Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
1Kviews
15submissions
3days left
Hey Pandas, What Trait Did Your Parents Have That Makes You Feel You’d Be A Better Parent?
Any "Well, Now I Know What Not to Do" Moments Are Welcome!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Easily better than them
My father set on fire by him pouring hand sanitizer of my back after lifting my vest and pinning me to the ground set it on fire, it burned for several seconds, my vest slided back down burnt as well, melted onto my skin plastic(?) zipper included and fused with it!. I kept from screaming the whole time because he told me to, or else.
My back melted off and was oozing, I couldn't see properly it was my back, thankfully he left this evening to go fetch/take my grandparents from/to the airport so I could take care of it a little (I.E. let it in the air instead of putting a shirt over it to hide it. I don't know if it was second or third burn as I couldn't go to the hospital as people coudn't learn about it.
Hurt for several weeks, I couldn't lie on my back or sides bend or hunch, having a chill hurt extremely, having a shower would make my back worse, the rubber elastics of my panties and bra were pushing on the scar/healing hard and hurt, my shirt would constantly brush against it. I didn't see it but I felt it with my hand when I tried to fix it when it happened and think one of my vertebrae bone was bare, and leaking black(?) I thinnk it got infected because there is a bump at one spot..
that's one example
So considering I have to actual will to be a good parent if one day I can that's makes it better, just that only.
RELATED:
#3
Constant beating during childhood (my hands and feet had black bruises).
Constantly insulting and humiliating me (even as a 7 y. o. child).
Never teaching me anything but expecting me to know things.
Lashing out at me for minor trifles or for no reason at all.
Telling me their life would have been better if I hadn't been born.
Reproaching me how they sacrificed their youth and how much money they spent for my upbringing.
Never offering any word of support or praise, even invalidating my achievements. (ex. "big deal, you just got lucky").
Sleep deprivation - as they would frequently enter my room when I was asleep and make noise to wake me up etc. etc.
It's really easy to be a better parent than that.
Martin König 1 week ago
Similar experience, just my parents are dead now. What's their status?
#4
My dads as fat stupid and lazy as they come. Think Homer Simpson except lazier and he doesn't drink. He completely ignored us kids and spent all his free time watching tv. The only chore he ever did was laundry but only his laundry. My mom who has fibromyalgia had to do everything and she worked full time on top of doing all the household chores and taking care of 7 kids. He was a pitcher in high school and I had to beg him to play catch which he only did a few times. He wonders why I hate him.
Brian Droste 5 days ago
My dad was not a bad dad but as my siblings and I grew up my dad did less and less with us. He was big into taking care of his yard and having a garden. So he spent a lot time with these activities.
#5
My father was a sociopathic abuser, my mother a doormat and enabler.....I COULD have been a better parent but feared i wouldn't be so never married and no kids.....let the line die with me.....
#6
I called my mother’s style of parenting ‘the Reign of Terror’. My elder sister was the same and they fought like feral cats. There is a saying ‘you parent as you were parented’. Am happily married, no kids.
#7
Dad made me feel safe and loved. I knew if I could do that for my own kids then I'm probably on the right track. I have a lot of siblings and Dad makes all of us feel like we're his favourite* - kids need that level of attention from a parent.
*(Which is obviously crazy talk, as clearly I'M his favourite....).
#8
My dad wasn't a bad dad or a excellent dad. He was a decent dad. As I was growing up when I was little remember him doing things more with me and my siblings. As we grew up he did less with us. He didn't beat us or treat us in a bad way. What I remember about him he was more into yard work and gardening. He didn't really encourge us to do better but he didn't discourge us either. From the time he got home from work he was either doing yard work or gardening work until supper time. After suppertime he was back out doing either of those activities. He didn't teach my sibling and I gardening either. At the time I probably wouldn't want to learn but as an adult I would have appreciated it. I watched my dad do it but but wasn't learning how to do it. He just let us do what we want. As going through school both my parents wasn't to concern about our grades. Whatever we got, they accepted. That was more on my mother's part than my dads. As I got older and become more religious, I appreciated my parents more.
#9
My dad would always guilt trip me into being better, saying things like, "Oh I used to feel good about faking you on trips, but you're such a bad student that we can't do that now." or "I wish you could watch this show with me, but because you're grounded I guess I'll have to watch it by myself. That's quite a shame isn't it?" It's nothing compared to other peoples experience I'm sure- But I will never do that to my kids.
Tonyah Mcanelly 1 week ago
My mother was a single mom she didn't drive due to a car accident that traumatized her. so growing up we walked everywhere. I grew up in a small town so walking wasn't to horrible as most things were relatively close. Watching her support me and my two siblings on her own with very little money . was such an inspiration. Eating from a silver spoon sounds great but polishing a tarnished spoon until its silver is the best life lesson I was ever taught .
#10
The "poor parenting" traits my parents had are one of the reasons I've chosen. But for people who are, letting your teens drift aimlessly and make all their important life choices on their own is a good indication you shouldn't have had them.
StrangeOne 4 days ago
I hear this rhetoric from some of the older parents. "Teens don't like being seen with their folks, so I leave them to it." It's normal for teens to groan, whine and feel embarrassed around their folks. But this is also a time when teens really, really need non-judgemental guidance and a present family.
#11
My parents would buy me an instrument i.e. a drum set, keyboard, a guitar, but never get me lessons. Then they'd tell me I'm lazy because I never learned how to play. This was also per-internet days, but they also never took me to the library.
#12
Probably the beating from my mother after our parents divorced.
With the electrical cord to my naked 10-14 body, to compensate my father left her there and our, the cockoo eggs, with ther.
The only thing I wanted after the beatig was the cuddle from my mother, who, ironically, was the one who did it.
Now it's a little better, thaks for asking.
#13
Survival cheap cooking sills. Pork chops, SoS (creamed beef jerky on toast) how to fry an egg in cast iron, and how to care for cast iron. Thrift shopping and menu planning. Being able to whip something up, and being creative in doing it.
The importance of Sunday AM breakfasts, with all of us together.
#14
My mom just didn't understand me or my struggles. She was a thin, popular, confident cheerleader. I was a fat, snarky need with low self-esteem issues. We got to common ground after I had my first baby and now she's one of my best friends.
#15
Selfishness and impatience.
I've already raised my kid into adulthood.
My mom: - Didn't like waiting for me to think of an answer before repeating the question.
- She's very selfish of other's time. Sure, when she needed help I would go help. But the she would tell me not to take off because she MIGHT need me again. So I had to stay on standby, even though I had other things I was doing.
-Anything I did on my own time was considered "doing nothing".
- If anything got even a tad untidy or dirty, she would get so mad, as if I did the worst thing in the world.
- She didn't like to listen to anything that was happening in my life. My problems were just not that big to her as they were to me, because she had it worse before.
Me as a parent: - I helped my kid with her homework and allowed her the time to think.
- I cleaned her toys and helped her tidy up, in a friendly, upbeat way.
- The whole treating her as a servant didn't even fathom the thought. She has been allowed all the time in the world for her hobbies and fun stuff.
- Not only do we talk a lot about stuff together, I listen to her problems and things she's been going through. I really think I might have saved her life in junior high by just being there for her and helping her out. I've always encouraged her to speak up to me and never judged.
Today, we're as tight-knit as can be. We don't know entirely everything about each other, but we have a deep, trusting bond that neither of us dare to break.
I don't have that kind of relationship with me and my own mom. To her, we talk. To me, it feels strained and I don't trust going to her for a lot of things. It almost feels as though our mother daughter love is fake.
Add Your Answer! This post is a community curated
Add Your Answer!
Related on Bored Panda
