Heard this one in school :0( names protected): (R is speaking): HEY (M)! (J) wants to show you his d*ck! (M is speaking): Sorry, I forgot my microscope today.

Report

Final score:

8points

sneksneksnek

POST

Ur Mother Grookey

Ur Mother Grookey

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH🧯🚒🚒🧯

1

1point

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments

My favourite is I get told "f you " a lot and my knee jerk reaction is to say either, " I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you" " I bet you would and I bet you'd like it" or " You think about that a lot, dontcha?"

Works almost every time and they tend to get flustered and annoyed.
It's really funny.

Report

Final score:

6points

Ang Chiyoko/Koharu

POST

Chucky Cheezburger

Chucky Cheezburger

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

My standard replies to "F-you" are "You couldn't handle the ride" "Is that a threat?" (turn on sultry, sexy eyes) "Or a promise?" or "I'd just lay there and be disappointed"

3

3points

reply

View more comments

If someone tells you that you are ugly say “ I don’t care or want your stupid opinions”

Report

Final score:

4points

Iris the Orca

POST

Do-nut touch da donut

Do-nut touch da donut

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

Or say, "sry im not your mirror"

6

6points

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments

3rd grader boy: Girls are stupid.
3rd grader girl: Especially your mother because she didn't get an abortion.

Same boy: I hate girls.
Same girl: You're just mad that your d**k is the same size as a girl.

I was the third grader girl. I got detention for saying the second thing. To make things better, the boy got a long lesson on not to be sexist and his parents were called. Third graders. Can you believe it? That's what happens when you let 10th graders eat lunch with juniors. Insulting d**k sizes

Report

Final score:

4points

Slithery snake

POST

(っ◔◡◔)っ blush

(っ◔◡◔)っ blush

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

Oh lord the first one lol 🤭

0

0points

reply

"You all are so gay."
"You don't get an opinion until you're taller than your instrument."

Report

Final score:

3points

QueerAxolotls

POST

O-O

O-O

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

i'm barely taller than my guitar

1

1point

reply

View more comments

-you are so stupid!
- If I'm stupid what does that make you then?

Report

Final score:

3points

that_gay_snake

POST

Do-nut touch da donut

Do-nut touch da donut

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

A rock :P

3

3points

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments

Boy:you look stupid.
Me:I'm sorry were you born on a highway?Cause' that's where most accidents happen?
Boy:Wow you really are stupid.
Me:At least i'm not your mirror.
Boy:...
Me singing:Girls go to College to get more knowledge,boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider.
Boy:(Walks away stunned)

Report

Final score:

3points

Hermione

POST

I'm sorry I forgot when I asked your opinion

Report

Final score:

2points

That midget Jo :)

POST

Chucky Cheezburger

Chucky Cheezburger

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

I use "When your opinion matters, I'll let you know what it is"

1

1point

reply

View more comments

I’ve got two. One, telling people “I hope you have the day you deserve.”
The second one was after someone I silted one of my friends she told them something along the lines of, “you know, you remind me of a jukebox. They were cool once and now they only exist in vintage stores. Someone f****d you once and now you think everyone wants a piece of you, but the only girls who would make that mistake are found in vintage stores. Maybe you should go there.” There isn’t a lot that people I know need comebacks for…

Report

Final score:

2points

Cypress

POST

The one’s used at my school often are “your mom and your face”

Examples:
-What are you doing later?
Your mom.
-That’s annoying.
Your face is annoying.

They are versatile, and they leave people stymied because there’s no immediate comeback for that.

BTW, I don’t really use comebacks; I just say the first thing that comes to mind in response, and that usually works.

Report

Final score:

2points

HistoryLover(she/her)

POST

Me: I don’t want to argue with you
Husband: We aren’t arguing, we are discussing things the hard way.
Love, love, love this man.

Report

Final score:

2points

Lauren Kane Galante

POST

My dad loves to try and pinch my nose while saying "I got your nose!" in a Russian accent (why Russian, I have no idea).
One day, he pinched it and pulled away, smiling as he said the line.
Being a smart-alec, I point to my nose and say "no you don't!"
Without a moment of hesitation, still in character, he looks at my nose, then down to his hand. He opens it and in a Russian accent, he goes "oh c**p." I lost it.

Not really a mean comeback but I think it's a great way to save his character.

Report

Final score:

2points

Allydog57

POST

The girls at my school would always sing "Girls go to college, to get more knowledgeable, boys go to Jupiter, to get more stupider." And I would always reply with: "You must have gone to Jupiter too then, because your Grammer sucks." Not the best comeback, but the only one I could come up with

Report

Final score:

2points

A Fox Eating Waffles

POST

So’s your face!
To be honest it only works when someone calls you a name or something:
“You’re a stupid head!”
“So is your face!”

Report

Final score:

1point

Smorescout

POST

Bisexual Axolotls

Bisexual Axolotls

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

You sound like my mother lol

0

0points

reply

Guy: a fat cow wouldn't even want to date you
Girl: I know I wouldn't want to date you either

Report

Final score:

1point

Rowan_the_raging_raven

POST

My co-worker: "Shut your whore mouth"

Me: "Your wife, mother and sister love my whore mouth all over them"

Report

Final score:

1point

Joshua Moore

POST

Kid: ”you look like a joke”

Me: “you are a joke”

Report

Final score:

1point

AwfullyWaffley

POST

Amo Gus

Amo Gus

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

damn I heard that mic drop

0

0points

reply

These are some of the things I've said to my boss. Keep in mind that these were said as playful, friendly banter, and not in anger.
One time boss said that I should keep my peter trap shut, so I pressed upwards on his chin and said "Alright, the thing that usually traps my peter is closed boss."
Another time, he told me to kiss his @$$. So I grabbed him by the ears and kissed him on the forehead. Of course, he looked shocked, and I said "Well, you said to kiss your butt.Whats wrong?" He said "Im glad I didn't say bite it!"
Last one. Once I called him a clapped out size queen. He looks confused and asks what that is, so I open my phone and tell him here's a picture of one. Ot was his picture.

Like I said, these are all said in good nature and we laughed about it and he gets in his shots on me just as much. He's a good boss and where we work is a pretty good place to work.

Report

Final score:

1point

Chucky Cheezburger

POST

This came from Sam & Dianne of the TV show Cheers.
Sam: You’re drunk!
Dianne: You’re stupid. Tomorrow I’ll be sober!

Report

Final score:

0points

Denise Wads

POST

kid: f u f*****
my friend: i would but im too lazy, can you do it for me.

Report

Final score:

0points

Boatboy Ash R

POST

Ashen Brooks (They/Them)

Ashen Brooks (They/Them)

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

1 year ago

• Report

I would say "are you sure you can handle it with ME? you dont wanna mess up your first time"

1

1point

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments