Hey Pandas, What Would Be The Opening Line Of Your Memoir Or Autobiography?

– Imagine that you are sharing your life story.

– Submit a single sentence meant to make your audience want to read more.

I was the first in our group to kiss a boy, Louise was the first to get married, and Mary was the first to be murdered by an enraged jealous husband and buried in the back garden under a selection of concrete animal statues

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Final score:

37points

Auntriarch

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R Carson 2 years ago

Tell me more.

15points

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This is the story of how I died.

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Final score:

25points

Elin Peterson 🥐

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Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago

I can only hear this in Flynn Rider's voice

22points

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"For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple–I wanted to be an intergalactic princess."

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Final score:

25points

Layne Rodgers

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Mobey Drunk 2 years ago

Not everyone can be Carrie Fisher.

3points

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First things first; f**k you for not paying the full price for my book.

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Final score:

23points

Piet Puk

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Demon Girl 2 years ago

HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW I STOLE THIS???

8points

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I would like to apologize in advance-

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Final score:

22points

Madison Lam

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

I’m hooked already!

5points

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This is the story of all about how my life got flip-turned upside down, And I'd like to take a minute,
just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the hot mess you see here.

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Final score:

21points

Anthony Krones

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R Carson 2 years ago

Can't wait for the sequel.

5points

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Liked by everybody but loved by nobody

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Final score:

20points

Elliot Fowler

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Nothing Fancy 2 years ago

I love you, genuinely, and I don't even know your name.

5points

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This is how I got a felony over a big Mac and a midget stripper.

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Final score:

19points

C Ronz

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Anonymous 2 years ago

Continue...

9points

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Don’t let this happen to you

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Final score:

16points

Michael Lockard

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

It quite well may have...

1point

#10

I've been called many things, but I have never been called an author.

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Final score:

16points

theoneandonlynoira

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NoiraLOL (Submission author) 2 years ago

OR maybe something like "I once got three likes on Bored Panda" OR "I was born at a very early age." What do you think?

6points

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#11

So. It has come to this.

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Final score:

14points

Nitro Codes (He/Yours ;)

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𝙸'𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚘𝚋!(new account) 2 years ago (edited)

So it has...

1point

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#12

I can't believe I lived long enough to have a life story to share.

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Final score:

12points

Leo Domitrix

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Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Well,Anne Frank was only 15 and left a pretty poignant story which can find an echo in the Now-a-days...

4points

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#13

It's all going to make sense in the end.

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Final score:

12points

Bear Hall

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

🎼 It’ll all make sense…in the morning

0points

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#14

Welcome to my long list of embarrassments and regrets.

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Final score:

11points

UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him)

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R Carson 2 years ago

Sign me up.

2points

#15

It was f*****g hot that day, my aunt told me.

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Final score:

10points

BreGerEu

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

Intriguing!

1point

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#16

No one connected the child's birth to the gypsy woman's curse that was cast last year.

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Final score:

10points

William Arndt

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Demon Girl 2 years ago

I WANT TO READ THIS IT SOUNDS INTERESTING -signed, a fantasy lover

3points

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#17

I didn't know it at the time growing up, but i'm pretty sure my life was a shitshow from the start. I once read souls upstairs can pick their next reincarnated life, and know the reason why they want that life with those people. If that's true, someone needed to stop me and slap me upside the head.

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Final score:

10points

StarmanWaitingInTheSky

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AW 2 years ago

Souls picks their next lives so they can learn from it; what you must have learnt: this never again. Mission completed

1point

#18

It started with a mistake, Avery big mistake.

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Final score:

9points

Sawyer Kidder

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

Avery makes office supplies, don't they?

0points

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#19

"Hi. Ya might wanna leave, I'm pretty boring."

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Final score:

8points

Percy the Band Rat

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Meridith 2 years ago

well luckily I know this site called bored panda..

6points

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#20

To annoy and distract, that was my purpose.

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Final score:

7points

Wednesday

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

It's working already!

1point

#21

If I answer your question, you have to promise me that we’re in this together.

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Final score:

7points

Mary Rose Kent

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#22

So many times I thought I’d reached bottom and then it turned out I was wrong .

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Final score:

7points

CwtchyMama

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Laura Watts (Submission author) 2 years ago

But I still keep trying

0points

#23

"A tale of love. A tale of tragedy. A tale of shoving fistfuls of shredded cheese into your mouth at 2 in the morning. This is the story of the life Tessa lived."

