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#1
It's not a direct question, more of an existential one that I'm not certain has an answer, at least a clear one. My father was gender fluid. They identified as a trans woman until my early 20's and they are now non-binary. It wasn't a secret, and was taught early on about gender identity, but there's one thing I've always wondered was (excluding biological reasons) 'what makes me female?' I feel female, I feel connected to the gender I was born with. It's not biology, who you're attracted to, how you dress or what you like, so what is it? How do come to realize that the gender you are born with isn't who you are? What does it feel like? Like I said, more of an existential question.
~Also, I love this post! I think it's a great idea for people to ask questions and begin to understand and accept.
Final score:
48points
Kitsune Nocturne 2 years ago
I am gender fluid, and the way you described feeling connected with your birth gender is probably the closest comparison anyone can make. Your connection to your gender probably feels natural and "right" (as in "this is how it's supposed to be for me"). You don't question it, because it's as normal to you as your skin. But what if it didn't feel natural? To make a somewhat silly comparison, what if you knew you were supposed to have skin, but you had scales? Wouldn't that bother you every time you looked in the mirror? It would be a constant reminder that your body and your sense of self don't mesh. For me, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have skin, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have scales, and everything inbetween, plus some extras. Now, this is as best as I can describe MY experience, but please know that everyone is different. Another gender fluid person might have a completely different experience, and they might feel this description doesn't work for them.
#2
How do you make your Ask Pandas questions have a pride flag background?
Final score:
38points
#3
I keep asking people what LGBTQ+ means and I have never received a straight answer.
Okay that's a joke.
My actual question, is there a meaningful distinction between between being bisexual and pansexual?
Final score:
35points
Marla 2 years ago
I identify as pansexual because it works for me but I sometimes use bisexual when people don't understand what pansexuality means. My understanding is bisexual have a preference for the binary male or female. Pansexual has a preference for any across the gender spectrum including nonbinary, agender, gender fluid etc. Personally I feel like there is a lot of overlap. None of this is precise and it's good that it's not rigid. We use these words to gain a better understanding of ourselves and others - not to trap ourselves into boxes to be checkmarked.
#4
If someone calls themselves trans woman, were they born as a man or woman?
What I mean is do you say I'm a trans followed by what you identify yourself as or from what you came from?
Hugs from Sweden
Final score:
30points
Anonymousplease 2 years ago
A trans women is a person who identifies as a women but was not a biological female. A trans man is a man who is not a biological male. There are also trans non binary people
#5
If I am not sure of someone's pronouns, is it ok to just try They/them? That's what ill usually do if I don't want to ask (socially awkward)
Final score:
30points
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
100%. I honestly don't see the need for gendered pronouns in English anyway, so let's normalize using they/them as a default!
#6
My question is for the trans folks. Did you chose your name because it held a special meaning, or you just really liked the name?
Final score:
24points
#7
My sincere question: What would LGBTQA+ most like to have people *stop* asking? Because, as a straight woman, nobody ever asked me things they've asked LGBTQA+ cousins (yes, I have more than one, big fam). Examples:
1. When did you know you were (whatever it is)?
2. What makes that attractive to you?
3. What about the danger in the lifestyle?
4. Does this mean you're going to hell?
5. Can you change your mind?
And so forth.
If I have offended, I apologize. Seriously do wish to know what you'd like to *stop* being asked.
Final score:
22points
Ashe 2 years ago
(Context here, I am pan) I really wish people would stop asking me if being pansexual means I'm attracted to cooking pans, if that means I would date them (fortunately for them, i have standards so they wont have to worry about this), if this means I would date animals (I would not) if I'm just bi, how I can be pan if there is only 2 genders (untrue in my opinion), etc.
#8
Okay this is something I have been thinking about for a looong time now, so here goes nothing.
If a person raises their kid in a completely gender neutral manner, and later the kid identifies themselves as non binary... so is the kid considered cis ot trans??
Final score:
21points
Bethany Heller 2 years ago
My opinion is that if they said they're non binary, they're non binary. Doesn't really matter what they were assigned, especially if they were raised gender neutral
#9
I honestly would like to know, and feel like I need to understand:
What is the reason why young people feel the need to "come out" at such a young age?
Let me explain: my 15 yo daughter has come out as pan, ace, aro, and now demi, all in the span of a year. Why "announce" it to the world until you know definitively how you feel?
I guess I just don't understand the need for 5-20 year olds to put on a label until they've had experience (yes, I understand that sometimes you "just know" - I am not talking about those people. I am talking about those that are still questioning).
Please help me understand
Final score:
21points
Anonymousplease 2 years ago
There are a few reasons that people come out when still questioning. 1) to find a community that will help them in their journey of finding who they are. 2) it can feel like you are lying to others while hiding that you are trying to figure it out. 3) having a label can be helpful for some people, even if they switch between terms, because it can make you feel less lost
#10
As the father of a gay daughter I have learned not to ask questions incase I get yelled at for not using the most current terms/definitions.
Final score:
21points
Nimues Child 2 years ago
You can ask those questions here. Let us help you if you want some clarity. I'm sorry you get yelled at for genuine curiosity.
