It's not a direct question, more of an existential one that I'm not certain has an answer, at least a clear one. My father was gender fluid. They identified as a trans woman until my early 20's and they are now non-binary. It wasn't a secret, and was taught early on about gender identity, but there's one thing I've always wondered was (excluding biological reasons) 'what makes me female?' I feel female, I feel connected to the gender I was born with. It's not biology, who you're attracted to, how you dress or what you like, so what is it? How do come to realize that the gender you are born with isn't who you are? What does it feel like? Like I said, more of an existential question.
~Also, I love this post! I think it's a great idea for people to ask questions and begin to understand and accept.

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48points

Bonesko

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How do you make your Ask Pandas questions have a pride flag background?

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38points

Insert Pride Flag Here

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I keep asking people what LGBTQ+ means and I have never received a straight answer.

Okay that's a joke.

My actual question, is there a meaningful distinction between between being bisexual and pansexual?

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35points

Nathaniel

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If someone calls themselves trans woman, were they born as a man or woman?
What I mean is do you say I'm a trans followed by what you identify yourself as or from what you came from?
Hugs from Sweden

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30points

Magnus Eklund

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If I am not sure of someone's pronouns, is it ok to just try They/them? That's what ill usually do if I don't want to ask (socially awkward)

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30points

Not Telling you

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My question is for the trans folks. Did you chose your name because it held a special meaning, or you just really liked the name?

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24points

Black Cats and Corgis

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My sincere question: What would LGBTQA+ most like to have people *stop* asking? Because, as a straight woman, nobody ever asked me things they've asked LGBTQA+ cousins (yes, I have more than one, big fam). Examples:
1. When did you know you were (whatever it is)?
2. What makes that attractive to you?
3. What about the danger in the lifestyle?
4. Does this mean you're going to hell?
5. Can you change your mind?

And so forth.
If I have offended, I apologize. Seriously do wish to know what you'd like to *stop* being asked.

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22points

Leo Domitrix

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Okay this is something I have been thinking about for a looong time now, so here goes nothing.

If a person raises their kid in a completely gender neutral manner, and later the kid identifies themselves as non binary... so is the kid considered cis ot trans??

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21points

Iris

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I honestly would like to know, and feel like I need to understand:
What is the reason why young people feel the need to "come out" at such a young age?
Let me explain: my 15 yo daughter has come out as pan, ace, aro, and now demi, all in the span of a year. Why "announce" it to the world until you know definitively how you feel?
I guess I just don't understand the need for 5-20 year olds to put on a label until they've had experience (yes, I understand that sometimes you "just know" - I am not talking about those people. I am talking about those that are still questioning).
Please help me understand

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21points

Unicorn27

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As the father of a gay daughter I have learned not to ask questions incase I get yelled at for not using the most current terms/definitions.

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21points

YELLING!!!

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Firstly, I want to say that I am genuinely curious about this and I mean no hate towards anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm really confused about gender, some websites say it's a social construct, others say it's a spectrum, others say it's how a person feels about themselves. I've been wondering about this for a while, since I don't really understand any of these answers. So if a boy likes typically feminine things - like dresses / the color pink - does that make that person a transgender girl? Also, I don't really understand how someone knows they're transgender. I'm NOT saying they're not transgender, I'm just asking how one would know. Is it a preference for certain things? One website said it was Gender Dysphoria - not being able to be comfortable in your own body and wanting to have a body of the opposite sex - but does that mean you don't like the features of a body with certain features - e.g. certain genitals, breasts, etc, or does it mean liking stuff typically associated with the opposite gender? Once again, I don't mean to offend anyone, but none of this is making any sense to me.

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20points

Istax

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I've been wondering for a long time and don't want to offend anybody, but I don't understand what cis means. Could somebody please explain?

Thank you! :)

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18points

Aurelia

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HELLO QUEER FOLKS I'm posting this here cause I do need help with it


How do I get my mom, who let my buy a trans flag, to let me socially transition when we move. As in, I'd start there as Valentino, versus changing midway? Any suggestions? :'D

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17points

Valentino (they/it/he/xe)

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I have one, as I am straight… when/how do you know that you are LGBTQIAA+?

