Please don’t post things that aren’t about eating disorders. You can post about a family member or friend having one and how it affected you, or you can post about your firsthand experience. BREAK THE STIGMA! START THE CONVERSATION!

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#1

Whilst battling COVID I ate about 2½ small bags of chips (UK, crisps) over the course of a month; I’ve had no appetite, hunger, nor could I taste anything. Lost 10% of my usual body weight. Not a diet I recommend. Five months later, for the past week, I’ve managed to eat one main meal a day and sometimes a small breakfast. Massive victory.

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Steve Barnett
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#2

I started skipping 1 meal a day when I was 11, I'd sleep and use it as an excuse. my body image was going downhill and I thought it would make me slimmer and fix everything. my dad had a talk with me about it but that didn't help and it progressed to me only eating 1 meal a day, sometimes going full days without eating. I'm better now with it but if I go a day without eating it's still very easy for me slip back into that habit. I think people should be taught about Ed's because it's been 7 years since and I'm still battling it.

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Magicalcatbean
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Susie Elle
Susie Elle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel you. I appreciate your dad sat you down for a talk, it shows he noticed what you were struggling with. I ate one meal and drank one cup of water a day for over a year and lost so much weight I stopped menstruating, but nobody seemed to notice. Proud of you for working on it and improving your relationship with food!

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#3

I still deal with mine occasionally. It’s never gone away completely but it is has less of a hold on me now. Counting calories and excessively working out ruled my life because I didn’t know how to coup with anxiety. When I did my counting and restricting I felt as if I was in control of it all. After some time in counseling I was able to find what triggered it or look for possible things that could. I know it’s something I will deal with for the rest of my life but I’m fine with it. I’m just grateful my wife stood by me the entire time. Never underestimate a great and beautiful partner.

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Jon Clingenpeel
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Suz66
Suz66
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're blessed to have a compassionate spouse. Thank you for mentioning how feeling "in control" was an issue for you. It's a huge factor in ED's. When weight is the only control you have in your life, you can control weight. I'm glad you're getting better.

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#4

I have struggled all my life not to be anorexic, and every extra bit of flesh or caloric intake is a victory. And also terrifying. I can't explain how horrible it was as a kid to be hungry (poor) and then have a father who also controlled food so you didn't ever have a choice but if you wanted approval (lvoe was impossible), you had to be super-super-skinny/fit.

TLDR: An eating disorder is a very prolonged suicide by way of food-control addiction.

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Leo Domitrix
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#5

Well it's a doozy but if you're looking for the worst part it's prolly the guilt. At least for me. When you do eat you feel guilty for it and when you don't eat you feel guilty about not eating. Like either way it feels awful. And then ofc there's the pressure from friends who know...just constantly "have you eaten" "go eat something" "this isn't ok" stuff like that...i get that they're trying to be nice and it's because they care but i hate it.

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Rockstar
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#6

When I skipped meals for the first time in my life I skipped 2 in a row. Back then, it wasn’t a habit. Then I made my first comment about that on bored panda, I was anorexic, and I thought you would see it. However, TWENTY FIVE PEOPLE told me something along the lines of “just eat” or “it’s not quirky” and downvoted it. 2 months later, when I told the internet I stuck toothbrushes down my throat to throw up, suddenly you cared. I got help and recovered after 4 months. Recently I relapsed, but I eat too close to normal and nobody sees me exercising. They can’t help me because they don’t see it.
This time I want help, but nobody will help.

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Happi doggi (all pronouns)
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Joel Strauss
Joel Strauss
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please, get professional help! And have those upon whom you rely for support get educated. They need to know your symptoms, your triggers, and to avoid unhelpful, dangerous and generally stupid comments like "force yourself." Above all, remember that what you have is a disease. It doesn't define you! Give yourself permission to love yourself!

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#7

I started skipping breakfast when I was around 10 or so. Then it was breakfast and lunch, then I was skipping breakfast and lunch and taking the minimum at dinner. I've gotten better but not much better. I have currently been skipping breakfast and lunch, and mainly just having a light snack to replace these meals. Which makes it harder to get through the day. But by now I'm used to it. I'm trying to get better, though. Even though I haven't been professionally diagnosed, by now I'm positive that I am anorexic. It doesn't really affect or bother anyone around me, because nobody notices. So that's my deal. Sorry it's kinda boring to read and it's long

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colorfultragedy
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#8

I started developing an eating disorder when I was around 12. I started out as bulimic but when I was admitted to hospital at 17 I was actually anorexic. My health had gotten so bad, they told my parents I would die if they took me home. I spend 5 months at a specialised clinic, gained 12kg before I was considered "healthy" and released myself as soon as I turned 18. I immediately relapsed, bulimic and underweight I somehow finished school and moved out. I started over and slowly made a recovery, did therapy, trained a lot. Ran a marathon in the city of the clinic twice. Slowly gained more weight so I'm not a kg away from being underweight. Started to enjoy life. I am now working a job I love, finishing my masters, got a dog and a fiancé. Once a year I go to a school and talk to kids about the dangers of eating disorders to raise awareness and show them there's a way out.

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Karin Brombeis
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Marinasongs1432
Marinasongs1432
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I truly hope that your dreams and hopes come true, and I'm so glad that you got help.

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#9

Im 14 F and in freshman year of highschool. ive been fighting anorexia nervosa since 7th grade it stemmed from being bullied by a group of guys calling me fat when in actuallity i was a health weight. and been in ED treatment twice. my dad thinks im doing it for attention and he's underconcerned and my mom is over concerned and forces an Ensure on me for breakfast every day. i am in the midst of a bad relapse rn and im at 92lbs right now i should be at 125lbs and gaining weight is the scariest thing for me right now im addicted to the control and it's rough pray for me please i love you all :)

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chicken nugs
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Marinasongs1432
Marinasongs1432
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll pray, and I hope your father will see the light on your disorder.

