Hey Pandas, What’s The Funniest Thing You’ve Ever Overheard? (Closed)

Ex: " The zombies were just vibing".

Years ago, on the bus, I saw a teenaged girl hand her friend a baggie of Saltines and slices of cheddar. The friend ate the snack in silence, then said, "Yeah, it's weird. My father doesn't believe in the power of cheese."

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Final score:

58points

Pirates of Zen Pants

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TheGayBanana 2 years ago

That’s one cult I’ll join

25points

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I don't know that it exactly counts as overheard but one night, when my daughter was about 10 years old, I tiptoed into her bedroom while she was asleep to put some laundry away. She suddenly sat up in bed, stared at me with wide-open eyes, and hissed, "The pigs don't think it's funny on the moon." Then she lay back down as though nothing had happened.

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Final score:

47points

Jennik

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Yoga Kitty 2 years ago

Keep that in mind the next time you are planning to send some poor pigs to the moon - they don't think it is funny up there. You have been warned!

31points

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Overheard these woman at my work one day talking about blood donation. The first was trying to second to donate with her.
1: "Come on! You can do something good for someone who needs it"
2: "Im telling you I don't have the money to donate!"
1: "Wha- what are you talking about? It's free. The only money your spending is on gas."
2: "Well if they aren't getting money for it than what the hell do the get out of it?"
1: "... You're kidding right?"
2: *Rude shrugging motion*
1: "Blood. They're getting the blood out of it. That's why its called a BLOOD DONATION "
2: "I seriously doubt blood pays for the clinic"
1: "No WE pay for the clinic "
2: "so it DOES cost money!"
1: "NO! Have you never heard of taxes??"
2: "I don't pay taxes."
1: "WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS!! TAXES COME FROM YOUR PAYCHECK. THATS WHY YOU GET A TAX RETURN! ITS NOT JUST FREE MONEY ONCE A YEAR!"
2: "WELL IF THEY'RE GIVING IT BACK THEN HOWS IT GOING TO THE CLINIC?! HUH ANSWER ME THAT!"
1: *Frustrated groan*

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Final score:

43points

Hannah

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M Kawai 2 years ago

You can't argue with stupid... you will never win.

37points

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Overhead as a waitress - 3 roughly 60something Midwestern "good-ole-boys" types -

"Jim not coming?"

"Nah, wasn't feeling up to it, bad day, he's got that brain thing guys got when they came back from 'Nam, what'sit called again? Post something?"

"Post partum depression?"

"Yeah, that one!"

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Final score:

41points

Elizabeth Milliken

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April Dancer 2 years ago

Close, lol

11points

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Also, my best friend's college roommate woke up from a nightmare, looked her dead in the eye, and said, "But I don't have an apple tree. I DON'T HAVE AN APPLE TREE!"

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Final score:

40points

Pirates of Zen Pants

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Jacek Piotrowicz 2 years ago

Give Them banana tree!

7points

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I was in line at the 99 Cent Only Store. The guy in front of me noticed they had pregnancy tests. He asks his girlfriend, "Say, love, do you want one of the 99 cent store pregnancy tests." She replied, "Well, love, I might need one if you're buying those 99 cent store condoms." (They actually called each other "love," even though I live in the US where nobody does that.)

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Final score:

37points

Karl der Große

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Little Phoenix 2 years ago

I always call my wife"love", she gets upset when I call her by her real name 🤣

6points

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I’m sure everyone knows those “demonic whispers,” tracks they play in probably every horror movie, right? I was watching a foreign horror movie, and the whisper track came on. I thought I heard something strange, so I rewound it ans sure enough, one of the whispering “demons” clearly (but whispering), “Monkey’s uncle.”

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Final score:

30points

Ladyboneyard

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Zoecat 2 years ago

Demon monkeys, they’re everywhere!😈

12points

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Visiting a National Trust house - wandering around the rooms - there’s a little girl with her parents and in every room she asked “did somebody die in here?” 😂. The last comment I heard was from her mum who said to her “ You’re obsessed. No one died here!” 😂

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Final score:

29points

Jono

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Yoga Kitty 2 years ago (edited)

My best guess would be that in every house old enough to be of interest for the National Trust somebody died somewhen in the past. Surely not in every room, but in the house as a whole. Maybe someone told them earlier in another house that some famous person died there and the little girl remembered that? Either that or she is seeing the dead people and wondering what they are doing there...

