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Hey Pandas, What Was The Moment When You Realized You Were In A Toxic Friendship Or Relationship?
Tell us about your experiences in a toxic relationship, whether it be a friend or lover, and when you realized it was toxic.
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#1
When I felt completely drained after being around them. It was always about them and their issues and they complained constantly. I needed a good rest after being around them. I tried to save the friendship and said that it was affecting my mental health, they made it about them and how awful I was for putting my issues on them. I then walked away and never looked back.
Final score:
40points
RELATED:
#2
Toxic mother. It took me 42 years and becoming a mum to figure out that my mom is a different person to other people and they adore her. To her only daughter, she is mean, competitive and knows no boundaries and would not respect my privacy, especially if it would get her attention. The worse it was, the more the martyr she can play. There is so much more, but you get the idea. I went no contact 7 years ago and I am a stronger woman. I am sad because as a mother, I just don't understand her behavior. Jealousy? Perhaps. Definitely sick.
Final score:
24points
Carol Emory 2 years ago
One thing that ate at me after I cut off contact with my mother was the day she passed. I felt like she had all the opportunities to be a good mom and she missed them. But it was not my fault that she behaved the way she did. Don't ever regret your choice. You had to do what you did to survive her. Know that there are people out here that support your decision and understand why you had to do it.
#3
Best friends with this kind of odd ball kid since first grade (and by oddball I would later learn he was a sociopath). I liked hanging around with him for 2 decades because we'd always get into fun situations. He was ADD and completely impulsive, so it balanced with my low energy conservativism. We always came away with a fun story. It was great - while we were kids. The stories were always about playing paintball in the middle of the night, or sneaking into concerts or something. Innocent, mostly harmless stuff. But when we became adults, the adventures changed. I long knew he only called me when he needed something or on his terms. That was fine, since I had a life outside of our friendship anyway. Slowly, over time, the things he needed got less and less innocent - money because he lost his job, bail for a dui, etc. The final straw was when he asked me to double on a blind date with a girl he met online. She wanted to bring a friend for safety. Smart enough, I guess. I agreed, sounded fun. Wasn't until I showed up that I learned, they were 15. We were 21 and 22. I was appalled. I refused to get them booze, and we just sat by a bonfire for a couple hours with my friend getting visibly more annoyed. He started being aggressive and moody, which I knew was not a good sign. I pulled my "date" aside and told her straight up that they were being stupid and her friend was on a bad path. She agreed and we eventually dropped them off at her home. They dodged that bullet, and I hope learned their lesson. I told him that he was way out of line. He said she'd lied about her age (yeah right) and he wouldn't have done anything. I didn't buy it. Never answered his calls again. He later went to prison for, you guessed it, statutory rape. Wish I'd done more at the time, but I was just happy to get out of there as cleanly as we did.
Final score:
24points
#4
When I was with them, I would always get interrupted, and nobody really cared about what I said. Someone genuinely said “Nobody cares” when I started saying something
I stopped hanging out with them after that
Final score:
24points
Strange Fate 2 years ago
I'm glad you extricated yourself away from the whole toxic group! I've lived the whole fighting to be heard life (last child with 2 older siblings for a start...) and still to this day I get peeved when cut off... it's a great feeling when you find people who are genuinely interested in YOU!
#5
i only noticed when my friends told me. before then, i never realised he was manipulating me. he kept telling me to lose weight but he said it in such a way i just felt it was right and he told me to put more makeup on. when he did it around my friends they were like “he’s a f—kin a$$hole- drop him.” and i did. they’re my friends and they are usually right. they were. as soon as i dropped him i sorta went back to normal. i hadn’t lost a drastic amount of weight but i was already underweight anyway so being called fat didn’t help. he’s gone now and i don’t know where, nor do i care. TRUST YOUR FRIENDS
Final score:
23points
Carol Emory 2 years ago
I actually touched base with one of my bullies in school. She made my life hell in elementary school but she mellowed out and became nice by high school. i noticed her going out with this hunk of a guy...then suddenly they split. I asked her why when we reconnected. She said "You know that long pink skirt I used to wear with a slit up the back?" I said "Yeah." She said "He forbade me to ever wear it again because he said the slit was too high. I told him he wasn't going to tell me what I can wear. He said as long as I was his girlfriend, he would...so I solved that issue for him. See ya!" I said "Good for you girl!" Men that think they can tell them what they can and can't wear....don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out!
#6
When he told me it was my fault he cheated on me.
Final score:
19points
#7
I grew up very sheltered. My parents didn't allow me to date as school was more important for them, then me learning my own personal boundaries. I joined the military straight out of school, and met my first ever girlfriend. At first she was great, then later she slowly changed. I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. If I accidently bumped into another woman and appologised to her, then I was flirting with said other woman. I was constantly accused of cheating, I was constantly told how I am not considering her feelings. At the time is was in that "love is blind" faze, and i just thought in my limited experience that this is the way things should be. The breaking point came when 3 of my brothers in arms died, and I was pretty messed up about it, as I was to late to save them.
I spoke to her a couple of times when I returned to home base, and she was just not interested in my pain and grief. Eventually she gives me an ultimatum, I stop crying over my dead friends or I break up with her because I cannot give her the 100% attention she deserves. Well, the blinders was taken off, and I saw her for the narcissistic person she was. Dumped her on the spot. Blocked her number, deleted her number (this was still the days before facebook, so blocking and deleting was about it)
Soon after I started getting messages through mutual friends how she knows she messed up and she is sorry and is trying to reach out to me. One of her friends even told me she was pregnant, but added that she thinks the baby isn't mine, as I was gone for 4 months, but my ex was pregnant for 2 months, and she knew my ex cheated on me at least 4 times with different men during out relationship.
I saw her twice after the break up. The first time was about a year after we broke up, in a shop, but she was hiding from me, and when I approached she ran out the store.
The second time was about 10 years later, I was on a visit at her home town, and needed to deposit some money. She was the teller at the bank I went to. I grew a beard since then, and different hairstyle, so at first she didn't recognize me, until she saw my ID. The look of shock on her face was priceless. I wasn't mean to her, but didn't engage in idle chit chat. A few days later she tracked me down on Facebook, and she messaged me, asking out about my life, if I am married, have kids, single, etc. I simply told her that she gave up the privilege to know of my life when she gave me the ultimatum. She had the oddacity to tell me that I neglected her during my time of mourning. That's when I knew she didn't change. I told her I knew that she cheated on me, I know her first born isn't mine, and that even though I don't have any negative feelings towards her anymor, she should never contact me again as I can see she didn't change. I wished her a long and happy life, and then blocked all her friends from her Facebook account, and then blocked her.
Final score:
18points
#8
When they made plans without me, but called the next day to tell me what a great time that they had...
Final score:
15points
#9
I was called by a woman in our friend circle who proceeded to gossip about my (at the time) BFF, it was a bit of a touchy story and although i secretly agreed with some of the things this woman said I very firmly took my friends side . She asked me not to tell my friend, which at first I agreed to but then later, after thinking about it decided to tell my friend what was being said about her, i mean i would want to know if the town was talking about me. It was an error on my part for which I have learnt a valuable life lesson. My BFF went off on a wild rampage. She ended up screaming and shouting at the top of her lungs at this other woman and got the neighbour's involved, it was an embarr scene for all of us. I sat by and just watched this unfold, a little dumbfounded, the story didnt warrent her reaction. Later that day my friend took me on and accused me of things I hadn't done and blamed me for not screaming and shouting along with her. She then told me she needed a break and wants her space. I apologized but said I would accept her boundaries. Her birthday came around, I sent her a birthday message, she had a party and didn't invite me. She unfollwed me on all social media etc. I sent her a gift, which was dropped off for her as she still wasn't speaking to me. She sent me a message telling me how it's obvious how little our friendship meant to me and I've disappointed her. When I reminded her that she said she wanted a break and needed her space she replied with "you should have known better". Yeah, at that point I realized how much I'd been manipulated during our friendship
Final score:
14points
Sam Kenway 2 years ago
I'm glad you learned a valuable lesson, though! No good can EVER come from telling someone what another person said about them. Either they "kill the messenger" or you have proven yourself a person who doesn't keep their word and is therefore not trustworthy, and even if neither of those things happen it just stirs up a lot of unnecessary drama. And they both sound like awful people and awful friends. You're better off without them.