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#10

When I was around 9 or 10 and (somewhat) continuing I completely eliminated the fruit food group. I already barely ate but I eliminated that food group which could have been a big problem. My parents were always telling me to eat a slice of apple or orange and occasionally I would but never often. (Like once every month or two). Even though I was so skinny you could see my ribs I saw myself as fat. So I ate less and less. But with the help of my parents and health class (I researched eating disorders and we learned about them a bit so I learned how I could help myself), I got better at eating. Still need to work on the fruit thing though.

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ChocolateCake
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ChocolateCake (Submission author)
ChocolateCake
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I forgot to mention that I didn't eat much breakfast. I ate a bit more lunch but not that much.

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#11

I used to joke that I'm addicted to food. After years of eating huge packets of crisps, entire cakes. I couldn't stop. I was miserable, angry and ashamed.

I found a solution, admitted that I am addicted to food and food behaviours. I am happy and relaxed for the first time in my life now the pain of compulsive resting has left me.

Overeaters Anonymous

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Deborah
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#12

Wow, where to start on this one. (I’m sorry this is long! - I haven’t spoken about my Ed in a long time!)
I’m (F) now in my 40s. In 1994 I was officially diagnosed with Bulima-rexia. Which is basically a combination of Anorexia and Bulimia. I avoided eating where possible, and anything I did eat I threw up.
It started as early as 12. And pretty much my entire teen years were taken up with doctors, clinics, hospitals and dentists. My lowest weight was 6 stone 7lbs, and my highest weight was 13 and a half stone (later in life). I self harmed all the way through, and at my Eating disorder height, tried to take my own life twice.

I grew up in an emotionally unstable household, with undiagnosed autism. I thought, if I could be ‘perfect’ enough everyone would be happy and things would be settled. I was very loved by my parents*, and my childhood is actually full of happy memories full of laughter and love. But my Dad was alcohol dependant (non violent), my Nan (my father’s mother who lived with us) was emotionally unstable and mentally unstable and my Mum was just trying to hold everything together. So when the teenage years hit, sometimes she wasn’t emotionally there, because everything else was draining her and there was nothing left some days. Everything was very unstable, and I didn’t communicate the same way they did, But I could control what I ate, and I felt like it created this bubble of protection around me. It was me and my Ed, against the world. I was sad when someone popped that bubble and I still remember that feeling when it did pop today. Overwhelming sadness, abandonment and disillusion, as the world came roaring back into focus as I had to face what I thought has been my friend, but was actually the enemy.

(*NB. The thing I have learnt about parents, is that mostly they do their best. But that they have baggage too. They are human as-well, they make mistakes as well. None of their emotional stuff was my fault, I wasn’t made to feel it was my fault, I just wanted to make it better for them. )

I recovered in my 20s, married my first and last husband, and was able to fake being mentally well through out that decade.
But still binging and purging. I still felt like there were shifting sands beneath my feet, and my Ed was the only tether I had, keeping order in chaos. My weight swang between very trim and healthy to overweight and unhealthy. In late 2009, my dad was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. I was miserable in my marriage, but it would take me another year to fully admit why. My husband found someone else, I didn’t blame him. So for a while we were living a lie perpetuated by both of us.Then, late 2010, we were told my fathers cancer had spread and it was terminal. My entire world tilted.
But out of that, my father spoke the wisest words he ever said to me.

“You have one life kiddo. And you have one person who you have to look in the eye every f*****g morning and that’s you. You are lucky enough to always have a choice. It’s just sometimes making a choice, is really really hard, and can be very painful.
But you HAVE a choice.”

So I made a choice.

2011 was really the beginning of my (now) life.
I separated from my husband, more of a formality by this point. And we later divorced.
I received my autistic diagnosis at 31
I started dating my Wife at 31
My father, whom I dearly loved, died when I was 31
My mum was lost in a sea of grief, and I alongside her. Again I turned to the thing that had been my constant companion. Using the blue glass I always used to purge myself of all these uncontrollable feelings.
My wife asked me to explain as she noted the slashes on my arms, and the visits to the loo after meals.

So I did. In Feb 2012 she gave me the opportunity to shoot the glass and shatter the ritual.
On Valentine’s Day 2012, I made a promised to her and Myself, that I wouldn’t purge anymore or self harm anymore.
And a decade later I have kept that promised. It has not been an easy path, and sometimes the urge to purge or self harm has been almost crippling. But the more I have learnt about myself, the more I feel able to step aside from the pull of these things and look at what is triggering the behaviour instead. One of the bonus points of autism, for me, is I can ‘step outside’ the feeling and examine it almost in the third person.

My self image, and sometimes my happiness is still tied to my weight. Any photo of me, I can tell you what size I was.
I’m over my trigger weight at the moment (we call it covid cuddley in this house hold) so the Ed voice, is trying to escape the room I lock her in, in my head. The wailing Banshee of Ed.

Some days I hardly hear her. Other days she is right in my ear. I think now she is mainly made up of fear, shame and anxiety.
Fear of getting it wrong, shame of failing and anxious of being shunned.
I can’t change I had an eating disorder. It is woven fully into the tapestry that is my life.