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Final score:

7points

tessy fazbear

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Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)

I see cheese, I upvote

1point

#24

It was dark and it was raining, but I knew where I was going.

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Final score:

6points

you can call me Geo

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

It has possibilities

1point

#25

If she was trying to boast she would say she spent hours studying astronomy but the moment you left she would resume her youtube video about the universe while also scrolling through bored panda.

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Final score:

6points

Chinmayee Kalghatgi

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#26

I always knew my mother hated me and it took me until I turned 16 for the feeling to become mutual. That was the year that my sister and I decided that she and her pervert boyfriend should die so we poisoned them.

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Final score:

6points

Yayaboobo

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Madeleine Flowers 2 years ago

...Did you actually poison them?

3points

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#27

There is a lot of fish in the sea, but a lot of trash too. A lot of trash in general.

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Final score:

6points

Devil'sAdvocate

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

Isn't there a whole floating continent made out of plastic?

2points

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#28

On the advice of my lawyers, I will attempt to explain my side of the story, with any any omissions protected by the fifth amendment.

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Final score:

6points

[]

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DDmaybeandor 2 years ago

Despite the advice of my lawyers…

1point

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#29

Nan had a strong back, she carried me on it for most of her life

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Final score:

5points

Peej Maybe

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

Now that sounds real!

1point

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#30

before we get to the content I wsnt to talk about today's sponsor...

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Final score:

5points

Cowws

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NoiraLOL 2 years ago

BORED PANDA!!

5points

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#31

Procrastination has impacted my life in many ways such as

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Final score:

5points

Becklass

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

I'll tell you later...

1point

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#32

And yes. It did hurt.

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Final score:

5points

Katrina Whitmell

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#33

Oh s**t, did I just say that out loud?

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Final score:

4points

oldandexhausted79

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#34

Someone once said, "The only way to fail, is by giving up."

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Final score:

4points

Nothing Fancy

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Renita Fox 2 years ago

The best !

1point

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#35

Well, wasn't that bad

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Final score:

4points

der sebbl

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#36

If you’re reading this you must be either a very lonely person or somebody is forcing you- either way, I’m sorry for you.

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Final score:

4points

Unorthodox

POST

Nothing Fancy 2 years ago

Hmmm...neither, but you don't want to know.

0points

#37

Born lost; never found her way.

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Final score:

4points

Susan McClure

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Nothing Fancy 2 years ago

Yet.😊

0points

#38

I left a class once because they wanted us to explore our emotions.

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Final score:

4points

Jean Dogmom

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#39

Chapter one: me and a boob. The beginning of a long love story.

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Final score:

4points

Hawkmoon

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Sam T Godfrey 2 years ago

Aren't there supposed to be two?

0points

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#40

My life resembles a bunch of mixed up game pieces in an old monopoly box, it's a mess.

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Final score:

4points

Becca

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DDmaybeandor 2 years ago

This is a good start. How about, “You might ask how a pink Barbie shoe, domino, and small ball of hair got mixed into this bedraggled Monopoly box I call ‘Life’, but only because you don’t know me yet.”

3points

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#41

Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I'll begin....

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Final score:

4points

GenericPanda09

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Auntriarch 2 years ago

Listen with Mother

1point

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#42

just letting you know before you continue reading, this book is going to be filled with a bunch of immature crap about butts and farts because that's the kind of little s**t you're reading about

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Final score:

4points

The Crazy Goldendoodle Lover

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Auntriarch 2 years ago

Subscribe!

0points

#43

This is the space everyone has made for me in their lives! (6 feet under!)

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Final score:

3points

DV Zara and Headless lesbos

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#44

Well, the cat just climbed up and smooshed my face so I guess that's a good sign.

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Final score:

3points

Lyone Fein

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eye can't hear you (she/her) 2 years ago

YES WILL READ

2points

#45

the sister series to "a series of unfortunate events."

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Final score:

3points

eye can't hear you (she/her)

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#46

"The story of a useless person in society"

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Final score:

3points

Akio Karishma

POST

Nothing Fancy 2 years ago

No one is useless unless they decide to be.

0points

#47

It's difficult to live your life in a closet when the closet door is made of glass...

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Final score:

3points

Joel Strauss

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Nothing Fancy 2 years ago

Things aren't as obvious as they seem.

0points

#48

There's a reason Mom didn't name me Grace.

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Final score:

3points

A girl

POST

#49

Nothing was ever as it appeared to be.

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Final score:

2points

ThisIsMe

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R Carson 2 years ago

Agree

1point

#50

She is too old to have a pacifier...

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Final score:

2points

Jette Wang Wahnon

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#51

Mom, Dad, maybe you should have left me the f**k alone and let me be on the internet without you looking through my history.

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Final score:

2points

Emma Kudas

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I want my profile removed! 2 years ago

Please call the prevention hotline

5points

#52

She shouted unapologetically, "GET OFF THE LAWN!".

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Final score:

2points

Bittersweetie

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#53

I have experienced 45-degree Celsius heat (at least it was a dry heat) and wind chill of 50 below, I have experienced several earthquakes, I have driven through tropical storms, I have seen a tornado, I have nearly been run over by a snowplow, I have escaped a psychotic Irish setter and his even more psycho owner, I have seen kittens get born, I have gotten gutter-wallowing drunk, I have eaten till I felt as though I would burst, I have been so thirsty that I would guzzle megabrewed Lite beer, I have driven across North America numerous times, I have drunk well over 10,000 different varieties of beer - in short, have I lived or not?

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Final score:

2points

Freya the Wanderer

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Jane Jane 2 years ago

Dang, I don't have the energy to read further!

1point

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#54

She was the biggest weirdo I ever met.
-My best friends colaberating to write this

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Final score:

2points

Demon Girl

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HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago

Same.

0points

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#55

I was the only redhead in my family.

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Final score:

2points

Jean Dogmom

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HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago

You could be in my family. Out of 15 kids, 14 were redheads. Found a new redheaded cousin on Ancestry. I am The only blonde.

3points

#56

That Katie, she thought she was funny bless her heart.

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Final score:

2points

Katie Bierwiler

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#57

My sister and I were born on February 7th into the loving arms of Kayla ****. We were in Nicu for a week before going home. But we didn't go the same home. This is the story on how I was separated from my twin sister for 15 years and how its affected my everyday life.

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Final score:

2points

Abigail M Uken

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thee1nonlykRiS 2 years ago

I'm an identical twin & I couldn't ever imagine this reality you've lived. So very sorry for the pain this caused the 2 of you. Sending you both virtual hugs & positive vibes!

0points

#58

If you are to read this, take what you think normal and throw it out of the window. There is no normal. There is no perfect. Even if there was, I am nowhere near that door.

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Final score:

2points

Atchaco-Leigh

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Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)

A-level set book coming through

1point

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#59

"Well That Didn't Work"

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Final score:

2points

Kona

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#60

Some said I wasn’t normal they some called me odd a few called me downright evil and those few were right.

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Final score:

2points

AilouRos

POST

#61

Failure is most definitely an option. It it why I'm still here, for better or for worse.

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Final score:

2points

Vanessa Sorensen

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#62

It wasn’t a fart after all

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Final score:

2points

Apachebathmat

POST

#63

I know what you are thinking was it horrible, yes it was I am now going to make it your problem.

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Final score:

2points

Alias-the-shade

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#64

Kinda' hope you're ready for this.

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Final score:

2points

WoodenLion

POST

#65

Well, I made it to 20 which is more than everyone (including myself) thought I would make it to

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Final score:

2points

norah

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#66

is your life a train wreck? well you'll feel better when you hear about my life :)

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Final score:

2points

redties_and_blackparades

POST

#67

So obviously, i F**ked up somehow for you to be reading this

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Final score:

2points

Has sold soul for corn chip

POST

#68

And her journey through the dark world of idiots now begins here

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Final score:

2points

Bianca Küper

POST

#69

We must first establish that the time tested rule that states"If anything Can Go Wrong, It Will", is the theme. Now, let's wait and see what happens. "Hmm. Oh no, oh dear, oh not that, o God what have I done?" were her last words, many times, in many lives.

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Final score:

2points

Michele Lein

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#70

My Autobiography or "How not to end up serving as a warning to others in several easy steps. "

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Final score:

2points

Deson

POST

#71

I am the character that causes you to scream at the screen, yell at them not to do that.

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Final score:

2points

olx

POST

Auntriarch 2 years ago

Catherine, is that you?

0points

#72

You may be wondering why I've gathered you all here today

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Final score:

2points

Simon Parsons-Kilburn

POST

#73

I gave my mother problems from the moment of conception.

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Final score:

2points

HarriMissesScotland

POST

#74

I have always been the strong weed that grows in the garden of society, the one that grows back every time it is ripped up by the roots, sprayed with poison, or burned - and I am tired of never being allowed to bloom.