#11
Firstly, I want to say that I am genuinely curious about this and I mean no hate towards anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm really confused about gender, some websites say it's a social construct, others say it's a spectrum, others say it's how a person feels about themselves. I've been wondering about this for a while, since I don't really understand any of these answers. So if a boy likes typically feminine things - like dresses / the color pink - does that make that person a transgender girl? Also, I don't really understand how someone knows they're transgender. I'm NOT saying they're not transgender, I'm just asking how one would know. Is it a preference for certain things? One website said it was Gender Dysphoria - not being able to be comfortable in your own body and wanting to have a body of the opposite sex - but does that mean you don't like the features of a body with certain features - e.g. certain genitals, breasts, etc, or does it mean liking stuff typically associated with the opposite gender? Once again, I don't mean to offend anyone, but none of this is making any sense to me.
Final score:
20points
Anonymousplease 2 years ago
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are confused about the difference between what gender someone identifies as and how people express themself. Gender identity is what gender you feel like you have, cis or trans. Gender expression is how you dress, act, or express yourself. A person's gender identity and expression don't always match. As for being trangender, it is a different journey for everyone, some people feel like they have always known, others take a while to figure it out. Not all trans people experience gender dysphoria, but many do. There are a few types of it, I think the main ones are not feel like you fit in your biological sex, and feeling uncomfortable with what gender society labels you based on your biological gender and/or appearance. Sorry for the long answer, hope it helps
#12
I've been wondering for a long time and don't want to offend anybody, but I don't understand what cis means. Could somebody please explain?
Thank you! :)
Final score:
18points
#13
HELLO QUEER FOLKS I'm posting this here cause I do need help with it
How do I get my mom, who let my buy a trans flag, to let me socially transition when we move. As in, I'd start there as Valentino, versus changing midway? Any suggestions? :'D
Final score:
17points
BAWK BAWK BAKAW 2 years ago
i mean it really depends on what your mom is like. she seems like even if she isn't a full ally yet, she's open to it. if i were you, i'd start by telling people you trust (which may or may not include her) how you'd like to be referred to. then slowly branch outwards until you're presenting as yourself. i hope this helps, and sorry if it doesn't
#14
I have one, as I am straight… when/how do you know that you are LGBTQIAA+?
Final score:
16points
Anonymousplease 2 years ago
Some people feel like they have always known, and others have more of a journey to find who they are.
#15
well, whats the difference between being bisexual and pansexual?
also what does non binary mean?
and whats the difference between being bi, beig pan, and being nonbinary?
Final score:
14points
basil 2 years ago
Being bi means you are attracted to two or more genders, and being pan means that you are attracted to all genders with no preference. Nonbinary is a term for anyone who's gender isn't strictly male or female. It can be a label by itself, but there's a lot of subcategories like genderfluid, bigender, agender, etc. So nonbinary isn't a sexuality, and both pan and bi people can be attracted to nonbinary people but not all bi people are.
#16
I’m sorry and this is not how I feel I just want to know are u transphobic if you don’t want to date a trans person? I’m sorry if I offended anyone, not meant to be rude just curious.
Final score:
14points
#17
I personally identify as AroAce but I don't know if I really am, and it feels like I am a false member of the LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes I feel like I am just identifying myself as AroAce just to be a member of the community.
Final score:
14points
Kalmar (she/her) 2 years ago
I remember having an 'imposter' phase when I identified as ace, especially since then I thought I was still hetroromantic. In the end, only you can say your identity. Maybe ask yourself some questions, or research on aroace. If you find you are aroace, know that you are 100% valid. Hope that helped!
#18
How can I support you better as a community member?
Final score:
14points
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
Honestly, teach yourself anything and everything you can, and don't put the burden on LGBTQ people to explain to you what you're doing wrong and how you can do it right. We don't all want to be teachers and advocates and political statements, we just want to exist. So listen to the people who are comfortable with talking, but don't put any pressure on those of us who just want to live our lives.
#19
I have a question.
Why are A sexual persons not included within the community? They are generally treated as though they have the plague. Or brushed off.
Final score:
12points
Loki’s Lil Butter Knife 2 years ago (edited)
Hello Lucky, asexual person here. I agree that it's harmful and sad to not be accepted. Unfortunately, asexuality is often considered a mental illness (when it isn't) that can be treated with medications and the truly horrendous conversion therapy (praying away the gay/ or being forced into sexual encounters). The Trevor Institute says that asexuals have some of the highest percentages of being offered conversion therapy as a way to fix them. There's very little asexual representation in the media and yet have a feeling there's a lot more of us, but so many people are terrified to ever come out to family and friends (I'm 30 and still closeted) for fear of ridicule and not being accepted. Sadly, many LGBT support groups don’t even include asexual teens, youth, and adults in their conversations. All members of the LGBTQIA+ community should be loved and included! Fortunately, wonderful activists like Yasmin Bennoit are working with the LGBTQ+ community to bring more awareness about asexuality. Remember you are loved and valid! If anyone says you are not they are not worth your time.
#20
I am part of the community, but I have a question about animal gender identities. I don't really understand how that works and I have seen people that label themselves as things like "pup-gender" and I really don't understand how a gender can be an animal or also people that can themselves "dream-gender" (referring to the YouTuber) if that is a person/character. If anyone identifies as an animal gender can you please explain what that means?
Final score:
8points
Erika 2 years ago (edited)
Xenogenders. They’re controversial because some LGBTQ people believe it invalidates the struggles that LGBTQ people have gone through, like being called the right name and pronouns if they’re not cis. Xenos were coined as a way for neurodivergent people to express their gender identity. Dreamgender started off as a joke but it ended up getting into the wrong hands. I do not think xenos are valid and many people online will come for you if you believe that xenogenders are invalid.
#21
Where can people go to find out about Gay Pride Parades in their area? Is there a national group that keeps track of them all? I'd love to attend one and show my support. They also look like a blast!
Final score:
8points
Lazy_Panda 2 years ago
I'm not really too sure, but I would assume if you go to your cities website they would have a date for the pride parade, if they do have one. I know where I'm moving they recently had their first pride parade (I'm really excited for next year! ) And it was on the website, but I will look into that! You have spiked curiosity in me now.
#22
Hello! I’m Asexual and I’ve been asking this question a lot. Is Asexual part of the LGBTQ+ community? (Asexual means you don’t like males or females) correct?
Final score:
8points
sourlemons 2 years ago
yes - actually, a lot of people now say LGBTQIA+ instead of just LGBTQ, which includes intersex and asexual people
#23
Why do so many people in this community despise religion so much, and badmouth every religious person out there? You're discriminating and generalizing just like people did to you. Why is it okay when you do it? Why can't you share your views on religion without being respectful? A sincere question from a queer Muslim. This question came about because of the fact I'm constantly attacked by the LGBTQIA+ community and other Muslims. Being a minority within a minority is hell, and rarely anyone will stand with you. Why is it, because I'm Muslim, that you feel the need to criminalize me, and make me feel like sh*t? (This is for the people that do it)
Final score:
8points
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Honestly some people just don't think I'm sorry for how those people act ❤️
Louieeeeee 2 years ago
I’m so sorry people treat you like that. I think it’s because people think religions tend to be homophobic. You are totally valid and I welcome you into our community. <3
Markus It/Its 2 years ago
Too many individuals from various religions do not practice what they preach and are very loud at condemning those they consider wrong/different/sinful. Those who don't tend to be much quieter in their opinions. People judge the whole as a result of these vocal individuals. Personally, I feel the more vocal ones embody the spirit of their religion the least, as every religion I know preaches love and acceptance and respect over all others. It's a terrible fact that so many think that everyone who follows that religion has similar opinions. You are valid and as is your religion.
MARGARET SCHILLING 2 years ago
I'm Christin and bi. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier just to leave the religion because they don't support me, but the reason I stay with it is 1) I truly believe in God and all that 2) if everyone in the LGBTQIA+ left it, then it would never grow to accept it. Christens are slow to change but that doesn't mean they can't ever change
I don't like avocado (Submission author) 2 years ago
You're right. Slowly, but surely, the world is changing. I just hope that one day being queer is normalized enough so that we don't need any kind of labels.
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Lucky2BAlive 2 years ago
People rarely (as my mother would say) put their brain in gear before their mouth in motion. I am sorry people have treated you with disregard. You would think that within the Muslim community you of all people be treated a little bit better. But like a lot of people, the expectation of marriage and children is somehow more important than happiness. I am here if you need to chat (at 55, I am only “out” here but working on it)
I don't like avocado (Submission author) 2 years ago
Thank you. Good luck with coming out. ❤️
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ThePanInPanda 2 years ago
I'm so sorry you have to go through that! You are valid, and we're on your side!
Stefan 2 years ago (edited)
Im pretty sure you can. But I don't see how. Hope you find your way.
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Phoebe Stein 1 year ago
I can't empathize with you now that I saw your comments on xenogenders. You are a disgusting person, so shut up.
Romenriel 2 years ago
My honest opinion: It's because people don't magically become perfect by joining the LGBTIA+ community. All people have it in their nature to generalize and discriminate. And all people, regardless of their sexuality, gender, religion or other convictions, have to fight this urge in themselves. Being LGBTIA+ makes people more accepting in some areas, but not necessarily in general. Shaking it all off takes a lot of inner strength over long period of time and most of us are stuck somewhere in the middle with it. It's hard to human and we have to be patient with each other. It's especially hard if you're at the receiving end of all that hate. I'm sorry. I wish you the best. Despite all of this, change for the better is possible.
I don't like avocado (Submission author) 2 years ago
I absolutely agree with you. However, that may be a reason for the hate but it's certainly not an excuse. And we shouldn't brush it off just because of said reasons. It's still a serious issue that needs to be addressed within our community, not just for the religious queer individuals but for all of us.
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Frying Pan 2 years ago
Likely because many (not all) churches and religions are homophobic. Of course, there's those saying that you can't be LGBTQIA+ and religious (not true), and that it's a sin to be anything but straight (also not true). These people are jerks. However, people making you feel bad because you're Muslim are also jerks. Nobody should discriminate, whether it's based on sexuality, religion, or anything else. Have a nice day!
I don't like avocado (Submission author) 2 years ago
Yes, the three major Abrahamic religions take a homophobic stance on queerness. However not a single person follows their religion the same way. In the hands of different people it becomes a completely different religion. That could be a bad thing or a good thing.
