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Hey Pandas, What Questions Do You Have About The LGBTQ+ People? (Closed)

Hi, let me know!

It's not a direct question, more of an existential one that I'm not certain has an answer, at least a clear one. My father was gender fluid. They identified as a trans woman until my early 20's and they are now non-binary. It wasn't a secret, and was taught early on about gender identity, but there's one thing I've always wondered was (excluding biological reasons) 'what makes me female?' I feel female, I feel connected to the gender I was born with. It's not biology, who you're attracted to, how you dress or what you like, so what is it? How do come to realize that the gender you are born with isn't who you are? What does it feel like? Like I said, more of an existential question.
~Also, I love this post! I think it's a great idea for people to ask questions and begin to understand and accept.

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48points

Bonesko

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Kitsune Nocturne 2 years ago

I am gender fluid, and the way you described feeling connected with your birth gender is probably the closest comparison anyone can make. Your connection to your gender probably feels natural and "right" (as in "this is how it's supposed to be for me"). You don't question it, because it's as normal to you as your skin. But what if it didn't feel natural? To make a somewhat silly comparison, what if you knew you were supposed to have skin, but you had scales? Wouldn't that bother you every time you looked in the mirror? It would be a constant reminder that your body and your sense of self don't mesh. For me, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have skin, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have scales, and everything inbetween, plus some extras. Now, this is as best as I can describe MY experience, but please know that everyone is different. Another gender fluid person might have a completely different experience, and they might feel this description doesn't work for them.

50points

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How do you make your Ask Pandas questions have a pride flag background?

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38points

Insert Pride Flag Here

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Jeweled Dragon 2 years ago

I want to know that too

24points

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I keep asking people what LGBTQ+ means and I have never received a straight answer.

Okay that's a joke.

My actual question, is there a meaningful distinction between between being bisexual and pansexual?

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35points

Nathaniel

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Marla 2 years ago

I identify as pansexual because it works for me but I sometimes use bisexual when people don't understand what pansexuality means. My understanding is bisexual have a preference for the binary male or female. Pansexual has a preference for any across the gender spectrum including nonbinary, agender, gender fluid etc. Personally I feel like there is a lot of overlap. None of this is precise and it's good that it's not rigid. We use these words to gain a better understanding of ourselves and others - not to trap ourselves into boxes to be checkmarked.

82points

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If someone calls themselves trans woman, were they born as a man or woman?
What I mean is do you say I'm a trans followed by what you identify yourself as or from what you came from?
Hugs from Sweden

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30points

Magnus Eklund

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Anonymousplease 2 years ago

A trans women is a person who identifies as a women but was not a biological female. A trans man is a man who is not a biological male. There are also trans non binary people

43points

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If I am not sure of someone's pronouns, is it ok to just try They/them? That's what ill usually do if I don't want to ask (socially awkward)

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30points

Not Telling you

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Phil Vaive 2 years ago

100%. I honestly don't see the need for gendered pronouns in English anyway, so let's normalize using they/them as a default!

28points

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My question is for the trans folks. Did you chose your name because it held a special meaning, or you just really liked the name?

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24points

Black Cats and Corgis

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Trice he/him 2 years ago

mine was special, a combo of my sister's idea and my favorite book

28points

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My sincere question: What would LGBTQA+ most like to have people *stop* asking? Because, as a straight woman, nobody ever asked me things they've asked LGBTQA+ cousins (yes, I have more than one, big fam). Examples:
1. When did you know you were (whatever it is)?
2. What makes that attractive to you?
3. What about the danger in the lifestyle?
4. Does this mean you're going to hell?
5. Can you change your mind?

And so forth.
If I have offended, I apologize. Seriously do wish to know what you'd like to *stop* being asked.

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22points

Leo Domitrix

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Ashe 2 years ago

(Context here, I am pan) I really wish people would stop asking me if being pansexual means I'm attracted to cooking pans, if that means I would date them (fortunately for them, i have standards so they wont have to worry about this), if this means I would date animals (I would not) if I'm just bi, how I can be pan if there is only 2 genders (untrue in my opinion), etc.

36points

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Okay this is something I have been thinking about for a looong time now, so here goes nothing.

If a person raises their kid in a completely gender neutral manner, and later the kid identifies themselves as non binary... so is the kid considered cis ot trans??

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21points

Iris

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Bethany Heller 2 years ago

My opinion is that if they said they're non binary, they're non binary. Doesn't really matter what they were assigned, especially if they were raised gender neutral

27points

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I honestly would like to know, and feel like I need to understand:
What is the reason why young people feel the need to "come out" at such a young age?
Let me explain: my 15 yo daughter has come out as pan, ace, aro, and now demi, all in the span of a year. Why "announce" it to the world until you know definitively how you feel?
I guess I just don't understand the need for 5-20 year olds to put on a label until they've had experience (yes, I understand that sometimes you "just know" - I am not talking about those people. I am talking about those that are still questioning).
Please help me understand

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21points

Unicorn27

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Anonymousplease 2 years ago

There are a few reasons that people come out when still questioning. 1) to find a community that will help them in their journey of finding who they are. 2) it can feel like you are lying to others while hiding that you are trying to figure it out. 3) having a label can be helpful for some people, even if they switch between terms, because it can make you feel less lost

50points

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#10

As the father of a gay daughter I have learned not to ask questions incase I get yelled at for not using the most current terms/definitions.

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21points

YELLING!!!

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Nimues Child 2 years ago

You can ask those questions here. Let us help you if you want some clarity. I'm sorry you get yelled at for genuine curiosity.

