Hi, let me know!

#1

It's not a direct question, more of an existential one that I'm not certain has an answer, at least a clear one. My father was gender fluid. They identified as a trans woman until my early 20's and they are now non-binary. It wasn't a secret, and was taught early on about gender identity, but there's one thing I've always wondered was (excluding biological reasons) 'what makes me female?' I feel female, I feel connected to the gender I was born with. It's not biology, who you're attracted to, how you dress or what you like, so what is it? How do come to realize that the gender you are born with isn't who you are? What does it feel like? Like I said, more of an existential question.
~Also, I love this post! I think it's a great idea for people to ask questions and begin to understand and accept.

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Kitsune Nocturne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am gender fluid, and the way you described feeling connected with your birth gender is probably the closest comparison anyone can make. Your connection to your gender probably feels natural and "right" (as in "this is how it's supposed to be for me"). You don't question it, because it's as normal to you as your skin. But what if it didn't feel natural? To make a somewhat silly comparison, what if you knew you were supposed to have skin, but you had scales? Wouldn't that bother you every time you looked in the mirror? It would be a constant reminder that your body and your sense of self don't mesh. For me, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have skin, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have scales, and everything inbetween, plus some extras. Now, this is as best as I can describe MY experience, but please know that everyone is different. Another gender fluid person might have a completely different experience, and they might feel this description doesn't work for them.

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#2

How do you make your Ask Pandas questions have a pride flag background?

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#3

I keep asking people what LGBTQ+ means and I have never received a straight answer.

Okay that's a joke.

My actual question, is there a meaningful distinction between between being bisexual and pansexual?

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Marla
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I identify as pansexual because it works for me but I sometimes use bisexual when people don't understand what pansexuality means. My understanding is bisexual have a preference for the binary male or female. Pansexual has a preference for any across the gender spectrum including nonbinary, agender, gender fluid etc. Personally I feel like there is a lot of overlap. None of this is precise and it's good that it's not rigid. We use these words to gain a better understanding of ourselves and others - not to trap ourselves into boxes to be checkmarked.

Devin Howe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bisexual means attracted to multiple genders(not necessarily just two) and can sometimes have a preference. Pansexual means attracted to all genders. This means there is some overlap. For example, I identify as bi while my sister is pan but we both like all genders.

Miss Marmite
Community Member
2 years ago

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bisexual means attraction to just two genders. polysexual is attraction to nearly all genders

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Bored Panda Lurking Omni
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi! First off, great question! Second off, this is going to be long, so I'm splitting it into multiple comments. I encourage you to read them all to really understand. Now, to start off, I’d like to explain the different Multisexual spectrum identities (otherwise known as M Spec identities for short) The four I'm aware of are Bisexual, Pansexual, Polysexual, and Omnisexual. The simplest definition of each are as follows. Bi people are attracted to 2 or more genders. Poly people (not to be confused with polyamorous relationships!) are attracted to 3 or more genders, but not all. Pan and Omni people are attracted to ALL genders with the main difference between the two being that Omni people tend to have a preference for one gender or the other, where pan people tend to experience their attraction to genders equally.

Bored Panda Lurking Omni
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now, those all probably sound pretty similar right? Well that's because they are! All of these identities are all under one umbrella, sharing many things with each other. And for each person, these idetites can mean different things. The important part isn't the distinction. What's important is what each person's individual identity means to them. You could ask multiple bi people what being bi means to them, and I bet you many of them will have difference answers from each other, and that's okay! Someone may, by definition, fit under the pan label, but they prefer to identify as bi instead. There could be hundreds of reasons for this. They may relate to the bi community more, they may find it easier to explain their identity as bi, they may feel more connected to being bi then anything else- there are countless reasons.

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oddly_informed_raven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

pansexual is gender-blind, bisexual is two or more genders, polysexual is multiple genders, omnisexual is all genders but on different levels!

Terry Waters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many of these terms are completely unnecessary and just describe things that were already included in the already established terms. No one is really gender blind just like it's never true that someone "doesn't see race." I'm bisexual, I can in theory get attracted to anyone. But I will not switch to the pan label just because someone decided to redefine the word bisexual in a biphobic way. "Bisexuals excludes trans people!" Yeah that was literally never true.

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basil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Typically, pansexual is being attracted to all genders with no preference and bisexual is being attracted to two or more genders, but you can be attracted to all genders with no preference and still be bi. It's a matter of what labels your comfortable with. Bisexual isn't a strict label, and a lot of people try to make it into one, but it's not just two genders, and it's not just binary genders either.

Markus It/Its
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pan and bi are very very similar, with a lot of overlap. Bisexual actually has two meanings: attraction to 2 genders or attraction to more than one gender (I personally fit with that latter). Pansexual, meanwhile, is the attraction to anyone regardless of gender. In all honesty, it doesn't really matter whether a person identifies with the second bisexual meaning or pansexual. It's all down to how they feel and how they connect to the label. I personally latched onto bisexuality when I was scared and closeted and needed something to describe myself as and hold onto to remind me I was valid. But others who feel as I do consider themselves pan, and that is just as valid

Ponyo (they/them)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the main distinction between the two is that bisexuals usually have gender playing a role in attraction most pansexual people don't have a gender preference and are "gender blind" (aka gender plays no role in attraction) (example of pansexual: I like people with dark hair) (example of bisexual: I like girls with dark hair and I like boys with light hair)

Grammarly
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't it obvious? We bisexuals are /clearly/ head over heels for bicycles, and pansexuals obviously love pans. Honestly, the education system these days...