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43 S 2 years ago
I was raised in a very religious family and they gave me hell growing up as a queer kid. I was kind, caring, did great at school and all I did to deserve being ridiculed, yelled at, verbally abused and threatened to be disowned was not being into penis, which apparently Daddy God didn't approve of. The most hatred towards the community comes from religious people. Sorry, that's the facts. There is a big power imbalance here and there is a right and wrong. People have harassed, maimed and killed members of the community in the name of (put whatever they call their imaginary friend here) and they keep doing that. Ever seen or heard of gays stoning people to death/beating them up because they were (put name of religion here)? Yeah, me neither. When it comes to religion as a concept, I don't respect it at all and I don't need to. I owe the respect to individuals, my fellow humans, who chose to think differently than I do. You are valid and don't deserve any of that.
I don't like avocado (Submission author) 2 years ago (edited)
Well, you may not realize this but calling people's Gods "imaginary friends" is kinda considered to be disrespectful. The daddy god part was kinda funny though. Yes, the queer community gets hate from mostly religious individuals. That doesn't give anyone the right to generalize and say just because you're a religious person I'll be sure to dismiss your thoughts and feelings. Being a queer Muslim, I'm caught in a really bad place. Where there is many people who absolutely despise me for being religious, and then a lot of the Muslim community as well who despise me for being both or either. I have experienced hate from religious minorities. Heck, I live through that everyday in my own thoughts. I know just as good as anyone does what it's like to be treated a certain way because you're queer. It's not fun. And I sympathize with you. I'm sorry the religious individuals you've interacted with have lead you to think religion is evil. I'm very sorry.
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U r lovely and beautiful 🫶️ 2 years ago
I love love love love love love LOVE the idea of religion. The fact that ppl believe that someone is always there even if ur friends and family aren’t is just 😘. I love it. That being that’s always there no matter what is the only one that truly matters. I’m LGBTQ+ myself and I’m a very firm believer in God, Heaven, Hell and my good friend Jesus over there. Lots of LOVE 💖🫶🏻
Sydney-Kate 2 years ago
I like how my church puts it. We believe marriage is ordained of god and was supposed to be between a man and a woman, but if you choose or feel that you are part of the lgbtq+ community we will love you and support you. I have plenty of gay friends that are members of my church and they are the most faithful people ever. Those who make fun of you and say that god doesn’t care about you is wrong because He loves each and every one of us exactly the same. Sometimes people take their personal feelings and put it into religious feelings so they don’t look as homophobic as they actually are.
I don't like avocado (Submission author) 2 years ago
Unfortunately I've had experience with that. Using religion as an excuse to be hateful just gives everyone else the bad reputation. I hope people start realizing that soon and stop being hateful. Thank you for leaving your comment, I really appreciate it. Your church sounds wonderful.
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That nerd Zoe ️🇺🇦️ 2 years ago
I don't hate every religion. I hate destructive cults and homophobes. I'm a Buddhist lol... It'd be weird for me to hate religion.
Stefan 2 years ago (edited)
You say you are attacked by other Muslims, right? Well... A lot of us are used to be attacked daily by people that use their religious speech as a rock... Don't we? Religions tend to be homophobic. Homosexuality is a crime in a lot religious countries. So I don't see what you don't get it... I'm sorry you feel excluded by the community, but I don't see how you "don't understand why some people in this community despise religion so much"... I mean... Isn't it obvious?
I don't like avocado (Submission author) 2 years ago
Firstly, you can't generalize. The point of my post was that I'm queer and as a Muslim that makes my life hell. The reason you see me targeting some individuals in the LGBTQ+ community is because this thread is meant for the queer community. "Religions tend to be homophobic." I disagree. People are homophobic, not their religions. People simply use their religions as excuses to be hateful, hence why the Muslim community is generalized. And it's not exclusion, it's full on hate. Just as bad as I get from the Muslim community, if not worse. I understand people's distaste for religion. But I don't understand their hate for religious individuals. People use the "religious people hurt me" card to do just that to people who never hurt them. I have to deal with that thought process of theirs. Every day. "Queer and Muslim? That's dumb. Your religion is dumb and not valid. You're just as dumb for being both. It's like a meat eating vegan."
Load More Replies... #24
how does it feel being so wildly homosexual? (not a genuine question)
Final score:
8points
#25
Is there a place where I can find genderfluid memes that are not saying that it's wrong and not real?
Final score:
7points
Valentino (they/it/he/xe) 2 years ago
Tumblr. I have a friend who's genderfluid on there. TikTok also has some (for example: it's so hot outside all my genderfluid friends boutta become gender vapor)
#26
For trans folks, especially those with many years experiencing presenting as their true gender:
How do you look at your pre-transition self? Were they always your current gender but perhaps unknowing, struggling, misplaced...or do you think of them having previously been that gender?
For your friends who knew you before and after, do they see you as transitioning from one gender to another, or do they see you as always being your true gender, but hidden until the transition?
Final score:
7points
Anonymousplease 2 years ago
I see my past self as still being non- binary but being unaware of it. I don't really see my past self as a true reflection of myself because I was not truly myself. I struggled with my identity before I even knew that being nonbinary was a thing
#27
I am so confused on people's relation and identity with gender. Someone has asked something similar already, but not exactly the way I question it.
