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#1

"I DONT HAVE TIME TO BE DEPRESSED TODAY EMILY"

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    #2

    "Oh no, that part of me isn't tickly anymore"
    HE WAS TALKING TO HIMSELF NOBODY WAS THERE

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    #3

    "He has a gun, but that's easy to dodge, it's the cards I'm scared of."
    "How are you dying to cards?"
    "They're hard to dodge?"
    "AND A GUN ISN'T?!"

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    #4

    “The masculine urge to rub my d*ck with sandpaper.”

    Like wtf was the conversation about??? 💀

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    #5

    "GRAPEFRUIT!"
    -wise words of Some Kid in the Emergency Room
    Later, I learned from a friend about a trick he learned as a kid: When you're about to sneeze, put your finger under your nose and say grapefruit...

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    #6

    "I WILL PUT A SCALP/ITALIAN JAPANESE MAFIA BOSS WHO PUT ONIONS IN PASTA EATING FOREST LIZARD IN YOUR BED IF YOU DON'T FREAKING SHUT YOUR FACE HOLE!"

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    #7

    Not me but a friend overheard someone say:
    “I wanna have sex with that pickup truck”

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    #8

    BECAUSE OF THE FRICKING TIDE PODS!

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    #9

    "No! Then go to the bathroom!"

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    #10

    “Nobody cares about your knowledge”- wise words by my wise teacher during a conversation with some classmate

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    Cosmologist interntobe (he/him
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oof. I would egalitarian with that teacher. It could go 3 ways. Either the teacher snaps at you, tells you what happened, or tells you politely that it was a private matter. If the first one happens, tell another adult at the school that you trust. For the others, just continue on with ur day.

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    #11

    I have many sayings that are funny without context as well with context.

    "You did grow boyfriends in your bathtub once."
    "1977: when dinosaurs went extinct."
    "Waves not serial killers."
    "Y'all aren't seals nor birds."
    "I'm a f*****g emo Irishman, leave me alone"
    "I feel like a king and a peasant at the same time."

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    #12

    "Just lick it and stick it in"

    - My last year's magnet teacher

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    #13

    Me and my bsf have an entire list lol. Here’s some
    Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to run you over
    Do you mind if I murder someone next to you?
    Ohh so that’s why you were dead
    Nice I wouldn’t mind throwing a baby or two
    Don’t eat macaroni and cheese off my toes

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    #14

    The people at my school are very strange.

    "Is sawdust magnetic?"

    "I PROMISE everyone had their clothes on. I promise."

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    #15

    Anything can be taken out of context, if you try hard enough.

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    #16

    I was doing an online study course and someone unmuted on a zoom call and asked if anyone had ever licked a public toilet

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    #17

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