Britches are for everyone
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm pan and I can tell you that the distinction for me is that there is not really a kind of adult person I have not been attracted to. It doesn't mean I'm attracted to everyone I meet (no one is). But it means that I've met men, women, trans men and trans women, nonbinary, and I've been attracted to people who fit any of those categories.

Terry Waters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is also true for most bi people. This redefinition of the word bisexual that has spread the last few years is quite infuriating. And this argument that "I don't get attracted to someone based on their genitals" or "based on their sex" like a lot of people use, yeah, literally no one does, even straight or gay people. It's about more than that.

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lili
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not gunna lie, I believe there is a big difference. Bisexual uses bi to mean 2. I am interested in 2 genders. I don't believe I would be able to have a good relationship with someone who identifies outside of male and female because i dont personally understand it, not that theres anything wrong with it

Bisces
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bisexuality is kinda fluid. It really means the attraction to two or more genders but everyone is going to have their own definition for this.

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Parmeisan
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most of these answers follow one definition which is NOT a definition I've seen actually used by a bi person in the real world. Probably there are some but my point is, it's not common. The two definitions I've actually seen used by bi people: 1) Pansexual is a fairly new word and they use the older identity because it feels more right to them, and 2) they aren't pan because pan means attracted to everyone REGARDLESS of gender and they may be attracted to everyone but the gender plays a role in how that attraction manifests. So people who are bi are frequently attracted to NB or trans people too; they use "bi" to mean "my own gender and not my own gender" only.

Parmeisan
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can attraction manifest differently, you ask? Good question and very important!!! It's how people sometimes take decades to realize that they are bi. It may be a question of scale (VERY attracted to one gender above the others), type (you are demisexual aka need to know somebody of that gender well before attraction is possible), or flavour (e.g. I am attracted to the male form; it's a very visual and obvious attraction. But I'm attracted to women's or NB's faces/smiles and personality first before I can be interested in their body and even then it's about all the senses except vision). And bi people also often find there's a cycle of sorts: years or months where one attraction waxes and the other wanes. Sometimes it's connected to the menstrual cycle. Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes it's so strong that they wonder if they were ever actually bi. Sexuality is hella complicated folks! And we ought to teach this stuff in schools.

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Bisexual Supreme
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

bisexuality means you are attracted to two or more genders. it’s often used as an umbrella term. pansexuality means that you are attracted to all genders, with no preference, and that gender doesn’t really matter in your attraction. i’ve heard a lot of pan people say that they fall in love with the person, not the gender. full disclaimer this is just my understanding and i could be wrong

angellatheboredd
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. Bi is being attracted to more than 1 gene set and pan is being attracted to some1 no matter their gender. (I’m bi btw)

Louieeeeee
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pansexual people feel the same attraction to all genders, and there is no preference. Bisexual people may feel different attraction to different genders, or only be attracted to select genders. By extension, there are also polysexual, meaning attraction to multiple genders but not all, and omnisexual, which means feeling attraction to all genders but the attraction is different for each gender. I hope that makes sense!

Buggycas
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm panromantic myself and for me, it's always been like the difference between "Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, I'll take a neopolitan even" and "Take me to Baskin Robbins and let me sample all 31 flavors, please."

Lydia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I identify as pansexual (pan for short) and for me it means attraction regardless of gender, whereas bisexual (bi for short) it's attraction to two or more genders (with or without preference), but not necessarily all of them, and it is important to not the the nonbinary umbrella includes many different genders, although some people identify with nonbinary as their gender (these people sometimes call themselves nb or enby), and then there's Omnisexual (or Omni) which is attraction to all genders, but with a preference (some people call it pan with a preference). The lines though are very blurry and there is tons of overlap and this is just my understanding.

Lydia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I forgot to add on about polysexual (which is different from polyamory!!!), Polysexuality is being romantically and/or sexually attracted to multiple genders, but it isn't the same as pan, bi, or Omni. Again this is just my understanding, and the language around our community is constant evolving

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Magicalcatbean
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

there's not really any difference when you dive into it. it's literally just about preference!! so please don't go telling pan people they're actually bi or bi people they're actually pan, because it's whatever label fits the person c:

Sarah
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one gets complicated. I'm bisexual. I like women. I like men. I like... I don't know, PEOPLE I guess. I think when it comes to bi, poly, pan, etc... it can be personal to whoever is identifying that way. Bisexual is the term I knew when I was coming out. Maybe I fall into one of those others better, maybe I don't. I just know what I am comfortable with. A lot of us who identify as one (or more) of those things cant even give you a clear definition. I mean, just LOOK at this comment section! How's that for a straight answer! LOL

Loki Orie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From what I understand there really isn't. I use both interchangeably for myself. Some people say bisexuality means you can only like men or women and no gender outside of that, but that honestly just sounds transphobic.