#10
When she started answering for me. I might be deaf but I can speak just fine with my hearing aids in, and I didn't need her to answer for me. Also, she started picking out my clothes, and calling me my deadname. That last part was the final straw, and I said goodbye. Two years later, I've started HRT and I'm the happiest I've ever been with Connor (my boyfriend). A few days ago, Emilie (my toxic ex) reached out to me on WhatsApp, and said she was willing to try again. I left her on read. I'm done with her, and I'm never going back.
Final score:
14points
#11
My dad. I knew by 16 or so that love wasn't possible, and it wasn't my fault he was what he was. No one thing snapped, just... it all fell into place, and I remember the sense of loss at having to give up hope, and having to pretend I hadn't given up caring what he thought/felt. (That was dangerous.) So... Yeah. Still didn't save me from other mistakes over a few years, but... That's the first one.
Final score:
13points
Carol Emory 2 years ago
I'm there with you. My mother was the same way. She hated herself so everyone had to be as miserable as she was. But after a while, I realized that, in order for me to like myself and be happy, I had to distance myself from her. She kept hounding my sister as to why I never called her...if I was mad at her. I told my sister "Why does she suddenly care? She never did before." I knew why...she was running out of people to manipulate because everyone else had pushed her away. That's what being toxic to someone else gets you. Loneliness...
#12
When she called me a terrible friend after I’d been her walking diary for almost 10 years. That hurt
Final score:
12points
#13
I didn't realize until my mother intervened. She had hit me, put my siblings in danger, isolated me, started rumors about me, told all my friends and people at my church how terrible I was to her, constantly started fights, she never respected my boundaries, everything had to be about her, if I was doing something with family she got mad that she wasn't invited and demanded that she get to go, if I was asked to do something she would do it before me so that I would look lazy, she was never respectful to the people I cared about and blamed it all on how nobody loved her. That girl was my best and ONLY friend for five years.
Final score:
12points
Stephanie Wittenberg 2 years ago
This gives me the shivers; I had a "friend" like that. I hope you can recover from the trauma - and that kind of relationship is traumatic as well as toxic. I went to therapy and discovered that there are decent, trustworthy, reciprocal people out there. I made some real friends, but regaining trust in others can be difficult. I wish you all the best and that you find good people who deserve your friendship.
#14
When I found she was hosting sex parties at my home while I was deployed to Iraq
Final score:
12points
Carol Emory 2 years ago
My MIL ended up moving in with her son and DIL because, while he was away working on movie sets, the DIL was at home having stripper parties with two toddlers in the house. Strippers and drunk people in the house with toddlers?!? Yeah...that's not a CPS visit waiting to happen. Oh wait. It Is!
#15
"Not everything is about you, [Random person]" - my 4th grade "friends" when I tried to confront them.
We were inseparable in 3rd grade. Then summer came. I later found out that they hung out over the summer without me. Did I care? No, because it didn't affect us at first. I mean... I was a little hurt that they didn't care to invite me, because we were all basically neighbors and out parents were in contact, but I brushed it off. Cut to September that year. They started acting different. Small things, like spending a day or two without me. This was out of the ordinary, because as mentioned before, we were inseparable. Their overall behavior didn't change yet, so I still didn't care. Big mistake. Another month passed, and they started excluding me. We would still sometimes hang out, but they were acting very distant. Would answer my questions with one or two words and that's it, the conversation was over. Another month of this passed, and then they dropped the bomb. Told my to change my hair to be able to hang out with them. I switched to a side part. They said to stop wearing sparkly clothes (I was 9), I was desperate, so I switched. Then, they said that my personality had to go. I was too hot headed. I promised I'd change. I did. Then, I was too nice. I changed again, the it was too average. I didn't know what they wanted from me. My mom saw how upset I was and took me to a girl's leadership class on handling tricky spots in relationships. Excited, and thinking I'd finally have my best friends back, I tried out the strategies I learned. It didn't work. The quote I started with, that was the result of this confrontation. Their antics took 2 years of therapy to handle.
For those of you wondering why I didn't have any other friends, it was because these two "friends" of mine would actually PHYSICALLY pull me away from others when I tried to befriend others.
Thankfully I am in a much better place now, and finally have real friends who care about me for me.
Final score:
12points
Random person (Submission author) 2 years ago
Who downvoted this? This is something that actually happened to me and absolutely DESTROYED my self esteem and gave me trust issues that I still have today.
#16
I go with my gut. If you make me feel uneasy or irritated, I won't associate with you. If you're only interested in using me as something to talk to without reciprocity, then goodbye. I don't even bother to explain it to some of them~~block and delete the contact, email, etc.
Final score:
11points
Beth Burgh 2 years ago
It's always good to go with your gut, that times I didn't I wish I had.
#17
When her son stayed with us after being accused of touching her partners daughter. Made it all about her. Found out it was true and my family noped out of the friendship. He didn't just touch the daughter but several other girls. She knew and lied, asked my husband to put locks on her daughter's bedroom door, so she could have privacy.
Her daughter visits us when home on leave she has no contact with her so called Mom
Final score:
11points
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
I'm glad you have been able to keep in touch with and care for her daughter. To not be believed by your mother on top of everything else would be terrible.
#18
When I started dating my now- husband, she told a mutual friend how upsetting it was that I didn't ask her permission first. Her husband then told him that it would be a sin to marry me (we'd been dating like, a couple weeks) as I was a divorced woman. They continually tried to force themselves into a role of our spiritual mentors, and I gave pushback like hell, so then I was "in sin" for "rebelling" against the Holy Spirit (them) and 'boundaries' became a cuss word among our friends group. They started using mutual friends, and even a pastor to try to manipulate us into reconciliation (the pastor when off on my now-husband without even hearing our side, he rebuked him for not following the guidelines of the church or Bible in the confrontation). After we were married the man tried to become my spiritual head, and told me to rebuke my husband for not praying enough. I went off on him, and left that community group. They followed us to another one. They were constantly trying to manipulate us, overstep boundaries, invade our lives, all while crying that they had nooo idea why I was so gosh darn mad at them, poor poor them. (As if I hadn't messaged and told them multiple explicit times how they were violating our boundaries). Finally we all met to air out any last grievances in order to officially end the friendship. Found out later they literally held one of the mutual friends hostage, I sincerely believe to traffick her into being their sex slave and child caretaker, and that they left the church to become polygamous, and if anyone was hurt it was the fault of the big bad church. Zero accountability for their own actions. Years later I realized they were functioning as a cult. Bullet dodged, but not unscathed.
Final score:
11points
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
It is so awful when people use their/your faith in order to manipulate. My best friend's ex-husband was not a Christian when they met, but supposedly became one before they got married. Then he used relationships within their church to manipulate her and also others in the church to believe everything he expected in the marriage was because God would want it. Then he cut her off from all her non-church friends and used the church to shield people from seeing he was abusive. Even after the abuse had been discovered and she left him, he tried to use the church to manipulate her into coming back. Thankfully she didn't, but to top it all off, the man who had witnessed the abuse and helped her get out, who is now her husband was part of the church- he and my friend left that church, but his parents were still part of it and refused to speak to my friend because she didn't believe in divorce, and didn't want to listen to why they divorced. All because he used the church for his own agenda.