But I CAN change how I treat myself.
(If you got to this point, thank you for listening x)

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Surralvampi
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wonderfully written! It's never too late to change, no matter How you get there. There are many things here that are Epic accomplishments that have either been overlooked or simply stated in favor of keeping the post length to a minimum, as there is a lot of important ground to cover here. I can't possibly know the chronological order in which you achieved these incredible accomplishments, so I will just list them as I have taken note. First, it's my belief that we have 2 choices in life: Victim & Warrior. You chose Warrior, and with that you made leaps and bounds as an advocate for your own life. What isn't easy even then is to empathize with the fact that Parents are just People, too. Acknowledging that you were not abused or neglected, you understood that blaming your childhood solely for the psychological "sense" that you had made of your family's dynamic was not going to get you anywhere near to moving forward. Bravo!! This is a common excuse many humans use for the (continued)

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#13

When I was growing up, I was “failure to thrive.” I had health problems and was “sickly” and couldn’t keep weight on. I was so skinny I was called “Olive Oyl” in high school. I graduated at 5’8” and barely 100 lbs. In my mid-20’s, I learned about some major food allergies, I started avoiding those foods. I started gaining weight and I had pretty severe body dysmorphia. My ex (who I started dating at 18) apparently didn’t approve of my weight gain (I weighed about 125 which is still low for 5’8”,) which added to my skewed view of weight. I started taking laxatives to keep weight off which gave me lifelong GI problems. I kept that going for about 15 years. He didn’t know and would send me diet ads and would hint about “when you lose the weight. Eventually I got therapy and I stopped the laxatives. I gained healthy weight (135-140.) He never stopped nagging me about it. He’d buy me clothes two sizes too small and say, you’ll fit in it eventually. Anyway I divorced him and lost 175# in loser weight.I’m 55 years old and a healthy 140. He’s with a woman who isn’t thin. I think he just tortured me.

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Suz66
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good riddance for Both issues!!!!!! The thing is, you gotta pat yourself on the back because not only did you seek recovery for your body issues and succeed, you did it against the will, and in Spite of that A-Hole who was supposed to be your life partner!! Congratulations!

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#14

Awful. My eating disorder started 8 years ago, 4 years ago I worked for getting better. I saw myself as fat, looking back on videos I was very unhealthy underweight. I still struggle with fall backs. When my mental health is declining my eating disorder shows back up as the first symptom - I can't even keep down normal meals sometimes, even if I am feeling good. I still have a wrong view of my bodyy, but it is getting better. Sometimes I think I can see what other people can see, when they look at me, which makes me very happy that I can finally see my real self.

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dora
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#15

I am 50 years old and finally abstinent from bulimia after 32 years. Read that again: 32 years. More than half my life. I still have a bulimic brain and I occasionally binge, but I am now, finally, able to move through the insanely intense impulse to purge. I have ruined my teeth, had a heart murmur that did resolve, gave myself a hiatal hernia, and was hospitalized for 2 months. Don’t wait to get help. Eating disorders are thieves, and liars, and assholes. Don’t let them rob one day of your life. And share your story—never be ashamed to tell people if the occasion arises. You never know whose life it may save. ❤️

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Needmorecowbell
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Pink kitty
Pink kitty
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

32 years of fighting and you came out on top. I'm so proud of you!!

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#16

I have pica, an eating disorder in which you have a craving and/or trouble controlling eating inedible objects. It first started with eating paper, but it got worse when I was in 7th grade. I was bullied by this one jerkbutt who claimed I had feelings for him and called me a stalker, just generally making my life hell. I was once told by him to kill myself when I was just trying to read the clock (Terrible vision lol). I turned to eating inedible objects as my comfort, my coping skill, my only friend.

Eventually, I started eating hard plastic, entire pencils, drinking markers, eating pebbles, pencil lead, cloth, string, and other things. I couldn't control it, it became a force that controlled me. Around that time, I told my doctor about it, and I had extremely low levels of iron. I got treated, but my eating disorder didn't go away.

I then had to go to the mental hospital for losing control of myself and being so uncontrolled. I hated myself and still got affected by pica. The school told my dad to get me tested for autism.

My psychiatrist ordered the test for autism, so I missed a school day doing long, boring tests (I had to play with toys although I was 13, I was fine with it because I didn't care. The person in charge of me asked if they could play as one of the characters I made for a skit in my head, and I said no and ignored his prompting), and I was chewing on a sticky hand.

Results came later, and I was diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and of course, my archnemesis, pica. (Sorry, I know the test is seemly unrelated, but it is important because I couldn't have gotten help from the school without it)

Now, I've been getting help, and the thing killing me inside was finally told. With my help, I've been able to control my pica, and I've been recovering. Every day is slightly better, but I still suffer from it; thankfully I only eat paper, pencils lead (Only mechanical pencils; wooden pencils have it too thick), erasers, and of course, chew plastic.

To everyone with an eating disorder, I hope you get better, and I hope you get the help you need. People mocked me for having pica and never understood my agony, and I hope you'll find someone to help you.

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Marinasongs1432
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#17