44points

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#11

Firstly, I want to say that I am genuinely curious about this and I mean no hate towards anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm really confused about gender, some websites say it's a social construct, others say it's a spectrum, others say it's how a person feels about themselves. I've been wondering about this for a while, since I don't really understand any of these answers. So if a boy likes typically feminine things - like dresses / the color pink - does that make that person a transgender girl? Also, I don't really understand how someone knows they're transgender. I'm NOT saying they're not transgender, I'm just asking how one would know. Is it a preference for certain things? One website said it was Gender Dysphoria - not being able to be comfortable in your own body and wanting to have a body of the opposite sex - but does that mean you don't like the features of a body with certain features - e.g. certain genitals, breasts, etc, or does it mean liking stuff typically associated with the opposite gender? Once again, I don't mean to offend anyone, but none of this is making any sense to me.

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20points

Istax

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Anonymousplease 2 years ago

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are confused about the difference between what gender someone identifies as and how people express themself. Gender identity is what gender you feel like you have, cis or trans. Gender expression is how you dress, act, or express yourself. A person's gender identity and expression don't always match. As for being trangender, it is a different journey for everyone, some people feel like they have always known, others take a while to figure it out. Not all trans people experience gender dysphoria, but many do. There are a few types of it, I think the main ones are not feel like you fit in your biological sex, and feeling uncomfortable with what gender society labels you based on your biological gender and/or appearance. Sorry for the long answer, hope it helps

31points

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#12

I've been wondering for a long time and don't want to offend anybody, but I don't understand what cis means. Could somebody please explain?

Thank you! :)

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18points

Aurelia

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H M 2 years ago

Cis, short for cisgender (pronounced sis-gender, or just sis), is a term that means whatever gender you are now is the same as what was presumed for you at birth. This simply means that when a parent or doctor called you a boy or a girl when you were born, they got it right.

36points

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#13

HELLO QUEER FOLKS I'm posting this here cause I do need help with it

How do I get my mom, who let my buy a trans flag, to let me socially transition when we move. As in, I'd start there as Valentino, versus changing midway? Any suggestions? :'D

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17points

Valentino (they/it/he/xe)

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BAWK BAWK BAKAW 2 years ago

i mean it really depends on what your mom is like. she seems like even if she isn't a full ally yet, she's open to it. if i were you, i'd start by telling people you trust (which may or may not include her) how you'd like to be referred to. then slowly branch outwards until you're presenting as yourself. i hope this helps, and sorry if it doesn't

17points

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#14

I have one, as I am straight… when/how do you know that you are LGBTQIAA+?

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16points

your sarcastic bestie

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Anonymousplease 2 years ago

Some people feel like they have always known, and others have more of a journey to find who they are.

42points

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#15

well, whats the difference between being bisexual and pansexual?

also what does non binary mean?

and whats the difference between being bi, beig pan, and being nonbinary?

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14points

𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕥𝕥 <33

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basil 2 years ago

Being bi means you are attracted to two or more genders, and being pan means that you are attracted to all genders with no preference. Nonbinary is a term for anyone who's gender isn't strictly male or female. It can be a label by itself, but there's a lot of subcategories like genderfluid, bigender, agender, etc. So nonbinary isn't a sexuality, and both pan and bi people can be attracted to nonbinary people but not all bi people are.

35points

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#16

I’m sorry and this is not how I feel I just want to know are u transphobic if you don’t want to date a trans person? I’m sorry if I offended anyone, not meant to be rude just curious.

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14points

Da Dragon Queen

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Ashe 2 years ago

Not necessarily, there are people who are not transphobic, but are just uncomfortable dating a trans person. If they are disgusted and being rude about it, then it is far more likely that they are transphobic. Hope this helps!

32points

MoJo1979 2 years ago

totally agree with this. everyone has a preference, if you don't want to date someone that's trans, then that's not a problem. It's only a problem if you start spitting hate about it.

14points

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Phil Vaive 2 years ago

It depends on your reasons. I am a gay male, and I am only attracted to males with male genitalia. The thought of female genitalia just turns me right off. Even if it's attached to a guy I like and think is attractive from the waist up, if he has female genitalia, it's just not happening. I can be friends with him, but I won't ever be in a relationship. There are gay men out there, though, who are totally happy dating men with female genitalia, and that's wonderful! As long as you don't treat that person any differently than any other human you don't want to have sex with (for whatever reason), then I think you're fine. The fact that you're asking means you're trying your best to not be transphobic, which is great.

7points

Phil Vaive 2 years ago

And just to clarify, it's not JUST about genitals for me, either. I have no attraction whatsoever to females, even if they have male genitalia. Again, it just does nothing for me.

5points

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Phil Vaive 2 years ago

Genital preference is linked to our sexuality. Some people have very set genital preferences, some people don't, and that's totally fine! Look up David Rose's "I like the wine, not the label" metaphor from Schitt's Creek, it's great!

0points

Nicole 2 years ago

Genital preference isn't really linked to everyone's sexuality, though? Plenty of straight men sleep with trans women. I have noticed this pattern of cis homosexuals speaking for bisexuals and trans folk quite a bit. You should hear how this is invalidating (and simply inaccurate) to many of the experiences trans people actually live through.

-1point

Lydia 2 years ago

It's fine not to want to date them, but definitely don't invalidate them and generally be respectful.

5points

Lydia 2 years ago

Add on: always use their preferred pronouns and name too, it's really important!!!