#19
I was new in school and I became friends with a girl (not gonna say the real name) named let's say ana (had same name as me) she was a short kid horrible breath and took my first kiss so I was friends with her and soon she asked me to buy a 57$wig for Halloween when I couldn't even afford my own costume (I went as a anime characters named dabi she was a reaper) so I told her no and she got mad and punched my back so hard I couldn't breathe for about a hour (I could bearly breath) so i went away she would kick my shins and on Halloween we were out for about 10 minutes and she said she wanted to go home (I was staying with her) so I had like a quarter of a bag fillies with candy then I made a friend who said she was toxic and I unfriended ana and stayed with the other friend then a few weeks ago ana jumped on my back and kicked it while I was on the ground leaving marks (still have them) so I reported her and nothing happened
On a nother note I was se*ually assaulted (well me and ye other friend) by ANA'S BOYFRIEND called fat and shamed so yea there is my life
Final score:
10points
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
I'm glad you got away from her (though she should have been charged with assault) and it sounds like you have a good relationship with your other friend.
#20
I realized it slowly after a 8 year relationship started getting rough. Specifically, whenever I started to get back out of a slump, I started drawing again. This was a big achievement for me, as I hadn’t in years. Whenever I told her about is she just laughed and said “I don’t care” she knew I was not in a good spot, but still said it. More reasons were that she never respected my boundaries, even after reminding her. And also had to have everything focused on her.
Final score:
6points
#21
I was friend with this girl who was very sweet, but oh boy, extremely high maintenance. She needed you to be available to help her or talk with her(for hours), and if you weren't available because life (I was working, in school, and a relationship), or if you upset her, expect to get a 4 page letter, single spaces, front and back, from her explaining how hurt she was. I did try to talk to her about it on multiple occasions, but it never helped I slowly started putting space between us by just not responding or answering phone calls. The final straw was when I was pregnant. She found out from a social media post. I hadn't told many other people besides my close family and a couple of life long best friends. Oh good God!! I got bombard with multiple, very long e mails, voice-mail, and a couple of her signature hand written letters. All of then went on and on about how hurt she was I didn't tell her about the pregnancy, and how upset she was that I told my 2 other friends and family, she believed that she should have been the 1st person to know. It was just too much. I sent her an email back, explained that I will always care about her, but just couldn't do it anymore. I got more emails and letters for about a month, and then never heard from her again. I truly hope she is well, and if she really needed me for something I would be there, but I have never regretted exiting that friendship. I actually felt better because I didn't realize how emotionally exhausted I was because of her
Final score:
6points
Indosidius 2 years ago (edited)
Judging by your post you are a caring person, but trust me, it is better if you just cut her off completely. Block her number, her emails, social media accounts, everything. Clean break. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
#23
When I was constantly the one to initiate contact. I took that as a hint and decided to stop contacting her. Lo and behold! I was right about her not really wishing to maintain a friendship; and I have since moved on to form other more meaningful and fun friendships. Nobody was at fault, just different interests and no chemistry.
Final score:
5points
#24
I had this one friend, lets call them Abby they were so rude to me. They would ignore me, never listen to me and constantly abandon me. My worse fear is being abandoned so this would hit hard for me (this whole thing happed last week). They were making me VERY depressed because i had to deal with them everyday and i just felt so lonely. Since Abby proclaimed herself the “leader” of our 4 person group (including me) everybody listened to her and did what she said. They started ignoring me/abandoning me as well, i was so sad i just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I have problems with anxiety and depression but i was always hiding it so my friends wouldn’t leave me, but two months ago i stopped hiding it. They immediately started treating me differently. So one night i realized that all i wanted in life was to be happy and i would never be happy if i stuck with them, so, i found new friends in secret (this was very hard for me because I’m so bad at making friends). When i did find new friends they made me so happy, i wasn’t lonely anymore. So the next day i stopped talking to my old toxic group and just left them, stopped talking to them and that was it, but they wouldn’t let me go. They sent a letter to my locker after two days (which i expected because Abby will do ANYTHING to make things more dramatic) the letter said things like “we know we are definitely not in the wrong” and “ we did NOTHING to you! This letter is for you to admit what you did wrong” i was SO done! So i replied saying what they did to me and how i was depressed already knowing that they would deny it. And they did while causing more drama by showing everybody I’ve ever known and calling me a stupid b*tch. I just wanted to leave a toxic relationship and be happy, now everybody I’ve ever cared for, people i would KILL myself for hate me! They even gathered up everybody I’ve ever loved and went to the principal to talk to her and call me a b*tch. I dont know what i ever did to deserve this, i just wanted to be happy. But they just had to make me miserable. I can’t walk through the halls without two people i cared for calling me a b*tch. Now they’re making up lies, telling the principal that i steal stuff and have drugs. Everybody hates me… because i tried to be happy… and i dont know what to do. I’m starting to hide my face but i wont work, sometimes in the hall they make me cry and i just can’t deal with it. I dont think ill ever be happy…
Final score:
5points
2-D (Submission author) 2 years ago
Update: they sent another letter saying “we liked the old you, the one who wouldn’t pretend to be depressed for attention. If anything YOU are the most toxic of us all”. I just can’t anymore, they can’t even accept that i had depression because of them. Why wont they leave me alone? Do they LIKE to see me cry?? They laugh when i cry…
#25
oh god. ok, when i was turning 12 in a few months, i got a boyfriend. at first i didn't notice anything. i didn't notice anything when i asked why he loved me and he only said i was beautiful. how he would always tell me to sit straighter and press my legs together to be more ladylike. how he didnt like me sometimes humming to songs or doing little dances i learnt. how a few weeks before we broke up he told me i was annoying. that was one of the biggest hurts in my life. wheni heard he was planning to dump me, i went through the 5 stages of grief in less than 30 min. then i did it before he could because that was when i realised how manipulative he was. i think he was raised on stereotypes
Final score:
4points
#26
This will be my first submission but it only makes sense after writing it under #6 comment section, here goes:
This kind of happened to me in the first semester of high school of my senior year in 2016, maybe as the first post here, she thought I was a toxic friend. I am not a party goer, she was, I am not too over friendly or outgoing, she was, I get exhausted around people, she was always getting her energy from others. We were different from each other but I thought that we were best friends, known each other well or at least I thought so for 4 years but then on the month of our birthdays, she is 10th of October (if I remember right, maybe it was 5 or 8,) and mine on the 29th. I gave her a present and she received it with no complaints, then no contact and my birthday week was here and I tried messaging her, Facebook etc. Her mom sent me a messaging telling me to stop, I was dumbfounded, what did I ever do? Let me mention this, she has a leg trouble, one is a tad longer than the other and she kind of struggles to walk (therefore a disability)
Wanting to talk, I told her that I would wait outside my classroom door, her class was at the end of my hallway so she would pass by me. She never came, I felt sad and started crying and a counselor came out of nowhere. She called to me to go to her office which was in the same hallway and I spoke to her. Then my ex-friend passed by, there was a window with the blinders on but there was a small crack which I saw her from. I was about to leave to talk to her but the counselor stopped me and said, "No, let me go instead," and I was like, "Oh, okay." And when she came back, she told me my ex-friend did not want to be my friend anymore. What made me get more in shock was that she had brought with her the school's security guard. For me it felt like betrayal, she received my birthday gift for her, without remorse and in a way called the cops on me. I felt as if I was a stranger in her life, I would had never harmed her in any way.