16points

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I walked by the living room as my dad was watching a baseball game. He kept muttering, "We're not having cheetos tomorrow. We're not having cheetos tomorrow!"

I don't know why he was acting so strange, but he was right--we did not eat any cheetos the next day.

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Final score:

28points

Veronica Rabbit

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Michelle C 2 years ago

I wonder if the dad was sleepwalking!!

10points

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#10

Heard a mother ask her kid "How did you fit a piece of Lego in your nostril in the first place?"

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Final score:

28points

Looks like an Angel

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Harvey Oakes 2 years ago

Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery carefully

10points

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#11

“Dad, I’d like to see you drunk sometime. I’d like to see you doing snow angels on the hardwood floor yelling photosynthesis.”

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Final score:

28points

Sherry Ofus

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Harvey Oakes 2 years ago

MY GOD WOT HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

7points

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#12

Overheard a friend say "my brother ate the stick out of the fun dip and asked me what to do with the leftover powder. I told him to snort it. Pretty much spent the rest of the day saying 'It burnss'" I choked on my pizza when I heard it.

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Final score:

27points

Tanner Nelson

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Harvey Oakes 2 years ago

This. This made me have a ****fit when I heard it

8points

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#13

I work at a cafe and a customer came in and said, "Hey so you know, my kid did a covid test on an orange and it tested positive."

Ok wut?

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Final score:

26points

Bonnie Szabo

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weatherwitch 2 years ago

It's like when people use them on their pets and it comes up positive... Apparently they are Not suitable for the diagnosis of Covid in animals! It's also a huge waste of a vital piece of diagnostic equipment too 😒

19points

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#14

I feel bad for the person at my table who wasn't in my friend group, that had to listen to me ramble about murderous robot penguins because I was angry with a math question

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Final score:

26points

HELLUVA SEAGULL

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Deutschland Mädchen 2 years ago

Wow I would love to be in that friend group

15points

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#15

6th grader 1: Can I call you Sarah?
6th grader 2: Yeah, that's my NAME!!
Weirdest part was, they were best friends??

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Final score:

24points

Doofenshmirtz (she/her)

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Jacek Piotrowicz 2 years ago

Ohhh... so I'm gonna cal You Lisa.

6points

#16

"walked behind a super hot chick yesterday, except when she turned around it was a dude"

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Final score:

24points

Jeroen

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JoyfulZebra 2 years ago

Happens to the best of us

6points

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#17

At the fish stand at the weekly market, there was a man with two blond children on a bicycle. A girl about 4 years old and a boy about 2 years old. Suddenly the father says to the salesman: "Actually, the two are twins, one was just longer in the freezer."

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Final score:

23points

Tinka

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#18

Standing in a queue behind 2 elderly women, I heard one say to the other, about someone they obviously both knew, "I didn't realise she was as old as that" to which the other replied "oh, I did, I've seen how far her socks come up"

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Final score:

20points

April Dancer

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JMA_BUI 2 years ago

Old expression....😆

0points

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#19

Overheard two women as they walked by outside of my work in a very well-to-do neighborhood. "If it wasnt for all the botox, I'd cry. Or smile. Or something!"

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Final score:

20points

Marla

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JMA_BUI 2 years ago

I'll never understand the whole botox thing. 🙄

6points

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#20

When I was 7 or so, I was in the kitchen g, making an afternoon snack, when my 4yr sister was watching Dora.

4: *is watching dora*

Dora: "Do you want to come?"

4: "no"

Dora: Great! let's go!

4: * is screaming and running from the TV*

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Final score:

20points

samuel the (???)

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

That sounds like something I would do lol

3points

#21

Guy 1 - "Where have you been?"
Guy 2 - " Sorry my tummy weren't well cos I ate 20 chicken nuggets.

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Final score:

19points

Rocket ship

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Sol (They/Them) 2 years ago

Pathetic. I've eaten 50 chicken nuggets in one sitting and I've never been sick! /s

10points

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#22

I was on at my best friend's house and she thought I was downstairs when she ran into her brother's room and told him to stop wanking BC she could hear him moaning. He was 11 and looked so shocked that someone realised his "well hidden secret" lmaooo

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Final score:

18points

Soupyx

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Linda Csapo 2 years ago

But how come YOU witnessed this? Where were you?