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16points

your sarcastic bestie

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well, whats the difference between being bisexual and pansexual?

also what does non binary mean?

and whats the difference between being bi, beig pan, and being nonbinary?

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14points

𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕥𝕥 <33

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I’m sorry and this is not how I feel I just want to know are u transphobic if you don’t want to date a trans person? I’m sorry if I offended anyone, not meant to be rude just curious.

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14points

Da Dragon Queen

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I personally identify as AroAce but I don't know if I really am, and it feels like I am a false member of the LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes I feel like I am just identifying myself as AroAce just to be a member of the community.

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14points

Commander observant

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How can I support you better as a community member?

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Elvee K

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I have a question.

Why are A sexual persons not included within the community? They are generally treated as though they have the plague. Or brushed off.

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12points

Lucky2BAlive

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I am part of the community, but I have a question about animal gender identities. I don't really understand how that works and I have seen people that label themselves as things like "pup-gender" and I really don't understand how a gender can be an animal or also people that can themselves "dream-gender" (referring to the YouTuber) if that is a person/character. If anyone identifies as an animal gender can you please explain what that means?

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8points

Kevinඞ

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Where can people go to find out about Gay Pride Parades in their area? Is there a national group that keeps track of them all? I'd love to attend one and show my support. They also look like a blast!

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8points

Carol Emory

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Hello! I’m Asexual and I’ve been asking this question a lot. Is Asexual part of the LGBTQ+ community? (Asexual means you don’t like males or females) correct?

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8points

Makenzie Godwin

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Why do so many people in this community despise religion so much, and badmouth every religious person out there? You're discriminating and generalizing just like people did to you. Why is it okay when you do it? Why can't you share your views on religion without being respectful? A sincere question from a queer Muslim. This question came about because of the fact I'm constantly attacked by the LGBTQIA+ community and other Muslims. Being a minority within a minority is hell, and rarely anyone will stand with you. Why is it, because I'm Muslim, that you feel the need to criminalize me, and make me feel like sh*t? (This is for the people that do it)

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8points

I don't like avocado

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how does it feel being so wildly homosexual? (not a genuine question)

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8points

the aftermath is secondary™

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Is there a place where I can find genderfluid memes that are not saying that it's wrong and not real?

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7points

Larry Face

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For trans folks, especially those with many years experiencing presenting as their true gender:

How do you look at your pre-transition self? Were they always your current gender but perhaps unknowing, struggling, misplaced...or do you think of them having previously been that gender?
For your friends who knew you before and after, do they see you as transitioning from one gender to another, or do they see you as always being your true gender, but hidden until the transition?

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7points

[]

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I am so confused on people's relation and identity with gender. Someone has asked something similar already, but not exactly the way I question it.

Basically, I have no real ties to gender at all. It is not something I think about really ever, I use cis pronouns just for convenience sake but I don't care either way. To me, gender isn't really a thing because what is socially considered masculine or feminine are very stereotypical and one can be like to do certain things without identifying with that gender (ofc I respect however people identify). However, for people who are cis or trans, how do you know how you identify? I agree with how people nowadays are starting to break those norms (e.g., letting a boy play with dolls) and such, but then where does one's connection to their gender tie in? What makes one identity feel right? And since gender identity is different from gender expression, then is it just their body or how one fits in society? Because ideally as society (hopefully) moves toward gender equality, shouldn't that become more similar as well?

Also, how are people so sure of their sexuality? How do I know I am attracted to someone and not because society has ingrained certain looks of people to be attractive? Am I ace or bi (am I just recognizing they are attractive, or am I actually sexually attracted to them)? Or maybe I'm gay and I have been ingrained to think the opposite gender is attractive when I'm wouldn't actually be attracted to them?

Finally, what is the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship? I have never dated before, so maybe once I have it would be different, but what is the distinction between the two? I recognize there would be a general care and love for that person, but I care about and love all my friends, so what else would there be?

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7points

me

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Hey! I just have a question.
I always got harassed for being an asexual at any LGBT rallies that my school had. Do people even consider asexuality as a part of the LGBT community anymore?

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7points

AsexualShrimp

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A lighthearted question for you all! Favorite flag and least favorite flag?