When the counselor told me all of that, she suggested to stop talking to her and I immediately blocked her everywhere I could remember. I avoid confrontation if I can do so and if she called for a security guard, what more could she not do. Some time passed by and I saw she tried to contact me via skype, I saw her message months later. Blocker her there too. I remember during my birthday week I passed it off crying. My family saw me and tried to console me. It still hurts to this day. Then recently, she sent me a friend request from her new account in Facebook. I was not aware that was her but saw a picture in her feed and confirmed it was. I tried to make contact. While still hurting because it became a sort of trauma in my life. I sent her a message and asked to meet up, when we were gonna do so, both of our schedules did not match. I received that as a sign from God to not ever meet.
God works everything in favor of his children and He knew I was hurting. After realizing that fact, I sent her a message saying we shouldn't meet but I had questions. Why did she do what she did. Which no surprise, a coward always a coward, no response. She left me on seen and never replied. I left it as that, God bless her, I have struggled to forgive her because she made me feel as if I was at fault. But I have forgiven her, no contact at all. I wish to not be her friend any more. I last saw that she apparently only had one true friend and it kind of makes me laugh at the irony of, if you had only properly seen me as a person and not as a whatever she saw me as then our friendship could have been longer that what it was. 😒 "Time heals all wounds" but God healed mine. Thank you for reading. In response to #6: About a walking diary : I understand the need to speak about anything, during elementary and middle school I always bottled my feelings and that made me feel lonely. Now I speak my mind, of course trying to mind the feelings of others. God is my guide and solace. 🥰
Final score:
4points
#27
My bestie tried to tell me for literally years that my mother's behavior was Not Okay, but of course, I always defended her and tried to say she wasn't that bad.
Then she got WORSE. For a whole month she was absolutely nasty to me. Finally I found out the reason she was mad was that she had read something I posted on my blog (which I wrote personal things on because I thought she didn't read it) that was just a little bit unflattering to her. She was absolutely livid, told me she had read my entire blog, had a huge argument with me... The works.
The argument ended. I walked away. Then I came back, and said, "How much of my blog did you say you'd read?"
She repeated "All of it! I read all of it!"
I said, "So you read the parts where I said I was so depressed I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up?"
She got a look on her face like a deer in headlights and went, "Nnnoooo...."
At that point, I knew for sure that she was abusive. Because EITHER she lied about reading my entire blog, and only told that lie in order to make me feel bad (which is abusive), OR she genuinely DID read my entire blog and simply didn't care about my mental health (which was also emotionally abusive of her). That was the straw the broke the camel's back.
If your friends say someone in your life is not treating you right, even your parents or significant other, LISTEN TO THEM. We tend to excuse a lot more behavior than we should from our family members and close friends.
Final score:
4points
#28
There were a lot of incidents that I made excuses for because we'd been friends a long time and I was close to her young children. But the thing that broke things off - we were at a neighborhood party. There was drinking, but she was no where near drunk - just enough to push her into her loud party mode. Anyway, there were tons of people at the party that I didn't know. I had brought a camera - because I always did - and took a few photos of my friends there but then put the camera away to just enjoy the party. After a bit my friend asked where my camera was. Told her, and she lost her mind. "You mean you haven't been taking pictures? F* you for not taking pictures! F* you!" Last part said several times over - she was angry to realize that SHE wasn't going to have photos for her scrapbook. That was the moment I left the party, left her life and never looked back.
Final score:
4points
#29
My brother, I love him and I do wish him the best but I don't want him in my life anymore. We were somewhat close, until mom died. After she passed I would call him once a week for a month, to see how he was. No answer, no call back. But claimed that he felt like people didn't want him in their life. He told dad that it was dad's fault mom died, it wasn't. I thought it was a super sh*tty thing to say. He's 46, can't hold down a job. Only ever calls when he wants something, and when you tell him no he gets annoyed. Nothing is ever his fault, all the bad things that happen in his life are never the result of his bad decisions it's "just his luck". I told him straight out, if you want to have a relationship, great I'm all for it. But I'm not going to give you money, or do you favors. And if you want to see your niece and you make plans to do so, you need to stick with them short of an actual emergency. Never heard from him again. He's met my 2 year old daughter twice (he came with my dad who was visiting), and he lives 30 minutes away. He couldn't even be bothered to let me know if he was going to come to my wedding. No response at all, didn't show up. I don't need users in my life, blood relations or no. I've had friends who I've know for years treat my better than my own brother. Family is what you make, not the blood you share.
Final score:
4points
Danniee Gyrl 2 years ago
"Family is what you make, not the blood you share" THIS needs to be EVERYWHERE!!!! I really dislike how people use "FaMiLy is everything" as a way to disrespect your life boundaries, to just abuse you mentally, verbally, emotionally, and physically, just because you share DNA with them.
#30
When I compared her to my other friends. (more in comments)
Final score:
3points
Annabeth Chase (Submission author) 2 years ago
If she initiated a fight, it would matter forever, but with my current friends, a fight doesn't matter and we're joking about it two minutes later
#31
Ohhhh boy...buckle your seatbelts my friends because this one will be long.
When I was younger, I had a terrible, terrible ability at making friends. I would say to the point where all my friends were toxic at one point (and that includes me, I used to be a horrible friend due to lack of social skills and knowledge).
I couldn't have been older than maybe...13. Middle school age, a sixth grader. See, I had transferred school districts (in America, schools you go to are dependent on where you live). Well, I had managed to do this because my mother had gotten a job at this school as a teacher, and so I went with her. We had a sixth grade orientation, it wasn't mandatory but my mother made me go anyway.
I immediately felt uncomfortable. I knew nobody and had zero skills in friendship. The principal came up to me, said I looked awkward and shoved me over to the first girl group he saw. This was the beginning of a three year friendship nightmare.
Now that everyone knows this backstory, here's the part where I realized she was toxic. The leader of this girl group, let's call her Jolene, had her eyes set on me, specifically. Not to get all Hollywood but I was about to befriend the literal mean girls. It should have been my first hint to leave when I noticed that they kept leaving behind 'friends' to go talk to the more popular people at that orientation.
It took me three years to see she was so awful to me. I got into anime/manga/eastern asian culture for Jolene, I forced myself to listen to all the bands she liked and was always trying to be the one to hang out. She put zero effort into our friendships and kept trying to destroy my budding personality.
Here's where I realized it. Jolene was in the musical with me. I had always dreamed of doing musical theatre since I was small and I had managed to land a lead role on my first time. I was ecstatic! Obviously I wanted to celebrate. She said that it was only a middle school musical and I needed to get over myself. Jolene really did say that. Which is interesting, because she was also in this musical. It crushed my heart when she had said that, since I had been working to overcome my anxiety and learn more about myself and what I liked.
During this production of the musical, I still hung out with her. I don't know why. I think it was the sense of familiarity, since she was really the only person I knew. I also developed a crush on this boy the two of us had begun to hang out with. I thought he was hilarious, he was extroverted and confident. He enjoyed music just like I did. So I had been planning to tell him about my crush. I didn't want to date but I wanted him to at least be aware.
Jolene took my man away.
I went down the hallway to find her kissing him against the lockers, knowing I had a crush on this boy. The two started dating for a while and when I showed signs of moving on, she dumped him and he didn't date anyone for a while.
