A rare insult is an insult that is a little hurtful for a second, but mostly really funny and true about you. You are probably gonna remember this insult for a long time too.

 

Just keep it pg fellow pandas! other than that, all replies are welcome :D

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#1

In grade 10 I would argue with my math teacher for at least 10-15min at the start of every class. The rest of the students just watched. He would also tell us, religiously, that he didn’t care if we passed because he still got paid.

So one day in our usual bickering match I said “you always tell us you don’t care, then why do you bother to spend every day arguing with me?”
He paused for a second, then said “that’s the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say” and went to the blackboard. I literally did not know what to say. Thanks? I think?

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Sathe Wesker
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    #2

    Not one that was directed at me:
    my friend was like "Hey I have a cool insult" and it was

    "Sharp as a marble, that one"

    Lol

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    Vaiel
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    #3

    I complained about a loud-mouthed, drunk man at the ballet and he told me my voice was quieter than a mouse's fart. Admittedly the insult was in German, but I think it still stands!

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    cerinamroth
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    #4

    Used to work as a cashier in a market, if someone was being rude or abusive I would say "I hope you have the day you deserve" instead of "have a nice day." Some of them, used to the common send-off, would respond 'thanks'.

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    Karma Belles
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    #5

    I remember back in like 5th or 6th grade, I was a room monitor for the handicapped students in the morning before school. One of the kids who was blind was acting up. I went over to see what was going on and to stop the commotion. Dude got mad at me and, I quote "Shut up kid! I bet your ugly!" Pretty much, I just laughed it off and sat him down and I'm sure I said something in return, but can't remember. But that just caught me off guard.

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    Ozymandias73
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    #6

    "You talk like you're in a dubbed anime"

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    (っ◔◡◔)っ blush
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    #7

    It was not directed at me, but my favorite is "You look like when you die, you drop BASIC loot!"

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    Kevin the Manager
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    #8

    One Christmas, I got a card from Santa. It said “Tidy your room”

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    Cathy Robson
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    #9

    "You look like you come from sturdy Norwegian stock". I don't even know what that means

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    Jen Mart
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    orourketrish avatar
    Irish woman abroad
    Irish woman abroad
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ooh, that's like when Irish people backhandedly insult someone by saying they look like they come from strong, farming stock - meaning, they're chunky.

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    #10

    Years ago, an elderly lady told me, " You have an unusual face." Gee, is there such a thing as a "usual" face?

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    Christy Thompson
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    #11

    At times, I have been called 'A Wealth of Useless Knowledge'. Not sure if it was intended as an insult, though. However, in future, I plan to start making use of the 'Shakespearean Insult Kit' -

    Shakespearean Insult Kit –
    Combine one word from each column, prefaced with ‘Thou’:
    Column 1Column 2Column 3
    artlessbase-courtapple-john
    bawdybat-fowlingbaggage
    beslubberingbeef-wittedbarnacle
    bootless beetle-headed bladder
    churlishboil-brainedboar-pig
    cockeredclapper-clawedbugbear
    cloutedclay-brainedbum-bailey
    cravencommon-kissingcanker-blossom
    currishcrook-patedclack-dish
    dankishdismal-dreamingclotpole
    dissemblingdizzy-eyedcodpiece
    droningdog-heartedcoxcomb
    errantdread-bolteddeath-token
    fawningearth-vexingdewberry
    fobbingelf-skinnedflap-dragon
    frowardfat-kidneyedflax-wench
    frothyfen-suckedflirt-gill
    gleeking flap-mouthedfoot-licker
    goatishfly-bittenfustilarian
    gorbelliedfolly-fallengiglet
    impertinentfool-borngudgeon
    infectiousfull-gorgedhaggard
    jarringguts-gripingharpy
    loggerheaded half-faced hedge-pig
    lumpishhasty-wittedhorn-beast
    mammeringhedge-bornhugger-mugger
    mangledhell-hatedjoithead
    pestiferousmewling quim

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    Bill Swallow
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    #12

    Hetero cis female and my "fave" was when a guy i turned down for a date snarled, "Do you have gender identity issues?!"

