Hey Pandas, What Is Your Experience With A Mental Health Disorder? (Closed)

I want to clear this stigma around mental health and hear your story told. I want people to understand that mental health is essential. And I want people to be heard.

As a person with mental health problems, I want to hear others' stories about what they had to go through. Mental health is important, and I want to give a place for people to vent and tell their own stories.

However, to keep this area safe, I'm implementing rules:

1. No Politics except for when ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. If politics have caused an issue with mental health, you may mention it. But no political arguments.

2. No hate comments. This is a safe spot to talk about your story and be heard, not a place to be mean. ALL HATE COMMENTS WILL BE REPORTED.

3. No form of hate is given to people just because of who they are.

4. Please, for some people, place a warning sign about highly sensitive topics.

5. No drug dealing posts here or inappropriate comments and images. I've had this happen in previous posts. If this happens, YOU WILL BE REPORTED AND POSSIBLY BANNED FROM BORED PANDA!

6. This may be about yourself or someone close to you.

Now, my pandas, what is your experience with your or someone else's mental health disorders?

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*This submission contains mention of SA, Suicide, Self Harm, and Abuse. If you are triggered by these, please don't read spots flagged with this symbol: //

When I was younger, I lived in a home with a deadbeat mother and constantly angry father. They would get into arguments, and mother was often the cause of angry behavior.

// My mother would not clean, and our house was a pigsty. She would lash out at my older brother, duct taping him on the wall, forcing him to drink soap, trying to abandon him places, and much, much, more. I witnessed multiple events of this happening, and I would stand there, frozen, and scared. I felt extremely guilty. My mother tried to live her life through me, sold multiple things we've owned to fuel her habit of careless giving and spending of what money we didn't have. She eventually kidnapped and then abandoned us when my father managed to get us. She was cheating on my father and apparently, she got worse after she abandoned us. //

My father got sole legal custody of us, and we're in a safer spot now. But later, in middle school, all my mental blocks against me started collapsing inside of me and falling apart. I started developing severe anxiety, and even paranoia. I could not sleep with my door locked, and being home alone made me carry a knife with me at all times. I also developed severe depression, and my grades, my hygiene, my sanity, my self control, my ability to handle being touched, and my general ability to even do things just plummeted. I was having hallucinations.

// I started having thoughts of ending my life, feeling that nobody cared about me, and I developed an eating disorder and started ingesting harmful objects, but not enough to do serious harm. I couldn't do my homework as my brain just failed me and I couldn't do anything. Anxiety caused me to be scared of everything and anything, and I couldn't relax in the slightest. I started screaming and shouting in class, and purposely causing distractions so that somebody would notice, hear me, instead of abandoning me to my demons. But I had to hide that I'm not fine. I would start writing suicidal letters and letters of goodbyes, and I'd try to make a noose, because I couldn't sleep and wanted it all to end. I'd choke myself with ribbons, my sweatshirt, my ID, anything I could get my hands on. I finally managed to get it out that I was depressed when I started quitting everything I loved. //

I went to the mental hospital twice, where they incorrectly diagnosed me with an anger disorder, and correctly diagnosed me with MDD, PSD, SAD, and GAD. I had to go through multiple medications and strengths, but it wouldn't improve.

// Eventually, I finally let out my darkest secret and got more support for that, and I started to drastically improve; my brother would frequently SA me and force me down, and no matter how hard I fought, he would still prevail. In his anger at me being the favorite child, he SA'd me over 100 times, and he'd attack me. He'd scream at me, attack me if I didn't do anything his way or correctly, and he took away my innocence. He got arrested, and justice was done, and all because my father believed me. //

Things have been done to keep my family safe and secure. There are cameras around the house, and things are locked up. I got therapy, and now have my depression at a manageable level and still have some old habits to fight. I occasionally have relapses, but I've grown stronger after it, not because of it. I basically fought for my life and dealt with scars. I hope that nobody has to go through my pain everyday, and I'd never wish severe depression on someone; it's soul crippling.

Thanks for letting me talk about this. I hope you are doing alright. I love you pandas!

Hey Pandas, What Is Your Experience With A Mental Health Disorder? (Closed)

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Marinasongs1432

Marinasongs1432

Ieva Midveryte

Ieva Midveryte