4points

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#23

I was at band camp, and I overheard parts of a conversation some of my classmates are having. Apparently, one of them had a brother pass away, but it wasn't a big deal to them anymore. Then, a few seconds later I hear "Nah, cuz he just got aidropped into God's living room." I had to pretend I didn't hear anything, but it was so funny and caught me of guard.

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Final score:

17points

Alyn Mann

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Helen Downey 2 years ago

"This one time, at band camp!"

4points

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#24

So she invited us for dinner but it was Ethiopian and all puddles...

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Final score:

16points

Phred

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Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago

I was a volunteer tutor for a young Ethiopian woman years ago, and she once made me "wat," an Ethiopian stew. I found it tasty, but the word "puddles" here is kind of poetic!

8points

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#25

I've overheard two girls talking when I was travelling through bus.. They were like reading bio and one of them said "what would happen if the nervous system gets nervous?"

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Final score:

16points

Samiksha

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Heather Vandegrift 2 years ago

Anxiety, migraines, bone shattering fatigue, tremors, brain fog, dissociation, aka ME/CFS or MS (essentially these diseases are a result of an overstimulated hypersensitive nervous system finally breaking down)

13points

Samiksha (Submission author) 2 years ago

Oooh I wasn't knowing this... Thnks for telling

2points

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Harvey Oakes 2 years ago

Wait. Hold up. That's me

3points

Samiksha (Submission author) 2 years ago

Hehehe really??

1point

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Jacek Piotrowicz 2 years ago

Just Matrix.

2points

Linda Csapo 2 years ago

Restless leg syndrome. I suffer from it. Really horrible disease, with no proper medication available...

1point

Samiksha (Submission author) 2 years ago

Try going to a doc...

0points

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Nekwasa Rapheal 2 years ago

lol

0points

JMA_BUI 2 years ago

Shock.

0points

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#26

Not overheard, said. Now, my friend and I still haven't reached a verdict as to who said what in this convo but it went like this: "gosh it's dark here, how do blind people go out at night" " they don't go out at night" and our friend who answered "they're blind! They don't care either way!"

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Final score:

15points

OneHappyPuppy

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JMA_BUI 2 years ago

This is just pointless.

2points

#27

Friends: KEEP THE CAT IN THE BAG

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Final score:

14points

Harvey Oakes

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Harvey Oakes (Submission author) 2 years ago

Explaination! I think that the were talking about a secret, but for all I know they were talking about a cultural revolution

11points

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#28

At the height of Rick and Morty's popularity, I was doing an internship in an open office space and overhead one end of a phone call. I'm glad I wrote it down at the time!
"I spoke to a gentleman named Rick yesterday - he was supposed to send me an email... If you could recite his last name... Yes, he was supposed to send me an email with his contact information... Yes, he mentioned something along the lines of... Yes, I enjoyed speaking with him... Yes, he did, he did... It was something like 5.99... Maybe it's a case, maybe it isn't... Yes, I'm on my computer right now."
And later
"Yes, my wife wants me to get a whole new office. I think I had too much exposure... You know, 'need your name address, date of birth, social security number...'
... Thanks Jay."
I sometimes still think about some poor dude getting scammed by Rick Sanchez

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Final score:

13points

Parker Shaw

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Linda Csapo 2 years ago

I don't get it. Care to explain?

9points

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#29

I was on an airplane going to *somewhere* and the family in front of us… usually I would be annoyed but their situation was hilarious! One of the kids broke their headphones and was upset because they wanted to watch whatever 4year olds watch these days, and that was a big thing. Skip to towards the end of the flight, they had to stop at Chicago to go on another flight and then apparently the flight got canceled? I still sometimes find myself wondering if they made it to where they were going in time.

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Final score:

4points

SharkTheCatt

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Linda Csapo 2 years ago

Am I missing something?

9points

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#30

i don't even remember when this was but I was sitting next to my friend Kiwi who was looking at smth on her computer and she just exclaims "who took all the cheese!" and yeah that was weird.

Another time, (and this was about the same friend, mind you,) our friend ms. featherduster says
"Kiwi we still need your wattpad history"
and Kiwi goes, "ur not getting my wattpad history"
and im like "kiwi what are you hiding"
and she doesn't respond but she's ace so in my head im just thinkin
"girl i KNOW the only thing u be hidin is some fluff and prolly weird crackfics but ok get it ig"
and yes i know y'all didn't ask for backstory but go off ig
sry it's crappy and long idek if this fits the question lol

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Final score:

3points