Hey Pandas, What Are Some Red Flags That People Ignore?

#1

If they gossip about other people, they're gonna gossip about you too.

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75points

Rokas J.

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

That's so true. I once read that people who gossip are trying to establish a bond without understanding that it's toxic and does more harm than "good".

21points

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#2

Not liking or abusing animals

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68points

Polar_bear_lover

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Miguel justino C 2 years ago

I will smack a person when I see animal abuse. Including a woman, tell me I’m wrong.

37points

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#3

If your partner is agressive with others or jealous way too easily.

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56points

Madison Phelps

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

That could become a dangerous problem. I hope you didn't experience any aggression Madison.

6points

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#4

When a friend makes mean jokes about you aka bullies you and passes it off as their sense of humor. I don´t mean playful teasing either- I mean when they basically try to make you feel awful about yourself for fun

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43points

(っ◔◡◔)っ blush

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

That's mean and I hope you haven't experienced this.

12points

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#5

Regarding work; ask the boss about employees during your interview - how long have they worked there for example. If people quit after a short time - it should tell you something.

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42points

Tigerpacingthecage

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Francis 2 years ago

can confirm. should have asked my empolyer this >.<

8points

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#6

they constantly tear you down, say sorry, then go right back to doing it. this is also a family issue , if someone does this, try to get help :(

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41points

MacKenzie Moore

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

Sorry is such a useless word sometimes, isn't it. I'm sending you a HUG.

20points

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#7

If your partner doesn't stop something you specifically told them to

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36points

RavenZero (they/them)

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Mohsie Supposie 2 years ago

... within reason!

15points

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#8

When they put the guilt for a problem they created on you and/or blame their bad actions / decisions on what you did to them to act that way.

Either they want you to feel guilty or push you in a defensive postition to cut off criticism aimed at them

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36points

J. F.

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Becklass 2 years ago

This should be much higher. My ex did exactly this with so many things. Tiny less significant stuff to the bigger things too. It’s horrible, confusing and manipulative.

12points

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#9

Racism

"There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." Nigel Powers.

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Final score:

33points

Nathaniel

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

Wait! I hate racism but I like the Dutch! They have good cheese ;)

16points

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#10

Going through your phone, it's a complete invasion of privacy

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32points

Elias Meyers

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Miguel justino C 2 years ago

I’m lucky, I don’t care if my wife goes through my phone. I’m golden

11points

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#11

People who talk smack about someone and then immediately go hang out with them. High chance that they're doing that to you as well.

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31points

tessy fazbear

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Indosidius 2 years ago

I agree. If they gossip about everyone then they gossip about you.

4points

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#12

When that glass of wine becomes two, then more than two, then you start finding empty bottles in the morning...and they say pass it off as "you had some too" when you know you didn't.

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27points

ThisIsMe

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

Oh dear. Alcoholism is horrible.

17points

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#13

People seem to equate that time passed = being forgiven for being a shitty person. For example people who keep demanding you to lend them money every now and then but don't pay it back.

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26points

Duten Pizdamtii

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J. F. 2 years ago (edited)

Unlucky for those people if they meet somebody with a very good memory

5points

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#14

"He only hit me once/she only hit me once/they only hit me once"

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26points

Legolas Greenleaf

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JD Cass 2 years ago

Related to "I didn't hit you that hard."

21points

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#15

People who are mean or rude to service staff. Weather it’s retail workers or Waiters or waitresses. How someone interacts with others really reveals their true character and how they may eventually treat you.

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26points

Becklass

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

100% agree!

12points

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#16

Red flag on medical personnel: If they don't examine you while paying attention to *your words only*. If they're on a phone or talking to your partner, bail. B/c they're not caring about you.

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25points

Leo Domitrix

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

That's so true Leo. The medical personnel not listening and typing away or checking your charts...

7points

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#17

Dating Red Flag: If the person speaks of their Ex and NEVER says a single nice thing about them.