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6points

Aerial (Any pronouns/Canadian/Jewish)

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Any of my fellow gays, what's your favorite way to tell people that you are, in fact, gay? I'll start. I love to tell people that I'm illegal in over 60 countries.

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6points

Devin Howe

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people homeschool kids to avoid exposing them to the community. does it make them bad parents?

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5points

Cat Momma

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It’s definitely a question but it needs some context. I don’t mean in any way for this to sound bad as I support LGBTQ+ 100% but this is becoming a recurring problem with a friend and I’ve had to drop her because of it and multiple other reasons. Is it common to take problem society puts on you and put it back on the people around you? My ex-bestfriend came out as Bisexual last year and started dating a gender fluid person. As this school year went on she became completely lesbian. She started talking a lot about how Queer people are extremely repressed and that it’s rude to do that to anyone as everyone deserves a voice. She also said that it hurts when people say Ew when you say someone is hot which our friend group has never done. Fast forward about three months and she starts repressing and saying Ew in that exact manner to us, who are all straight. We tried talking to her about it but instead twisted our words and made us sound like we were making her a bad person when all we wanted to do was ask why she was doing it. She also dumped her insecurities on us which was no big deal cause we all did it. However, it started becoming a lot about her parents. Her parents accepted her 100% but did not like who she was dating. Her parents are also very Christian so there’s a lot of things she’s not allowed to watch or read and all that stuff yet. So she starts saying all this s**t about her parents and how their “oppressing” her and “trying too hard” and “keeping her safe”. The issue was that our entire friend group but her do not have a stable home environment like that. I have divorced parents and my dad is an absolute b***h who only cares about money and thinks that the child support he pays makes me want to see him after the giant fights we’ve had the past two years. One other friend’s parents are divorced and her situation is a lot like mine. The other two’s parents are still together b ur fight constantly. I’ve seen it and it gets bad. They’d do better divorced. But the friend in question has perfect parents who just care about her which none of us have. I guess my question is, Is it normal to take experiences you’ve heard about and put them on other and completely disregard other peoples problems for yours? I guess I’m wondering if this is just part of transitioning and if it will go away as she also just came out as gender fluid.

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5points

Skyler Dightman

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It's not meant to sound or be offensive but if LGBTQ is supposed to be normal then why the flag?

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MoonlightSheikah

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Unrelated but SO delighted to see people being SO clear that their questions are NOT coming from a place of judgement or I’ll will…. Just a place of genuine curiosity
Bravo straight ally’s!

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5points

LennytheCat

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What does it mean when someone uses multiple pronouns? (Like she/they, he/they) Which one do I use?
Also, does the order make a difference? (Like if it's they/she, they/he)

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5points

Sophia Snell

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Where would be a good place to learn more about all the different meanings? Currently I'm stuck just doing Google searches because unfortunately a good portion of the LGBTQA+ community where I live tend to just shut down questions as people trying to 'fake it' or people being rude and ignorant on purpose. It's taken me years to figure out what I am because I haven't been able to actually ask people that seem to know more to help me figure it out.

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4points

Jacin Larkwell

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(Sorry me by the English mistakes I'll probably commit)
Well, I was about to do sum questions, but I'll write a bit for context.
So, er, since I was a kid, my father created me as the most homophobic and transphobic person in my social circle, and was very agressive with me. He almost beat me for being friend of a bisexual person. I don't have any contact with him anymore, and he also gave me a disgust for male.
Then, some time ago, I was talking again with my childhood friend, and we started dating. It was the very first date for each of us. (Just an observation, they said they have fell in love with me years ago)
Their older brother was transitioning and I totally supported him. He hated me, but, whatever, that's not the point. In the beginning of the year, Angel, their current name, found their selves non-binary. I was quite surprised by the suddenness, but, I handled it normally and help they in what I could. They explained that they felt it since younger.
At this point, I couldn't no longer say I was straight, since I loved they regardless of their gender. We break up a few weeks ago, and I still cry listening to songs that remind me of they... Whatever, continuing:
Their brother started to talk with his mother about he being trans, and Angel is still in the closet. I had my "gay moments" (yea, sound very homophobic, sorry if I already offended half of the site's users) in life, but not stopped to think about my sexuality or gender. For now I'm calling myself gender fluid, bc I don't really think I am trans, but I don't feel cis, and, non binary doesn't sound with me... Again, this text is looking like "I want to be different ;w;" I'm talking serious.
Well, I dunno if it was my father, my last lover or my doubts, but I'm really unsure about my gender for now. I'm wondering if I talk about this with my psychiatrist, or wait 10 years, or try to forget this... er, that's not a question, sorry :³
Normal questions: Can someone be pan romantic and homo sexual or something like this? I didn't get the difference between romanticism and sexuality well -w-

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4points

Icy

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What's the + for in LGBTQ+?

