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Because we all do it, you know.
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#1
I always try to make sure my patients get one last chance to ask questions before I end the appointment. Before I say goodbye, I say, "do you have any more questions?". Yup, autopilot had be asking my husband if he had any more questions before I turned off the bedroom lights !
Final score:
29points
RELATED:
#2
My wife and I owned a restaurant and she was the chef. I had a WFH job so I worked in a small office at the restaurant and would help out when I could. Wife would often bring me lunch in my office and I would playfully (lightly) "smack" her bottom while saying "thank you". One day she was busy so she asked her sister (who worked for her part time) to take up my lunch. Whoops....
Final score:
27points
#3
Trying to unlock my (manual) front door lock with the key fob from my car. I always lock / unlock my van with the buttons because it prevents me from accidentally locking the keys in the van. But a couple of times when I got home I pointed the fob at my front door and expected it to do something. Brain fart moment. At least I live where nobody sees me do this. lol
Final score:
24points
Cat Meyers 1 year ago
OMG! I've done that a few times. Laughed at myself. Glad to know I'm not the only one.
#4
I was watching a movie. My cat was meowing loudly. I pointed the remote control at her and pushed the mute button. I could not stop laughing at myself. I thought it was so funny that I told people what I did.
Final score:
23points
#5
After staying up three nights with no sleep whatsoever, I accidentally fed my turtles dog food, my dog cat food, and my cats turtle food. I didn’t know what happened until a moment later, and by then my dog was already eating the cat food. The turtles didn’t seem to mind either, but I fished out the dog food anyway. The cats didn’t seem too pleased.
Final score:
22points
Lytse Draak 1 year ago
This is the funniest one in the list. I can picture the look of disdain on the cat's face while the dog happily munches on the new tasty food.
#6
I didn't know that I was going to the supermarket on my way home until I got there. It's 7 miles east of my turn off. Went right past. So I went in and bought ice cream.
Final score:
19points
#7
Walked through the front door, and immediately took my shoes off and blew my nose. Then proceeded to put my tissue on the shoe rack, and my shoes in the bin.
Final score:
19points
#8
I was so exhausted when I got home from work one evening that I didn't turn my car off. I pulled in the driveway on autopilot, put it in park, got out and zombie shuffled into the house.
Luckily, my husband went outside about 45 minutes later and when he came back in said, "Your car was running, you never turned it off?" Guess not.
Final score:
19points
#9
My wife and I travel often to a game reserve in South Africa (Kruger national park), for reference its roughly the size of new jersey. I drove to the wrong entrance gate which is roughly 150 miles from where we were supposed to be. complete autopilot!! surprised I'm still married.
Final score:
18points
#10
A few years ago we were on our way home from Italy. My wife, our Bulldog an I.
We were doing around 120km/h when the car right in front of us began to swerve. It had a trailer with cattle.
Seconds later the car swerved to the left, trailer got unhooked and swerved to the right.
Somehow I got around both the car and the trailer at that speed. Felt like slow-motion...and fast at the same time.
Don't know how we got out of that and how we did it. I just remember I pulled over right after and looked at the accident. The car was on its roof, the trailer on its side. cattle walking around on the highway. Luckily the driver only got some bruises and all the cattle was alive.
Final score:
17points
#11
Driving an hour from work to my childhood home after work instead of driving an hour and a half to my actual home.
Final score:
16points
trollingergirl 1 year ago (edited)
When back in my home city, all my routes I drive there , well, I drive them as I did when still living there. Not the shortest routes, not the best routes, but the ones I know. And the onces closer to home. How can I explain this better? Not quite autopilot, something like homeautopilot...
#12
I don't know what I was thinking. I doubt that I even was thinking. I was in school and I smacked a random guy on the head. While I was apologizing, his friends were laughing and patting my back. A week later here we are playing Minecraft together
Final score:
15points
#13
Had a server job for a while. When it got busy it was like a kicked anthill, all of us coming and going thru the swinging kitchen doors, and carrying laden trays with orders thru the hallways and around corners. Learned real quick to holler "corner!" around every one. Fast forward a few months, I'm yelling "corner!" as I make my way thru the frozen food section 🙄 years later, I still get the urge sometimes, and usually I can catch myself. Usually.
Final score:
14points
Amanda B Bench 1 year ago
🤣 That's like when you say "Thanks, you too!" to the server who says "Enjoy your food!"
#14
I went to bed and as I was laying there thinking about fake scenarios like always, this big a$$ mfing spider seems to start slowly gliding down from the ceiling. I was out of that bed so fast but apparently not fast enough. it was on my head and out of nowhere I decide to bash it in with a slipper.
I washed my hair so many times afterwards.
