Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
I have enjoyed reading and commenting on Ask Pandas, so I decided to make my own. Please, share the funniest story from your life!
I am excited to see what fellow pandas put down!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
A couple of weeks ago, I heard my neighbors cat meowing, so I responded with a "meow" of my own. This went on for about 3-4 exchanges until I opened the door and found it was not a cat, it was just another dude meowing back at me. So many unanswered questions.
Final score:
35points
RELATED:
#2
well, I left my chromebook open and my parents saw BP and saw my user name. so that's how I came out to my parents.
Final score:
19points
#3
Okay, storytime!! So about 3 or 4 days ago my Lil bro was being potty trained still. he said he had to go to the bathroom, he went in there and I think like 5 minutes late this dude comes out and starts looking in the battery drawer. I was like me-"bro what are you doing??" Lil bro-"it's dead" he replies "it not working" me-"What's not working?" "my butt... It's not working" So long story short... He couldn't go to the bathroom so he thought his butt was dead and started looking for a battery... lmao get's me laughing every time!!!! XD
Final score:
18points
#4
I know I already posted, but I just remembered something else. So I was in 6th grade, and we had just learned about real numbers and "imaginary numbers" (still don't fully know what they are). So we were talking about what we did in school that day, and I was like "I learned about imaginary and real numbers." At that moment in time, my brain came up with the idea to make stuff up about imaginary numbers and try to get my sister to believe me. So I started saying like "lamp+lamp=tree," and stuff like that. My brother eventually joined in, but my sister wasn't fully sold yet. And finally, my mom joined in and my sister was sold. She went and told her teacher the next day, and afterwards she was like "You made all that 'imaginary number stuff up, right?" We still make fun of her today over it.
Final score:
13points
#5
Not me but my brother. When he was like one, my dad was greeting people at a church. A guy walked in, who had always been known for being a nice guy (this plays in later on). So the man walked in, and my dad said hi. Then my brother (like 1-2 years old at the time), who was in my dad's arms, just yelled "You're bwack!" My dad and the man just turned to my brother with a shocked look on their face. My dad asked "What did you say?", and again my bro yelled "You're bwack!" My dad then reluctantly apologized, but the guy was like "Don't be sorry, he's telling the truth!". Luckily that guy had a sense of humor.
Final score:
11points
#6
I am 11, so I like to make forts. EVERYWHERE. My mom took one down the other day, and it was next to my bed. I was used to rolling off of my bed, and onto the mattress on the floor of my fort. That is how you get out of most of my forts. Well, it was 2 A.M. and I forgot it wasn't there. I rolled onto the cold, hard, wooded floor. So I started laughing because I was so dumb. I AM LITERALLY THE MEANING OF ROTFL!!!
Final score:
11points
#7
In Middle school I had an undiagnosed food allergy that gave me gas whenever I drank milk. One time in math class I had to fart. I wasn't about to ask the teacher if I could go outside to fart so I tried let it out silently. What actually happened was the loudest fart any earth creature had ever made. I started laughing out of embarrassment and the farts started coming out like a machine gun. This went on for what felt like several minutes until I was out of gas and everyone was looking at me. I spent the rest of class with my head on my desk and my face red.
Final score:
11points
#8
Btw, I was really young so you know how our mind works. I thought that everything from movies and books was real so when I saw a man dressed in a black suit, black pants, black shoes, black sunglasses and a black hat, I thought he was a bad guy. I ran away from my dad and I interrogated him. He was flustered and tried to bring me to my dad. He took my hand when he was bringing me to my dad so I started screaming "This bad guy is kidnapping me". Lots of drama but eventually it was sorted out. He was actually a business man who was really kind.
Final score:
10points
#9
Mine would be yelling at this one person and everyone was backing me up. I'm about to yell at them if they tell me non-binary is the same as trans again. I know my sexuality and no one can change it.
Final score:
8points
#10
So one time i was drinkinking a glass of apple juice, with ice cubes and an ice cube went down the wrong way causing me to choke and pass out i was like 11 at the time so i woke up on the ground with my family around me they picked me up and shoved me in the car and brought me to emergency. i was fine
Final score:
8points
#11
I do not care if nobody believes me, this actually happened.