I was plump as a child, and didn't grow out of it as some do. Although I ate (mostly) normally, I would literally tear the pantry apart looking for sweets. After years of being teased and shamed by other kids, I decided to lose weight by diet and exercise. I did well for awhile, but it gradually turned into anorexia. I was only eating a small amount of supper, and nothing else. I would also binge/purge a few times a week. At that point I happened to see an article in Reader's Digest, written by Cherry Boone (daughter of Pat Boone). She wrote of her struggle with both anorexia and bulimia, and I recognized myself. At about this time too, I learned that Karen Carpenter, one of my favorite singers, had died from anorexia. I got scared straight, and was able to again eat mostly normally. I stopped going to the gym, as I was seriously overdoing that as well.
For most of my adult life I've been overweight, but relatively healthy. I was able to work through most of my 30's. At that point, I started doing things that were illegal, and I think now that I hated myself so much that I tried to eat myself to death. I almost made it. I was 42 and 450 lbs. when I was arrested.
In county jail, the food was inedible. I lost about 75 lbs. in seven months.
I continued to lose weight in prison. At my lowest, I was around 320 lbs. Then Covid came. We were confined to quarters for two years. I gained at least a hundred lbs. back. After my release, I got Covid, and had a slow recovery.
Now I'm at my house. I'm about 430 lbs. now. I've started eating less, and am moving around more. I have begun to lose, and have gotten enough strength in my legs to walk again, after years of being in a wheelchair.
I hope to lose enough on my own to be able to survive bariatric surgery. I've worked through most of my issues, and no longer hate myself as I once did. Once I'm physically capable of taking care of one, I will rescue a dog. For everyone struggling with eating disorders, wherever you are in the spectrum, please know there is always hope. I should have been dead eleven years ago. Now I'm planning my life with a dog. Don't give up. There are people who have been there, and who totally get it.

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Shyla Clay
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#18

(I started to write, accidentally hit "publish" and couldn't remove it. That's why there's a post with just "I".)

I had a girlfriend several years ago who was in recovery for bulimia. She wrote down everything she ate and checked in regularly with her sponsor to make sure she was eating healthy. I'm in recovery for alcoholism. My recovery includes abstinence from alcohol. Abstinence from food is not possible. It made me realize that, while recovery from alcoholism is not always easy, it is less complicated than recovery from an eating disorder. In turn, it made me more aware of other people who are in recovery or struggling with other issues.

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Luther von Wolfen
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is an astute and very important aspect to point out. Thank You!

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#19

I have been on diets since I was 9 years old. Because of this I have developed a binge-eating disorder that is made worse every time I attempted a new diet. I suffer from PCOS which is an endocrine disorder and the only help I get from medical professionals is being told to lose weight. I have been to 3 different endocrinologists and 2 asked me if I wanted bariatric surgery and the other wanted me to go on a 6 month liquid diet. I feel shame eating around people, and often hide what I eat and how much I eat.

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Niffler_13
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't intend to insult by asking, but have you done an extensive internet search on both your diagnosis and the varying treatments? Have you studied the affects of diet on the system and found which foods are the biggest culprits for adults? Dairy is the first to usually be removed along with sugar and carbs. Adding high fiber vegetables, like broccoli, lean protein, like fish, anti-inflammatory foods and spices, like turmeric and tomatoes could change your life. There's also a diet based strictly on meat and greens that's shown great success for many with chronic health issues like yours. What I've learned is that keeping a food diary can seriously help and encourage to stick to it because it directly shows what is causing you to feel like crap or spike symptoms. You will likely first lose bloating and water retention, which is an encouraging bonus due to weight loss and relief it brings. A word of caution if you love dairy like I do and attempt to replace it with junk vegan soy...

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#20

I am a 45 y.o. F. I remember finding a plastic bag full of vomit in my teenage sister's room, 30 or so years ago, and the light bulb of imagination went off. Long story short, I have been bulimic for 30+ years, with compulsive binging in there to inspire the purge. Have been times I used vomiting several times a day, to times I used it several times a year. I was told by my M&D I was too ugly, too fat, too X to ever amount to anything... yet I was very sexualized. So, so confusing. Do not do this to your children, people. I don't think there will ever be a never for me and binge/purging. Sometimes, it is the only way to recover a little control/ stop the binge/ change the narrative. P.S. My teeth look great, but have enamel and erosion that are unusual for my age.

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wordsupfool
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#21

I had a very close friend, who was like a father to me. He was always on the larger side as he is also tall. He was the kindest and most giving man I have ever known. I was only a teen but I noticed his eating habits were pretty severe. He and his wife worked about an hour and a half away from home and she stayed in the town closest to their job, so she was never home. She was also seeing other people at their work so the husband became depressed. He ate a lot. Once I made an apple pie for him and his daughters and he wanted a taste before the girls and when I returned to the kitchen he had eaten the entire pie. I stepped out of the kitchen to go to the bathroom. 5 min or less. I wasn't aware of depression and its identifiers at the time, but he became more and more addicted to food. No matter what I cooked or how much, he would eat that and also eat something from a fast food place. He couldn't stop. his health began to deteriorate, his wife left completely and he ate himself into a stupor. His weight started becoming a hindrance in his daily life and he began to hideaway. He no longer even had dinner or spent time with friends. He became a total recluse. I eventually lost contact with him as well. When I saw him years later he was nearly bedbound. He knew he was in a dire situation, but he said he just couldn't do without the greasy high-fat foods. He ealy died from this and was hospitalized and began losing weight. He got out of the hospital, and was doing well for a moment, but eventually succumbed to the food again. It is not his fault. Depression can cause you to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do. I wish that I could have helped him, but sadly he passed away from the food addiction and the damage it caused to his body. Tell someone if you are depressed and need help.

