I do not often feel abandoned, but when that feeling does come, it's usually when others refuse to talk to me or when a friend betrays or crosses me. Abandonment also shows itself to me when I'm left alone, even for necessary purposes, for example, if I need to process my emotions or reflect on a response or reaction. The solitude can actually feel like it's doing more harm than good by making me feel abandoned, like I'm forced to be alone and deal with complexities on my own similar to when I was a child dealing with harsh life changes and circumstances.

It makes sense to me that I would have these abandonment issues from being ab*sed and neglected throughout my childhood. A lot of key things were ignored growing up, like my mental health and my overall needs... my comfort, my well-being, and my consent. My father was not a very good parent and it's that neglect, that lack of reinforcement, the inability to thrive, and most of all, the betrayal from my own flesh and blood that gave me the fear of being alone and possibly the codependency I struggle with to this day. I still feel greatly abandoned by my "family" - those related to me who refuse to acknowledge or even believe that I underwent extreme trauma. I feel betrayed and like they've certainly abandoned me.

Some traits that I've discovered in myself due to this trauma would include being codependent or unable to live/reside alone, always feeling like I'm the problematic one, and having an intense fear of homelessness. I try to combat these fears by simply spending time by myself with my thoughts, but often when I do this, anxiety begins to trigger and run a bit rampant. I think that something I should consider bringing up to my therapist is how I'm unsure how to expose myself to this fear and how I'm unsure if I should reach out to my family and tell them how I feel and what I think.