Terry Waters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd rather call it biphobic. I'm pretty convinced that the unnecessary pan term was coined by someone biphobic and I hate how it has only caused more biphobia and misinformation and prejudice towards us, which is why I'll never use it. I've been attracted to people across the whole spectrum of genders, and then people are telling me because I'm bi I'm excluding people... kindly f**k off.

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Anonymousplease
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure pansexual has the same attraction to all genders but bisexual can have preferences

Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know this is old, but I believe bi is 2 or more, pan is regardless of gender. There is something called omni that's all genders but sometimes with a preference. I'm not bi, pan, or omni though, so I'm not 100% sure

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Sneeze
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So technically speaking pansexuals don't have a preference of gender, whereas bisexuals can. But many people perfer the label bisexual to pansexual etc etc so that is not always true.

Phoebe Stein
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bisexual means you are attracted to two or more genders, but not all. Pansexual means you are attracted to all genders.

Leina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bigger question is the difference between Polysexual (NOT POLYAMOROUS!) and Bi

Alliana Beatty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pansexual: attraction to ALL people despite gender (no, not children, pans aren't pedophiles) And Bisexual: Attraction to 2 genders [ex: male and female or enby and male)

Kate Koz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

(I identify as bisexual with a female preferance) The basic rundown is that Pansexual people feel attraction to any and all genders and gender doesn't mean anything in their love life. Bisexual people are people that feel romantic attraction to two or more genders and they can have preferances!

-logansucrose-
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

bisexual means you are attracted to two genders. pansexual means you are attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender identity. there is also omnisexual, which is, from what i know, basically pansexual but with strong preferences.

Oliver
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a bisexual, the difference at surface level is that pansexuals have little to no preference for gender, and that they are attracted to any part of the gender spectrum. Bisexuals are more often attracted to binary genders (M/F).

MCathenaE
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ive always wondered. If you are attracted to someone of the opposite sex, then they transition & you are still attracted to them as the opposite sex, does this make you pansexual? What about when this happens to someone in a heterosexual relationship, their partner transitions but you stay together, are you still heterosexual or are you now gay or are you pansexual?

Hey Yaaaaaaaa🦆
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

bi is men or women only pan is men women gays lesbians etc. etc. pan is everyone basicly

Terry Waters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all, what you said about bisexuality is not true. Bi always had the same inherent meaning as pan, people just don't get that. And also "gays and lesbians"? Who you are attracted to has to do with sex and gender, not with other people's sexual orientation.

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Polly Hart
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a delicious sandwich containing guacamole and quorn, among other ingredients 😉

Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you look at the origin of the words, bisexual means you are both homosexual (homos is Greek for "the same") and heterosexual (heteros is Greek for "another" or "different"). Bisexual doesn't mean that you can only be attracted to men and women but not to nonbinary or trans people, but a lot of people get that wrong so we now have pansexual apparently. Anyway, I go by bisexual because "pansexuell" is not really used in the German language or maybe I am just old

Jacin Larkwell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally (honestly I could be completely wrong, I am still somewhat new to all this), I *think* Bisexual means your more attracted to physical traits and pansexual means you're more attracted to personality. Again, could be completely off, it seems everyone I ask has their own definition

Terry Waters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not true at all. The extremely widespread misinformation about what being bi means and how being pan means being "less shallow and more inclusive" and whatnot drives me crazy. Bisexuality never meant by default excluding anyone.

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charlie b
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

bisexual means attracted to at least two genders but not all, and pansexual means attracted to all genders

KC
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pansexual is a sexual attraction for all genders and bisexual is for two or more. So, hypothetically, if I were attracted to females and non-binary people, but not males, I would not be pansexual but I would probably be bisexual.

Ashe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, when you are bisexual you are attracted to 2 genders, whereas when you are pansexual you like all genders

Olivia Boyea
Community Member
2 years ago

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Rebecca Lee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The original meaning of bisexual is to be a homosexual and a heterosexual. Because of how we think of gender and the binary we fall into thinking the “bi” is in relation to gender. Pansexual was first used to mock Freud as he thought everything was about sex, so pan(all) sexual. I literally saw a lecture on this subject this week. Dr Julia Shaw. https://www.bl.uk/events/the-hidden-culture-history-and-science-of-bisexuality.

Jo
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES As a pansexual female, you like any and all genders and being bisexual is you like guys and girls only

Miss Marmite
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2 years ago

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Terry Waters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not true. And pansexuals can be just as shallow as anyone else, just because you don't care about GENDER it doesn't mean that you don't care about looks. This idea that certain sexualities means being more shallow than others and that pan people are so different and not shallow and care more about personality than other people, come the f**k on. Attraction is based on a lot of different things for most people. Some are more shallow than others. That isn't less true just because you call yourself pan.

