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Hey Pandas, What’s Something That Looks Suspicious Out Of Context?
For example, I was talking about a tradition my dad's university has (setting benches they built on fire after they win a particular game) and I said, "So basically it's legal arson" at the EXACT MOMENT the principal walked by.
The look on her face is something I will treasure for YEARS.
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#1
So... my parents, their friends and I were put for dinner. My mum (the only poc other than me there) didn't say much because she wasn't feeling well. It's also worth noting that this was in February so I was quite pale and could easily pass for white st a quick glance. This is relevant, I promise.
We were discussing the importance of good bloodlines and correct breeding to keep out undesirable traits. Because we all knew that we were talking about dogs, we didn't really say dogs. My aunt spoke very passionately on the subject in a thick German accent esp after a few drinks. She slammed her glass down and exclaimed that the rat (terrier) nose she had seen that day was the most hideous snout she had ever seen and that it's too prevent ugliness like that why bloodlines need to be monitored more closely-- this in particular elicited many glares from people. Our friends was like,
"did you see that Black (lab) today? Now that was what the blacks should be-- like if there were more blacks who worked that hard and looked like that-- maybe I'd buy one! Be good in field, better than who I have now. See my issue with Blacks though is they are so aggressive, they are bred badly and the aggression is not worth the risk. I don't trust them in my home." Our waiter was light-mixed south african and he overheard this and was like, 'keep your voices down, you can think what you want but i won't let you spread talk like that here, where I'm from alot of people thought that for a long time and quite frankly it is sick.'
And absolutely kudos. But... at the time... we all just burst out laughing which made him much more annoyed and he asked us to please leave. Me, realising he needed some explanation explaned, with pictures that we were talking about dogs, many of us are breeders, judges or competitors, we had just finished a show and were just discussing it. I also very loudly was like "my aunt isn't a nazi, she's just a drunk German with a passion for dogs-- the rat terrier had an extreme face from overbreeding which is cruel. She's very against bad traits being in. "
To further not be helpful, she hugged me and felt the need to tell everyone that we all loved black people; that I'm mixed; and if she were a nazi she wouldn't have wanted a mutt for a niece... luckily... a quick reiteration that she couldn't handle liquor and that I was good with that as a nickname amongst family & friends so it wasn't racist was enough to let us stay which was great because the tiramisu was the best I'd ever had. I also became friends with the easier who turned out to be the owner. He sat down with us and joined in on our conversation about black labs.
Ftr I'm not hard dissing on black labs but at the time, probably 14yrs so now the breeding was a tad sketchy and some less desirable traits were really coming through.
Final score:
11points
RELATED:
#2
The entire conversations me and my one of my best friends about the best ways to hide a body, our favorite murder cases, etc. But I can assure you, we’ve gotten some strange faces from strangers.
Final score:
7points
Bisexual Axolotls 1 year ago
This happens to me a little too much lol. My friends and I made a fairly decent serial killer plan (for a woman bc feminism applies to crimes too everyone) because one of us was having writer's block and had to write a murder mystery story for a class.
#3
Conversation with a dude in my class, who was talking about him tasting like chicken or something:
Me: actually most sources indicate human flesh tastes very similar to pork.
Him: how the f**k do you know that
Me: also the eyeball is the most delicious part
Him: WTAF ARE YOU OK
Me: oh yeah just read a book about the history of cannibalism
Him: *expression of confusion and terror*
Me: well actually it’s my grandma’s. Gave me nightmares for weeks the first time I read it
Him: why tf does your grandma have a book on the history of cannibalism??
Me: oh she’s an anthropologist
Him: …ok…
I’m friendly with this guy and it gives me so much unholy joy to horrify him. A similar conversation happened when I told him dolphins have prehensile penises. His face was glorious.
Final score:
4points
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism (Submission author) 1 year ago (edited)
To be fair basically everything that comes out of his mouth is horrible and suggestive so call it revenge. Hehe.
#4
"Where have tou kept chloroform?"
Great in chemistry or biology lab.
Sus in public.
Final score:
4points
#5
I got into a knife fight with some little kids. At church.
Context: they were those tiny toy kitchen knives, nobody got touched by them because we ran away, there was just mini sword fighting. :)
Final score:
4points
Bisexual Axolotls 1 year ago
If you haven't had a sword fight with a small object that looks kind of like a sword, you must do so immediately. That sounds so fun :)
#6
"beating sticks" aka using a stick on minecraft to kill people
Final score:
3points
Bisexual Axolotls 1 year ago
My parents walked in on me once while I was on a call with my friends-I don't know what they thought when they saw their daughter screaming "KILL THE VILLAGER ALREADY".
#7
My friends...have issues,
my one friend bolts every chance they get and somehow they got two of my other friends to help him and so one holds me back when they run and the other (my crush) is also trying even though im trying to stop them from KILLING THEMSELVE and today he was at it again and as I got a hold of them I yelled "SPIKEY STOP TRYING TO CONSUME CHEMICALS THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES" ............a lot of people heard me........(of course he didnt actually, he just sprayed a bit of hand sanitizer in his mouth)
Final score:
2points
#8
The head of a baby alligator in my room. My mom works at a school, and one day, some random kid brought a real baby alligator head with marbles for eyes to school. My mom obviously confiscated it, brought it home, and asked if I wanted it. Being the mature person I am, I obviously said... YES! So here we are. If you want to see a photo, I can show you, just ask.
Final score:
2points
#9
Me
Final score:
1point
Bisexual Axolotls 1 year ago
Understandable. The looks I've gotten because I'm muttering something with a bad case of RBF are both hilarious and slightly concerning.
#10
Anyone having an obsession with "famous" people just because they're rich and/or famous. Now, I know that some countries still have royal families, and whatnot, but it boggles my mind how in America, people practically raise up athletes, actors, and musical "artists" to near nobility...
Final score:
1point
#11
Men Dating women/girls more than half their ages
Final score:
1point
#12
I have two decapitated Barbie Dolls in my room.
It’s part of a diorama I did for history about the 6 wives of King Henry the 8th(and for those of you unfamiliar with history, he beheaded two of his wives). I’ve gotten a kick out of the hilarious looks on people’s faces when they see I’ve pulled off doll heads, which is why I’ve placed it on a shelf that is directly across from the door so it’s the first thing you see when you walk in.
I also have a tombstone on my door from a school event. In 8th grade, all of the English classes read Yellow Fever 1793, and to show us what it was like to live during that time, the teachers had us pretend that some of us randomly caught yellow fever and died. My teacher gave me my tombstone, and I hung it on my bedroom door. You are reminded of death when you enter and leave, but the rest of my room is fairly normal, positive, and even lively.
Final score:
1point
#14
i was playing the sims and i got a notification that i spent 5 hours in the save file that i was playing so i sent my friend this message:
"apparently i've been playing with neil for 5 hours now 😧"
it took me a minute to realize how wrong that sounds
Final score:
0points
#15
The conversations i have with my dude friends :/
Final score:
0points
#16
ayo, another answer cuz my friends have serious issues but will look out for me ig?
yesterday before school started, my crush was in the hallway, joking around like "oh my gosh do you wanna come to my wedding" and spike said "yess for who" (they know each other, I only kind of know my crush) she said this one person probably their friends name and when we were walking away spike whispered "dont worry ill murder the bride" AS MY 1ST PERIOD TEACHER WALKS BY.............and then the bell rang to go to first period...
Final score:
-1point
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