I was scrolling through a post and I remembered something I heard someone say in my French class.

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#1

Man 1: Do you like d**k?
Man 2: Yep
Man 1: Wanna suck mine
Man 2: Yes
They both left to go to the toilet
I was 10
At my moms office 💀

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Frosty
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#2

'I have elbows, unlike you' (me)
'I love feet'
'No, do not break my back, that would hurt'
'I radiate bisexuality!! which is an issue cause I'm mostly not bisexual but hey' (obviously me)
'I'm going to push you off the fence' (this was from a teacher, and it was part of a metaphor)
'It's not all about drinking alcohol and having sex' (also a teacher)
'God. He wants his slurp juice'
'My hair is sexually arousing' (this was me but there was a ton of context I swear)
'A person can't run for erection' (not a typo)
'Mother I ejaculated'
'It's like a side hustle but religion' (me about my very real religion which is real and not an excuse to steal my friends hat and say I have religious protection from them taking it back)
These are all from my friends quote book, so I didn't hear a few of them myself

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crowspectre (he/they)
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#3

Happened today in chemistry. Conversation between a classmate and a teacher.
Classmate: What do frogs eat?
Teacher: What do you think frogs eat?
Classmate, fully sincere: Carrots.

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mysterious(he/they, maybe?)
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#4

My mum used to say 'tough bananas' when i was a kid. Looking back i realise it was a kid friendly version of tough s**t... but as a kid i thought it was the weirdest phrase in the world... like... i'd never snapped a banana from the bunch and found it tough... was that a common issue that my mum had?

Anyway my mum would say it to me if i was complaining or something and the moment a he would say it i would start laughing (much to her annoyance) because I just addumrd she was eating bananas wrong. It prompted many dedp conversations with her about if she knew when bananas were best eaten and such-- I needed to get to the bottom of it. She must have been so confused .

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Hales
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halesm avatar
Hales M (Submission author)
Hales M
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

*she would say it i would start laughing (much to her annoyance) because I just assumed she was eating bananas wrong. It prompted many deep conversations.

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#5

We’re heading over to the hospital. Jake caught his b******e on fire again.

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Ima Manimal
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#6

A loved up young couple in a queue in a busy shop. Pawing at each other and playing tonsil tennis.

Her to him.

"I'm going to rape you tonight!"

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Nathaniel (He/Him) Cis Het.
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#7

"You are the gayest straight dude alive."

No clue what happened there.

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QueerAxolotls
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#8

One time my husband and I and our children were camping and the guy camping next to us came over and his nephews were playing with my kids all day. that night we were sitting by the fire and the guys were drinking and all of a sudden this guy said you know I killed somebody

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Julia Piper
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#9

can i tickle you pickle for a nickle

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Rylee Ann Mccusker
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#10

I literally have a list of the most random things people have said.

“Don’t you hate it when you gasp too hard and a fly enters your esophagus?”
“Phone, will you marry me? no :D”
“What’s the scientific name for cheese curds” - Said by me
“He has fighter jet repellent” “it works on flies too”
“ Jay Z slays - That’s a bit weird considering he’s, like, 50”

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Wisteria
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#11

All said by my brother:
'I'm not wearing the right pliers on my hands'
'I left my tuna in your tuna feet'
'The turtle didn't work as a sock, squishy squishy sock'
'I should take my shoes out of the freezer'
'It was my voice but to the left'
'Bavarian beer would be one of those icecream things with like wateriness'
'I mean why put toast in the freezer'
'Sew your mouth up with a warm cup of coffee'
'What's the old saying, when a woman dies you eat her spleen?'
'Your fridge is like a rollercoaster Caitlin, if you ride it too much you get scared'

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Huddo's sister
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#12

ive once hear the other daniel in my class say something about my friend getting drunk at a party and the friend is 13

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jordan (pineapple he/she)
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#13

I dunno if it's the weirdest thing but I once had a girl ask me if I wanted to go back to her place to see her "pigg'n knife"

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Mickysixxx
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#14

“I know Theodore, but I have to go pick up my cat from their dance lessons”

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Luvkilla
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#15

This one time I was at a family party and my 2 y.o. cousin walked into the room after dinner. My aunt asked her what she had been eating and she said “p**n”. My aunt asked if she meant corn. She insisted it was “p**n”. My aunt and i just kinda stared at each other and laughed nervously

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ace pirates (she/they)
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#16

I have a twin brother (we'll call him Duncan) and there's this annoying 6th grader in my class (we'll call him Bob). The 6th grader said he wanted to give my brother an STD. I was laughing with one of my other friends (we'll call her Mia). I just sink down onto the floor in despair and Mia and Duncan are like standing over me talking and Bob is just whisper shouting, "GIVE HER THE D**K, DUNCAN, GIVE HER THE D**K." I'm ace. I'm lesbian. i f*****g hate this conversation.

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that one ace lesbian genderfae
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#17

'Last one to lunch is weird!

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everett
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#18

There are a few things I've heard that I still occasionally think about years later.
When I was 13, I was riding on a subway in NYC and this woman, clearly mentally ill was ranting about a bunch of things. Then she looked at me and said "Bobby Brown didn't do it! He didn't rape her up the a*s!"

When I was 17 during the summer there was a brown out. The only place to get food was a Chinese restaurant. It was busy and I'm waiting and this woman around 40 was chatting with me. I was just smiling and nodding. Then the cooks in the back were speaking to each other, in Chinese, and this woman's eyes went wide with wonder. She looked at me and said "How do they know what the other is saying? They're not speaking English." I said "Well that's because they're speaking Chinese." She looked amazed at this information and said "Wow! It's amazing how they can understand that!" She didn't seem all there.

Next, this one still hurts my brain. I was in my twenties and waited tables at a family restaurant. I went outside to smoke a cigarette and sit down. The extremely annoying prep cook who nicknamed himself 'Butters', I don't know why, was also there. I didn't like him or talk to him unless it was related to work. Didn't matter for him because he would just "blah blah blah" without needing a response. Anyway, there was a pipe on the side of the building that was dripping water and algae formed. He was talking about that and I'm like 'uh huh, yup'. But then he said "Ya' know, algae is just liquid mold really." So I'm like "Uh huh, yup, wait.... What?" He repeated it. It hurt my brain. It still hurts my brain. It's like saying "Dolphins are liquid people!"

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Bonesko
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#19

We had a geography project where we had to do a ppt about a continent that our teacher assigns us. It was being graded. One student said, “the Amazon Rainforest is located along the Amazon river in Africa.” The same dumbass said 1 year later, “I’ll bring water and soil for the artificial grass.”

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Stardust she/her
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#20

Context. Busy mom, early puberty daughter heading to store.

Me: we need kotex (f. hygiene)

Mom: Can't you just use right guard (deodorant)

Me: 👀

Me:. No.

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A girl
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#21

Oh my gosh I have a really good one, but it’s kinda old.

So I was in science at school and the class was just starting and some girl who sat behind me said, “Well I’m bringing your brother” to another girl and I couldn’t help but just bust out laughing. She got me in trouble with the teacher! 😭

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MiniGinny
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#22

"Those who would save their lives shall lose them."

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Buck Up
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#23

In high school friend reacted to my meme with me after seducing older, married women

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BoeJiden hair sniffer
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#24

"Context needed."
So I asked a person if they thought Mr Beast, the guy who gives millions away, was a good person
"No"

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THE Spamming Troll
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