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#4

If someone calls themselves trans woman, were they born as a man or woman?
What I mean is do you say I'm a trans followed by what you identify yourself as or from what you came from?
Hugs from Sweden

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Anonymousplease
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A trans women is a person who identifies as a women but was not a biological female. A trans man is a man who is not a biological male. There are also trans non binary people

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#5

If I am not sure of someone's pronouns, is it ok to just try They/them? That's what ill usually do if I don't want to ask (socially awkward)

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Phil Vaive
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

100%. I honestly don't see the need for gendered pronouns in English anyway, so let's normalize using they/them as a default!

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#6

My question is for the trans folks. Did you chose your name because it held a special meaning, or you just really liked the name?

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#7

My sincere question: What would LGBTQA+ most like to have people *stop* asking? Because, as a straight woman, nobody ever asked me things they've asked LGBTQA+ cousins (yes, I have more than one, big fam). Examples:
1. When did you know you were (whatever it is)?
2. What makes that attractive to you?
3. What about the danger in the lifestyle?
4. Does this mean you're going to hell?
5. Can you change your mind?

And so forth.
If I have offended, I apologize. Seriously do wish to know what you'd like to *stop* being asked.

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Ashe
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

(Context here, I am pan) I really wish people would stop asking me if being pansexual means I'm attracted to cooking pans, if that means I would date them (fortunately for them, i have standards so they wont have to worry about this), if this means I would date animals (I would not) if I'm just bi, how I can be pan if there is only 2 genders (untrue in my opinion), etc.

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#8

Okay this is something I have been thinking about for a looong time now, so here goes nothing.

If a person raises their kid in a completely gender neutral manner, and later the kid identifies themselves as non binary... so is the kid considered cis ot trans??

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Bethany Heller
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My opinion is that if they said they're non binary, they're non binary. Doesn't really matter what they were assigned, especially if they were raised gender neutral

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#9

I honestly would like to know, and feel like I need to understand:
What is the reason why young people feel the need to "come out" at such a young age?
Let me explain: my 15 yo daughter has come out as pan, ace, aro, and now demi, all in the span of a year. Why "announce" it to the world until you know definitively how you feel?
I guess I just don't understand the need for 5-20 year olds to put on a label until they've had experience (yes, I understand that sometimes you "just know" - I am not talking about those people. I am talking about those that are still questioning).
Please help me understand

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Anonymousplease
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are a few reasons that people come out when still questioning. 1) to find a community that will help them in their journey of finding who they are. 2) it can feel like you are lying to others while hiding that you are trying to figure it out. 3) having a label can be helpful for some people, even if they switch between terms, because it can make you feel less lost

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#10

As the father of a gay daughter I have learned not to ask questions incase I get yelled at for not using the most current terms/definitions.

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Nimues Child
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can ask those questions here. Let us help you if you want some clarity. I'm sorry you get yelled at for genuine curiosity.

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#11

Firstly, I want to say that I am genuinely curious about this and I mean no hate towards anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm really confused about gender, some websites say it's a social construct, others say it's a spectrum, others say it's how a person feels about themselves. I've been wondering about this for a while, since I don't really understand any of these answers. So if a boy likes typically feminine things - like dresses / the color pink - does that make that person a transgender girl? Also, I don't really understand how someone knows they're transgender. I'm NOT saying they're not transgender, I'm just asking how one would know. Is it a preference for certain things? One website said it was Gender Dysphoria - not being able to be comfortable in your own body and wanting to have a body of the opposite sex - but does that mean you don't like the features of a body with certain features - e.g. certain genitals, breasts, etc, or does it mean liking stuff typically associated with the opposite gender? Once again, I don't mean to offend anyone, but none of this is making any sense to me.

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Anonymousplease
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are confused about the difference between what gender someone identifies as and how people express themself. Gender identity is what gender you feel like you have, cis or trans. Gender expression is how you dress, act, or express yourself. A person's gender identity and expression don't always match. As for being trangender, it is a different journey for everyone, some people feel like they have always known, others take a while to figure it out. Not all trans people experience gender dysphoria, but many do. There are a few types of it, I think the main ones are not feel like you fit in your biological sex, and feeling uncomfortable with what gender society labels you based on your biological gender and/or appearance. Sorry for the long answer, hope it helps

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#12

I've been wondering for a long time and don't want to offend anybody, but I don't understand what cis means. Could somebody please explain?

Thank you! :)

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H M
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cis, short for cisgender (pronounced sis-gender, or just sis), is a term that means whatever gender you are now is the same as what was presumed for you at birth. This simply means that when a parent or doctor called you a boy or a girl when you were born, they got it right.

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#13

HELLO QUEER FOLKS I'm posting this here cause I do need help with it


How do I get my mom, who let my buy a trans flag, to let me socially transition when we move. As in, I'd start there as Valentino, versus changing midway? Any suggestions? :'D

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BAWK BAWK BAKAW
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i mean it really depends on what your mom is like. she seems like even if she isn't a full ally yet, she's open to it. if i were you, i'd start by telling people you trust (which may or may not include her) how you'd like to be referred to. then slowly branch outwards until you're presenting as yourself. i hope this helps, and sorry if it doesn't

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#14

I have one, as I am straight… when/how do you know that you are LGBTQIAA+?