3points

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Ansgar 2 years ago

Asking in reverse: Does not wanting to eat potatoes make you a potatophobe? Does not liking romance novels make you romancephobic? You can accept someting/someone perfectly fine although not wanting to have a closer relationship. You're just not attracted to them. As long as you aren't finding yourself saying "Well, I don't have a problem with trans people, BUUUUUT ..." everything's fine. ;)

4points

SoloDadof3 2 years ago

Ok, then why has it become the norm on social media to automatically call others (whatever)phobic? --- Personally I think it looks bad on the community!

3points

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KC 2 years ago

Not at all! However, you should always be respectful.

4points

ThePanInPanda 2 years ago

I think it depends on whether you're only rejecting them because they're trans, especially if you like everything else about them but consider them being trans a dealbreaker.

3points

I don't like avocado 2 years ago (edited)

There are a few valid reasons why someone wouldn't date a trans person. First and most obvious is genital preference. Second is simply not being able to relate. Trans people have many challenges and from the outside looking in it's hard to understand and therefore can be hard to help. High maintenance, if you will. Third is just a preference for cis people. This gets confused for transphobia, but let me explain why it isn't. Say you're presented with two pies. Raspberry and apple. You choose apple because it's what you're used to and the flavor you like more. You still know they're both pies, though and you don't treat one as if they were a cake. It's only upsetting when you say you're allergic to raspberry when you aren't. (Only upsetting when you say you can't date trans people because they're trans)

2points

DannX68 2 years ago

I would say no, because as a gay man myself I'm not misogynystic by not wanting to date women, we all have preferences, some set in stone, some not. But people don't have to be a**holes about it.

2points

Lightning Bloom 2 years ago

Not inherently, though the biggest point of tension is assuming all trans people have something in common that'd be identifiable, which isn't the case!

2points

Remi 2 years ago

No it's not transphobic. If you only like for example men who are born male, it's a case of your sexual orientation.

1point

Louieeeeee 2 years ago

If you don’t want to date a person because you have a genital preference, that is 100% fine. If you do not want to date a trans person simply because they are trans, that is transphobic.

1point

The lesbian knitting panda 2 years ago

there are some people who call themselves 'super straight' as in they only date cis people. They often say trans men and women are not real men or women, so they won't date them. That's transphobic but not wanting to date a trans person but being respectful about it (using their preferred name and pronouns) is not transphobic

1point

Phoebe Stein 1 year ago

Yes, you are. It's fine if you don't want to have sex with a trans individual, but dating one should be perfectly fine.

0points

Phoebe Stein 2 years ago

Well if it's just the psychical attributes, it's not transphobic. But if it's the thought that they are trans, yes it is.

0points

Leina 2 years ago

Not really, but there are super-straights (basically super-transpobes)

0points

-logansucrose- 2 years ago

if you don't want to date somebody who is trans just because they are trans, that may be a little rude. not necessarily transphobic, but it may be. you can also have preferences for certain sexes which is completely understandable if you don't want to date a trans male even though you are attracted to men, because you have a preference for the male sex, not gender.

0points

43 S 2 years ago (edited)

No it's not. It's transphobic to say that trans people are less worthy on the grounds of being trans. Or that they are confused. Or that they only pretend. Or whatever else transphobic bullsh*t people say. If there's anything that the LGBTQ+ community should have taught people (including the LGBTQ+ community) by now is that sexual preferences are different in all people, not logical and cannot be changed at will. It's OK to have (or to not have) preferences regarding sex, gender, skin color, hair color, religious beliefs and a plethora of other factors when it comes to potential romantic partners.

0points

Madelyn Y 2 years ago

It depend on how you handle it. If you solely don’t want to date a trans person because it doesn’t fit your sexual preference, that’s understandable. If you are so,yes look8ng for a romantic relationship though, you may want to reconsider why you don’t want to date a trans person. (This post is not meant to offend anyone. 💕💕💕)

0points

lucy dale 2 years ago

Theres a difference between not dating someone because they're trans, and not dating someone because of what genetalia they have and what your attracted too. (at least from what I've heard from trans people online)

0points

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#17

I personally identify as AroAce but I don't know if I really am, and it feels like I am a false member of the LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes I feel like I am just identifying myself as AroAce just to be a member of the community.

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14points

Commander observant

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Kalmar (she/her) 2 years ago

I remember having an 'imposter' phase when I identified as ace, especially since then I thought I was still hetroromantic. In the end, only you can say your identity. Maybe ask yourself some questions, or research on aroace. If you find you are aroace, know that you are 100% valid. Hope that helped!

18points

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#18

How can I support you better as a community member?

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14points

Elvee K

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Phil Vaive 2 years ago

Honestly, teach yourself anything and everything you can, and don't put the burden on LGBTQ people to explain to you what you're doing wrong and how you can do it right. We don't all want to be teachers and advocates and political statements, we just want to exist. So listen to the people who are comfortable with talking, but don't put any pressure on those of us who just want to live our lives.

22points

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#19

I have a question.

Why are A sexual persons not included within the community? They are generally treated as though they have the plague. Or brushed off.

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12points

Lucky2BAlive

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Loki’s Lil Butter Knife 2 years ago (edited)

Hello Lucky, asexual person here. I agree that it's harmful and sad to not be accepted. Unfortunately, asexuality is often considered a mental illness (when it isn't) that can be treated with medications and the truly horrendous conversion therapy (praying away the gay/ or being forced into sexual encounters). The Trevor Institute says that asexuals have some of the highest percentages of being offered conversion therapy as a way to fix them. There's very little asexual representation in the media and yet have a feeling there's a lot more of us, but so many people are terrified to ever come out to family and friends (I'm 30 and still closeted) for fear of ridicule and not being accepted. Sadly, many LGBT support groups don’t even include asexual teens, youth, and adults in their conversations. All members of the LGBTQIA+ community should be loved and included! Fortunately, wonderful activists like Yasmin Bennoit are working with the LGBTQ+ community to bring more awareness about asexuality. Remember you are loved and valid! If anyone says you are not they are not worth your time.