Why did she do that? What was the purpose? I can't really say. She was just hurtful because she could. She invalidated emotions from anyone outside of hers. Jolene never wanted to celebrate others achievements, or played it as a competition to get something better or worse (my 'favorite' was when I had been talking about a very personal experience of mine and she said that because this person wasn't convicted or put in jail then it never happened). Jolene had a lot to work on herself. I think she realized she was an awful person after befriending and developing a crush on one of the most awful persons I have ever known to this day. She realized how she was, and Jolene treated me worse because of this other person's toxicity.
I sadly was so desperate for a friend I never left her until some very true friends managed to save me after a devastating time in my life. I could have saved so much heartbreak, hurt and trauma if I had left after the first time.
Please, don't be like me. Get you someone who isn't a Jolene.
Final score:
3points
#32
She invited me to travel with her family to a University where her brother was attending college. My father gave me $100 to pay for my own food and extras. During our trip, while her and I were at the local mall, she tells me that she would steal money out of her father's billfold. I asked her why she just didn't ask for the money. She said it was more fun to steal it.
Fast forward later that day and I told them I was heading to the lobby of the hotel to get change for the vending machine. When I got back, she tells me her father was on the warpath thinking I was the one who stole $40 out of his billfold...probably because she denied taking it. I told her mother that my father gave me money for the trip. She called my father to confirm and he said yes...that he'd given it to me.
Not once during the entire trip did my supposed friend fess up that she'd been the one that had stolen it. I broke off my friendship after that trip.
Final score:
3points
#33
My girlfriend talked about getting married, which I wasn't necessarily against. When I asked why she wanted this, I was assuming her answer would be along the lines of "I really love you and we're so great together." Instead, she said, "Because I'm pushing 35 and I don't want to be the only one of my friends who isn't married!" This answer marked the beginning of the end of our relationship.
Final score:
3points
#34
I found out I had a toxic friendship when she threatened to sleep with my boyfriend if I didn't have this huge party for my birthday.
Final score:
3points
just a nerd 2 years ago
She's clearly one of the shitty ones, forcing you to do what makes you uncomfortable? Damn.
#36
When my dad died and she and I were co-executers of the property and contents of the house etc...and I found out that while my husband and I were at the house painting and fixing it up to try to sell it, she was at a winery with some of my ex friends and she funded her trip out of the shared bank account we had to pay the bills until the house could be sold.
Final score:
3points
#37
Had this friend I thought was a close friend at work, and we would meet for lunch. She moved to another department (but same company), and we would still make arrangements to meet for lunch.
Slowly, she either began to come late for the lunch appointment or told me, 10-30 minutes after the time we were supposed to meet, that she can't make it.
The final straw was when I waited for her for more than an hour, having messaged her to confirm we are still meeting, to see her walking out of the cafeteria with her current department colleagues, supposedly after their lunch. When I asked her about it, she said she forgot about our lunch appointment.
I decided there was no point waiting for someone who basically only looked for me when she couldn't find someone else.
Final score:
3points
#38
I can’t say anything without the person having to give her two sense or “insight”. It wasn’t until a few months ago when she tried to do a “Metoo” thing (not making light of the movement) which wasn’t a thing that I realized she just wants attention and can’t stand anything but the sound of her own voice… which led to too many verbal abuse instances without me catching on.
Final score:
2points
#39
I told him I wasn't into kinky sex so he peed on me.
Final score:
2points
webster 2 years ago (edited)
That's a form of rape, as it's something he considers sexual (rapists don't have to consider something to be sexual for it to be rape, but I'm just clarifying that I don't think it's sexual.. not to kinkshame) done without permission. Get his a*s arrested.
Beth M (Submission author) 2 years ago
Wow, I hadn't thought of that but you're right! I still struggle with it (feeling dirty, etc). I took our child and left him not long after this happened among other things that he did. He was SO toxic in a 'poor me' way.
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#40
Any time I got excited about something (which usually results in me rambling about said thing) I got told to shush or that I was being annoying. Eventually I just kinda stopped talking at which point they got mad at me for “always being grumpy” when I’m actuality I just didn’t know what I could say that wouldn’t have them mad at me
Final score:
2points
#41
I used to date this person. They always tried to “control me” by saying who I could and couldn’t be friends with, told me to stay away from them so I dont “embarrass them with my silly outfit” and would make my friends leave me by spreading false rumors.
Final score:
2points
#42
TW: mentions of suicide and malnutrition (Loosely there but thought I should mention)
For me I'd have to say after the Friendship ended. I'll call this person B. We had been friends for about four years and had discussed lots about our lives and been quite open and B was someone I trusted a lot. I would even go to call him my best friend. After it ended due to issues, (to make a long story short he was saying he was obsessed with me so we shouldn't be friends, etc.) some things came to light. Like how he'd mention how he wasn't a healthy weight often, but never eat, I mean you could see his ribs decently well. This alone being mentioned is fine, and maybe he has an eating disorder I'm not certain, but he would use it as a tool to gain attention and affection from me often. He would mention it, so I would tell him to go grab food, but oh he wasn't hungry, and so on so forth until he seemed done with that attention. Also repeatedly would mention thoughts of self harm or suicide, sometimes even attempts when I would do stuff that made him unhappy. For example he was making people feel uncomfortable at a D&D session we were at so he left. Then later texted saying he expected me to at least see if he was okay.(I had intended to give him space to cool off because I thought that was what he needed after storming out) He also mentioned he purposefully crossed a major road at a very dangerous spot without a crosswalk hoping he would get hit due to the D&D incident. Stuff like this happened throughout my 4 years of knowing him. He would use how he was feeling to gain my time seeing as I would often drop everything to check on him because I knew he was struggling. (not a great thing on my part, and I'm working on it.) In short, my ex Bestfriend, who I won't deny definitely has struggled a lot in life, would use the fact that I cared about him to, in a sense, steal my health and my time and my attention.
Final score:
2points
#43
when they left me for a girl they knew for months
They were my best friends of three years but then this girl came and spread rumors about me
Final score:
2points
#44
Two years ago, at age 50, when I became homeless for 40 days. That's when I realized every time I lost a friend, a job, a girlfriend, a spouse, a rent, my parents were involved. I never noticed before because they are kind and loving to me. But all they ever did was destroy my life in order to keep me dependant to them, to keep me as their child. Every city, every town I would move to, they would follow me, meet my friends, my girlfriends, my landlord, my neighbours, my bosses. Then things would start to go downhill, and then my parents would be there to rescue me. I just can't believe it took me so long to see it. That's when I realized I'd rather live on the street than go back to live with my parents again for the 4th or 5th time since I left at 19. I now live in a new town, have a nice place, with a good job and a kind and loving girlfriend, and they will never meet my parents.
Final score:
2points
Sam Kenway 2 years ago
Jesus, what were they doing?? How were they managing to destroy things for you like that?
#45
she pulled my hair and called me fat, ugly, and that I should kill myself. partly the reason I'm now seeing a therapist. 12 years old and seeing a fricking therapist.
Final score:
2points
Sam Kenway 2 years ago
Hey, lots of 12 year olds could use a therapist, and one day you'll be glad you went and dealt with this sht as a kid instead of letting it mess with you until you're in your thirties or whatever.
#46
They were running a community cafe facilitating workshops etc by ex-drug addicts....while openly talking about how much fun they've had with drugs. Would also happily chat about the time they did class A's with their daughter. A truly vile pos.
Final score:
2points
#47
Wow. This is deep for BP. Okay. Well I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years. Everyone around me tried to clue me in but I was young and dumb. I woke up to my reality when he took me and his new side dish to Las Vegas then left me in the room all day and came back only to put me in a Taxi headed for the Greyhound station. She took all my clothes, my jewelry, my bad decisions.... I had 22 hours on a bus to think through my life and decide to go back to my parents. Glad I did though because I started dating my perfect (now) hubby a few months later. I wish I had woken up sooner though. Like when he pointed a gun at my face and told me not to make friends with the neighbors. I was so stupid. Now I fight for abused women (and abused men) because no one should stay in a toxic relationship.