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Anonymousplease
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people feel like they have always known, and others have more of a journey to find who they are.

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#15

well, whats the difference between being bisexual and pansexual?

also what does non binary mean?

and whats the difference between being bi, beig pan, and being nonbinary?

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basil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being bi means you are attracted to two or more genders, and being pan means that you are attracted to all genders with no preference. Nonbinary is a term for anyone who's gender isn't strictly male or female. It can be a label by itself, but there's a lot of subcategories like genderfluid, bigender, agender, etc. So nonbinary isn't a sexuality, and both pan and bi people can be attracted to nonbinary people but not all bi people are.

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#16

I’m sorry and this is not how I feel I just want to know are u transphobic if you don’t want to date a trans person? I’m sorry if I offended anyone, not meant to be rude just curious.

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Ashe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not necessarily, there are people who are not transphobic, but are just uncomfortable dating a trans person. If they are disgusted and being rude about it, then it is far more likely that they are transphobic. Hope this helps!

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#17

I personally identify as AroAce but I don't know if I really am, and it feels like I am a false member of the LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes I feel like I am just identifying myself as AroAce just to be a member of the community.

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Kalmar (she/her)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember having an 'imposter' phase when I identified as ace, especially since then I thought I was still hetroromantic. In the end, only you can say your identity. Maybe ask yourself some questions, or research on aroace. If you find you are aroace, know that you are 100% valid. Hope that helped!

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#18

How can I support you better as a community member?

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Phil Vaive
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, teach yourself anything and everything you can, and don't put the burden on LGBTQ people to explain to you what you're doing wrong and how you can do it right. We don't all want to be teachers and advocates and political statements, we just want to exist. So listen to the people who are comfortable with talking, but don't put any pressure on those of us who just want to live our lives.

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#19

I have a question.

Why are A sexual persons not included within the community? They are generally treated as though they have the plague. Or brushed off.

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Loki’s Lil Butter Knife
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hello Lucky, asexual person here. I agree that it's harmful and sad to not be accepted. Unfortunately, asexuality is often considered a mental illness (when it isn't) that can be treated with medications and the truly horrendous conversion therapy (praying away the gay/ or being forced into sexual encounters). The Trevor Institute says that asexuals have some of the highest percentages of being offered conversion therapy as a way to fix them. There's very little asexual representation in the media and yet have a feeling there's a lot more of us, but so many people are terrified to ever come out to family and friends (I'm 30 and still closeted) for fear of ridicule and not being accepted. Sadly, many LGBT support groups don’t even include asexual teens, youth, and adults in their conversations. All members of the LGBTQIA+ community should be loved and included! Fortunately, wonderful activists like Yasmin Bennoit are working with the LGBTQ+ community to bring more awareness about asexuality. Remember you are loved and valid! If anyone says you are not they are not worth your time.

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#20

I am part of the community, but I have a question about animal gender identities. I don't really understand how that works and I have seen people that label themselves as things like "pup-gender" and I really don't understand how a gender can be an animal or also people that can themselves "dream-gender" (referring to the YouTuber) if that is a person/character. If anyone identifies as an animal gender can you please explain what that means?

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Erika
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Xenogenders. They’re controversial because some LGBTQ people believe it invalidates the struggles that LGBTQ people have gone through, like being called the right name and pronouns if they’re not cis. Xenos were coined as a way for neurodivergent people to express their gender identity. Dreamgender started off as a joke but it ended up getting into the wrong hands. I do not think xenos are valid and many people online will come for you if you believe that xenogenders are invalid.

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#21

Where can people go to find out about Gay Pride Parades in their area? Is there a national group that keeps track of them all? I'd love to attend one and show my support. They also look like a blast!

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Lazy_Panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not really too sure, but I would assume if you go to your cities website they would have a date for the pride parade, if they do have one. I know where I'm moving they recently had their first pride parade (I'm really excited for next year! ) And it was on the website, but I will look into that! You have spiked curiosity in me now.

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#22

Hello! I’m Asexual and I’ve been asking this question a lot. Is Asexual part of the LGBTQ+ community? (Asexual means you don’t like males or females) correct?

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sourlemons
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yes - actually, a lot of people now say LGBTQIA+ instead of just LGBTQ, which includes intersex and asexual people

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#23

Why do so many people in this community despise religion so much, and badmouth every religious person out there? You're discriminating and generalizing just like people did to you. Why is it okay when you do it? Why can't you share your views on religion without being respectful? A sincere question from a queer Muslim. This question came about because of the fact I'm constantly attacked by the LGBTQIA+ community and other Muslims. Being a minority within a minority is hell, and rarely anyone will stand with you. Why is it, because I'm Muslim, that you feel the need to criminalize me, and make me feel like sh*t? (This is for the people that do it)

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#24

how does it feel being so wildly homosexual? (not a genuine question)

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#25

Is there a place where I can find genderfluid memes that are not saying that it's wrong and not real?