    No. He, however, had courtesy issues. :-)

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    Leo Domitrix
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    #13

    Someone in band came up to me and was like 'hey crow you look like you drink warm water' which was both deeply confusing and incredibly hurtful

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    crowspectre (he/they)
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    dceniceros avatar
    Pineapple (he/him)
    Pineapple (he/him)
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i drink warm water some times now i dont know wether to be sad or confused

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    #14

    Getting called "homeschooler" in a derogatory manner.

    Bro, if I was ashamed of how I was schooled, I'd try harder to hide it.

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    Lil Miss Hobbit
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    #15

    so i recently changed my hair color again, its bright red and i have a shadow root, this one kid sees me with it and goes "EWWWW ITS ADAM LAMBERT BUT MORE EMO"

    that was supposed to be a stupid insult, but im honored to be Adam Lambert :) but it was an odd one because ive never heard of that one before. bet you hes never actually heard of his stuff tho

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    Robby (Ze/Zir)
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    #16

    Once somebody told me that I looked like If Emma Watson and Ted Bundy had a kid and I honestly didn't know whether I should laugh or cry.

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    MagicFrog
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    #17

    in fourth grade it was clean up time because the school day was almost over. everyone had a cleanup job. one girl had trash duty where she walked around with a trashcan and put things inside. she walked up to me and said im putting all the trash from the classroom in this trash can, get in. the funny thing was that i zoned out and didn't realize what she said so i just said sure.

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    ….gray. (She/Her)
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    #18

    At least I’m not a pimply shrek

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    Cam the cookie walker
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    #19

    Not an insult, but a backhanded compliment from my favorite nurse. He told me "You are like an ox in a donkeys body." I replied "thanks?" He laughed and said "You know what I mean." I was the hardest working CNA on our floor. Still my favorite backhanded compliment that I've ever received.

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    Lantana Howell
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    j-vagabond avatar
    General Anaesthesia
    General Anaesthesia
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    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For those like me who had to look it up: According to internet, CNA, Certified Nursing Assistant, helps nurses with patient care, including heavy physical care (lifting, turning etc.) that would require them to be as strong as an ox. I leave the donkey's body to your imagination :)

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    #20

    I have been a nurse going on 31 years this year. For the most part I have worked in geriatrics, i.e. nursing homes. I've heard stories about some hospital patients being entitled but you can get entitled nursing home residents on occasion.
    I lived in the Tampa Bay area of Florida for 5 years and I worked in a nursing home there on the 3pm-11pm shift and it was one of the best places I have ever worked and I have a lot of funny stories from working there but I rate this story one of the best. One evening I was passing my medications and one lady was being just plain nasty and mean and I wasn't having it. I usually don't let the residents get to me but I was having a bad day and while I can't remember our complete conversation she said something to me and I was being sarcastic back and she said "well you're a b!±ch" and without skipping a beat I said "that won't be the first time I've been called that and it certainly won't be the last" and walked away as her jaw dropped as she was expecting a fight from me but I was NOT going to indulge her that day 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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    Kristie Miller
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    Elizabeth VanDyke
    Elizabeth VanDyke
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When called a b***h, I simply say..."You say that like it's a bad thing."

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    #21

    (This is me being pedantic but…)

    Partner: “You look lovely, today.”
    Me: “As opposed to every other day, when I look like shite?”

    Why does the “today” turn it backhanded to me???

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    Doodles1983
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    annavanha avatar
    Anička
    Anička
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    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think many people have that reaction. Especially if they emphasize the today, or sound otherwise surprised 😅

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    #22

    Some random guy at my school (I’m in 7th grade aka I’m 12) called me a and i quote “frog looking a*s with Clown nose” I laughed my butt off

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    Alex the great
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    #23

    “You are the human version of period cramps”

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    MicrowaveGoddess
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    #24

    My staff calls my husband a "schleprock". Had to look that up : "To carry heavy burdens. One who is said to unlucky or extreamly unfortunate. Also formerly a character on the popular cartoon "The Flintstones."