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Angel Jeffery
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#22

I had already had bad body disformia but it wasn't till I was 15 that it really went downhill. found out little brothers dad was seeing mums cousin. Mum was constantly called crazy/psycho for thinking something was between them by wider family for the last 6 years(she ended up with real bad depression)
I was stuck at D*ckwads place for 4 days no reception, landline or even neighbours.
By time I got home i went straight to my room and cried for hours I only ate 1 sausage roll the whole time away and I didn't want dinner at home that night.
when my sister told my mum what I couldn't say that night, my heart broke seeing my mum hurt. I felt like I was the one who ultimately caused her pain by telling the truth I'd felt like I was loosing control of everything in my life ..I started eating only 2 apples during the day then dinner at home because I couldn't hide not eating from mum and siblings.
My weight started going down, my grades were going down, my life was just out of control to the point where I had thrown up and all of a sudden I felt better.
Little 15year old me conditioned myself to feel happier whenever I purged. So that's what I would do 3-4 even 5xs a day. Whenever I felt bad I just needed to throw up to feel better.
I haven't done it in 2years now (I'm 27) it was a hard vicious cycle to break with regrettable consequences now ie certain foods I can't eat, can't have food in my mouth longer than 10seconds or ill feel the need to throw up, and sadly my enamel on my teeth had worn out by time I turned 18. Dental work is too expensive here in NZ so most of my teeth are barely there anymore,
It's a hard path to recovery but it's worth the ache when you get there.
Take each day slowly, each meal or even snack slowly, you've got to start loving yourself to help yourself first.

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Tonisha Bennett
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#23

Last year, my family noticed I hadn’t been eating a lot. I told them it was fine and that I just wasn’t hungry. I had actually been battling some serious body image and weight issues related to my depression. I didn’t end up telling anyone until this year, after it got to the point that I’d developed bulimia and binge eating disorders. It was around Thanksgiving and I didn’t eat anything there besides my dad’s pie. I told my mom a few days later what I’d been dealing with and that I hadn’t eaten since Thanksgiving. I ended up in the hospital. Since then, I’ve still been struggling with my eating disorders, but it’s always good to know that my family is trying to be there for me. Each day I go without a…well, a purging attempt or feeling, is a huge step forward. This year’s been hard for me, but I’m trying to stay strong. This was a very simplified version of my story, but I hope it helps someone who’s struggling know it’s going to be okay and that help exists for everyone.

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katiecat
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#24

I’ve been anorexic for about 2 years I think? I haven’t been counting. The stigma and constant shaming of fat people just hurt me a lot since I was born big. Its been getting worse since my partner left me a couple days ago and I don’t feel confident in my body anymore. People constantly assume Im unhealthy because I’m fat and tell me to lose weight. The expectation to be masculine and muscular or skinny just got to me. I’m working on getting better but it’s been hard.

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Basil Adler! (he/him)
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#25

My son has ARFID due to trauma from having cyclic vomiting syndrome for 13 years. He is fearful of food in general. It's like if you put a jar of spiders in front of me and told me to open the jar. Nope!

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Bittersweetie
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TluanB44
TluanB44
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We hae ARFID in the family. Before knowing it was a "thing," it was even more isolating. Finding ot it had a name,a list of symptoms,& that there were thousands (& more) others suffering from it too, was an incredible weight lifted (or so I thought). Getting someone to believe us, not blame us, get support, & find actual help is literally impossible in every sense of the word. We will fight this disease until the end of time, I just hope we can find the supports who will help us make it a strong fight. There is so much the world doesn't know about eating disorders beyond Anorexia & Bulemia, & it is so much more complicated. I hope that when my affected child is an adult, there is better help/support than we have now. Living with ARFID affects everyone in the family. Sending strength over the sky. I know how much your family can use it. 🙏🤗

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#26

My younger sister. Every meal was a battle. It consumed so much of our family time just trying.

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Katrina Whitmell
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm very sorry. I know what it is like to belong to a family with a sibling who has very serious issues that consume Everything All Of The Time. I hope that you have or will pursue therapy. There are also support groups within this subject where you can meet and share your experiences with people who have gone through very similar situations at home that you've lived through. It can help greatly to stave off feelings of resentment, abandonment by your parents, anger, depression, guilt etc. There's so many ways our subconscious reacts to and processes trauma that we are unaware of. My heart goes out to you and your entire family.

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#27

I have learned that eating disorders are soooooo much more than the 2 most common (Anorexia Nervosa & Bulimia Nervosa)! There is never enough research & treatment options, regardless of type, but the lesser known types are even more difficult to navigate, seek & get help. Having a workable, reasonable, affordable treatment that actually is safe, client centered, understood, & effective, is IMPARATIVE.

I wouldn't wish any eating disorder on anyone. Understanding that an eating disorder can look (VERY) different than Anorexia or Bulimia, really shouldn't be so difficult to manage, especially by te medical community tha gatekeeps the treatment options. It sounds catty to say, but there are actually some resources out there for the 2 major types. If you suffer from any of the others, there is little to nothing. Your disorder isn't even acknowledged by most practioners. Even if it is, there are no resources. You suffer alone, with no support (except maybe your family), & there are just no options for finding that support or any sort of treatment. Getting someone on board with the severity of, let alone the presence of, the "problem," when it doesn't fit into a specifically shaped box, simply doesn't happen. Eating disorders need to be approached much differently if there is ever to be more/more successful breakthroughs. My heart breaks for all those wth eating disorders.

Parenting a young child with a rare eating disorder is a form of torture, twice over. You break first for your child (especially before you know that there IS anatual process involved & that others are going through it as well!). Then you are broken again as their (often only) advocate, when being told "that doesn't exist," or "you aren't trying hard enough." The medical system is such a gaslighting community to begin with. When dealing with eating disorders, it is just the tip of the iceberg 💔

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#28

so this is a long one
for a long time, I haven't exactly been teased for being large, but that's what it always felt like. I just feel like I take up lots of space as a person, even though everyone says I'm just "curvy" or "thick thighed" but I didn't believe anyone. I stopped eating for long periods of time, while thankfully drinking water. The longest I didn't eat was a good 6 days. One day I finally broke and was bawling over the phone with my friend, when my mom asked me what was up. I didn't want to tell her but eventually broke it to her and told her everything (everything being not eating and didn't mention that I tried to cut myself multiple times)
Honestly, now it's still hard to not think about it, but I am a lot happier now that I've gotten help and that it's out in the open.
In conclusion, PLEASE EAT! EVERYONE HERE LOVES YOU AND NEEDS YOU!