I didn't even realise what I was doing until the smushed up body fell on the floor.
but I swear that mf SPAWNED out of nowhere
Final score:
14points
Amanda B Bench 1 year ago (edited)
Was at my grandmother's house once for dinner and I was trying to kill a fly that was buzzing around the kitchen. My mom and grandmother sat down at the table and just then the fly landed on her head so I, without thinking, swatted the c**p out of my grandma's head. My mom had never laughed so hard before. Thank goodness grandma did too after recovering 🥴
#15
i was going to the school front office. went down the stairs, then back up the stairs, then had to go back down again. must of looked pretty weird.
Final score:
12points
#16
So into what I was reading once I lifted my cup of coffee, brought it most of the way to my mouth, and poured it onto my lap while making drinking motions with my lips. It was a good four inches away, but my brain said "it's ok, start drinking." Brains can be malicious liars too.
Final score:
12points
EmbersAreOut 1 year ago
I did that one time, except I was eating not drinking. I had a price of toast, and brought it to my face, but missed my mouth. I did the chewing motions anyway! Lol.
#17
Best autopilot moment, 1st day of servisse as a firefighter, i was seating in the lounge, watching 2 other firefighters taunt eachother, because One of them wille doing CPR broke the patient sternum ( which btw is a normal thing to happen, broken sternum and ribs ), só the ambulance driver was calling her ( the other firefighter) of murderer as a joke, suddently the sirens go off, all hell brakes loose, people running down the stairs, people running to the ambulance parking, i Runned with the rest of them downstairs ( fire and rescue vehicles parking ), i go to the wall, get the " Ping Pong " racket, and just Run on to the Middle of the street to stop Traffic and let the emergency vehicles out. No One told me what to do, no One tried to do the same as i did, and it was LITERALLY the 1st ever time i was experiêncing that. And dude.... Its a frikking adrenalin rush lol ( btw, all that because of a minor fender bender with a tree, no One was hurt )
Final score:
11points
#18
I live in an apartment what is 27 floors tall, I live on the 25 floor. One day the elevator broke so I had to walk all the way down just to realize I forgot my ID card.(We have a machine to pay for whatever we buy in the campus)
Went up and opened the fridge for ice cream. I was 22 minutes late for school.
Final score:
11points
#19
I am a health care provider and usually knock on the door before entering the individual rooms where the patients are waiting for me... just habit, and I find myself knocking on the door into the waiting lobby, where all the patients are waiting, at least once a month 😅
Final score:
11points
#20
I put a tea bag in the mug and carried it from the kitchen to the living room. I got all settled in on the couch...and realized that I'd not just forgotten to put water in the mug, I'd also forgotten to turn the kettle on 🤦♀️
Final score:
11points
#21
Not sure about "best" but - unstressed - long drive, known route, realizing at some point that I had zoned out and was quite a few miles down the road with no memory of passing landmarks and things that I know I had to have passed. Not driving erratically, just not remembering that part of the drive. Stressed - beating up my bully in HS. All I could see was him. Only VERY dimly aware of the people around me. Later heard from class mates and teachers who observed the fight but I was unaware of their presence.
Final score:
10points
#22
I had just made myself some pretty unhealthy coffee, basically coffee with hot cocoa mix in it. Went to dump some old water cups out. Guess what else got dumped in the sink?
Final score:
10points
#23
Was driving one day with my dad as a passenger. I noticed the gas light was on, but my brain forgot what the light was called. What came out of my mouth was "hey, the get gas logo is on"
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Final score:
10points
foxgirl158 (Submission author) 1 year ago
Forgot to add, my dad laughed his head off and hasn't let me forget it 😂
#24
I don't know if this fits, but sometimes I put myself into auto-mode when I'm doing laundry, I just start folding and before the show I'm watching ends, I realize the basket is empty!
Final score:
9points
#25
My friend was writing Poland on the whiteboard once. They finished, and I looked, blinked, and told them "You forgot to dot the i." They then grabbed my shoulders, and said "Where is the i? THERE IS NO I IN POLAND." My other friend, being the smartass she is, goes "Poiand." and puts a dot over the L.
All three of us started giggling, and our math teacher walked over to see what was going on (he's Polish, which is why we were writing Poland on the board-we were doing a word cloud for his birthday) and the second he saw the board, he turned around and walked back to his desk.
Final score:
9points
#26
This morning I tried to pause my cereal. I also tried to press back on a physical piece of artwork XD
Final score:
9points
#27
Had a crazy headache, went over to where I keep my medication to take some painkillers. Brain went "oh we're here by your meds, we'll take them then" and I took all my night-time tablets including some serious sleeping tablets and anti-psychotics. At 2pm. Oof.