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    Jen Mart
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    #25

    my older bro once got called “maggot bread” by my then 4-year-old brother and actually got offended 😂 lmao

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    Mike_the_nike
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    #26

    My favourite to use: "He couldn't figure out how to pour p**s out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel"

    Received: not really a "unique" insult, but after 15 years of casual friendship with a woman and her husband, she and I had a misunderstanding that could have been cleared up easily but we never had the chance, because her husband sent me a nasty FB DM about "now we see your true colours" **eyeroll to the moon** Fifteen years you've known me... one mistaken misheard miscommunication, and suddenly THOSE are my true colours? Byeeeee

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    Catastrophisticate
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    #27

    Ok, I have to admit that no one has actually used a good insult on ME.

    But there was a time where me and my cousin were coming up with insults trying to fit this exact theme, his best was: "If I had a penny for every idiot that talked to me, I'd now have another!"

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    MaximumKarmaSaint
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    #28

    Not the same thing but still funny. Someone rode past me on their bike and said my nose was bigger than his d**k. Obviously I said I feel bad for how small his d**k is then :)

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    Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
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    shehbaz-khan5126 avatar
    Tiramisu 🇵🇸
    Tiramisu 🇵🇸
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I honestly have no idea what reaction that other person expected from this.

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    #29

    1) That i look like someone who can raise my eyebrows, yet I can't. ( i have really big and expressive eyebrows btw if anyone was wondering)

    2) I am the shy girl from every manga :/

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    shanila.pheonix_
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    Kevin the Manager
    Kevin the Manager
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doesn't the shy girl in manga usually end up meshing with the demon and slaying everyone around her? Just saying.

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    #30

    "You aren't just an a*****e, you're an a*s' a*****e."

    Said by someone who hates my guts for no clear reason

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    QueerAxolotls
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    #31

    “May both sides of your pillow be warm tonight…”

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    I Am, In Fact, That Weirdo
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    Just_Another_Bored_Panda
    Just_Another_Bored_Panda
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Goes right along with "I hope you step on a lego" and "I hope you stub your toe on your way to the bathroom at night"

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    #32

    Does someone want me to call them a twatbasket? Just so they can say they received the rare insult, twatbasket?

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    Nathaniel (He/Him) Cis Het.
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    #33

    I'm referred to as "Soft Can-Opener" multiple times a day.

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    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
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    #34

    I was my elderly grandfather’s caregiver and one evening he was being especially difficult as I was trying to give him his after dinner medication. He got so mad at me that he called me the worst thing that he could come up with….pip-squeak. Now, I am a rather large person, but I still had to cover my mouth and walk away to laugh. He was a very quiet and reserved man and never once swore in his entire 85 year existence. He passed away back in 1997 but I still laugh and tell this story every chance I get.

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    Amber Arseneaux
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    #35

    Not me but my Mum. After continuously dyeing her hair for 30+ years, needless to say its pretty dated. Ots not horrendous and falling out or anything but it definitely has that 'brittle frizziness' to it.

    Anyway, some kids had broken into our garden to steal our chicken's eggs and my Mum went to confront them. She has one Hell of a temper when she gets going and gave them a serious bollocking but they were having none of it.

    They just laughed at her and flipped her off as they climbed back over the wall. But not before the leader came out with:

    "Pfft, f**k off Hair Bear Bunch!"

    Obviously I felt bad for my Mum but secretly, I thought that was hilarious.

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    The_Nicest_Misanthrope
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    #36

    Need to add another one.
    My sister told me yesterday that I looked like "someone with a stick who thinks everyone else look'n like a piñata." XD

    I've never been so insulted and so tickled at the same time.