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Virginia Green (she/her)
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#29

Too many experiences:-

My Nanna - Many years ago my grandfather had a massive stroke and we were told that he'd be dead within a few months. My Nanna decided that he wasn't going to die before her and she just stopped eating. She was a big lady (about 240lbs), so no one noticed for a while that she was losing weight. Well grandfather made a miraculous recovery, but Nanna continued to not eat. She passed away 2 years later weighing about 50lbs and looking like a skeleton. Sadly by the time that we realised what was going on, her organs had started to shutdown and there was nothing that could be done.

Me - I am an emotional eater. Happy - eat, sad - eat, indifferent - eat. Lots of binge eating or starvation, not eating properly, never making myself sick, so I thought this wasn't a problem. Well turns out that's just as much of a disorder as anorexia or bulimia. My mum was always a big woman, so had food issues and and always monitored what we ate, which led to me eating in secret and developing a very unhealthy attitude towards food. Thankfully through lots of therapy, I am starting to recover.

There was also a best friend with Anorexia, sister with Bulimia and another friend that can only eat certain foods and won't eat any food that is touching anything else - has a baby plate with separate sections so this doesn't happen.

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oldandexhausted79
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof! That's a lot to handle from all directions, including from within! I wish you strength!!

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#30

I comfort eat and use food as my rewards. I am slowly learning to not do this as much. I do struggle a bit with my body image (think I am fat when I am a healthy weight, particularly the tummy and thighs) but not to the extent that I stop myself eating for that. I also have a lot of allergies and intolerances along with some health conditions that mean I have to be careful what I eat and how often I eat (small meals regularly really helps me). But if food is present like at a party then I have to force myself to move away from the food and not continually eat, or I take along my knitting to keep my hands busy. So a bit of overeating issues mixed in there.

Taking it one day at a time and not getting cross with myself when I do slip really helps. As does learning what leads me to comfort eat or overeat and finding better ways to cope.

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FlamingoPanda
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please also keep in mind that what measures "perfection and standard of beauty" is predominantly fabricated through Photoshop and has been since the camera could be manipulated in the development stages. Even the earliest headshots of silver screen stars have before and after pics! It may help you to become more grounded in this reality if you visit the eras where Photoshop wasn't so important in nitpicking away every little thing that made the models human. You will find Many pictures of Marilyn Monroe with wide upper arms, folds of tummy fat and *ugh!* "cottage cheese" thighs. Audrey Hepburn, as enlightened as she was as a humanitarian ambassador, as a child suffered malnutrition when her family was forced to leave her home to flee the Germans and therefore suffered greatly in her growth, always felt that she was far Too Thin and worried endlessly about the young girls and women who might suffer poor self image thinking that they were too fat. Take a look at Realistic beauties!

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#31

I started developing an eating disorder when I was around 12. I started out as bulimic but when I was admitted to hospital at 17 I was actually anorexic. My health had gotten so bad, they told my parents I would die if they took me home. I spend 5 months at a specialised clinic, gained 12kg before I was considered "healthy" and released myself as soon as I turned 18. I immediately relapsed, bulimic and underweight I somehow finished school and moved out. I started over and slowly made a recovery, did therapy, trained a lot. Ran a marathon in the city of the clinic twice. Slowly gained more weight so I'm not a kg away from being underweight. Started to enjoy life. I am now working a job I love, finishing my masters, got a dog and a fiancé. Once a year I go to a school and talk to kids about the dangers of eating disorders to raise awareness and show them there's a way out.

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Karin Brombeis
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#32

My eating disorder started as a low-fat/sugar diet to get healthier, not to lose weight. Cutting out junk food cut back on calories, and the exercise burned the little I fed my body. One hospitalization and long year of doctor visits later, I was deemed healthy enough. I've lost most of the weight again, and struggle daily to count all my calories and balance exercise so that I don't keep losing weight. It's a daily struggle, as I developed dysmorphia in my recovery, but I'm stronger than I was at the start.

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Firstname Lastname
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It makes me insane that when you look up weight gain all you get are these doofs trying to gain body building muscle, so all the recipes for high calorie granola bars/snacks have some sort of protein powder Crap in them and call for stevia or some other "healthy" sugar alternative. Aside from pure Xylitol made from birch bark, fake sugars are either gross or dangerous anyway. There's a store here in Minneapolis called Nutrition City that used to sell 500 calorie meal bars with real ingredients and sugars that was created by a renown chef who needed something quick he could eat during grueling shifts. These were dense and chewy but it was worth it to be knowing that just One of these would help my body by giving it nutrients and desperately needed calories. They were discontinued so I make my own when I can put aside procrastinating it long enough to get it done! One handful of chocolate chips can sustain me for most of the day. That's no good. I've researched for years, too.

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#33

Ballet. 300 calories a day until fainting kept it up for years I looked like the undead.

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Monica Michelle
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Happi doggi (all pronouns)
Happi doggi (all pronouns)
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I quit ballet, calories we were expected to eat were low, but 300? Was your dance studio really strict or was mine really loose. Most girls ate 1000 cals before they started quitting because of the diet.

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#34

1) I had a lot of food insecurity growing up. It was normal for us to sometimes only eat once a day - or not at all if school was out. Mom busted her butt working up to 5 jobs at one point but the ends didn't always meet. Due to that I never ate breakfast - even as an adult I find breakfast a foreign concept. Food also was something you inhaled because by the time you actually get to eat you're body is starving, not something that was ever considered an 'enjoyment'.