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Final score:

2points

Kitsune Nocturne

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See Also on Bored Panda

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#75

Everyone said I had a lot of potential. Everyone was dead wrong.

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Final score:

2points

Jane Jane

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#76

hey there, you're probably wondering how i got here.

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Final score:

1point

ᔑᓵᒷ 𝙹⎓ ᓭ!¡ᔑ↸ᒷᓭ

POST

R Carson 2 years ago

AND.....who you are.

0points

#77

most of her family, especially those who knew her in her youth, would be surprised that she was looking forward to her 65th birthday, never understanding how she survived life, not to mention her impulsive decisions.

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Final score:

1point

talliloo

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I want my profile removed! 2 years ago

I guess grammarly it's one sentence!

1point

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#78

Hated almost everyone they knew

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Final score:

1point

Ranboo beloved He/They

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#79

You definitely don't want to be me.

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Final score:

1point

colorfultragedy

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#80

"This B**** Crazy!!" It's all I've ever heard.

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Final score:

1point

RobbedofLife

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See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#81

Life started on a snowy day in Feb and this is where it went from that...

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Final score:

1point

Okasan Willis

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#82

my mom always said the peonies in our front yard bloomer the day i was born.

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Final score:

1point

lapis lazuli

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#83

Well you could say it all started when 2 people got very drunk and decided to have sex....

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Final score:

1point

IlovemydogShilo

POST

#84

Not a whole lot happened in my life (and I'm surprised that I'm writing this) but I thought you might want to read it anyway. I haven't had a first kiss (or said more to a boy my age than 'hi' in the past few months) and I haven't had any huge self-discoveries (other than that I'm pretty good at lying), but I have had a happy life. I've lived, and for me, that's enough. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy everything! *Not part of the opening* I do have a journal I've been keeping since September of 2020, and maybe I'll publish it sometime in the future. It's pretty boring, but it's what's happened in my life, and I'm happy I've kept track of it.

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Final score:

1point

Madeleine Flowers

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AW 2 years ago

This is a pretty good synopsis, they said they're pretty good at lying, hmmm

1point

See Also on Bored Panda

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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#85

as you may expect, this is a story of how I died....internally, on the outside I'm doin great-ish. But anyways, I die a slow and painful death, like most people my cliff diving skills, don't exactly succeed first try without trying, but my self esteem decided to give it a whirl.

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Final score:

1point

MacKenzie Moore

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Meridith (Submission author) 2 years ago (edited)

training* (instead of trying) [it's late here I'm tired]

2points

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#86

There were mixed reactions when my gender was revealed.

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Final score:

1point

Bob Stuart

POST

#87

A series of unfortunate events that happen to be true.

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Final score:

1point

Mobey Drunk

POST

#88

This is the story of a stupid human who thought they might achieve something in life.

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Final score:

1point

Do i have to? [he/him]

POST

#89

"I'm invisible but only visible when someone needs something"

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Final score:

1point

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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#90

another series of unfortunate events

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Final score:

1point

AffenpinscherMom

POST

#91

I should have went that way

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Final score:

1point

Mbeth Cutler

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#92

How to have a good life; be anyone other than me

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Final score:

1point

Firefly1617

POST

#93

You gotta believe me when I say I'm absolutely, 100%, batshit crazy. But everything in this book is true.

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Final score:

1point

Vintage_Misery_Business

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#94

What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Allow me to explain via my life.

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Final score:

1point

Rockstar

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#95

A boys life, at 4 yrs father's drunken every night,bare mattress no diapers, whipped to near death for peeing my bed.

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Final score:

1point

Lowell Scheetz

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See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#96

If you like a happy ever after sort of ending, this book is not for you.

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Final score:

1point

Jods

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#97

Wow, uh, never thought I'd get this far. Line?

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Final score:

1point

Mega Gay 🇺🇦

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#98

To the surprise of everyone, especially myself - I am still alive ...

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Final score:

1point

Shay

POST

#99

You wouldn't want to read this but . . .

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Final score:

1point

Sue Denham

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#100

The clairvoyant told my mother
I see a son, he’s into cars, but he should never buy a blue one, he’ll get divorced and tell him NEVER to wear a uniform.

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Final score:

1point

Jon Jobling

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See Also on Bored Panda

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#101

“Cashier number three please!” Here we go…..

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Final score:

1point

Seán Baron

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#102

I won’t bore you with my childhood prior to seventh grade cause that is really were it started; pucking in the sink in science class.