22points

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#20

I am part of the community, but I have a question about animal gender identities. I don't really understand how that works and I have seen people that label themselves as things like "pup-gender" and I really don't understand how a gender can be an animal or also people that can themselves "dream-gender" (referring to the YouTuber) if that is a person/character. If anyone identifies as an animal gender can you please explain what that means?

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8points

Kevinඞ

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Erika 2 years ago (edited)

Xenogenders. They’re controversial because some LGBTQ people believe it invalidates the struggles that LGBTQ people have gone through, like being called the right name and pronouns if they’re not cis. Xenos were coined as a way for neurodivergent people to express their gender identity. Dreamgender started off as a joke but it ended up getting into the wrong hands. I do not think xenos are valid and many people online will come for you if you believe that xenogenders are invalid.

25points

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#21

Where can people go to find out about Gay Pride Parades in their area? Is there a national group that keeps track of them all? I'd love to attend one and show my support. They also look like a blast!

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8points

Carol Emory

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Lazy_Panda 2 years ago

I'm not really too sure, but I would assume if you go to your cities website they would have a date for the pride parade, if they do have one. I know where I'm moving they recently had their first pride parade (I'm really excited for next year! ) And it was on the website, but I will look into that! You have spiked curiosity in me now.

10points

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#22

Hello! I’m Asexual and I’ve been asking this question a lot. Is Asexual part of the LGBTQ+ community? (Asexual means you don’t like males or females) correct?

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8points

Makenzie Godwin

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sourlemons 2 years ago

yes - actually, a lot of people now say LGBTQIA+ instead of just LGBTQ, which includes intersex and asexual people

12points

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#23

Why do so many people in this community despise religion so much, and badmouth every religious person out there? You're discriminating and generalizing just like people did to you. Why is it okay when you do it? Why can't you share your views on religion without being respectful? A sincere question from a queer Muslim. This question came about because of the fact I'm constantly attacked by the LGBTQIA+ community and other Muslims. Being a minority within a minority is hell, and rarely anyone will stand with you. Why is it, because I'm Muslim, that you feel the need to criminalize me, and make me feel like sh*t? (This is for the people that do it)

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8points

I don't like avocado

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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago

Honestly some people just don't think I'm sorry for how those people act ❤️

18points

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#24

how does it feel being so wildly homosexual? (not a genuine question)

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8points

the aftermath is secondary™

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Autumn Artemis 2 years ago

Extraordinary, my friend

5points

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#25

Is there a place where I can find genderfluid memes that are not saying that it's wrong and not real?

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7points

Larry Face

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Valentino (they/it/he/xe) 2 years ago

Tumblr. I have a friend who's genderfluid on there. TikTok also has some (for example: it's so hot outside all my genderfluid friends boutta become gender vapor)

12points

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#26

For trans folks, especially those with many years experiencing presenting as their true gender:

How do you look at your pre-transition self? Were they always your current gender but perhaps unknowing, struggling, misplaced...or do you think of them having previously been that gender?
For your friends who knew you before and after, do they see you as transitioning from one gender to another, or do they see you as always being your true gender, but hidden until the transition?

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7points

[]

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Anonymousplease 2 years ago

I see my past self as still being non- binary but being unaware of it. I don't really see my past self as a true reflection of myself because I was not truly myself. I struggled with my identity before I even knew that being nonbinary was a thing

7points

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#27

I am so confused on people's relation and identity with gender. Someone has asked something similar already, but not exactly the way I question it.

Basically, I have no real ties to gender at all. It is not something I think about really ever, I use cis pronouns just for convenience sake but I don't care either way. To me, gender isn't really a thing because what is socially considered masculine or feminine are very stereotypical and one can be like to do certain things without identifying with that gender (ofc I respect however people identify). However, for people who are cis or trans, how do you know how you identify? I agree with how people nowadays are starting to break those norms (e.g., letting a boy play with dolls) and such, but then where does one's connection to their gender tie in? What makes one identity feel right? And since gender identity is different from gender expression, then is it just their body or how one fits in society? Because ideally as society (hopefully) moves toward gender equality, shouldn't that become more similar as well?

Also, how are people so sure of their sexuality? How do I know I am attracted to someone and not because society has ingrained certain looks of people to be attractive? Am I ace or bi (am I just recognizing they are attractive, or am I actually sexually attracted to them)? Or maybe I'm gay and I have been ingrained to think the opposite gender is attractive when I'm wouldn't actually be attracted to them?

Finally, what is the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship? I have never dated before, so maybe once I have it would be different, but what is the distinction between the two? I recognize there would be a general care and love for that person, but I care about and love all my friends, so what else would there be?

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7points

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Chiguira 2 years ago

I know you aren't looking for terms to identify with but before I answer your questions, your relationship with gender seems to match the terms cisgenderless and cassgender if you would like to check them out! An example I've heard of how gender works is that when you are born you are pretty much assigned a identity, like what if you were told to live your whole life with scales insteas of skin. The scales would feel weird wouldn't they? Gender is like that you are forced to have scales when you are more comfortable with having skin instead. And sometimes it isn't scales, it could be fur or it could be a mix of scales and skin. No matter what though, one fits better than the others. For the second set of questions, thinking someone looks attractive doesn't always equate to being attractes to them. But that's really all I can explain as an ace person. The difference between platonic and romantic is complicated though. So you should probably do your own research instead as I am aro.