2) I don't like food. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food itself and personally see eating as a waste of time. That comes partially from the food insecurity growing up. I resent the stuff. I know we need to eat to live - but I don't enjoy the process 98% of the time. There's about 2% of food I actually enjoy eating. The food service industry that I worked in for a long time also contributed to the whole 'I don't like food' thing. Just smelling food cooking sometimes gives me flashbacks and makes me not want to eat anything.

3) I was undiagnosed ADHD for decades. I found out last year and I'm 37. Things I didn't know were ADHD related to food: Texture issues - which include No No textures and foods, my food can't touch unless it was cooked that way or meant that way (ie casseroles or Taco's), I can only eat one thing at a time, I forget to eat constantly because I'm busy doing other things, my brain doesn't know how to send signals that indicate I'm hungry until I'm on the verge of passing out or throwing up, etc. Things like those. My biggest obstacle is 'remembering to eat'.

With all those things combined it's been a battle. Most people don't look at me and know I have an eating disorder. I can't just put a label on it because it doesn't fit a lot of the eating disorders out there that I've read about. Closest I can get is Anorexia but even then I don't fit that mold entirely. I haven't done a ton of research into eating disorders though so I could have missed on I'm closer to. I have people around me who are constantly reminding me to eat because I'm diabetic now and my blood sugars can get dangerously low at times throughout the day. I have gotten a little better over the years - who knew becoming diabetic and being required to eat throughout the day would be a good thing - but there are days I'm still struggling with making myself eat more than a couple of things to keep me going.

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Roadkill The Brave
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This resembles me the closest. I feel for you. I've tried to research gaining weight and it's all body builder junk. You can get high calorie protein bars that are packed with disgusting fake sugars. There's virtually NOTHING out there for healthy weight gain for regular underweight people who just need nutrition-packed calories unless you want to live on Ensure-which is for sick and dying people. It's ridiculous. Just because we 'can' eat Oreos, doesn't mean it's a good idea or what we need!

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#35

It started in my Junior year in high school. I'd skip breakfast and lunch, but eat dinner (mainly because my mom would have flipped out if I didn't eat the meal she "slaved over" all day. I thought my parent's would get suspicious of me not eating so I would dirty a bowl and glass in the morning as if I'd had cereal.

I went down to 113 lbs with a 5 ft 5 in frame. I would avoid the school lunchroom and my friends started noticing. Halfway through the school year, they finally found out where I was hiding during lunch and started bringing me candy bars.

One friend finally shared her experience with an eating disorder and told me if I didn't get a handle on it now, I'd be battling it my whole life. I started small breakfast's again and having regular lunch. But also I started jogging 4 miles a day. My weight went up to 126 and I looked and felt better.

Now I have the opposite eating disorder. I see ads on TV for food, I immediately want said food. I'm tired, I eat. Having anxiety issues, I eat. Bored...where is that fridge again?

I wish I could run again, but I'm so overweight and in such pain all the time...I don't know what else to do.

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Carol Emory
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Kate Ayrton
Kate Ayrton
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man that sounds hard. Like super hard. I want to give you helpful suggestions, but I also don't want to sound like a know it all d*ck. because this is something you are in, and I am not. Anyway that you could break this whole thing into smaller chunks? Like pick one thing and start there? You said you can't run, any chance you can walk instead? And like say do 1k 3 times a week. Or stop having a certain snack? I feel when you are standing facing the entire wall of an eating disorder, you feel you can never ever climb it. But every wall that has ever been dismantled starts with one brick.

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#36

One time when i was 13 i didnt eat or drink for a whole week. ;/

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#37

I started developing an eating disorder when I was around 12. I started out as bulimic but when I was admitted to hospital at 17 I was actually anorexic. My health had gotten so bad, they told my parents I would die if they took me home. I spend 5 months at a specialised clinic, gained 12kg before I was considered "healthy" and released myself as soon as I turned 18. I immediately relapsed, bulimic and underweight I somehow finished school and moved out. I started over and slowly made a recovery, did therapy, trained a lot. Ran a marathon in the city of the clinic twice. Slowly gained more weight so I'm not a kg away from being underweight. Started to enjoy life. I am now working a job I love, finishing my masters, got a dog and a fiancé. Once a year I go to a school and talk to kids about the dangers of eating disorders to raise awareness and show them there's a way out.

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Karin Brombeis
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#38

i’m nervous that i have one so pls help. i’ve started throwing up a lot. like several times a day in small liquidy bits. randomly. i could be doing anything. also i’ve started eating less at meals and skipping breakfast. but sometimes i’ll eat huge portions for snack. idk what’s happening to me pls help

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Sent From The Slytherin House
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Vin_Detta
Vin_Detta
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for posting such a personal thing, and I know that that's hard. I really would suggest talking to your parents and/or a trusted adult. Also, if its not you forcing yourself to throw up but something you can't control, I would definitely see a doctor. If your sick that might explain loss of appetite. If its a body image issue I would still recommend talking to someone you trust and seeking professional help. I really hope this was helpful and that you get the help you need. *hugs from a Ravenclaw*

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#39

I over eat and binge eat. Turns out there isn't alot of help for that. I am always catching myself munching and the cravings are almost too much.

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Kit Spiker
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Deborah
Deborah
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was the same but I found recovery. I was addicted to food, I couldn't stop eating or obsessing. Overeaters Anonymous helped me.