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GreenCyan

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(this isn't hate)
Why is gay a synonym for happy is so many lgbtq+ people are depressed
-a lesbian with bpd

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LimonadeDaWolf

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I’m not trying to offend anyone with this- sorry if I do, but if you are non-binary how would you identify as straight/gay/lesbian/etc? If straight means the opposite gender but you’re nonbinary, what is the opposite gender? If lesbian means the same gender, but lesbian is usually referring to girlxgirl relationships, how does that work?
Again, not trying to offend anyone, just genuinely curious.


Also this one might offend people more, but why isn’t straight considered part of LGBTQ+? It’s a sexuality too.

P.S. What are super straights? I saw something about that once but didn’t understand it.

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blub

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What is the best way to ask someone you are meeting for the first time what pronouns they prefer you use with them and at what point in the initial conversation is it best to ask?

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Kiski Piski

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I was always taught that it was polite to refer to someone you couldn't tell the gender of or wanted to keep their identity secret as they. (For example, when talking to dog owners I would say "they're so cute", and when talking about a friend in a sensitive situation I would say something like "yeah, they're really upset.") Today, is this offensive or confusing to people who use they/them pronouns? Thanks :)

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LavenderAxolotl

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I’m abrosexual and ace . Do you support me ?

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aricely

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I've wondered for the longest time how it works for a gay man in a marriage/relationship with a woman, eg hiding the fact he is gay, that they have children together, biological children I mean. If he is attracted to only men how does it work to have se* with a woman? Do they think of men to get it up or? Incredibly confusing and probably nothing to think about but it's just something I've read about the past where gay men are in a marriage with a woman because it was illegal for them to be gay and they have children together.

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3points

Sammie 19

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Why is "lesbian" such a difficult word to say? I'm a lesbian, I know that, but more often than not I just tell people that I'm gay, or that I like girls. The word "lesbian", while I have nothing wrong with it as it validly describes my identity, seems so bold and different, maybe because it's a noun instead of an adjective, and it says exactly who you are, not a describing word? I'm not sure. Is this just a me thing or does the word "lesbian" just work like that?

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WritingSatyr

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Who's the idiot that came up with that conversion c**p like you can just lay the gay away?

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Bucky Buckminsterfullerine

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In customer service, I address people as "Sir" and "Ma'am." What's the equivalent for someone non-binary or whose gender I'm unsure of?

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2points

Mine Truly

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she/they or he/they (or anything of the sort) what’s the best way for us to address you guys? I’m never sure what the preferred pronoun would be- should we use both interchangeably? Still trying to understand-

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2points

Autumn Artemis

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What do intersex and queer mean? (I hope this isn't offensive.)

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Sophia Snell

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I’m kind of lost about the fact if I’m not bi. I’m 13 so I’m learning a lot about myself and this is just stuck in my head. So my question to all the LGBTQIA+ community is: How did you know you are LGBTQIA+?

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CrazyCatLady

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Maybe it's just me being young and inexperienced but wouldn't the majority of people be considered demiromantic/demisexual (only feels romantic/sexual attraction after a strong emotional connection)? I know there are people who supposedly fall in love at first sight and there are plenty of one night stands but other than that I was surprised there were Pride flags for them. I've been curious about this for a while but haven't found a comprehensive answer yet.

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1point

a really bored panda

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I have kind of a basic question and I mean ZERO offense to anyone: can someone please break down all of the genders/sexualities? I don't understand any of them except gay, and bisexual.

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Wow, That's a Long Name

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Where do asexuals fit in with the 2SLGBTQ+ community? Frequently they are not considered in the conversations.

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Beth Ellis

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