Final score:
2points
Danniee Gyrl 2 years ago
I am so happy that you found the perfect person for yourself. Thank you for fighting for abused men and women.
#48
Had a best friend couple of years ago... I told her three weeks before I was thinking of cutting my hair and she said, "I kind of like my friends more when they have longer hair". I thought to myself F,U!!! I cut my hair anyway and then she told me that I looked ugly, needless to say, we're not friends anymore.
Final score:
2points
#49
Okay, we have this tight family friend. We'll call her Z. We've grown up close to her and her daughter, C. Z's sister also had kids, who she ended up adopting because she wasn't a very good caretaker and was rather abusive. The oldest one the same age as I was, had been through a lot and was in a terrible mental state. I had decided to try and make the oldest, we'll call him Tim, comfortable. (Tim is trans (FTM) and bi) We'd message over the phone regularly and we're getting to know one another when he sends me a message asking, "So, are...Am I supposed to talk to people about, y'know, hurting yourself?" I responded with saying that he should tell Z so that way he can get the proper help needed. I also sent him some hotline numbers just in case. He sent a simple, "K" and went offline. A couple days later, we were on a video call and his sister stole his phone to talk with me. In the background I heard Tim yell, "I love you," before there was a high pitched yell and the call ended. A little bit later he calls back and starts yelling at me that I never said I love you back. I tried to laugh it off and keep talking, but he continued being salty about it for the rest of the call. Before he hung up he said I love you and gave me an expecting look until I said I love you too.
2 days later we were talking again and he starts talking sh*t about one if my little sisters. I got really stiff and just started nodding. After that, he started talking about how Z was mean and abusive and yells at him for no reason. I've known Z longer than he has, she literally lives with us for the better part of my childhood. She's calm, sweet, and never acts that way ever, especially since that was how her parents and partners treated her. Tim started saying that Z yelled him because she caught him harming himself and yelled at him saying he was not trust worthy. (After checking with Z and my own parents, Z had found Tim hurting himself and had simply told him he wasn't allowed near sharps and how she was going to keep a closer eye on him.)
Over the course of a week had steadily made it known that he didn't approve of anyone I hung out with, my family, and how I didn't reciprocate his 'love' well enough. He sent me a message one day and said he was going to un-alive himself. I started panicking for half an hour, telling him to take some deep breaths, talk with Z and that he can make it out of this. He simply ended the conversation saying, "Fine. I'll just lay in my dark room alone, but being alive hurts more than death would. I don't want any more help, they just make things worse, but I'll stay alive for you."
I ended up hitting up my therapist, where she helped me realize that he had been manipulating me to get emotional gratification. From there I got help from my friends and parents to help me properly distance myself so I wouldn't get hurt. Tim still refuses to cooperate with his therapists and will fake his way out of mental health hospitals.
Final score:
2points
#50
My brothers gf. I noticed it the moment my mum told me about a time that he wouldn’t buy a £600 rug she liked and she ignored him for the day. There an online relationship, me and my mother have tried to tell him a lot that she is controlling and he ignores us.
Final score:
1point
#51
Many of my exes have sexually assaulted me and they always found a way to explain or excuse what they did and I felt trapped and scared to leave or say something. One day it happened in front of my best friend and that’s when she told me I deserved so much better because not only was I being traumatized, she was too. I finally got up the courage and told him straight up that I deserved better and that he was a manipulative *sshole.
Final score:
1point
#52
When I said "I don't feel like I'm a priority in your life" and he responded "You're not."
Final score:
1point
Amelia Kolodsick 2 years ago
I’m so sorry that happened, but if he treats you like that, just leave him behind and put no more time or energy into that relationship.
#53
Toxic “Best Friend”. There were multiple red flags (in order)
1. She laughed when I told her that someone close to me was in the hospital and I was worried for her.
2. Ignored me every time I tried to talk to her.
3. Gave me tons of dirty looks.
4. And now since I dropped her due to the toxicity, she is trying to steal my friends. :/
Final score:
1point
#54
My cousin (let's call her "L") and I both realized we were in a problematic relationship with the rest of our family when we were about 13 years old. In L's immediate family, she was subject to a case of favouritism when it came down to her and her younger sister. Her parents always took the side of the sister, and we didn't really catch on to how problematic they were until the younger sister started taking advantage of the favouritism and basically harassing us, physically and mentally. I was always close to L and I knew about the harassment, I was even a victim of it every chance that was given to that bratty child. Our parents/uncles/aunts found out about the harassment, and they still sided with the younger one because of her age (she was not incredibly young, she was perfectly capable of making her own decisions and understanding the gravity of them). This didn't change as she got older, we were just told that she's "still our sister/cousin" and that we'd have to deal with it. My side of the family was slightly different; I didn't have my dad around growing up, so my mom was my only source of guardianship. She wasn't too bad, because she left me alone most of the time, but she was always pointing out and making fun of my insecurities when we did interact. Everything that happened was blamed on me. I didn't talk to her voluntarily for a while until I felt the need to voice how uncomfortable I was around my grandparents. Speaking of them, my grandparents were the people who created my insecurities in the first place, always calling me skinny and telling me that I would get fat someday. It gave me a complex that I'd never be of healthy weight, I'd always be under or over and there was no middle ground. This was really damaging to my self-esteem, so I finally approached my mom, hoping she would listen. She screamed at me and told me that it was a compliment and that I should be grateful that my grandparents were trying to spend time with me since they "wouldn't be around for much longer." Then there was the mutual grandma I shared with L; and oh my god was that a nightmare. L ate a lot while I ate a little, and she always compared us to each other. She'd tell me that I was too skinny, and warn L that she'd get too fat. She'd belittle us for our clothes, interests, appearances, everything. She would even talk about us behind each other's backs. With everything piling up, I think that's when it really clicked for me and L that our family was toxic and that we only had each other. We're still really close; not so much to our family.
TL;DR: Me and my cousin experienced favouritism, harassment, and overall problematic behavior from our family and finally realized how toxic it was.
Final score:
1point
•joe cool• (Submission author) 1 year ago
small update all of this was true but it was NOT as bad as I made it sound LMAO not only does this make me sound much older than i was when I wrote this, but me and my cousin have a very good family (including the cousin who used to harass us, turns out they have a mental disorder and they’re getting better) they’re just a little obsessed with weight 😭😭 i was so dramatic xd
#55
When she hit me in front of other people at a club one night.
There were other signs, like complaining I don't pay enough attention to her (she would say that to me, while I was working), always having to go out (to "make an appearance" at the club).
Then, not coming home till very late (3am-ish). When I would try to spend time with her, she would then say she was busy.
Then, the last straw, was when she went out with another guy on Valentines Day. I didn't even get the courtesy of a break-up. She said "It was rude to cancel plans with someone", that was her excuse.
I also found out she had a cocaine habit (she hid it well).
I saw her a few times after that at the clubs, but didn't talk to her or even acknowledge her. Apparently that really pissed her off too.
But now, years later, I realize I had "dodged the proverbial bullet" and was far better off without her.
Final score:
1point
#56
Last summer I found myself homeless and exhausted. Felt like I had some kind of a metal bar stuck at the bottom of my back (one with shards) and when the firemen took me to the hospital, I couldn't even make it down the truck (in France firemen deal with medical emergencies). I understood very quickly that they were going to monitor me and before they had my phone turned off, I called my best friend of 21 years to tell him I probably wouldn't make it. I was too dazed and screaming in agony to realize what I told him and never suffered a similar humiliation in my life. We said our goodbyes and the nurses and staff worked on me.