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Final score:

1point

Penny Harrison

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#103

Hello and welcome. Here is the story of the interesting parts of my life. I assure you, it will be very short.

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Final score:

1point

OminousWiiMusic

POST

#104

WELL! That didn't go as planned . . .

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Final score:

1point

Octavia Hansen

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#105

My Life is Based on a True Story

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Final score:

1point

sari swick

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#106

You should never say "what else could go wrong" because sure as s**t something will.

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Final score:

1point

Kelly Downs

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See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

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#107

Well now, this did not turn out as I expected.

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Final score:

1point

Elizabeth Basinger

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#108

When I was 9 our cat caught fire.

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Final score:

1point

Khloris

POST

Auntriarch 2 years ago

A witch!

0points

#109

Dying was not something I did often, so of course I took the opportunity to capitalize on it.

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Final score:

1point

Desdemona Adelaide

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#110

Hey. Hey, you! We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty

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Final score:

1point

Ellie

POST

thebossanovabird 2 years ago

AAAAAAA

0points

#111

This is the story of my life, how it sucked, and how it ended. Quick tip: Don't be like me, or your life will suck just as much.

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Final score:

1point

Demonix.Queen

POST

#112

She came, she saw , she moved. I have moved 51 times in my life and have yet to feel at home.

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Final score:

1point

Barbara Forshee

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Scagsy 2 years ago

Lady, buy a caravan already!

0points

#113

I was an accident

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Final score:

1point

할리ʜᴀʀʟᴇʏ

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#114

Now was the doughnut of our discontent.

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Final score:

1point

Kady LaHaie

POST

#115

Listen, I wouldn’t describe myself as quirky but… there is definitely something wrong with me.

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Final score:

1point

thebossanovabird

POST

#116

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

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Final score:

1point

Anagram margana

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#117

it was a long dark night...

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Final score:

1point

april jenkins

POST

#118

I don't even know what I'm going to write. All I know it this'll be weird

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Final score:

1point

Aroace tiger (she/they/he)

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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) (Submission author) 2 years ago

This is all I could think of..

1point

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#119

I was 27 the first time I died.

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Final score:

1point

Scagsy

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#120

“I’m the most evil and selfish human to ever live on this planet!”

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Duckbadger

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Lyone Fein 2 years ago

Doubtful

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#121

If you need a drink to make it through it, I won’t blame you. If you need to put it down before you can pick it up again, I won’t blame you. If you can’t make it through all of it, I won’t blame you. I lived it; trust me I know how f*cked up this entire thing is.

More than one line but the most poignant part of the warning at the beginning of me telling my story.

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Roadkill The Brave

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#122

My mother’s wedding night was a threesome: My mother, father, and Joe, an Episcopal priest, who was my father’s favorite lover.

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anne

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anne (Submission author) 2 years ago

www.defaulttogoodness.com

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#123

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Spot The Ice Mudwing

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#124

Suicide is a pretty shitty way to die, take it from me. This is gonna be a mess so grab your drink and a cat and buckle up.

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rawr.

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#125

There was once this girl who binge-watched all 3 Mighty Ducks movies, lemme tell you, she then started scaring all the people around her to hell.

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that one ace lesbian genderfae

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#126

Some girls go to college after high school graduation. Some go to the stage, wearing a lacy g string.

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JozeeMom

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#127

My dead best friend, whom I still refer to as “Chair”, tried to get me to join him, but instead we still make our mischief together here, where it really counts.

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Sam T Godfrey

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#128

This is NOT how I imagined my life would turn out to be...

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Miz Chelle

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#129

No, I am not the DJ and get your f#%king drink away from my console!

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Claire Nichols

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#130

Fortunately it was not a bad day to be a dog.
Unfortunately I was a vet assistant and thusly not a dog.

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Hyde and Seek

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#131

"I'm okay", I would say to the stranger in the mirror; each time hoping that i would recognize her, and each time hoping that she would believe me.

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c-leigh-bake

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#132

Dear readers, by the time you read this, I will probably be floating in space, and if purple wasn't stupid enough to protect his friend even though he was clearly an Imposter.

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Fabulous Pigeon

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#133

get ready to hear the most normal and scientifically average life story you've ever heard... if you are worried about being bored, don't worry. I lived the thing, and even I was pretty bored.

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StevenTheNeat

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#134

Buckle up, buttercup.

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Danse Macabre Cat

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#135

If you are reading this I am probably dead. Most likely killed by a vengeful soul or my best friend trying to shove extra cheesy cheez its down my throat.

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