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#40

I mean, I’m starving myself atm so yay

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duck (Submission author)
duck
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

UPDATE : I have gained a healthy amount of weight, and began eating normally again! I didn’t have anorexia, but ARFID

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#41

It started when I was 15 my mom told me I was fat, and I definately was NOT fat, it started with healthier eating then eventually led to only allowing myself 1200 calories a day plus 2 hours of excersize I got down to about 98 lbs and got so dizzy and unhealthy that she apologized and said she was wrong , but I’m now 27 and she still criticizes my body daily and I still struggle with self image every day

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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I too suggest that the only weight you need to drop is the allowance of that toxicity in your life. I ended up having to sever all ties with my mother as well, when my daughter came home and told me yet Another completely untrue lie that her grandmother had said to her about me for no reason. I had to tell my then 10 yr old child that I would no longer be interacting with grandma for these reasons, but that I will not judge her if she chooses to continue to visit for holidays etc. as she had been. She was aware grandma had problems and didn't want to miss out on events with her cousin, so she chose to stay in contact. I, however, called up my mom and told her that only a mentally ill person would talk smack to a child about her mom-especially when it's her Own Daughter! That was the last I spoke to her. Blocked her everywhere and DONE. It's hard, I know-but it was best. I wish you strength!

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#42

I have something close to bulimia, I tend to overeat, especially since it's a new food I haven't tried and if I didn't eat at work (happens frequently)
So I start eating till almost burts, sometimes it hurts and I have to purge it. Or to at least burp strongly to aliviate the feeling.

With time I have learned how to pace myself a bit, but only with known food.

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#43

I had already had bad body disformia but it wasn't till I was 15 that it really went downhill. found out little brothers dad was seeing mums cousin. Mum was constantly called crazy/psycho for thinking something was between them by wider family for the last 6 years(she ended up with real bad depression)
I was stuck at D*ckwads place for 4 days no reception, landline or even neighbours.
By time I got home i went straight to my room and cried for hours I only ate 1 sausage roll the whole time away and I didn't want dinner at home that night.
when my sister told my mum what I couldn't say that night, my heart broke seeing my mum hurt. I felt like I was the one who ultimately caused her pain by telling the truth I'd felt like I was loosing control of everything in my life ..I started eating only 2 apples during the day then dinner at home because I couldn't hide not eating from mum and siblings.
My weight started going down, my grades were going down, my life was just out of control to the point where I had thrown up and all of a sudden I felt better.
Little 15year old me conditioned myself to feel happier whenever I purged. So that's what I would do 3-4 even 5xs a day. Whenever I felt bad I just needed to throw up to feel better.
I haven't done it in 2years now (I'm 27) it was a hard vicious cycle to break with regrettable consequences now ie certain foods I can't eat, can't have food in my mouth longer than 10seconds or ill feel the need to throw up, and sadly my enamel on my teeth had worn out by time I turned 18. Dental work is too expensive here in NZ so most of my teeth are barely there anymore,
It's a hard path to recovery but it's worth the ache when you get there.
Take each day slowly, each meal or even snack slowly, you've got to start loving yourself to help yourself first.

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#44

I'm not sure if i have one, but sometimes i'll just snack for hours, like every 5 seconds i'll pop a chip/other snack food in my mouth. I don't know how much I have eaten and then i realize, I've just eaten 5 pounds of popcorn. I'm so fat. I'm 12 female, 5'3, and 141 lbs. I find myself wishing that i stopped eating, became anorexic, and went down to 90, or 80 lbs. And feel so guilty for that. That people are here wishing that they could eat at least one meal, while i'm here wishing i would eat none. I'm sorry.

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Mr. Clean
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Lynette Foxen
Lynette Foxen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hon, I started at your age too. Our society pushes body discontentment on us to sell products that promise to make us thin and beautiful (and therefore more worthy of love and popularity). I was born in 1972, so I'm almost 50 and the world I grew up in was Very different. Instead of influencers on the internet or streaming services that show girls on Disney that have perfect budding bodies with full makeup and hair that never wear the same clothes twice, I had magazines like Vogue and Seventeen to make me feel like crap. It's all the same no matter How it's delivered. I wasted so much of my youth wanting to be Less of Me and More of Her...or Her, or Her or Her...because all those girls were skinnier and prettier, but most of all I believed that is also what made them so much Happier than me. Long lifetime story short, today I am 5ft 4in (I lost an inch when I became pregnant with my daughter Audrey) and I currently weigh 97 Pounds!! I'll be 50 yrs old this December. No person that...

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#45

I had to stop eating disorders. I found they interfered with my digestion. I'll show myself out.

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Fry Me A Liver
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RatherLoopy (Submission author)
RatherLoopy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As I submitted this smarta$$ remark, I noticed the text "Please don’t post things that aren’t about eating disorders." Sorry about that. I can't find a way to delete/withdraw the submission... mods?

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#46

I have an issue where I am constantly hungry, and it's hard because I need to work to keep off the excess weight so then I don't become over weight again.

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#47

in 7th grade, this new girl came to school. I cannot remember how but her and I became really good friends. she met another one of my friends and they became inseparable. slowly, I noticed she had been skipping meals. I talked about it to her one day and she told me she was trying to lose weight. she was already a pretty small person so I didn't understand why. soon enough, she went days without eating anything and was always nauseous. she then told me she was anorexic. I tried asking why but it was the same thing: she wanted to loose weight. I tried to convince her that there were other ways she could go about this like exercise or fasting instead of just not eating. she just didn't listen to me. when it came to 8th grade we were slowly falling out of being friends and then freshman year, we only ever talked in spansh. by the time sophomore year hit, I had no clue what happened to her, whether she changed schools or went to online. I haven't seen or heard about her since freshman year

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Happi doggi (all pronouns)
Happi doggi (all pronouns)
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anorexia often starts with a simple diet that spirals. It’s a mental disorder, not a diet.

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