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23points

Kurtz Frausun

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Buggycas 2 years ago

I don't usually bring up my ex, but he really WAS trash. A druggie and a thief and I'm pretty sure I only dated him to say I had a boyfriend. I suppose if I had to say something nice about him, it's dating him taught me that I was kiss adverse.

12points

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#18

Be wary of roommates, partners and friends who want to put bills and/or charges in your name and will 'give you the cash' or pay you back. Whether it's utilities or a phone, it's usually a sign they have bad credit if they can't get it themselves. It seems like common sense but it's the #1 thing that people go to court over and it's shocking how many people I know who buy their boyfriends phones or let them borrow some money with the intention of paying it back but never get anything in writing. Make sure you have something in writing. If they refuse to sign it or make a big deal out of it, it's a huge red flag. Same with major business that will only accept cash, like car dealerships. They may be trying to scam you. Make sure money doesn't leave your hand until a receipt is given and make sure that receipt is detailed with exactly what is paid for and how much is left to pay, or paid in full is written on it with the date. A generic piece of paper won't hold up in court. Make sure it's signed and/or has the business letterhead.

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Final score:

23points

Kate Jones

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LagoonaBlueColleen 2 years ago

Oh f**k. I've seen my exes friends do this to him to the point they screwed up this credit and he ended up getting collection calls. I'll never do this. EVER.

4points

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#19

If you have a fight and instead of trying to talk it out and resolve the problem, they throw insults and say mean things just to hurt you. Then when it's over they say "oh, baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean those things I said!" Nah, don't believe it, get out while you can.

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23points

J-Words

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

Once said = never unsaid. As my mother would say "it sticks like s**t on a blanket".

9points

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#20

If they arn't there when you need them, you don't need to be there when they need you.

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21points

Demon Girl

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

That might make sense but sometimes people avoid you... not because they don't care but because they don't know how to handle a situation. I have seen this first hand when my husband passed away. They don't know what to say or what to do to make you feel better and that frustrates them. Think about it...

23points

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#21

"You take yourself too seriously."/"You can't take a joke."

Especially when they've said or done something to hurt you and are deflecting responsibility.

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21points

Aura

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Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

I've been hearing this since I was a small child from adult men. If you have to tell a five-year-old that she takes herself too seriously and can't take a joke, you might be the one with the problem, bub. These are also usually the dudebros that would interrupt me when I was reading in public to lecture me about being a snob.

15points

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#22

They never try to start a conversation with/ask questions about you. They will eventually start ignoring you. (Another red flag for me is when they make fun of peoples(or fictional characters) neurodivergent traits)

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20points

𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

That's just rude and a sh!tty thing to do.

5points

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#23

That funny smell coming up from the basement...

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19points

David Furritus

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Jacob Nunez 2 years ago

I mean…ur not wrong

9points

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#24

Nothing is ever their fault, from getting fired to divorces.

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17points

Jean Dogmom

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

This is an enormous, glowing neon, scary red flag and you need to RUN…possibly for your life!

7points

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#25

We are from the government, and we are here to help!

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15points

Robert Kuntz

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Miguel justino C 2 years ago

Says the VA for disabled veterans sleeping on the sidewalk

14points

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#26

Edit. That one is personal.
When partner/friend/family member forces you to wear clothes you don't like/don't feel confortable in because THEY think it looks good on YOU.

If you don't like what you're wearing, then it DOES NOT suit you. YOU, and only YOU should decide if it looks good or not.

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15points

Error 404 (He/They)

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

Be yourself.

4points

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#27

Getting angry, or constantly yelling at you...

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14points

Nobody

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JustCallMeAcorn 2 years ago

I've noticed anxiety can cause some of this.

4points

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#28

Saying (whining), "I need this", when pushing you into sexual acts that you don't actually want to to.

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Final score:

13points

JD Cass

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Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

My ex actually yelled at me once "Why do you keep making me feel bad about what I want!" Well, sweetie, when what you want causes me pain and trauma and you force it, yeah, that's sexual assault. So sorry to "make you feel bad" about what would be considered attempted rape in a court of law.