So when my dad was little, his granddad(my great granddad) had a boat. So my great granddad, my grandma, and my grandfather went on the boat while my great grandma was with my aunt and my dad, who were very little. A few hours after they left, they came back. My great granddad has to go lay down because he hurt his back. My grandpa comes in looking so annoyed, and in walks my grandma. She is dripping wet, and my great grandma says, "Nancy, what happened?". And my grandma says, "I walked off a pier."
How it happened: They were all towing the boat lines, and my grandma is walking, sees the sign that says END OF PIER, and walks off. My great granddad has to reach over the edge of the pier to get her. and hurts his back in the process. My grandma is fine, just crazy.
Final score:
8points
#12
Well, this isn't the best, but it makes me crack up every time. I was 4 years old and my mom had just come back with the groceries. She looked in one of the bags and saw that a potato was missing. Then she saw me, sitting on the ground, the potato in one hand and a Mr. Potato Head in the other, looking back and forth in confusion.
Final score:
8points
#13
What I am about to write I would like to say that I am not proud of the person I once was.
Kids in school would fight each other. Me on the other hand would fight with the teachers. I was so uncontrollable I was put into boarding school for bad boys. Ironic thing is, is that I am now a teacher myself. If there was a school reunion and I told them what I do for a living they would be ROTFL!
I'm just hoping there is never going to be a school reunion!
Final score:
7points
#14
When I was like 6 or 7 my dad took me to the store and he was looking at which kind of something to get(I can’t remember) but I got bored and saw something shiny at the other side of the aisle and so I went and looked at it and get it and then I just got distracted and wondered off and it took 15 minutes to find me.
Final score:
7points
#15
Ok I have 2 stories I don't know if they are funny now but they were when they happened.
Story 1 - When I was like 4 or 5 I had a dog and I was supposed to go clean up her poop in the backyard. We had the set of the little rake and dustpan to clean it up, but no. I had to grab a bucket from underneath the porch and pick up all the poop by hand. I was covered in it and it smelled sooooo bad.
Story 2 - When I was about the same age as the first story we had a fence that showed where our backyard was. Well I was sick of playing so I decided to climb over the fence. Turns out I'm not very good at climbing, I made it over into our neighbors yard and realized I couldn't get back over. Well I went to the front door and rang the doorbell, my mom answered it and immediately told me I was grounded for 2 WEEKS! Maybe instead of grounding me she could have taught me how to climb like a good mother would.
Final score:
7points
I'm a makeup addict 4 years ago
for the 1st story-- I'm so sorry you had to pick it up by hand! For the 2nd story-- I think that would be something that would happen to me.
#16
Back in my early 20s, myself and bunch of friends were staying at our one friend's parents' house while they were away. Pretty basic stuff-drinking and having the craic in general until we all passed out. Then in the middle of the night, we all wake up to BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMING. [I have never ever been so terrified in my life as I was that moment I woke up.] The bravest of us [not me] had run straight to the source of the scream, one of the 2 guest rooms. By the time I got there, the screaming had stopped, although Friend 1 was still clutching her blankets in bed and looking absolutely petrified.
Friend 2 was just stepping out of the closet. According to Friend 1, she woke up to Friend 2 (who has a loooooooooong history of sleep walking and sleep talking) stumbling around the room in the dark until he sort of cornered himself in the closet. At which point he began screaming at Friend 1--"ARE YOU SERIOUS FRIEND 1, ARE YOU F**KING SERIOUS?!?!?", then Friend 1 started screaming, then Friend 2 started screaming, and there we were.
Friend 2's explanation: "I don't know what her problem was, I was just trying to find the bathroom."
We didn't manage to laugh about it until the following day [AND LAUGH WE DID], but 15+ years later, we still tell this story to anyone who will listen.
Final score:
7points
#17
i don't remember many funny things (i'll post again if i do) but i do remember at lunchtime during school a few years ago me and a bunch of other kids got in an argument about the tooth fairy. I was on the believing side.
Final score:
7points
#18
I
We're a chinese-Jamaican family, but both my sister and I were born in Canada, so we only understand a bit of Chinese. Recently, a Chinese fusion restaurant opened near where my sister lives. She and her friends tried it out, loved it, and on the way out, she saw a Chinese word on the door, and decided to memorize it. Next time she and her family were over, she raved about the restaurant, and smugly said, "I even remember how to write the name!". Surprised, my parents get her pen and paper, and she starts writing it out. My mom's looking over her shoulder, and suddenly starts laughing. Sister: "what's so funny?" Mom: "do you know what that says?!". Sister: "it isn't the name of the restaurant?!" Mom: "nope!" Sister: "so, what does it say?". Mom: *laughing "push to open"
Final score:
7points
#19
One time I was telling my friend about how I got stung by a bee and then proceeded to get stung by a bee at that very moment.
Final score:
6points
#20
The funniest story would be that I was on my period and I was having a lot of mood swings so 1 min I would happy then sad etc I was with my guy friends we were talking suddenly my blood leaked from my pad my guy friends stared at me and laughed I was like what's so funny about periods and they said that they understand all their sisters have got theirs to till now they call me and laugh about this incident I have shifted so we talk on google docs and google meet but I am so glad to have friends like that and the worst part is they make fun of me on their period and I can't punch through a laptop hope you enjoyed the story
Final score:
5points
Billy The Kid 4 years ago (edited)
I was walking behind a woman in the street once who looked like she had just started her period as it was showing at the back but I was too embarrassed to tell her. How would someone react to that if I did?
#21
my friend kicked a hole in my shirt, dont ask how
Final score:
5points
#22
This isnt the funniest but, its really hilarious
So, I was in Sweden at an amusement park, and it had a big wooden hamster wheel, and I was walking on it, and my pants, because they were a bit big, got caught between two boards.
I fell down and went all the way up, then dropped down. worst part is, my pants fell down when it happened because... It was still stuck. No, I was not hurt.
Final score:
5points
#24
The funniest story of my life is trying to read Brent Johnsons posts and comments and not laugh like a maniac lol
Final score:
4points
#25
Haha yes, this may be the funniest story in my life😅😂
When we (me and my little sister) were children, we used to take our baths together. Ew. But I was 7 and she was 2, so...
Anyway, we were staying at my grandparents' house and yes, we were taking a bath. I turned back to get my shampoo and when I turned back again,
I saw her... with her poo... in her hands!😳 She asked me for a taste and I called my mom. 🤭😬
Final score:
4points
#26
Okay, so this is kinda dumb and not very funny, but my family was moving, and we were at a point where we technically had ownership of both our old and new house. All the stuff had been moved to our new house, though. Anyway, my family was having a dumb conversation (like dumb on purpose) and this was basically what happened for part of it: (IDk the exact words that were said, but this is the basic idea.) (We're joking around the whole time btw)
My dad: "We're going to have to go to work Tuesday, so you guys will have to be home alone."
Me: "No! I can't be home alone with SISTER! How about I stay at our new house, and SISTER stays at our old one?" (Me joking, of course)
My sister: "Yay, I want to be at our old home."
Me: "You realize that there's no furniture there...?"
Sister: "Oh, right."
Me: "Still, we should leave you at old house, while I'm at new house."
Sister: "I'll just walk over."
Me: "I'll lock the doors."
Sister: "I'll use a saw and saw the windows open."
Me:...
Dad:...
Sister: "What?"
Me: "You-you can't SAW a window open. You can use a saw to smash the glass, but you can't saw it open."
We all start laughing hysterically.
(Sorry if this is a little long. XD)
Final score:
4points
#27
Ok so I’ve got one.
My mom was dating my stepdad and kept calling him Keith! His name is Eric so my poor grandpa never lived it down.
A few months later, my mom and Eric got married and the guy they hired to be the wedding dj kept calling him by a wrong name. It was so funny and my family jokes about it al the time.