Basically, I have no real ties to gender at all. It is not something I think about really ever, I use cis pronouns just for convenience sake but I don't care either way. To me, gender isn't really a thing because what is socially considered masculine or feminine are very stereotypical and one can be like to do certain things without identifying with that gender (ofc I respect however people identify). However, for people who are cis or trans, how do you know how you identify? I agree with how people nowadays are starting to break those norms (e.g., letting a boy play with dolls) and such, but then where does one's connection to their gender tie in? What makes one identity feel right? And since gender identity is different from gender expression, then is it just their body or how one fits in society? Because ideally as society (hopefully) moves toward gender equality, shouldn't that become more similar as well?
Also, how are people so sure of their sexuality? How do I know I am attracted to someone and not because society has ingrained certain looks of people to be attractive? Am I ace or bi (am I just recognizing they are attractive, or am I actually sexually attracted to them)? Or maybe I'm gay and I have been ingrained to think the opposite gender is attractive when I'm wouldn't actually be attracted to them?
Finally, what is the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship? I have never dated before, so maybe once I have it would be different, but what is the distinction between the two? I recognize there would be a general care and love for that person, but I care about and love all my friends, so what else would there be?
Final score:
7points
Chiguira 2 years ago
I know you aren't looking for terms to identify with but before I answer your questions, your relationship with gender seems to match the terms cisgenderless and cassgender if you would like to check them out! An example I've heard of how gender works is that when you are born you are pretty much assigned a identity, like what if you were told to live your whole life with scales insteas of skin. The scales would feel weird wouldn't they? Gender is like that you are forced to have scales when you are more comfortable with having skin instead. And sometimes it isn't scales, it could be fur or it could be a mix of scales and skin. No matter what though, one fits better than the others. For the second set of questions, thinking someone looks attractive doesn't always equate to being attractes to them. But that's really all I can explain as an ace person. The difference between platonic and romantic is complicated though. So you should probably do your own research instead as I am aro.
#28
Hey! I just have a question.
I always got harassed for being an asexual at any LGBT rallies that my school had. Do people even consider asexuality as a part of the LGBT community anymore?
Final score:
7points
#29
A lighthearted question for you all! Favorite flag and least favorite flag?
Final score:
6points
#30
Any of my fellow gays, what's your favorite way to tell people that you are, in fact, gay? I'll start. I love to tell people that I'm illegal in over 60 countries.
Final score:
6points
#31
people homeschool kids to avoid exposing them to the community. does it make them bad parents?
Final score:
5points
#32
It’s definitely a question but it needs some context. I don’t mean in any way for this to sound bad as I support LGBTQ+ 100% but this is becoming a recurring problem with a friend and I’ve had to drop her because of it and multiple other reasons. Is it common to take problem society puts on you and put it back on the people around you? My ex-bestfriend came out as Bisexual last year and started dating a gender fluid person. As this school year went on she became completely lesbian. She started talking a lot about how Queer people are extremely repressed and that it’s rude to do that to anyone as everyone deserves a voice. She also said that it hurts when people say Ew when you say someone is hot which our friend group has never done. Fast forward about three months and she starts repressing and saying Ew in that exact manner to us, who are all straight. We tried talking to her about it but instead twisted our words and made us sound like we were making her a bad person when all we wanted to do was ask why she was doing it. She also dumped her insecurities on us which was no big deal cause we all did it. However, it started becoming a lot about her parents. Her parents accepted her 100% but did not like who she was dating. Her parents are also very Christian so there’s a lot of things she’s not allowed to watch or read and all that stuff yet. So she starts saying all this s**t about her parents and how their “oppressing” her and “trying too hard” and “keeping her safe”. The issue was that our entire friend group but her do not have a stable home environment like that. I have divorced parents and my dad is an absolute b***h who only cares about money and thinks that the child support he pays makes me want to see him after the giant fights we’ve had the past two years. One other friend’s parents are divorced and her situation is a lot like mine. The other two’s parents are still together b ur fight constantly. I’ve seen it and it gets bad. They’d do better divorced. But the friend in question has perfect parents who just care about her which none of us have. I guess my question is, Is it normal to take experiences you’ve heard about and put them on other and completely disregard other peoples problems for yours? I guess I’m wondering if this is just part of transitioning and if it will go away as she also just came out as gender fluid.
Final score:
5points
I don't like avocado 2 years ago (edited)
I don't agree with any of these answers, so here's my two cents. EVERYONE LGBTQ+ or not should practice what they preach. Whatever your friend is going through is NOT an excuse to treat others that way. They're toxic. Their gender or sexuality has nothing to do with that. This is a question for the wrong people. It's absolutely not human nature to disregard everyone's emotions. In fact it's the opposite. Instinct tells us we should stick together, as there is strength in numbers. Only in life or death situations does instinct tell us to value ourselves over others. If they're setting boundaries that they won't follow, that's a problem with them. Not their gender or sexuality, or anyone else for that matter. My suggestion is having all your friends as well as you sit them down with a speech prepared about what they do and how you feel. If they disregard you after that, drop them completely. They're not a friend, they just want to feel oppressed.
#33
It's not meant to sound or be offensive but if LGBTQ is supposed to be normal then why the flag?