Turned out I survived but I don't know how. They left me out after possibly one week, I have no precise memories. I was exhausted and had kidney problems, my heart could have stopped anytime.
Best friend never called back. Didn't send a text or email or send a pigeon. It dawned on me that to I was dead to him. Many months after that I called him and he told me that I had said "farewell" and to him that was that.
I have no real hate towards him, because that would be too much of a gratification. I'll never forgive him for that though, also for sending me pictures of his posh new apartment as I was sleeping on the pavement, or reproaching me for talking about the fact I had been raped in a shelter for the homeless. Turns out to me that it was sheer cruelty and that he drops people when they're down. So here it is, f^^k you, Arnold.
Final score:
1point
#57
Last summer, as I was homeless, I felt like I had a metal bar at the bottom of my back. Walking was impossible and once the firemen took me in charge I couldn't even walk down their truck (in France firemen deal with medical emergencies, also the hospital is very far from town).
I was screaming in agony and when I realized they were going to monitor me I freaked and called my best friend of 21 years to tell him I probably wouldn't make it. Can't remember the specifics as the pain was so intense and I could barely breathe. And then I literally just collapsed and woke up much much later with an IV in my arm and morphine in my bloodstream.
So, turns out I didn't die after all. I sent a text- no answer. Then I found an apartment. Then it dawned on me that he hadn't bothered sending me pictures of his posh new apartment when I was still technically sleeping outside and weather was getting icy. I remembered how he felt uncomfortable with the fact I had been raped by two young guys at a shelter for the homeless. So I texted him that. He told me "I'll give you a call tomorrow, but remember, you said "goodbye"". And then he had this sweet word "I know you're still going to say it's my fault if you were raped" (I never said that before).
So, there it is, and for all the good times, the complicity, the generosity, he waited for me to be at my lowest ebb to let me down and even a little bit downer- f^^k you, Arnold.
Final score:
1point
#58
When one of my best friends from grad school stopped returning my calls when it was MY turn to need a favor.
Final score:
1point
#59
I had met her in 5th grade, (this girl was my BFF, like I actually thought she was my best frind) she was fine but in 6th she started acting like she knew it all. She would get mad at me for talking to guys and would always say mean stuff. 7-8th grade she would always make it about her. She would tell me that people hate me and dont want to be my friends anymore (she was lying) I would say I like someone and she would lie and say "Oh I have liked them long before you but its okay ill back off" EVERY SINGLE TIME! I could easily tell when she was lying. She would make plans but "cancel" last minute, only for me to find out she took someone else. I would get excited about things or someone would compliment me and she would say "they dont mean it" "oh they say that to everyone" "I dont care" etc. She would spread rumors and manipulate others into hating me. She would talk c**p ab my friends even after I asked her to not. She would say im her BFF but say the exact same thing to other people. She would also make me do things for her. Anytime I talked to somebody she liked or used to (the people she liked I was good friends with) she would get all pissed off and yell and scream at me. If I was upset she wouldnt be there for me, she had no sympathy. Theres lots more, but those were the main reasons. The final straw was when she was being ABSOLUTELY disrespectful to a close friend. I noped out of there and told her I dont want to be friends anymore. It was really hard at first because there was a few times she was a good friend. But my freind group reminded me of all the bad things she did. We actually got in several verbal fights because she spread rumors that I cussed her out and called her a b***h. I completely ignore her now, and the people who took my side IK are my true friends. Me and the ex BFF are chill now, we dont talk but we at least tolerate each other. (DANG THATS A LOT OF WORDSS)
Final score:
1point
#60
When my daughter and her boyfriend began to take over our apartment, made it so that I didn't even want to come out of my room, and began literally dictating my whole life, even down to what I could and couldn't eat. Then the other day they freaked out because they found out I had borrowed a straw (the reusable metal kind, of which there are 20) without asking. It's A STRAW!. They took my tablet away as a punishment, and when they were both yelling at me my daughter comes out with 'I feel like I should just slap you' and she was serious. This is all her boyfriend. He hates me and has insidiously worked to turn her against me, egging her on to magnify every childhood wrong she feels she endured. If she had a different boyfriend, this would not be happening. She's obsessed with him and their relationship, to the point where she would go to work with him (he's an arborist) and sit in the car all day and watch him work. Not because she doesn't trust him, she just can't stand to be away from him. I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to go, and no one to help me. If I claimed domestic violence, I would have to be the the one who leaves because he's on the lease and I have no proof, as it's all psychological abuse I don't think they will ever get their own place anytime soon, as they can't afford it because they blow their money on expensive things like cookware and electronics, and my daughter says she won't leave until she's sure I can manage on my own. I'm disabled, and they're forcing me to get a job. The other day my daughter said that if I don't get a job, they will lock me out and put me on the street. And they have locked me out for a short time a couple of times. I don't know what to do. He's convinced his own family that I'm a terrible person, so I can't even go to his grandma, who raised him, for help.
Final score:
1point
Danniee Gyrl 2 years ago
Are you able to purchase a camera? Or are you able to record them with your phone, when they are abusive to you. Please find a way to record their abusive behavior towards you. Once you are able to do so. Even if you can not record them, Contact your local APS (Adult Protection Services) in your area NOW. Adult Protective Services (APS) agency to help elder adults (60 years and older) and dependent adults (18-59 who are disabled), when these adults are unable to meet their own needs, or are victims of abuse, neglect or exploitation. Please report them. If you need help reporting them. Let me know, and I will do it for you.
#61
Just recently, I found out that one of my “best friends” was moving schools. At the time I was really upset, but later ended up celebrating the fact that they were leaving. The had constantly used the excuse, “but I’m your best friend of the years” to get me to tell them anything or do anything for them. They aren’t exactly tall, so sometimes people make little jokes ab it. However they always make jokes ab me being “fatherless” “ooooo no dad haha”. And then compare that to the jokes ab them being short. They constantly self diagnose with things such as, dyslexia, ADHD, autism, tourettes, anxiety, depression, etc. The other day, actually, they came up to me and said, “I feel like you like your boyfriend more than me” of course I do that’s how a relationship works. I’m just happy I never have to talk to them again.
Final score:
1point
#62
When he refused to pronounce my name correctly and only called me when he wanted sex or money or both.
Final score:
1point
#64
When my wife left me 2 years ago and has refused to accepted my apology, She found out that my ex few years ago is actually her younger sister. She was furious that her sister and I has kept it as a secret ever since our 12 years of marriage. I just want to say we are back together now, we renewed our vows last week after I did a love reunited spell from (lovesolutiontemple. c om), it only took less than 12 hours for my wife to call me and say she has forgiven me. In two years my wife hasn't called me, she moved to her mother's house where it's even more difficult to reach her.
Thanks to (sangopriestesslovesolution@ outlook. c om) for such a miracle that has changed my life forever.
Final score:
1point
#65
When my wife left me 2 years ago and has refused to accepted my apology, She found out that my ex few years ago is actually her younger sister. She was furious that her sister and I has kept it as a secret ever since our 12 years of marriage. I just want to say we are back together now, we renewed our vows last week after I did a love reunited spell from (lovesolutiontemple. c om), it only took less than 12 hours for my wife to call me and say she has forgiven me. In two years my wife hasn't called me, she moved to her mother's house where it's even more difficult to reach her.
Thanks to (sangopriestesslovesolution@ outlook. c om) for such a miracle that has changed my life forever.