Final score:
3points
#28
I met a guy in a bar who proceeded to tell me he needed a heart transplant when he was an infant to which I responded : "Did you get one?"..... he stared at me in silence for a few seconds. We had a good laugh about my obvious blonde moment.
Final score:
3points
#29
My mom was teaching me how to make macaroni with hotdogs. I was chopping the hotdogs while I waited for the water to boil. The water started to boil before I was done with the hotdogs, and i started freaking out. I asked my mom if it would taste bad if I burned the water. This was about a month ago, and I’m 13.
Another time I was doing the dishes and asked my mom where the “thing” was. She was confused as to what I was talking about and asked to elaborate. So I said “the water go down protector thingy” I was talking about the drain plug.
Final score:
3points
#30
My husband and I booked a couples massage without knowing the place. There was a bit of a language barrier so we shrugged and agreed to their up-sale of a “spa shower” for each of us. I had mine before the massage. A young girl had me get nude, lay on a shower bed, she gives me tiny wash cloth to cover myself which she promptly removed then she washed me with a big sponge and enthusiasm. It pushed my comfort zone. Then I realized they were gonna give my much more shy, old fashion husband the same treatment at the end of his massage. It was almost impossible to contain my laughter during the massage knowing what was coming for him and how uncomfortable he’d be. I thought about warning him or interjecting but he’s a grown man plus I was paralyzed by the hilarity and awkwardness. When he came back to the massage room after his spa shower and we were alone, my sheepish husband whispered “she just washed ALL my junk.” We dressed quickly, tipped our therapists without making eye contact and laughed all the way home. It was awesome.
Final score:
3points
#31
In my youth i looked quite like Scott Styris the cricket international. I was walking through a shopping mall when Richie McCaw The ALL BLACKS captain walked up to me and said G'day Scotty. I let him think I was Scott Styris, then made an excuse and escaped. Brilliant.
Final score:
3points
When coronavirus end 4 years ago
That's freaking awesome here's an upvote for the post dont listen to the rat bastard who downvoted you
#32
So I'm not very old still in high-school so it may not be as funny, but it makes me giggle every time, anyway......
My friend and I were walking to the grocery store and decided that we needed a mc flurry afterwards so that's what we did but on the way in I went first tried to hold it for my friend it slipped and hit her and she screamed, she was okay but we couldn't stop laughing. Don't come at me I apologized alot.
Final score:
2points
#33
my parents told me when i had learned how to crawl what my brother left the basement door open and i crawled thro and i tumbled down the stairs and they thought i was a grapefruit, so they were searching for me and i answered once and all they heard was......"waaah"
XD
Final score:
2points
#34
When I was younger I had a bad case of the sleep screams and i would flail around alot (still happens but not as much) Anywho one time I had a sleepover and scince I had a queen bed (We had recently moved and my parents got a new bed so i got there old one) we both slept on it together. I woke up around like 2 in the moning to find her up and my parents crouded around. I didnt know what was happening so my friend told me. Apparentaly i was flailing and kicking and stuff, then when she went to wake me up i proceeded to scream BLOODY MURDER than when i stopped I peed the bed so... Hope im not possesed. still happens like that one time I got up in the middle of the night to open the window (I was sleeping) and i woke up to my window open and i freaked out its ok tho. Also i sleep walk so lots of funny stories abt that too. now that im thinking about this i should probably go to the doctor
Final score:
2points
#35
Not the funniest but a good memory! My husband and I went to our favorite coffee shop on our weekly date night. I got my favorite drink and as I was walking out the door I tripped on the doormat and threw my drink out the door and onto the pavement. My husband was mortified but I could not stop laughing! The super sweet barista made me another drink for free because she felt so sorry for me!
Final score:
2points
#36
One day I was writing something and I couldn't remember how to spell "of". I was thinking "ov?" "uv?" neither looked right. I had a dictionary but that doesn't help if you have no idea how it is spelled, so I grabbed a fiction book and started reading until I found it. Once I realized it was spelled with an F I was disgusted by how stupid it was spelled. Such a simple word and they spelled it totally wrong.