Final score:
5points
I don't like avocado 2 years ago
It's a symbol of all our pain and hardships we have faced in the past and still do. When we raise it it's our way of saying that we won't be broken down or be silent about our mistreatment. Different people go through different types of pain but it's within the same community. The classic rainbow flag represents all of us, and there is a flag for gay men, lesbians, and transgender individuals. As well as bisexual, asexual, and nonbinary. There's more specific flags for more specific identities though. We are normal, but we've also experienced non-normal predjudice, hence why we have the flags. Thank you for your question.
#34
Unrelated but SO delighted to see people being SO clear that their questions are NOT coming from a place of judgement or I’ll will…. Just a place of genuine curiosity
Bravo straight ally’s!
Final score:
5points
#35
What does it mean when someone uses multiple pronouns? (Like she/they, he/they) Which one do I use?
Also, does the order make a difference? (Like if it's they/she, they/he)
Final score:
5points
#36
Where would be a good place to learn more about all the different meanings? Currently I'm stuck just doing Google searches because unfortunately a good portion of the LGBTQA+ community where I live tend to just shut down questions as people trying to 'fake it' or people being rude and ignorant on purpose. It's taken me years to figure out what I am because I haven't been able to actually ask people that seem to know more to help me figure it out.
Final score:
4points
RainWingRoyal 2 years ago
The LGBTQ Fandom Wiki should help! I have a friend who uses it sometimes!
#37
(Sorry me by the English mistakes I'll probably commit)
Well, I was about to do sum questions, but I'll write a bit for context.
So, er, since I was a kid, my father created me as the most homophobic and transphobic person in my social circle, and was very agressive with me. He almost beat me for being friend of a bisexual person. I don't have any contact with him anymore, and he also gave me a disgust for male.
Then, some time ago, I was talking again with my childhood friend, and we started dating. It was the very first date for each of us. (Just an observation, they said they have fell in love with me years ago)
Their older brother was transitioning and I totally supported him. He hated me, but, whatever, that's not the point. In the beginning of the year, Angel, their current name, found their selves non-binary. I was quite surprised by the suddenness, but, I handled it normally and help they in what I could. They explained that they felt it since younger.
At this point, I couldn't no longer say I was straight, since I loved they regardless of their gender. We break up a few weeks ago, and I still cry listening to songs that remind me of they... Whatever, continuing:
Their brother started to talk with his mother about he being trans, and Angel is still in the closet. I had my "gay moments" (yea, sound very homophobic, sorry if I already offended half of the site's users) in life, but not stopped to think about my sexuality or gender. For now I'm calling myself gender fluid, bc I don't really think I am trans, but I don't feel cis, and, non binary doesn't sound with me... Again, this text is looking like "I want to be different ;w;" I'm talking serious.
Well, I dunno if it was my father, my last lover or my doubts, but I'm really unsure about my gender for now. I'm wondering if I talk about this with my psychiatrist, or wait 10 years, or try to forget this... er, that's not a question, sorry :³
Normal questions: Can someone be pan romantic and homo sexual or something like this? I didn't get the difference between romanticism and sexuality well -w-
Final score:
4points
Ansgar 2 years ago
Someone raised to be "straight" will probably always be overwhelmed by discovering the community (and themselves being in it). Don't panic, it is normal. It is a process to find out what you identify as/with. While you are at it, just enjoy life and allow yourself to be surprised by what you find. // As for your previous relationship: I imagine it being very confusing having to discover yourself and reacting to changes in your partner while you are unsure yourself about what you are. You really hit a "jackpot" there, friend. :-(
#38
What's the + for in LGBTQ+?
Final score:
4points
Makenzie Godwin 2 years ago
L-Lesbian G-gay B-Bi T-Trans Q-Queer +- more Basically the + means there are more than those
#39
(this isn't hate)
Why is gay a synonym for happy is so many lgbtq+ people are depressed
-a lesbian with bpd
Final score:
4points
#40
I’m not trying to offend anyone with this- sorry if I do, but if you are non-binary how would you identify as straight/gay/lesbian/etc? If straight means the opposite gender but you’re nonbinary, what is the opposite gender? If lesbian means the same gender, but lesbian is usually referring to girlxgirl relationships, how does that work?
Again, not trying to offend anyone, just genuinely curious.
Also this one might offend people more, but why isn’t straight considered part of LGBTQ+? It’s a sexuality too.
P.S. What are super straights? I saw something about that once but didn’t understand it.
Final score:
4points
just a random panda 2 years ago
lesbian actually doesn't mean the same gender. it means 'a non-man attracted to non-men'. so it doesn't always refer to girlxgirl relationships, though people do tend to use it in that way.
#41
What is the best way to ask someone you are meeting for the first time what pronouns they prefer you use with them and at what point in the initial conversation is it best to ask?
Final score:
4points
just a random panda 2 years ago
I'd say usually around the same time as you ask their name. just like "Hello. I'm ____ and my pronouns are ____, what's your name?" I guess maybe then they'd also feel obligated to say their pronouns, or just ask straight up.
#42
I was always taught that it was polite to refer to someone you couldn't tell the gender of or wanted to keep their identity secret as they. (For example, when talking to dog owners I would say "they're so cute", and when talking about a friend in a sensitive situation I would say something like "yeah, they're really upset.") Today, is this offensive or confusing to people who use they/them pronouns? Thanks :)
Final score:
4points
just a random panda 2 years ago
in my experience, it's not offensive or confusing to nonbinary people. sort of like how most cis people dont mind if you assume someone else's pronouns using the ones they use.
#43
I’m abrosexual and ace . Do you support me ?
Final score:
4points
#44
I've wondered for the longest time how it works for a gay man in a marriage/relationship with a woman, eg hiding the fact he is gay, that they have children together, biological children I mean. If he is attracted to only men how does it work to have se* with a woman? Do they think of men to get it up or? Incredibly confusing and probably nothing to think about but it's just something I've read about the past where gay men are in a marriage with a woman because it was illegal for them to be gay and they have children together.
Final score:
3points
Markus It/Its 2 years ago
They ignore how they feel in order to survive. Not got experience with any of this so I can't comment much outside that basic overview
#45
Why is "lesbian" such a difficult word to say? I'm a lesbian, I know that, but more often than not I just tell people that I'm gay, or that I like girls. The word "lesbian", while I have nothing wrong with it as it validly describes my identity, seems so bold and different, maybe because it's a noun instead of an adjective, and it says exactly who you are, not a describing word? I'm not sure. Is this just a me thing or does the word "lesbian" just work like that?
Final score:
3points
I don't like avocado 2 years ago
Whatever you're comfortable using I imagine is the right way to go. I've also struggled with different labels and being able to use them although I personally identified with them. And frankly, I get it. It's so incredibly hard for me to say lesbian or gay around people because I'm afraid of how they would react. Same with transgender but I've found it's easier to say trans.
#46
Who's the idiot that came up with that conversion c**p like you can just lay the gay away?
Final score:
3points
#47
In customer service, I address people as "Sir" and "Ma'am." What's the equivalent for someone non-binary or whose gender I'm unsure of?
Final score:
2points
Fallon Raine 2 years ago
A gender neutral term for Mr/sir and Mrs/ma'am would be mx (said like mix). While that is a gender neutral option I am not sure if there is more that that one. Plus, you could just subtract out the 'mr/Mrs/sir/maam' phrase in whatever sentence you are saying. Especially because while some people may present fem (feminine) they could use he/him or they/them same way with those who may present masc (masculine) and everyone else. Hope this helps! :)
#48
she/they or he/they (or anything of the sort) what’s the best way for us to address you guys? I’m never sure what the preferred pronoun would be- should we use both interchangeably? Still trying to understand-
Final score:
2points
#49
What do intersex and queer mean? (I hope this isn't offensive.)
Final score:
2points
Terry Waters 2 years ago
Being intersex is a biological matter, it means that you do not have clear or strictly male or female reproductive organs. Queer is just a word for being in the LGBT+ community and that people with a lot of different orientations use as an umbrella term.
#50
I’m kind of lost about the fact if I’m not bi. I’m 13 so I’m learning a lot about myself and this is just stuck in my head. So my question to all the LGBTQIA+ community is: How did you know you are LGBTQIA+?
Final score:
2points
#51
Maybe it's just me being young and inexperienced but wouldn't the majority of people be considered demiromantic/demisexual (only feels romantic/sexual attraction after a strong emotional connection)? I know there are people who supposedly fall in love at first sight and there are plenty of one night stands but other than that I was surprised there were Pride flags for them. I've been curious about this for a while but haven't found a comprehensive answer yet.
Final score:
1point
lucy dale 2 years ago
no, the majority of people wouldnt be considered demi. Theres a difference between not experiencing sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close, and not acting on sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close. One doesn't have the feelings, the other just holds onto them. hope this helps!
#52
I have kind of a basic question and I mean ZERO offense to anyone: can someone please break down all of the genders/sexualities? I don't understand any of them except gay, and bisexual.
Final score:
1point
#53
Where do asexuals fit in with the 2SLGBTQ+ community? Frequently they are not considered in the conversations.
Final score:
1point
Devin Howe 2 years ago
An extended version of the acronym is LGBTQIA+. This is lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, asexual. It is sadly very true that they are not represented very well in the LGBTQIA+ community.
What do you think ?
Genevieve 2 years ago
I like how most of these people were so nice about it and didn't want to be rude or homophobic. Thank you for the consideration!
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
Most people who are just asking questions, or are curious, generally get a pass for me. They're trying to learn, and this is all new for a lot of people! The fact that they're asking means they want to be better allies, which is always a win
Load More Replies...
Nimues Child 2 years ago
@that_curly_girl - this is a GREAT idea for a thread! I love that people can ask the community questions and get answers they want/need. Thank you!
Haily Jynne 2 years ago (edited)
When people who are nonbinary and are attracted to one or select genders, do they label themselves as what the relationship would be had they identified as the same gender they were assigned at birth? Or does it depend on the person? Do they just not give themselves sexual labels? Just curious!
Pascale Pierloot 2 years ago (edited)
I might be considered very out of touch or ignorant but I am just really wanting to understand. Why is it so wrong to reference to their past, especially when they were famous then, like actors or singers? I am from Belgium and we had a band called Triple X (* ficticious name) that was awesome. I will call them G and X. X moved to the U.S. and was mentioned on a tv quiz in our Country by his former name. The outrage that was sent to the producers of that show was at times frightening. Eventhough X reacted he was not really that upset about it, the remarks kept coming...I but it seems to me you could differenciate between not meaning any harm and maliciousness or demeaning intent. I get called Sir on the phone although I'm female, low voice due to cancer. I just correct the other person, I don't go ranting about it. Do I like it, not really but they didn't mean disrespect...
Jill Tremblay 2 years ago
I guess after reading this I am most blown away by all of the "Labels" that are used. I really was getting very easily confused. So maybe that is why young adults who feel they are something than what they were born as are so stressed out? Soooo many different labels!!! I wish there was just a single name to put to all of this. And then if the wrong label is used (for not knowing any better) some of us get in trouble for saying the wrong thing. It's hard on us too not just the LGBTQ+++ people. A lot of us are trying to support and love all the humans that want to do their own thing, but it is very confusing for us too.
I don't like avocado 2 years ago (edited)
Things are simpler than they appear. You can get the hang of it since the acronym is just the well known LGBTQIA+, or my personal preference is instead of trying to memorize it all, I'd just use the umbrella terms. Queer is an umbrella term for any and all sexualities in the community, it's much less specific but it lets people know you're not straight or perhaps don't identify with your birth sex. There is also transgender which is an umbrella term for all gender identities. That's really it. The two umbrella terms. ☂️☂️ You don't really need to know anything else. If anyone uses any other label just ask them what their label means. That being said, the effort you're putting into learning and understanding is very appreciated.
Load More Replies...
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
In my mind, I think the word "queer" is losing its negative connotations, partly due to the fact that people in the LGBTQ community are reclaiming the word. If I would still ask, though, if it's okay, because some view it like the n-word - you can say it if you're part of the community, but it's NOT okay if you're not. The f-slur, however, is 100% not okay to use unless you're using it to refer to yourself in a positive way. Nobody else gets to use that word.
Load More Replies...
Loki’s Lil Butter Knife 2 years ago
Hey Luca, if you make a homophobic comment like this please note that you will be reported to the moderation team.
Load More Replies...
Genevieve 2 years ago
I like how most of these people were so nice about it and didn't want to be rude or homophobic. Thank you for the consideration!
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
Most people who are just asking questions, or are curious, generally get a pass for me. They're trying to learn, and this is all new for a lot of people! The fact that they're asking means they want to be better allies, which is always a win
Load More Replies... Nimues Child 2 years ago
@that_curly_girl - this is a GREAT idea for a thread! I love that people can ask the community questions and get answers they want/need. Thank you!
Haily Jynne 2 years ago (edited)
When people who are nonbinary and are attracted to one or select genders, do they label themselves as what the relationship would be had they identified as the same gender they were assigned at birth? Or does it depend on the person? Do they just not give themselves sexual labels? Just curious!
Pascale Pierloot 2 years ago (edited)
I might be considered very out of touch or ignorant but I am just really wanting to understand. Why is it so wrong to reference to their past, especially when they were famous then, like actors or singers? I am from Belgium and we had a band called Triple X (* ficticious name) that was awesome. I will call them G and X. X moved to the U.S. and was mentioned on a tv quiz in our Country by his former name. The outrage that was sent to the producers of that show was at times frightening. Eventhough X reacted he was not really that upset about it, the remarks kept coming...I but it seems to me you could differenciate between not meaning any harm and maliciousness or demeaning intent. I get called Sir on the phone although I'm female, low voice due to cancer. I just correct the other person, I don't go ranting about it. Do I like it, not really but they didn't mean disrespect...
Jill Tremblay 2 years ago
I guess after reading this I am most blown away by all of the "Labels" that are used. I really was getting very easily confused. So maybe that is why young adults who feel they are something than what they were born as are so stressed out? Soooo many different labels!!! I wish there was just a single name to put to all of this. And then if the wrong label is used (for not knowing any better) some of us get in trouble for saying the wrong thing. It's hard on us too not just the LGBTQ+++ people. A lot of us are trying to support and love all the humans that want to do their own thing, but it is very confusing for us too.
I don't like avocado 2 years ago (edited)
Things are simpler than they appear. You can get the hang of it since the acronym is just the well known LGBTQIA+, or my personal preference is instead of trying to memorize it all, I'd just use the umbrella terms. Queer is an umbrella term for any and all sexualities in the community, it's much less specific but it lets people know you're not straight or perhaps don't identify with your birth sex. There is also transgender which is an umbrella term for all gender identities. That's really it. The two umbrella terms. ☂️☂️ You don't really need to know anything else. If anyone uses any other label just ask them what their label means. That being said, the effort you're putting into learning and understanding is very appreciated.
Load More Replies... Phil Vaive 2 years ago
In my mind, I think the word "queer" is losing its negative connotations, partly due to the fact that people in the LGBTQ community are reclaiming the word. If I would still ask, though, if it's okay, because some view it like the n-word - you can say it if you're part of the community, but it's NOT okay if you're not. The f-slur, however, is 100% not okay to use unless you're using it to refer to yourself in a positive way. Nobody else gets to use that word.
Load More Replies... Loki’s Lil Butter Knife 2 years ago
Hey Luca, if you make a homophobic comment like this please note that you will be reported to the moderation team.
Load More Replies...
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