week. He intentionally sabotaged a condom and filmed us having sex without my knowledge or permission.

The final straw came when I was having a PTSD attack and he (being high and), seeing that I was crying but otherwise frozen... shoved me, used zipties and did what he wanted since I couldn't put up much of a fight at that point in time-- then forgot me in his basement because he wanted to smoke, saw he was out of cigarettes, left, bought some, smoked them, got high and then heard me screaming from his basement and finally remembered I was there--

On top of all those glaring red flags-- he also complained if I looked too nice, accused me of coming onto guys and cheating on him. He would freak out if I didn't reply instantly etc, just an all around jack a*s. I broke up with him and that's when I realised what I had seen was the tip of the iceberg.

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Hales

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TL:DR - No, I didn't die, but it was a close call. Men often suffer in silence, but you aren't alone.

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One of my ex's started out just amazing: She was highly intelligent, fluent in 3 languages, Masters in Business, beautiful, great job, nice place. We are both artists so creativity flourished when we were together.

Out of the blue...she looses her job, then her apartment. Asks to move in. We had been together about 6 months and I wasn't crazy about the idea, felt forced/rushed. My previous relationship ended VERY suddenly so I was careful about moving too fast. But she just needed a place to stay before her new job started. Had an apartment lined up too.

What then happened next was a descent into a nightmare. Got fired from the new job, lost her next apartment because she didn't have income. She started acting VERY strange...thinking the neighbors were coming to kill us, staying up all night with a knife listening to the walls for the rats. I lived in a brick and metal loft. Her paintings went from colorful landscapes to black scratches, harsh lines and cut up canvas.

Eventually, she started punching and cutting herself, demanding sex or she would call the cops and claimed I beat her. "Who do you think they're going to believe?" She would scream. I had nowhere to go...Family lives out of state, I was frankly embarrassed to tell my friends, and all the emergency shelters are women only in my area. She had been there long enough that she was legally considered a tenant, so if I filed eviction papers, the land lord would be notified and I would be kicked out too, because that was a violation of my lease.

Eventually, I convinced her to move into a new place because I would pay for it. She moved out. 24 hours later, I get a knock on my door at 2am from 4 police officers doing a safety check. She had called her sister and told her she was coming to kill us both because she knew I didn't want her anymore.

Last I heard, she was in a therapy for her bi-polar and meth addiction. I had no idea she had gone off her meds, or that she even took them. Drugs too...

So guys...if you are reading this and you're not in a good place. You are NOT alone. Read that last sentence again.There is a way. You may not see it now, but there is. Stay strong. You will overcome this.

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Kurtz Frausun

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Was with a guy for a while. He had some mental illness, but was on meds and going to therapy. He was a decent guy, but everything had to revolve around his mental illness. I have depression myself and take anti-depressants, but this guy was on a whole new level. He was very emotionally stunted. I had to take him to the hospital one time. It turned out to be a severe panic attack. I felt bad for him, but he wanted me to yell at the nurse to take him seriously. He even called his mother and his aunt and they tried pressuring me to yell at the nurse. (Obviously, I didn't). I'm a pretty patient person, but he was using his illness as an excuse for everything. For spending too much money, for slacking off at work, etc. He was a sweet guy, but he didn't want to be responsible. When he dumped me, it hurt at first. But now I see that I dodged a bullet.

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Joy

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My mother, and my brother. She died just before Christmas, and I'm not sad. Neglect from a narcissistic parent, while enduring abuse from a sibling. Bonus, a disconnected, oblivious, alcoholic father. Oi. I'm over 50 and still in therapy. But, I'm doing it! You can too. Be the good person you wanted, needed and deserved in your life. Break the cycle.

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Orwell

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I was bullied enough that I pulled a knife on a kid in middle school. No one was hurt. I'd never intended to harm anyone, I just wanted to scare my bullies, take my power back a little bit.

This all happened long before school violence had become so prominent.

I often wonder what would have become of me had I grown up in the current system, and how different things are today from when I was a kid. Was the system to blame for how I was treated and my reaction to it? Were my bullies?

But I think what weighs heaviest on me is how close I may have come to doing something drastic. I consider myself well-adjusted today, but I think about that a lot.

I also wonder what became of the bullies. I'm the one who got in trouble for that incident. They got to claim themselves as the victims. I wonder if the truth ever bothers them. I wonder what they'd say if we met again as adults.

I hated that time in my life. How I reacted wasn't cool, but I wouldn't wish that kind of treatment on anyone.

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Angelshark

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#10

he tried to run me over. my friends weren't pleased. they helped him to know it was a bad thing

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tee-lena

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#11

the one where she was NOT, in fact, a lesbian like me, but was just a straight girl using me to get to my guy best friend. (he rejected her, couldn't believe she would do that to me.)

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bean overlord (she/they)

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#12

I asked a girl out to a ceilidh and she said yes we had a great time. The next day I was texting her (as we lived in different cities) then I asked to make sure if she knew I was asking her out she didn’t and broke up with me 15 hours after asking her out

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Andreas Scott

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#13

She constantly belittled me, showed me off to her friends as a way to get sympathy “look at what i’m stuck with!”, used me for comfort while never giving any in return, insulted me for my weight and always brushed off my concerns about it with “i’m only joking!” It all came crashing down when she answered a VIDEO CALL with some dude halfway down her throat.

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