Final score:
2points
#37
Funniest thing? Hmm there's a lot to chose from. Let's go with this one...
I was in middle school. So, basically, there was this one teacher that nobody likes. We called her Mrs. A. Mrs. A was our gym teacher. One day, we were playing dodgeball in gym. So before the 6th period (gym class), we all teamed up and decided we were going to grab all of the balls and chuck them at Mrs. A. I know, I know, not very nice but mind you we were in middle school, and Mrs. A was a brat. Well, long story short, we threw the balls at Mrs. A. and the principal walked into the gym at just that moment. She gave all of us a week of detentions. So, obviously, we were mad. Us being idiotic middle schoolers, we formed a plan to ambush her with the dodgeballs. We threw the dodgeballs at her. The assistant principal was standing next to her. The principal fell into the assistant principal and they both ended up on the floor.
It's not so funny to people who didn't know my classmates and teachers, but I thought it was funny.
Final score:
2points
#38
Not that funny but one time I spelled okay oaky, and it has become an inside joke ever since.
Final score:
1point
#39
My dog barks in her sleep. Sometimes I'll wake up at like 3:00 am to "wroof wroooof"
i have another one bout my other late doggo. We had recently moved and were staying at my grandmothers house. My dog was sniffing around the dishwasher when it was almost full (and open) and her collar caught on one of the prongs. She freaked out. (Keep in mind the kitchen had a tiled floor) Long story short we dont have very many plates anymore lol
Final score:
1point
#40
I liked eating ice when I was young. I think I ate too much and threw up. Note that this was at a pretty formal dinner, and I threw up over the table. Waitress wasn't pleased...
Final score:
1point
#41
This happened to a pal of mine. He works in the bank of Kuwait based in London. He had 2 cups of coffee in his hands and he rushed to catch the lift before the door closed but as he got there he tripped and the coffee went all over the place. Inside the lift was a high class Arab client wearing a white gown covered in coffee! He was not impressed.
Final score:
1point
#42
Not me but my dad he told me one time he went camping with college friends and one of them insisted on sleeping outside later that night my parents heard thuds on the tent and heard Kyle screaming they go outside and find out that baby scorpions were falling out of the tree
Final score:
1point
#43
Once, During a game of truth or dare, My idiotic friend Dipped toilet paper in used toilet water and ate it... Sorry for the detail.
Ev1 in the friend group still makes fun of him for that till this very day.
Final score:
1point
#44
So I was at a friend's house for a sleepover with another friend. We were busy playing Minecraft and gorging ourselves on sugar when I had to fart and I just tried to hold it in, but then we started laughing and I couldn't hold it any longer. I let it out hoping nobody would notice, but it was so loud that everyone in the most of the house noticed. Of course that made us all laugh harder and a string of farts followed. We were all in tears we were laughing so hard. I was so embarrassed though because my friend's mom and grandmother were in the room, and her mom blamed it on the grandmother until she realized it was me. My friends still tease me about it to this day.
Final score:
1point
What do you think ?
Phoenix 4 years ago
ok, so lilac beauty, i was reading your bio and it says you are described as a phoenix. My username is Phoenix. WE MUST BE FRIENDS!
Sarcastic Panda 4 years ago
hi, this is amazing!! but does anyone know how to make an Ask Pandas? thanks and once again this is great!
Violeta Draseikaitė 4 years ago
Hello, A Random Panda is correct, make a post starting with "Hey Pandas." It will be turned into a post with submissions after reviewing. We are currently working on making this process much easier, so stay tuned!
Load More Replies...
Phoenix 4 years ago
ok, so lilac beauty, i was reading your bio and it says you are described as a phoenix. My username is Phoenix. WE MUST BE FRIENDS!
Sarcastic Panda 4 years ago
hi, this is amazing!! but does anyone know how to make an Ask Pandas? thanks and once again this is great!
Violeta Draseikaitė 4 years ago
Hello, A Random Panda is correct, make a post starting with "Hey Pandas." It will be turned into a post with submissions after reviewing. We are currently working on making this process much easier, so stay tuned!
Load More Replies...
Related on Bored Panda