Final score:
9points
LillieMean 1 year ago
I have done the same many times with different medications. The funniest was when I accidentally took an antiparasitic tablet meant for pets instead of a painkiller. And yes, I have taken anti-psy med in the middle of the day and was like, what did you just do?! For that afternoon, I had a deep connection with the couch.
#28
Driving an hour home after walking out on a job to which I never returned. Head Guy was an absolute misogynist who HATED female managers - he arrived after I did and made it a mission to make my life a misery. 3 other female managers were likewise targeted and all were gone within a few months. He skited in a meeting how successful he was in getting rid of them.
I packed up that night, walked to my car and drove home planning suicide - I had NEVER experienced the amount of abuse and bullying this guy dished out. I went to the female Head who, after listening to what I had to say, said "Well you're replaceable, he isn't" and told me to get out of her office. That was the second to last straw. The last straw was that afternoon when I was in his office and he blasted me about the performance of one of my staff. This staff member was a nightmare and I had BEGGED him to let me not renew her contract. He signed off on her for another year. She had screwed up yet again and somehow it was my fault that she was still there.
That night I picked up my bag and drove home completely on autopilot planning my suicide. The only thing that stopped me was the overwhelming greeting from my dogs. No job is worth being made to feel like that.
Final score:
9points
#29
One morning I was petting my cat and eating a bagel, and my cat likes to head butt me. So, without thinking, while I'm watching tv, I lean down, bite my cat's ear, and pet my bagel.
After a moment I realize what I did and started laughing. My sister was in tears and she will never let me forget about it.
(The cat was fine btw)
Final score:
9points
Cat Meyers 1 year ago
For laughs, my dad would tell me to pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time. Without fail, I was soon rubbing my head and patting my stomach.
#30
Was walking the dog without a leash when I got a pre migraine visual aura. I only saw like 20% and was so focused on making it home without hitting the ground I forgot to leash him. I was a few hundred meters into the city when I realized there was nothing at that leash my dog looked at me like I lost my mind. Thank dog it was before we reached the main road.
Final score:
8points
David 1 year ago
Side comment but from time to time I get the heat wave visuals too. Optical migraine I believe is the correct term. A teaspoon or so of honey often backs it off. I believe it is more than just blood sugar as honey removes salt and stuff (see the quote). Awkward on a walk but if a common problem - could carry a packet of it. "The study reveals that honey demonstrates a significant diuretic activity. Honey causes a significant increase in urine concentration of sodium and chloride, while the concentration of potassium did not change significantly."
#31
Got in my car to drive to the store (~5 minutes down the road), accidentally drove to my old school (~40 minutes), bought a coffee at the nearby Tim Hortons (my morning routine), and waited in the parking lot for about 5 minutes before it hit me. I was too embarrassed to say what took me so long at the store so I just said that I stopped at a friend's house on the way back.
Final score:
8points
#32
Said "love you" to a customer service rep at the end of a phone call.
Final score:
8points
David Furritus 1 year ago
That's like when a fast food worker says "Enjoy you're dinner" and you reply with "You too!"
#33
I do this all the time. Usually at school during transition times. I get dizzy in the big crowds going through the doors so I autopilot my walking and talk to myself to remain calm.
Final score:
7points
corgiobsessed00 1 year ago
Crowd anxiety and internal monologue gets me through every work day.
#34
I have lived in the same house for almost nine years and somehow I still miss the turn into the neighborhood, anyone else done this?
Final score:
7points
#35
I was making scrambled eggs. I cracked the egg, then proceeded to throw the egg away and keep the shell. I almost began to cook the empty eggshell but fortunately, I realized my mistake then I just stood there for a bit wondering what happened.
Final score:
7points
#36
Woke up from a nap, twilight outside, looked at the clock - 7:50 - oh my god I'm gonna be really late for work. Asked my wife in a rude manner why she didn't wake me up if the alarm failed. She said dinner will be ready shortly. After a big face palm I indicated I would be looking forward to it.
Final score:
7points
#37
This is a sad one, so I'm sending a trigger warning right off of the bat:
My pet ferret, Jasmine had just died of flea-induced anemia and I was a wreck, but I still had to work that night (third shift at HSN). So, I got my usual ride to work and was just numb. My manager asked me if I was okay and I told her about Jasmine dying. She knew that I loved my ferrets very much and immediately sent me home. I walked home about seven miles without even knowing what I was doing. I woke up the next afternoon wondering how I even got there without getting run over...
Final score:
7points
#38
I had just moved a few months ago out of my dads to a new house (about 10 minutes away from the old one). I had a long day at work was tired as heck and totally drove exhausted to my house except it wasn’t my house anymore. Only realized when I got out of the car in the driveway and wondering who’s car was in the garage!!! it was kind of embarrassing. I’m so glad I noticed before I walked inside!