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    Lil Miss Hobbit
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    #37

    I couldn't understand what my best friend said and asked her to repeat it. She said that my sense of hearing is comparable to the one of Ludwig von Beethoven

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    TotallyNOTaFox
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    #38

    I worked for a while with a crusty, colorful, and hardened roofer, who was definitely a handful and put out vibes that he was troublesome to everybody who was in his orbit (except our boss, but including his decades-long comrades), especially guys like me who weren't and would never be hard-core roofers. Over time, I proved myself by being the best helper/demimechanic I possibly could because I have extensive parts/materials/engineering/mechanical/logistics skills and always had the guys' backs and could do anything with some direction. This man came to help me and more often than not treated me kindly and well, always totally on the qt, and we even had some good pleasant chats.

    Usually when I saw him first thing, and various times through the day, he would shout out "PN, You Dog F*cker!!!!" to establish dominance.

    My SO hates it when I tell her stories about this interaction, and everybody generally thinks it's crude/stupid/offensive/banal/etc., which it is, but for various reasons it's actually quite dear to my heart and I smile to myself when thinking of it.

    RIP Mr. Greg, hope you found some peace now

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    PolymathNecromancer
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    duschkev avatar
    PolymathNecromancer (Submission author)
    PolymathNecromancer
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    EDIT: I was so motivated to post this I didn't realize it may not be exactly what shanila.pheonix_ was looking for, since its NOT literally true about me LOL .... I hope this doesn't wreck the vibe here.....

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    #39

    When insulted, I’ll reply, “Thank you! That’s a compliment coming from a person like you.” The person who insulted me always get frustrated and infuriated because they know it’s an insult but they can’t figure it out. They’ll ruminate over it for the rest of their life. It’s unique.

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    Cousin Vinny
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    #40

    This isn't one someone has told me, but it's one I commonly use with my friends. I say 'best of the buttered beer-battered babyback bastard b***h boys from Boston" as fast as I can, and they can never tell what I'm fully saying. It doesn't mean anything and it's just a bunch of words thrown together, but it's still fun to say.

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    100%LegitTurtle
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    100%LegitTurtle (Submission author)
    100%LegitTurtle
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh c**p sorry I didn't read the 'keep it pg' part, is there a way to delete these answers?

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    #41

    Bad hair day? My hubby likes to say, "Combed your hair with a pillow?"

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    Stephanie Goadsby
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    Wendy Bolam
    Wendy Bolam
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Haha, or have you combed your hair? Yes!! What with?? a toffee apple??

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    #42

    Being a peon, look it up its bad.

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    Brightnettle(she/her)
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    CanaDan
    CanaDan
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I kinda don't wanna... could someone else do that for me?

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    #43

    one of my bullies called me the definition of the carona virus lmao

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    MirohLoome (he/she/they)
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    #44

    I call a certain 'person'in my life an asshat and twatwaffle on a daily basis. and those are t

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    LIL JOHNNY AND OCS
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    #45

    I (a deaf person) was called the r-word by my brother once. Rare insult because it was the only time I’ve ever been called that. But I’m not mad at him at all, he didn’t know what it meant and he never said it again.

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    StitchIsCuteAndFluffy
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    #46

    I like too use "If she was an candle she would be Baby Bell skin ...no wick or flame in sight"

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    sturmwesen
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    #47

    I'm called "Bad Cat," "Get Down," "Move, You Idgit," and "Don't Scratch." I don't know why!

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    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
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    trevor
    trevor
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was called " Shut Up " for the first 3 months of my life.

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    #48

    order your mcflurry ang go

    i forgot the context but it was via text message lol

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    luvsick
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    #49

    Be quiet (student) and watch the movie. If you don't like it then just go play with your bugs." Any other teacher would have been told to eff off, but this was the best insult he could think of for me.