Final score:
1point
#66
Story time!!! So I have this friend, Grayson, I’ve known her for about 3 or 4 years. She lives 5 hours away so I see her about once or twice a year. We used to FaceTime every day but we kinda fell apart and call a couple times a month because we’re both busy. I do talk to my other friends, Sarah, micayla and Abigail. I’ve known Sarah and micayla for 9 years and Abigail 7 and I’m extremely close with all of them, especially micayla. Grayson decided to call me and we were talking for about 30 minutes. Micayla calls me and asks if I can talk (nothing happened she just wanted to catch up because she’s been on vacation) I asked Grayson if I could talk to Micayla and she looked at me and said “no.” She’s always been bossy so I’ve gotten used to it. I told Micayla Grayson said no. Grayson then told me “Micayla doesn’t deserve you, I do”. That’s when I realized she was a little toxic. Other stuff she does regularly are: insulting me, pointing out my biggest insecurities, always has to one up me when I accomplish something, never lets me do what I want, touches me (hugs and s**t) after I tell her I’m not comfortable with it, one time when I was in the shower at her house she took my phone and went through it, she’s never happy for me, and she does other stuff. She won’t really let me leave her (she cries and tells her mom and her mom tells my mom and I get grounded) so I’m stuck with her.
Final score:
1point
Sarah Bell 2 years ago
That's a failure on the part of the parent. Your parents are supposed to protect you and making you stay friends with some who doesn't understand boundaries and causes you to feel that drained is affecting your mental health. I don't know why her mom has so much sway in making your parent force you to stay friends with someone like that. I hate to say this but I hope you can get out on your own sooner than later so you can control who you choose to let into your life. Be mindful of this when you are able to pick your own friends. Don't allow them to also he toxic and put up with it because your used to being a door mat in this situation. If grounding isn't abusive or too bad I would take that and tell you parent that it's hurting hurting you so much that you would rather be grounded than deal with their bull c**p . That it affects you so much that you'll take punishments over being forced to be around all that opossom c**p . If your parents are abusive when your grounded like denying food or hurting you in anyway then obviously I understand why you want to avoid that but if it's just being sent to your room with no electronics then take it and show them how bad and how much you would endure to get away from this person because it's the lesser of the 2 . Sorry if this doesn't make sense . And I am by no means telling you that this would fix it but it's what I would do .
#67
My "BFF" hated my other BFF, Grey, because Grey had anxiety which made them blow up at people. I explained that we both had anxiety, but mine manifested in stress while theirs manifested in anger. She goes (ignoring Grey's preffered pronouns of they/them), "Yeah but why can't she just be stressed?" I explained to her that anxiety doesn't work that way, but she wouldn't accept it. I forgave her. She was dating a boy named Jamie, but she didn't like him anymore and I had completely fallen for him. So, she broke up with him, I confessed my feelings, and we got together. BUT he was still friends with her, which she hated. She thought it was awkward, and asked me to help her unfriend him. I wanted to make her happy, so I agreed. Turns out I wasn't helping her, I was doing it for her. My job was to go up TO MY BOYFRIEND and tell him that he was being mean to her. I refused. He was a wonderful person, and still is. So she did it herself, and I forgave her again. Me and Grey got in a fight, as is bound to happen with anxiety BFFs, and I told the toxic friend that I was done with Grey. She was thrilled. The next day was a fresh start, and I realized how silly the fight had been. I told Grey that I still wanted to be friends. They did too. However, the toxic one had been so happy, and I didn't want to upset her. So Grey and me kept talking in secret. Finally I told the toxic friend. She goes, "I'm not mad, I'm just wondering WHY." I was upset. I forgave her again. Then one day, I bring my favorite stuffed animal to school, and wear my favorite sweatshirt. I lose the sweatshirt on the playground, go back to look for it, find nothing, and am devastated. I go back, and my stuffed animal is gone. I tell Grey, and they say that a kid named Ash took it. I take it back. I tell the toxic friend what happened, and her reply is, "You're friends with people who have done worse." I shut myself up and cry. That is the last straw. She asks what she did wrong. I tell her. She says my opinion is s**t. 2 seconds later, she's wondering why I won't forgive her. Thankfully, I have 2 great friends (Jamie and Grey)
Final score:
0points
Sam Kenway 2 years ago
Sorry, but Grey sounds like a jerk here. Having anxiety doesn't give you a pass to blow up at people and abuse them. It's not an excuse not to have to apologize and improve your behavior (which it sounds like Grey does, from your description?) If I was your friend (the one you call "toxic," I mean) I'd be glad you'd decided to stop being friends with a girl who did that, too; you can say, "Anxiety doesn't work that way," all you want, but proper behavior does in fact work that way. Grey's anxiety is her own problem. It's not fair to take it out on other people. Your "toxic" friend doesn't seem to have done anything really wrong here, while Grey does, but you're accusing the "toxic" friend of being toxic for wanting you to leave an abusive friendship and being upset that you keep making excuses for a drama queen who likes to abuse people. And she's right to wonder why you won't forgive her, too, for blowing up once out of frustration while going out of your way to forgive Grey.
#68
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Final score:
0points
#69
Been suspicious about my husband, since he comes back from work very late and sometimes he doesn’t come back and gives all sort of excuses later on .. i suspected that he might be seeing someone else , i thought about hiring a private hacker to help hack into his mobile phone and other social media account , came across many hackers who claimed to do the job perfectly but later turn out to be scammers until i came across this very hackers on a blog who helped me get the job done .. Now i have access to his phone and can see whatsoever he’s doing .. so happy right now ..all thanks goes to this great hackers .. you can contact them also via :
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Final score:
-1point
What do you think ?
Amy Burke 2 years ago
you can always tell by the way you feel after being with them. If you feel on edge or like you can't be yourself then it's time to break loose
Sweetie Cake️ 2 years ago
i sorta lost my brain with him tbh. i mean my submission is up there but he was so manipulative i did whatever he said
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Eline 2 years ago
I burnt my whole palm with her fricking hair straightener( her hair was naturally straight, wtf), so i put my and under cold water. She pushed me away from the sink because she needed the mirror to apply make-up. To go to sleep. She also kicked me in the ribs because i was snoring. Putting her in her place was so satisfying. Last time she tried to speak with me ,i greated her with a little " please go away, you're polluting my athmosphere."
Eline 2 years ago
I put my hand * Sorry. I'm really trying to make progress in english😅
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YestaVesta 2 years ago
The most important thing is the realization and you all had it once and that really matters. Great job getting away from those toxic and abusive people! It speaks of you all as very strong persons. Thank you for sharing this discussion. 🤗
Amy Burke 2 years ago
you can always tell by the way you feel after being with them. If you feel on edge or like you can't be yourself then it's time to break loose
Sweetie Cake️ 2 years ago
i sorta lost my brain with him tbh. i mean my submission is up there but he was so manipulative i did whatever he said
Load More Replies... Eline 2 years ago
I burnt my whole palm with her fricking hair straightener( her hair was naturally straight, wtf), so i put my and under cold water. She pushed me away from the sink because she needed the mirror to apply make-up. To go to sleep. She also kicked me in the ribs because i was snoring. Putting her in her place was so satisfying. Last time she tried to speak with me ,i greated her with a little " please go away, you're polluting my athmosphere."
Eline 2 years ago
I put my hand * Sorry. I'm really trying to make progress in english😅
Load More Replies... YestaVesta 2 years ago
The most important thing is the realization and you all had it once and that really matters. Great job getting away from those toxic and abusive people! It speaks of you all as very strong persons. Thank you for sharing this discussion. 🤗
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