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Valentino (they/it/he/xe)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tumblr. I have a friend who's genderfluid on there. TikTok also has some (for example: it's so hot outside all my genderfluid friends boutta become gender vapor)

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#26

For trans folks, especially those with many years experiencing presenting as their true gender:

How do you look at your pre-transition self? Were they always your current gender but perhaps unknowing, struggling, misplaced...or do you think of them having previously been that gender?
For your friends who knew you before and after, do they see you as transitioning from one gender to another, or do they see you as always being your true gender, but hidden until the transition?

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Anonymousplease
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see my past self as still being non- binary but being unaware of it. I don't really see my past self as a true reflection of myself because I was not truly myself. I struggled with my identity before I even knew that being nonbinary was a thing

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#27

I am so confused on people's relation and identity with gender. Someone has asked something similar already, but not exactly the way I question it.

Basically, I have no real ties to gender at all. It is not something I think about really ever, I use cis pronouns just for convenience sake but I don't care either way. To me, gender isn't really a thing because what is socially considered masculine or feminine are very stereotypical and one can be like to do certain things without identifying with that gender (ofc I respect however people identify). However, for people who are cis or trans, how do you know how you identify? I agree with how people nowadays are starting to break those norms (e.g., letting a boy play with dolls) and such, but then where does one's connection to their gender tie in? What makes one identity feel right? And since gender identity is different from gender expression, then is it just their body or how one fits in society? Because ideally as society (hopefully) moves toward gender equality, shouldn't that become more similar as well?

Also, how are people so sure of their sexuality? How do I know I am attracted to someone and not because society has ingrained certain looks of people to be attractive? Am I ace or bi (am I just recognizing they are attractive, or am I actually sexually attracted to them)? Or maybe I'm gay and I have been ingrained to think the opposite gender is attractive when I'm wouldn't actually be attracted to them?

Finally, what is the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship? I have never dated before, so maybe once I have it would be different, but what is the distinction between the two? I recognize there would be a general care and love for that person, but I care about and love all my friends, so what else would there be?

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Chiguira
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know you aren't looking for terms to identify with but before I answer your questions, your relationship with gender seems to match the terms cisgenderless and cassgender if you would like to check them out! An example I've heard of how gender works is that when you are born you are pretty much assigned a identity, like what if you were told to live your whole life with scales insteas of skin. The scales would feel weird wouldn't they? Gender is like that you are forced to have scales when you are more comfortable with having skin instead. And sometimes it isn't scales, it could be fur or it could be a mix of scales and skin. No matter what though, one fits better than the others. For the second set of questions, thinking someone looks attractive doesn't always equate to being attractes to them. But that's really all I can explain as an ace person. The difference between platonic and romantic is complicated though. So you should probably do your own research instead as I am aro.

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#28

Hey! I just have a question.
I always got harassed for being an asexual at any LGBT rallies that my school had. Do people even consider asexuality as a part of the LGBT community anymore?

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Chiguira
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aroace here, being asexual is definitely part of the LGBTQIA community. It even shares a part of the acronym. I'm sorry that you get harassed, I suggest you do some research about why asexuality is part of the community to use as proof for being valid if that helps.

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#29

A lighthearted question for you all! Favorite flag and least favorite flag?

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#30

Any of my fellow gays, what's your favorite way to tell people that you are, in fact, gay? I'll start. I love to tell people that I'm illegal in over 60 countries.

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Kiri
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you know back in the day they would roll me up and light me on fire :D

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#31

people homeschool kids to avoid exposing them to the community. does it make them bad parents?

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#32

It’s definitely a question but it needs some context. I don’t mean in any way for this to sound bad as I support LGBTQ+ 100% but this is becoming a recurring problem with a friend and I’ve had to drop her because of it and multiple other reasons. Is it common to take problem society puts on you and put it back on the people around you? My ex-bestfriend came out as Bisexual last year and started dating a gender fluid person. As this school year went on she became completely lesbian. She started talking a lot about how Queer people are extremely repressed and that it’s rude to do that to anyone as everyone deserves a voice. She also said that it hurts when people say Ew when you say someone is hot which our friend group has never done. Fast forward about three months and she starts repressing and saying Ew in that exact manner to us, who are all straight. We tried talking to her about it but instead twisted our words and made us sound like we were making her a bad person when all we wanted to do was ask why she was doing it. She also dumped her insecurities on us which was no big deal cause we all did it. However, it started becoming a lot about her parents. Her parents accepted her 100% but did not like who she was dating. Her parents are also very Christian so there’s a lot of things she’s not allowed to watch or read and all that stuff yet. So she starts saying all this s**t about her parents and how their “oppressing” her and “trying too hard” and “keeping her safe”. The issue was that our entire friend group but her do not have a stable home environment like that. I have divorced parents and my dad is an absolute b***h who only cares about money and thinks that the child support he pays makes me want to see him after the giant fights we’ve had the past two years. One other friend’s parents are divorced and her situation is a lot like mine. The other two’s parents are still together b ur fight constantly. I’ve seen it and it gets bad. They’d do better divorced. But the friend in question has perfect parents who just care about her which none of us have. I guess my question is, Is it normal to take experiences you’ve heard about and put them on other and completely disregard other peoples problems for yours? I guess I’m wondering if this is just part of transitioning and if it will go away as she also just came out as gender fluid.