4points

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#28

Hey! I just have a question.
I always got harassed for being an asexual at any LGBT rallies that my school had. Do people even consider asexuality as a part of the LGBT community anymore?

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7points

AsexualShrimp

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Chiguira 2 years ago

Aroace here, being asexual is definitely part of the LGBTQIA community. It even shares a part of the acronym. I'm sorry that you get harassed, I suggest you do some research about why asexuality is part of the community to use as proof for being valid if that helps.

8points

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#29

A lighthearted question for you all! Favorite flag and least favorite flag?

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6points

Aerial (Any pronouns/Canadian/Jewish)

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sourlemons 2 years ago

I like the pan or ace flags personally, but I might be biased

6points

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#30

Any of my fellow gays, what's your favorite way to tell people that you are, in fact, gay? I'll start. I love to tell people that I'm illegal in over 60 countries.

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6points

Devin Howe

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Kiri 2 years ago

Did you know back in the day they would roll me up and light me on fire :D

5points

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#31

people homeschool kids to avoid exposing them to the community. does it make them bad parents?

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5points

Cat Momma

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Daisy Cameron 2 years ago

yes

34points

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#32

It’s definitely a question but it needs some context. I don’t mean in any way for this to sound bad as I support LGBTQ+ 100% but this is becoming a recurring problem with a friend and I’ve had to drop her because of it and multiple other reasons. Is it common to take problem society puts on you and put it back on the people around you? My ex-bestfriend came out as Bisexual last year and started dating a gender fluid person. As this school year went on she became completely lesbian. She started talking a lot about how Queer people are extremely repressed and that it’s rude to do that to anyone as everyone deserves a voice. She also said that it hurts when people say Ew when you say someone is hot which our friend group has never done. Fast forward about three months and she starts repressing and saying Ew in that exact manner to us, who are all straight. We tried talking to her about it but instead twisted our words and made us sound like we were making her a bad person when all we wanted to do was ask why she was doing it. She also dumped her insecurities on us which was no big deal cause we all did it. However, it started becoming a lot about her parents. Her parents accepted her 100% but did not like who she was dating. Her parents are also very Christian so there’s a lot of things she’s not allowed to watch or read and all that stuff yet. So she starts saying all this s**t about her parents and how their “oppressing” her and “trying too hard” and “keeping her safe”. The issue was that our entire friend group but her do not have a stable home environment like that. I have divorced parents and my dad is an absolute b***h who only cares about money and thinks that the child support he pays makes me want to see him after the giant fights we’ve had the past two years. One other friend’s parents are divorced and her situation is a lot like mine. The other two’s parents are still together b ur fight constantly. I’ve seen it and it gets bad. They’d do better divorced. But the friend in question has perfect parents who just care about her which none of us have. I guess my question is, Is it normal to take experiences you’ve heard about and put them on other and completely disregard other peoples problems for yours? I guess I’m wondering if this is just part of transitioning and if it will go away as she also just came out as gender fluid.

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Skyler Dightman

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I don't like avocado 2 years ago (edited)

I don't agree with any of these answers, so here's my two cents. EVERYONE LGBTQ+ or not should practice what they preach. Whatever your friend is going through is NOT an excuse to treat others that way. They're toxic. Their gender or sexuality has nothing to do with that. This is a question for the wrong people. It's absolutely not human nature to disregard everyone's emotions. In fact it's the opposite. Instinct tells us we should stick together, as there is strength in numbers. Only in life or death situations does instinct tell us to value ourselves over others. If they're setting boundaries that they won't follow, that's a problem with them. Not their gender or sexuality, or anyone else for that matter. My suggestion is having all your friends as well as you sit them down with a speech prepared about what they do and how you feel. If they disregard you after that, drop them completely. They're not a friend, they just want to feel oppressed.

7points

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#33

It's not meant to sound or be offensive but if LGBTQ is supposed to be normal then why the flag?

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5points

MoonlightSheikah

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I don't like avocado 2 years ago

It's a symbol of all our pain and hardships we have faced in the past and still do. When we raise it it's our way of saying that we won't be broken down or be silent about our mistreatment. Different people go through different types of pain but it's within the same community. The classic rainbow flag represents all of us, and there is a flag for gay men, lesbians, and transgender individuals. As well as bisexual, asexual, and nonbinary. There's more specific flags for more specific identities though. We are normal, but we've also experienced non-normal predjudice, hence why we have the flags. Thank you for your question.

11points

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#34

Unrelated but SO delighted to see people being SO clear that their questions are NOT coming from a place of judgement or I’ll will…. Just a place of genuine curiosity
Bravo straight ally’s!

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5points

LennytheCat

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Leina 2 years ago

Yes, it’s refreshing!

0points

#35

What does it mean when someone uses multiple pronouns? (Like she/they, he/they) Which one do I use?
Also, does the order make a difference? (Like if it's they/she, they/he)

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5points

Sophia Snell

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basil 2 years ago

I would ask if they have a preference, but if they don't, I would alternate the use, or at least try to mix it up a little. Like "she said they wanted her book back" or "they are my friend. He couldn't come today though"

4points

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#36

Where would be a good place to learn more about all the different meanings? Currently I'm stuck just doing Google searches because unfortunately a good portion of the LGBTQA+ community where I live tend to just shut down questions as people trying to 'fake it' or people being rude and ignorant on purpose. It's taken me years to figure out what I am because I haven't been able to actually ask people that seem to know more to help me figure it out.