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    JenC
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    #50

    that i look like a sumo wrestler combined with baby face.. idk how i would react when i heard this i kinda want to laugh and choke that mf

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    Chex mylicks
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    Angela Toole
    Angela Toole
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    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I out mean-girled the boss mean-girl at a party. I walked up to say hello to the group of people she was holding court with and after a few minutes I said "OMGAAWD GIRL where did you get your hair cut?" She smiled and gave it a little toss, and replied with the name of the salon. I then gave her my best poor-thing-bless-your-heart look and said "Well darlin', don't you worry, it'll grow out!" We southern girls can put you in your place with a smile on our face.

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    #51

    My grandmother told me that my aunt - while young - called her, on separate occasions, an "Irish frog" and a "Communist crab"

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    Freya the Wanderer
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    #52

    in a Passion Play (Easter production) many times I was told I was perfect for Mary Magdelene😬

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    Amanda Silliker
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    #53

    i’m very skinny, so once when i got called a fat b***h, my (toxic) friend retaliated with “no, she’s a stick with a butt” (i DID come out btw)

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    Mike_the_nike
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    #54

    You are the TWIG HULK

    Said the younger sister to the slender older sister in an argument.

    Older girl still feels it.

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    Leigh
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    #55

    I look like cartman from South Park,

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    MZ (she/they/he)
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    #56

    You are so clever in your head you're even cleverer than yourself.

    I mean it came from my child, but the sarcasm was supreme.

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    Leigh
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    #57

    I ask folks if they had a big bowl of stupid for breakfast. Sometimes I imply they also went back for second helpings.

    If you insult my roommate he says "I've been called worse, by better".

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    Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
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    #58

    Remember over 70 years ago when my mother told the neighbor-(Up your giggy with a lawn mower). God- how can you beat that? You can’t!

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    Biggie Ed
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    #59

    F**k you, everyone you know, and everything you own.

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    InfiniteZeek
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    #60

    While working as a telephone operator for a short period of time, I got a request from a customer who wanted me to place a long distance call (this was a long time ago) to a business in another state and charge the call to the business. Not a collect call, mind you, just charge the call to the business. Of course, this is wrong and probably illegal so I had to refuse the request.

    The customer was very persistent in his attempt to get me to do this but I continued to reject it. Finally, he gave up but before he did, he said to me "Operator, think of the worst thing you can in your head. Something that totally disgusts you. That's what I'm thinking about you right now." Then he hung up.

    The best and most amusing insult I ever got.

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    Bill Pearson
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    #61

    One time this nerdy guy was mad I didn’t like him and called me a “flirt-gill” I had to look that one up.

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    Natasha
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    #62

    i'm of portuguese /ashknazi jewish background. i'm usually even tempered but when you push the right buttons do have a temper. to give context, i was in an argument with my ex about his spending habits and after he made a very expensive long term purchase i lost my temper. after venting my spleen he just commented: wow! that 'portugee' has quite the mouth but at least you are thrifty!

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    talliloo
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    #63

    Arguing children have it every time.

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    Leigh
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    #64

    The most memorable one was from an Italian roommate I had in school, about 40 years ago. His English was not good but he was surrounded by swearwords like ‘a*****e’ and ‘f**k off’. So one day, when he was really angry with me, he combined those two and said: “You are an a*s-off”. All I could do was laugh. Poor guy.

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    Mark D
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    #65

    For years I wrote columns for our local metro newspaper, so three times a week I'd write my thoughts on this or that issue. Great career. Anyhow, one day a couple of friends were debating some issue and I jumped in and gave my view. One friend said to me, "If I want your opinion, I'll spend 50 cents and buy the newspaper."

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    PSimms
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    #66

    I was wearing a dustin cap on roblox and someone said my hair looked like dodo turds lol.

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    Jackson McGuire
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    #67

    “If I jumped of your ego and landed on your IQ I would die.

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    Quentin Brown
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    #68

    Starb**ch. I'd blown up his planet in a text based role playing game. Hugs, Neggie.

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    A. Starhawk Hunt
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