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I don't like avocado
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't agree with any of these answers, so here's my two cents. EVERYONE LGBTQ+ or not should practice what they preach. Whatever your friend is going through is NOT an excuse to treat others that way. They're toxic. Their gender or sexuality has nothing to do with that. This is a question for the wrong people. It's absolutely not human nature to disregard everyone's emotions. In fact it's the opposite. Instinct tells us we should stick together, as there is strength in numbers. Only in life or death situations does instinct tell us to value ourselves over others. If they're setting boundaries that they won't follow, that's a problem with them. Not their gender or sexuality, or anyone else for that matter. My suggestion is having all your friends as well as you sit them down with a speech prepared about what they do and how you feel. If they disregard you after that, drop them completely. They're not a friend, they just want to feel oppressed.

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#33

It's not meant to sound or be offensive but if LGBTQ is supposed to be normal then why the flag?

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I don't like avocado
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a symbol of all our pain and hardships we have faced in the past and still do. When we raise it it's our way of saying that we won't be broken down or be silent about our mistreatment. Different people go through different types of pain but it's within the same community. The classic rainbow flag represents all of us, and there is a flag for gay men, lesbians, and transgender individuals. As well as bisexual, asexual, and nonbinary. There's more specific flags for more specific identities though. We are normal, but we've also experienced non-normal predjudice, hence why we have the flags. Thank you for your question.

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#34

Unrelated but SO delighted to see people being SO clear that their questions are NOT coming from a place of judgement or I’ll will…. Just a place of genuine curiosity
Bravo straight ally’s!

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#35

What does it mean when someone uses multiple pronouns? (Like she/they, he/they) Which one do I use?
Also, does the order make a difference? (Like if it's they/she, they/he)

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basil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would ask if they have a preference, but if they don't, I would alternate the use, or at least try to mix it up a little. Like "she said they wanted her book back" or "they are my friend. He couldn't come today though"

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#36

Where would be a good place to learn more about all the different meanings? Currently I'm stuck just doing Google searches because unfortunately a good portion of the LGBTQA+ community where I live tend to just shut down questions as people trying to 'fake it' or people being rude and ignorant on purpose. It's taken me years to figure out what I am because I haven't been able to actually ask people that seem to know more to help me figure it out.

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#37

(Sorry me by the English mistakes I'll probably commit)
Well, I was about to do sum questions, but I'll write a bit for context.
So, er, since I was a kid, my father created me as the most homophobic and transphobic person in my social circle, and was very agressive with me. He almost beat me for being friend of a bisexual person. I don't have any contact with him anymore, and he also gave me a disgust for male.
Then, some time ago, I was talking again with my childhood friend, and we started dating. It was the very first date for each of us. (Just an observation, they said they have fell in love with me years ago)
Their older brother was transitioning and I totally supported him. He hated me, but, whatever, that's not the point. In the beginning of the year, Angel, their current name, found their selves non-binary. I was quite surprised by the suddenness, but, I handled it normally and help they in what I could. They explained that they felt it since younger.
At this point, I couldn't no longer say I was straight, since I loved they regardless of their gender. We break up a few weeks ago, and I still cry listening to songs that remind me of they... Whatever, continuing:
Their brother started to talk with his mother about he being trans, and Angel is still in the closet. I had my "gay moments" (yea, sound very homophobic, sorry if I already offended half of the site's users) in life, but not stopped to think about my sexuality or gender. For now I'm calling myself gender fluid, bc I don't really think I am trans, but I don't feel cis, and, non binary doesn't sound with me... Again, this text is looking like "I want to be different ;w;" I'm talking serious.
Well, I dunno if it was my father, my last lover or my doubts, but I'm really unsure about my gender for now. I'm wondering if I talk about this with my psychiatrist, or wait 10 years, or try to forget this... er, that's not a question, sorry :³
Normal questions: Can someone be pan romantic and homo sexual or something like this? I didn't get the difference between romanticism and sexuality well -w-

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Ansgar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone raised to be "straight" will probably always be overwhelmed by discovering the community (and themselves being in it). Don't panic, it is normal. It is a process to find out what you identify as/with. While you are at it, just enjoy life and allow yourself to be surprised by what you find. // As for your previous relationship: I imagine it being very confusing having to discover yourself and reacting to changes in your partner while you are unsure yourself about what you are. You really hit a "jackpot" there, friend. :-(

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#38

What's the + for in LGBTQ+?

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Makenzie Godwin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

L-Lesbian G-gay B-Bi T-Trans Q-Queer +- more Basically the + means there are more than those

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#39

(this isn't hate)
Why is gay a synonym for happy is so many lgbtq+ people are depressed
-a lesbian with bpd

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Chiguira
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because formerly gay was a word for happy and someone just decided to steal the word and give it a new meaning?

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#40

I’m not trying to offend anyone with this- sorry if I do, but if you are non-binary how would you identify as straight/gay/lesbian/etc? If straight means the opposite gender but you’re nonbinary, what is the opposite gender? If lesbian means the same gender, but lesbian is usually referring to girlxgirl relationships, how does that work?
Again, not trying to offend anyone, just genuinely curious.


Also this one might offend people more, but why isn’t straight considered part of LGBTQ+? It’s a sexuality too.

P.S. What are super straights? I saw something about that once but didn’t understand it.

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just a random panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

lesbian actually doesn't mean the same gender. it means 'a non-man attracted to non-men'. so it doesn't always refer to girlxgirl relationships, though people do tend to use it in that way.

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#41

What is the best way to ask someone you are meeting for the first time what pronouns they prefer you use with them and at what point in the initial conversation is it best to ask?

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just a random panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd say usually around the same time as you ask their name. just like "Hello. I'm ____ and my pronouns are ____, what's your name?" I guess maybe then they'd also feel obligated to say their pronouns, or just ask straight up.

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#42

I was always taught that it was polite to refer to someone you couldn't tell the gender of or wanted to keep their identity secret as they. (For example, when talking to dog owners I would say "they're so cute", and when talking about a friend in a sensitive situation I would say something like "yeah, they're really upset.") Today, is this offensive or confusing to people who use they/them pronouns? Thanks :)

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just a random panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in my experience, it's not offensive or confusing to nonbinary people. sort of like how most cis people dont mind if you assume someone else's pronouns using the ones they use.

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#43

I’m abrosexual and ace . Do you support me ?

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#44

I've wondered for the longest time how it works for a gay man in a marriage/relationship with a woman, eg hiding the fact he is gay, that they have children together, biological children I mean. If he is attracted to only men how does it work to have se* with a woman? Do they think of men to get it up or? Incredibly confusing and probably nothing to think about but it's just something I've read about the past where gay men are in a marriage with a woman because it was illegal for them to be gay and they have children together.

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Markus It/Its
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They ignore how they feel in order to survive. Not got experience with any of this so I can't comment much outside that basic overview

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#45

Why is "lesbian" such a difficult word to say? I'm a lesbian, I know that, but more often than not I just tell people that I'm gay, or that I like girls. The word "lesbian", while I have nothing wrong with it as it validly describes my identity, seems so bold and different, maybe because it's a noun instead of an adjective, and it says exactly who you are, not a describing word? I'm not sure. Is this just a me thing or does the word "lesbian" just work like that?

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I don't like avocado
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whatever you're comfortable using I imagine is the right way to go. I've also struggled with different labels and being able to use them although I personally identified with them. And frankly, I get it. It's so incredibly hard for me to say lesbian or gay around people because I'm afraid of how they would react. Same with transgender but I've found it's easier to say trans.

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#46

Who's the idiot that came up with that conversion c**p like you can just lay the gay away?

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#47

In customer service, I address people as "Sir" and "Ma'am." What's the equivalent for someone non-binary or whose gender I'm unsure of?

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Fallon Raine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A gender neutral term for Mr/sir and Mrs/ma'am would be mx (said like mix). While that is a gender neutral option I am not sure if there is more that that one. Plus, you could just subtract out the 'mr/Mrs/sir/maam' phrase in whatever sentence you are saying. Especially because while some people may present fem (feminine) they could use he/him or they/them same way with those who may present masc (masculine) and everyone else. Hope this helps! :)

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#48

she/they or he/they (or anything of the sort) what’s the best way for us to address you guys? I’m never sure what the preferred pronoun would be- should we use both interchangeably? Still trying to understand-

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Queerios
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, if someone uses multiple sets of pronouns, like she/they or he/they, then you use them interchangeably!

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#49

What do intersex and queer mean? (I hope this isn't offensive.)

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Terry Waters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being intersex is a biological matter, it means that you do not have clear or strictly male or female reproductive organs. Queer is just a word for being in the LGBT+ community and that people with a lot of different orientations use as an umbrella term.

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#50

I’m kind of lost about the fact if I’m not bi. I’m 13 so I’m learning a lot about myself and this is just stuck in my head. So my question to all the LGBTQIA+ community is: How did you know you are LGBTQIA+?

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Kiri
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You just one day realize. I might take a while to fully understand they you are 💅 but you will find out

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#51

Maybe it's just me being young and inexperienced but wouldn't the majority of people be considered demiromantic/demisexual (only feels romantic/sexual attraction after a strong emotional connection)? I know there are people who supposedly fall in love at first sight and there are plenty of one night stands but other than that I was surprised there were Pride flags for them. I've been curious about this for a while but haven't found a comprehensive answer yet.

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lucy dale
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

no, the majority of people wouldnt be considered demi. Theres a difference between not experiencing sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close, and not acting on sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close. One doesn't have the feelings, the other just holds onto them. hope this helps!

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#52

I have kind of a basic question and I mean ZERO offense to anyone: can someone please break down all of the genders/sexualities? I don't understand any of them except gay, and bisexual.

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#53

Where do asexuals fit in with the 2SLGBTQ+ community? Frequently they are not considered in the conversations.

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Devin Howe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An extended version of the acronym is LGBTQIA+. This is lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, asexual. It is sadly very true that they are not represented very well in the LGBTQIA+ community.

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