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4points

Jacin Larkwell

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RainWingRoyal 2 years ago

The LGBTQ Fandom Wiki should help! I have a friend who uses it sometimes!

7points

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#37

(Sorry me by the English mistakes I'll probably commit)
Well, I was about to do sum questions, but I'll write a bit for context.
So, er, since I was a kid, my father created me as the most homophobic and transphobic person in my social circle, and was very agressive with me. He almost beat me for being friend of a bisexual person. I don't have any contact with him anymore, and he also gave me a disgust for male.
Then, some time ago, I was talking again with my childhood friend, and we started dating. It was the very first date for each of us. (Just an observation, they said they have fell in love with me years ago)
Their older brother was transitioning and I totally supported him. He hated me, but, whatever, that's not the point. In the beginning of the year, Angel, their current name, found their selves non-binary. I was quite surprised by the suddenness, but, I handled it normally and help they in what I could. They explained that they felt it since younger.
At this point, I couldn't no longer say I was straight, since I loved they regardless of their gender. We break up a few weeks ago, and I still cry listening to songs that remind me of they... Whatever, continuing:
Their brother started to talk with his mother about he being trans, and Angel is still in the closet. I had my "gay moments" (yea, sound very homophobic, sorry if I already offended half of the site's users) in life, but not stopped to think about my sexuality or gender. For now I'm calling myself gender fluid, bc I don't really think I am trans, but I don't feel cis, and, non binary doesn't sound with me... Again, this text is looking like "I want to be different ;w;" I'm talking serious.
Well, I dunno if it was my father, my last lover or my doubts, but I'm really unsure about my gender for now. I'm wondering if I talk about this with my psychiatrist, or wait 10 years, or try to forget this... er, that's not a question, sorry :³
Normal questions: Can someone be pan romantic and homo sexual or something like this? I didn't get the difference between romanticism and sexuality well -w-

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4points

Icy

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Ansgar 2 years ago

Someone raised to be "straight" will probably always be overwhelmed by discovering the community (and themselves being in it). Don't panic, it is normal. It is a process to find out what you identify as/with. While you are at it, just enjoy life and allow yourself to be surprised by what you find. // As for your previous relationship: I imagine it being very confusing having to discover yourself and reacting to changes in your partner while you are unsure yourself about what you are. You really hit a "jackpot" there, friend. :-(

4points

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#38

What's the + for in LGBTQ+?

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4points

GreenCyan

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Makenzie Godwin 2 years ago

L-Lesbian G-gay B-Bi T-Trans Q-Queer +- more Basically the + means there are more than those

11points

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#39

(this isn't hate)
Why is gay a synonym for happy is so many lgbtq+ people are depressed
-a lesbian with bpd

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4points

LimonadeDaWolf

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Chiguira 2 years ago

Because formerly gay was a word for happy and someone just decided to steal the word and give it a new meaning?

8points

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#40

I’m not trying to offend anyone with this- sorry if I do, but if you are non-binary how would you identify as straight/gay/lesbian/etc? If straight means the opposite gender but you’re nonbinary, what is the opposite gender? If lesbian means the same gender, but lesbian is usually referring to girlxgirl relationships, how does that work?
Again, not trying to offend anyone, just genuinely curious.

Also this one might offend people more, but why isn’t straight considered part of LGBTQ+? It’s a sexuality too.

P.S. What are super straights? I saw something about that once but didn’t understand it.

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4points

blub

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just a random panda 2 years ago

lesbian actually doesn't mean the same gender. it means 'a non-man attracted to non-men'. so it doesn't always refer to girlxgirl relationships, though people do tend to use it in that way.

10points

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#41

What is the best way to ask someone you are meeting for the first time what pronouns they prefer you use with them and at what point in the initial conversation is it best to ask?

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4points

Kiski Piski

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just a random panda 2 years ago

I'd say usually around the same time as you ask their name. just like "Hello. I'm ____ and my pronouns are ____, what's your name?" I guess maybe then they'd also feel obligated to say their pronouns, or just ask straight up.

6points

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#42

I was always taught that it was polite to refer to someone you couldn't tell the gender of or wanted to keep their identity secret as they. (For example, when talking to dog owners I would say "they're so cute", and when talking about a friend in a sensitive situation I would say something like "yeah, they're really upset.") Today, is this offensive or confusing to people who use they/them pronouns? Thanks :)

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4points

LavenderAxolotl

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just a random panda 2 years ago

in my experience, it's not offensive or confusing to nonbinary people. sort of like how most cis people dont mind if you assume someone else's pronouns using the ones they use.

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#43

I’m abrosexual and ace . Do you support me ?

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4points

aricely

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Just_a_gay_cat 2 years ago

Yes? Is that even a question

6points

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#44

I've wondered for the longest time how it works for a gay man in a marriage/relationship with a woman, eg hiding the fact he is gay, that they have children together, biological children I mean. If he is attracted to only men how does it work to have se* with a woman? Do they think of men to get it up or? Incredibly confusing and probably nothing to think about but it's just something I've read about the past where gay men are in a marriage with a woman because it was illegal for them to be gay and they have children together.

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3points

Sammie 19

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Markus It/Its 2 years ago

They ignore how they feel in order to survive. Not got experience with any of this so I can't comment much outside that basic overview

5points

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#45

Why is "lesbian" such a difficult word to say? I'm a lesbian, I know that, but more often than not I just tell people that I'm gay, or that I like girls. The word "lesbian", while I have nothing wrong with it as it validly describes my identity, seems so bold and different, maybe because it's a noun instead of an adjective, and it says exactly who you are, not a describing word? I'm not sure. Is this just a me thing or does the word "lesbian" just work like that?

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3points

WritingSatyr

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I don't like avocado 2 years ago

Whatever you're comfortable using I imagine is the right way to go. I've also struggled with different labels and being able to use them although I personally identified with them. And frankly, I get it. It's so incredibly hard for me to say lesbian or gay around people because I'm afraid of how they would react. Same with transgender but I've found it's easier to say trans.

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#46

Who's the idiot that came up with that conversion c**p like you can just lay the gay away?

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3points

Bucky Buckminsterfullerine

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Bucky Buckminsterfullerine (Submission author) 2 years ago

Pray*

6points

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#47

In customer service, I address people as "Sir" and "Ma'am." What's the equivalent for someone non-binary or whose gender I'm unsure of?

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2points

Mine Truly

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Fallon Raine 2 years ago

A gender neutral term for Mr/sir and Mrs/ma'am would be mx (said like mix). While that is a gender neutral option I am not sure if there is more that that one. Plus, you could just subtract out the 'mr/Mrs/sir/maam' phrase in whatever sentence you are saying. Especially because while some people may present fem (feminine) they could use he/him or they/them same way with those who may present masc (masculine) and everyone else. Hope this helps! :)

11points

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#48

she/they or he/they (or anything of the sort) what’s the best way for us to address you guys? I’m never sure what the preferred pronoun would be- should we use both interchangeably? Still trying to understand-

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2points

Autumn Artemis

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Queerios 2 years ago

Yep, if someone uses multiple sets of pronouns, like she/they or he/they, then you use them interchangeably!

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#49

What do intersex and queer mean? (I hope this isn't offensive.)

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2points

Sophia Snell

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Terry Waters 2 years ago

Being intersex is a biological matter, it means that you do not have clear or strictly male or female reproductive organs. Queer is just a word for being in the LGBT+ community and that people with a lot of different orientations use as an umbrella term.

6points

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#50

I’m kind of lost about the fact if I’m not bi. I’m 13 so I’m learning a lot about myself and this is just stuck in my head. So my question to all the LGBTQIA+ community is: How did you know you are LGBTQIA+?

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CrazyCatLady

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Kiri 2 years ago

You just one day realize. I might take a while to fully understand they you are 💅 but you will find out

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#51

Maybe it's just me being young and inexperienced but wouldn't the majority of people be considered demiromantic/demisexual (only feels romantic/sexual attraction after a strong emotional connection)? I know there are people who supposedly fall in love at first sight and there are plenty of one night stands but other than that I was surprised there were Pride flags for them. I've been curious about this for a while but haven't found a comprehensive answer yet.

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a really bored panda

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lucy dale 2 years ago

no, the majority of people wouldnt be considered demi. Theres a difference between not experiencing sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close, and not acting on sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close. One doesn't have the feelings, the other just holds onto them. hope this helps!

11points

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#52

I have kind of a basic question and I mean ZERO offense to anyone: can someone please break down all of the genders/sexualities? I don't understand any of them except gay, and bisexual.

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1point

Wow, That's a Long Name

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That nerd Zoe ️‍🇺🇦️‍ 2 years ago

LGBTQ wiki :)

3points

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#53

Where do asexuals fit in with the 2SLGBTQ+ community? Frequently they are not considered in the conversations.

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Beth Ellis

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Devin Howe 2 years ago

An extended version of the acronym is LGBTQIA+. This is lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, asexual. It is sadly very true that they are not represented very well in the LGBTQIA+ community.

3points

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updated bioooo! im taya! im in high school now i looooove basketball, volleyball, and softball! 🏀 🏐 🥎 fave albums: reputation by taylor swift; sos by sza; flower boy by tyler the creator fave songs: see you again by tyler the creator and kali uchis; mastermind by taylor swift; ready for it by taylor swift; trance by metro boomin, young thug, and travis scott; drip too hard by lil baby and gunna fave foods: pasta; pork fried rice; crab rangoons; egg rolls; salads fave books: they both die at the end by adam silvera; to kill a mockingbird by harper lee; agggtm series by holly jackson; one of us is lying by karen m. mcmanus fun facts! -i have two dogs (luna and winston) -i work out a lot (pressure of being a varsity athlete lmao) -i play fortnite (stop laughing. i hear you.) if you want to friend me my handle is : OoferUnU (stop laughing. my brother created it.) -i have a younger brother -i love pretty much all sports (especially the ones i play ⬆️) -my fave emojis are: 😭✨✋😀💅🙈🔥💀😮‍💨🤠🥸🪿🦤😱🤙😅 -i have anxiety (what a great way to end my fun facts right lmao) shmumpykins (aka my wifey ava) and i celebrated our ✨❤️six month anniversary❤️✨ this month! we are very happy. lmao! have a great day, remember to be kind! 😘❤️ HONEY WHERES MY SUPERSUITTT?!?

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Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

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What do you think ?

POST

Genevieve 2 years ago

I like how most of these people were so nice about it and didn't want to be rude or homophobic. Thank you for the consideration!

12points

Phil Vaive 2 years ago

Most people who are just asking questions, or are curious, generally get a pass for me. They're trying to learn, and this is all new for a lot of people! The fact that they're asking means they want to be better allies, which is always a win

8points

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Magnus Eklund 2 years ago

Hugs for everyone!

