Hey Pandas, What’s A Red Flag That Often Gets Overlooked?

Either in romantic or platonic relationships.

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(Hasn’t been listed yet so case in point) Abusive to animals. Many serial killers started out killing animals.

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Final score:

12points

DoubleDoubleTiredAndTuckered

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Danish Susanne 6 months ago

I don't think this belongs here because it is not a red flag that tends to get overlooked.

12points

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when you express worries, dismisses it with "i'm sure you're just overthinking"

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Final score:

10points

char

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Rali Meyer 6 months ago

But I AM overthinking!

3points

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Not being loud and proud about your relationship. (platonic or not)
Acting scidish or embarrassed.
If someone doesn't want to be proud and confident then LEAVE. It's not a good relationship if the person is flat out embarrassed of you.

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Final score:

8points

apolegjm158

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StrangeOne 6 months ago

I agree to a point. Sometimes it's just that the person has had bad experiences showing off their relationship, or having a partner do that. It could be they're worried drama will start with an ex, perhaps. But I guess context is key. Like, I would be concerned if my bf refused to hold my hand walking down the street, or have me take down pictures of us together, and refuse to make his status showing "in a relationship" on facebook.

4points

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That you need to inform 'him/her' before doing literally anything, or else you end up with "You didn't tell you were doing that/ going there/ meeting your friends/ cutting your hair..

NO. I don't need to inform about every single littlest things I do.

🚩🚩🚩

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Final score:

7points

Lady Lestrange

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Freya the Wanderer 6 months ago

Also, you don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to give a reason for every f---ing thing you do or say.

2points

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A partner that ignores your opinions and if you complain then calls you ungrateful.

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Final score:

6points

By Deleted User

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being overly attentive. sure, it's great to be treated with so much attention. but, later it can evolve into being overly jealous, possessive, and just too smothering. i don't believe in the 'two become one' when you are with a partner whether in a marriage or not. i am never going to be part of another person and i don't want to be.

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Final score:

6points

talliloo

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never showing love, just reacting to it, unless the relationship is ending without them ending it.

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Final score:

5points

tragical dude

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If it seems to good to be true than it probably is. Lots of financial anxiety for many these days and a good deal may be worse than no deal.

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Final score:

5points

Vermonta

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StrangeOne 6 months ago (edited)

My mom had many relationships and a few marriages while raising me. I have to say, the guys she dumped over the silliest things were the ones who I felt the most comfortable with, even though they weren't super well-off. The ones she married... yeah, we lived fancy and in nice, big enough homes, but they treated me like a pest, drank too much, and the marriages ended in assault charges. I was happier when it was just me and her living in a small apartment, and happiest when I moved out. I'll gladly take a great, loving relationship living low income and eating Mr. Noodles, than be in an abusive relationship eating steak dinners every night.

5points

I think the younger you are, the more susceptible you can be to overlooking red flags.

When they come to your job/school (assuming they go to a different school.) everyday and just hang around until you're done.
It's not a sweet act of showing how much they want to be with you and miss you. It's a controlling, possessive behaviour that could get you in trouble with your job/school.

Trying to coerce you into taking intimacy further than you're ready for. You should be able to have that conversation with your partner and they should be respecting your wishes. If they actually care enough about you, they can wait until you're ready to take things further. It has nothing to do with love. It's to do with mutual respect and consideration.

Stalking. Okay, we've all probably stared at our crushes way too long in class, tried figuring out who they are from external sources, etc. But if you just got with someone not too long ago, and they admit they followed you home because they wanted to see where you live, even if it's just a few times, months ago, RUN. They don't have to be a serial, consistent stalker in order to be bad news.

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Final score:

5points

StrangeOne

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Lil Miss Hobbit 6 months ago

I really like these ones, and yes, they are all true. I especially see the top one in my college. One of my dormmates asked me if it was hard for everyone else's bfs to be around all the time and mine not, and it's because my bf has a life. If we want a future it's good that he's working and finishing his education just like I am.

2points

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#10

Sometimes you can just feel that something is off about someone. It’s an instinctive feeling, and overthinking can make you dismiss it, but hey, maybe pay more attention to the people around you.

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Final score:

4points

HelluvaHedgehogAlien

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#11

(platonic) If the friend doesn't seem interested in friendship/is constantly making excuses but hangs out with you anyway.

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Final score:

3points

I_Am_So_????

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William Plummer 6 months ago

Why would someone do this? I don't get it.

2points

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#12

You're always starting the conversation (at first it might be shyness, but after a year of talking to them it shouldn't be constantly the same person to interact), not caring about how you're doing. I mainly see it in platonic but if it's romantic I guess it's more common to realize but still no.

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Final score:

3points

ThatGirlCalledWren

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Heffalump 6 months ago

Some people are more comfortable with a companionable silence than others: the person least comfortable will always be first to break the silence.The test is not whether they speak first, but are they (usually) fully involved in the conversation, or is conversing with them like drawing teeth?

0points

#13

Very passive, doesn’t initiate stuff on their own, you have to do everything yourself.

I’m really bad at this, and it’s an ongoing issue with my best friend. I’m trying to improve though.

On the flip side, super over the top, always planning, getting excited, doing big things. This can be either love bombing, or something more innocent, but it can get really exhausting. It’s ok to take a day to just slug out at home.

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Final score:

2points

and_a_touch_of_the_’tism

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Lil Miss Hobbit 6 months ago

Don't feel bad, I'm the same way. I adore my bf but my first reaction is sort of a passive "only if you really want to" attitude that drives him crazy. I'm working on it.

0points

#14

Let me note that I am nearly 52 years by now, and NEVER have been any sort of relationship expert, but from the real life lessons:

Whenever we start making excuses about a person, or their misbehavior, then nothing of our mind-cocktail is the reality of it! It IS a form of denial, often sadly so.

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Final score:

2points

Andre Michael Pietroschek

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Lil Miss Hobbit 6 months ago

Solid

2points

#15

They never EVER say a single nice thing about their ex. No matter how terrible they became, if you can't talk about at least some of the good times, then you haven't dealt with it.

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Final score:

2points

Kurtz Frausun

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Doodles1983 6 months ago

Ish. An ex can be an abuser from day one. Maybe they genuinely never had a good experience, thus nothing good to say isn’t necessarily about trauma.

0points

#16

If they always want to do their thing (like an activity, vacation, or dining out) but never your thing. That person is probably not looking for a partner.

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Final score:

2points