Final score:
6points
#39
Drank paint water instead of drink and dipped paintbrush in drink 🤦♀️
Final score:
6points
Elizabeth VanDyke 1 year ago
I used to paint watercolor and I had a habit of putting the brush in my mouth after dipping it in water to reshape the point. One time I dipped the brush in paint and stuck it in my mouth...UGH. Watercolor paints really don't taste good.
#40
I practiced some karate when in the service. Years later during a confrontation I approached this guy with his hands in deep in his front pants pockets. I wondered why he did this and the next thing I know he whips out a12 inch kitchen knife from his pocket and tries too sideswipe my neck. I automatically did a front side kick without thinking and pushed him back enough to make it so the knife just grazed my adams apple skin instead of swiping my jugular vein. If I didnt do the kick I would have probably died from bleeding to death before I could get to a hospital.
Final score:
6points
#41
Not me, but a friend of mine wrote a beautiful poem to her new husband in a card and signed with ... Kind regards..
Final score:
5points
A Bobcat From Philly 1 year ago
To my wife: I will always love you for all you do for me and all that other sappy s**t... "All the best, Bob." How I'm still married after 26 years...
#42
i needed to pee.
the girlfriend at the time gave me some washing, and asked me to put it in the basket in the hall on the way past.
i was stood in front of the washing basket, about to undo my trousers when i realised.
yep. i had put her dirty t shirts in the toilet.
Final score:
5points
#43
Years ago i went to the Dr and asked for something to quiet down my racing thoughts (I have ADHD but also a heart condition so I can't have amphetamines). I was prescribed 200mg of seraquel!
I used to go to my sister's house of a night and hang out, roughly 40km from where I lived. I was told to take my meds at dinner time so I would. I would end up pulling into my driveway with no recollection of how I got there, its a miracle I didn't kill somebody or myself. I have since stopped those meds and found alternative ways to calm my brain at bedtime. It's crazy that it was legal for me to take these meds but if I smoke weed I'm breaking the law.
Final score:
5points
#44
I was playing a chess game with my friend and I zoned out. I don't remember anything happening in those few minutes but when I woke up again, I had my friend in checkmate.
Final score:
5points
#45
Playing the flute , pressing the buttons and not really thinking about it
Final score:
4points
Mickysixxx 1 year ago
Same goes for guitarist, its muscle memory once you have the song down pat
#46
I have to take medicine twice a day. morning & night. Different medicines each time. One night I took the morning medicine & then I was looking at the medicines thinking I have done something wrong. After few seconds I realised taken the morning medicine again
Final score:
4points
Cat Meyers 1 year ago
It's so easy to take medication at the wrong time, or too often. I now keep a notebook of meds and times. It's so helpful when I can't remember, what I took, or when because I was on "autopilot".
#47
I was half asleep and my ex-friend started venting about something. everyone in my friend group has sleeping problems, and we try to respect that. this harpy (ex-friend for a reason) shrieks at me (because she doesn't know how to talk normally ig.) so I reflexively respond with "oh, slay." she then starts sobbing because she was talking about how her latest boyfriend had broken up with her.
Final score:
4points
#48
Accidentally packed my bag and went to the climbing hall instead of packing my swimming gear and going to the swimming pool
Final score:
4points
#49
Driving 52 km to work in the morning without remembering the drive or how I got there.
Final score:
4points
#50
I am allergic to a lot of things in the environment and food. I have done an oral immunotherapy. I can now eat wheat eggs, peanuts and milk even though I’m still allergic to them because I’ve lowered my sensitivity enough. However, I woke up one morning with really bad, environmental allergies and I wasn’t going to eat anything that I was allergic to, so we go to lunch, and my brain is on auto pilot and I end up eating four chips and queso. By the time I realized that I had eaten it, I had a severe stomachache, and had to use an EpiPen, and then went to the urgent care. So that’s how I spent my Sunday.
Final score:
4points
#51
I constantly tell people thanks, you too, when they say happy birthday or congratulations or good job or something like that lol
Final score:
4points
#52
Coffee in the fridge and milk in the cupboard
Final score:
4points
A Bobcat From Philly 1 year ago
Looked for my phone for over a half hour... called it and heard my fridge ringing...
#53
Waking up at 4:27 am thinking "oh s**t". Then I look at my alarm clock and realize it's not 6:50. That happens from time to time.
Final score:
4points
#54
Just this morning: had just buttered a muffin and nearly put the knife on the counter and the butter dish in the dishwasher.
Final score:
3points
#55
I went to my B day classes the entire A day yesterday. I ended up having to go across the school every time I did and was late for all my classes....
Final score:
3points
Cat Meyers 1 year ago
I've had dreams of going to the wrong classroom, and then wandering empty hallways, unable to find the right class.
#56
I poured coffee over my berry Cheerios 😭
Final score:
3points
What do you think ?
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