6points

Nimues Child 2 years ago

@that_curly_girl - this is a GREAT idea for a thread! I love that people can ask the community questions and get answers they want/need. Thank you!

6points

Haily Jynne 2 years ago (edited)

When people who are nonbinary and are attracted to one or select genders, do they label themselves as what the relationship would be had they identified as the same gender they were assigned at birth? Or does it depend on the person? Do they just not give themselves sexual labels? Just curious!

1point

Pascale Pierloot 2 years ago (edited)

I might be considered very out of touch or ignorant but I am just really wanting to understand. Why is it so wrong to reference to their past, especially when they were famous then, like actors or singers? I am from Belgium and we had a band called Triple X (* ficticious name) that was awesome. I will call them G and X. X moved to the U.S. and was mentioned on a tv quiz in our Country by his former name. The outrage that was sent to the producers of that show was at times frightening. Eventhough X reacted he was not really that upset about it, the remarks kept coming...I but it seems to me you could differenciate between not meaning any harm and maliciousness or demeaning intent. I get called Sir on the phone although I'm female, low voice due to cancer. I just correct the other person, I don't go ranting about it. Do I like it, not really but they didn't mean disrespect...

1point

atlas 95 2 years ago

my question is where the hell do I go to post a question

0points

Nadine 2 years ago

How do I delete my question? I thought this was a safe forum to ask my question, but commenters seem to think it's stupid. I have no judgement. I don't want more responses showing me I am "silly". Lesson learned for me.

0points

Jill Tremblay 2 years ago

I guess after reading this I am most blown away by all of the "Labels" that are used. I really was getting very easily confused. So maybe that is why young adults who feel they are something than what they were born as are so stressed out? Soooo many different labels!!! I wish there was just a single name to put to all of this. And then if the wrong label is used (for not knowing any better) some of us get in trouble for saying the wrong thing. It's hard on us too not just the LGBTQ+++ people. A lot of us are trying to support and love all the humans that want to do their own thing, but it is very confusing for us too.

0points

I don't like avocado 2 years ago (edited)

Things are simpler than they appear. You can get the hang of it since the acronym is just the well known LGBTQIA+, or my personal preference is instead of trying to memorize it all, I'd just use the umbrella terms. Queer is an umbrella term for any and all sexualities in the community, it's much less specific but it lets people know you're not straight or perhaps don't identify with your birth sex. There is also transgender which is an umbrella term for all gender identities. That's really it. The two umbrella terms. ☂️☂️ You don't really need to know anything else. If anyone uses any other label just ask them what their label means. That being said, the effort you're putting into learning and understanding is very appreciated.

0points

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MARK M 2 years ago

Is it ok to a queer identifying individual a "queer"?

0points

Phil Vaive 2 years ago

In my mind, I think the word "queer" is losing its negative connotations, partly due to the fact that people in the LGBTQ community are reclaiming the word. If I would still ask, though, if it's okay, because some view it like the n-word - you can say it if you're part of the community, but it's NOT okay if you're not. The f-slur, however, is 100% not okay to use unless you're using it to refer to yourself in a positive way. Nobody else gets to use that word.

3points

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Anonymousplease 2 years ago

I think queer used to be more of an offensive word, but it isn't really used like that anymore. I personally think it's definitely okay to say queer instead of saying lgbtqia+.

1point

ThePanInPanda 2 years ago

First, I'd insure that they're ok with the term. If they refer to themself as queer, especially if they use it in response to being asked how they identify, it's likely okay. I think it's definitely a good idea to ask the person. And whatever you do, don't say it without first confirming, or at least being fairly sure, that it's ok with the person. Also, maybe say that the person is queer, not that they are 'a queer.' It's more of a quality than a state, grammatically. Hope this helps! :)

1point

Whale 2 years ago

Are you asking if a queer person can call themselves queer or if it's okay for the general population to call general not straight people queer, considering it can sometimes be used as an insult?

0points

WOLFLEY OUTDOOR PRODUCTION 2 years ago

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Luca Salavastru 2 years ago

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Loki’s Lil Butter Knife 2 years ago

Hey Luca, if you make a homophobic comment like this please note that you will be reported to the moderation team.

11points

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Kassiopeia 2 years ago

Could you say a reason tho?

2points

Jo 2 years ago

What?

2points

POST

Genevieve 2 years ago

I like how most of these people were so nice about it and didn't want to be rude or homophobic. Thank you for the consideration!

12points

Phil Vaive 2 years ago

8points

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Magnus Eklund 2 years ago

Hugs for everyone!

6points

Nimues Child 2 years ago

@that_curly_girl - this is a GREAT idea for a thread! I love that people can ask the community questions and get answers they want/need. Thank you!

6points

Haily Jynne 2 years ago (edited)

1point

Pascale Pierloot 2 years ago (edited)

1point

atlas 95 2 years ago

my question is where the hell do I go to post a question

0points

Nadine 2 years ago

0points

Jill Tremblay 2 years ago

0points

I don't like avocado 2 years ago (edited)

0points

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MARK M 2 years ago

Is it ok to a queer identifying individual a "queer"?

0points

Phil Vaive 2 years ago

3points

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Anonymousplease 2 years ago

I think queer used to be more of an offensive word, but it isn't really used like that anymore. I personally think it's definitely okay to say queer instead of saying lgbtqia+.

1point

ThePanInPanda 2 years ago

1point

Whale 2 years ago

Are you asking if a queer person can call themselves queer or if it's okay for the general population to call general not straight people queer, considering it can sometimes be used as an insult?

0points