13points

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#29

you ask them why they love you. they only say you're beautiful. got rid of him last month when i realised i was a trophy gf. girls and gays, look out.

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11points

moonlit muffins

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#30

As far as health care providers, little white lies. They may be small but they indicate a much bigger issue with ethics.

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Final score:

10points

Catherine Binder

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Miguel justino C 2 years ago

I consider Veterinarians health care workers and I’m sick of the up selling. I take my dog in for an eye infection, before we’re in the waiting room I’m told we will need blood work and observation. They want the bill at 400 before I’m in the little room. 50 dollar eye drops and 200 for a vet to say eye infection. Question treatments, they play off the fact you’ll do anything for your puppy.

16points

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#31

If they burn a lot of bridges. I once dated a girl who would permanently cut anyone out of her life at the slightest offense. There was no sense of forgiveness, patience, or giving people the benefit of the doubt. As soon as they said or did something she didn't like, she would chew them out, call them liars and a**holes, and tell them they were dead to her and they should never speak to her again. Of course, to hear her tell it, she was the innocent victim in every instance. She burned so many bridges that she eventually had to move to a different city to get away from all her "enemies"

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Final score:

10points

J-Words

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Scotira 2 years ago

This can very much be the result of trauma in childhood! Sometimes people with abandonment issues do this. The cut ties before they get hurt by others... sadly the result is a lonely life.

15points

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#32

When he always wants to know where you are and what you are doing. And the reason he gives is that he cares about you and wants you to be safe. No. That is controlling behavior. You don't have to text the minute you arrive or leave somewhere or answer texts within 20 minutes. In a good relationship you trust one another.

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Final score:

10points

Cathy

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

I get the where ... but it's not his business to know what you are doing. I can just see me texting "we just poured a glass of wine". 2 minutes later "I'm helping in the kitchen" "at the table with friend eating" "have to pee". Jees.

3points

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#33

When EVERYTHING about their ex(s) is awful. All the while claiming zero responsibility.
They are ALWAYS the victim and/or hero.
Laughing off their words and actions from a fight.
Constant bragging about their brawn and brains.
Expecting "favors" from gifts.
Pretends to like people.
Your job, time, family and ANYTHING else you value is insignificant to them.
Dishonesty, white lies about anything/anybody.
They are are the good child of the family
Superficial~Needs to buy the best even when can't afford

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Final score:

9points

Jean Manske

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Ellen Ranks 2 years ago

Narciccist.

4points

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#34

if they make there problems your problems by saying things like

"i thought you cared"

and also if they threatean to hurt you or themselves if you dont continue going out with them

mainly though: if they are really controlling

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Final score:

9points

liam mckirdy

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

And manipulating and emotional blackmail.

2points

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#35

Your are dating someone who is married or supposedly committed to another person. If they will cheat on their wife/husband/partner, they will cheat on you. You are not special.

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8points

Robin Roper

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

This is very true.

2points

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#36

Teasing. There is no such a thing as "good-natured ribbing" or "just making a joke" or "having fun". Teasing is - SIMPLY - insulting and degrading another WITHOUt taking responsibility for his or her actions. (Special burning-hot red-flag for parents who tease their children.)

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Final score:

7points

Richard Graham

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Vorknkx 2 years ago (edited)

I don't know. My childhood best friend and I used to tease each other all the time, but this didn't diminish our friendship at all. He was like a brother to me.

2points

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#37

Big ego

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7points

BoredBee

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Richard Graham 2 years ago

The Medical term for "big ego" is Trumpitis.

4points

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#38

When someone complains that everybody is against them... usually they're the problem.

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7points

Nope

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Hagen Radcliffe 2 years ago

Paranoia. Maga’s. Conspiracy. 34 ish percent of voters. Like a pebble in the shoe or a splinter in the hand. Just GO AWAY!

2points

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#39

When people say’.it was a long time ago’ relating to a bad experience you had in the past. SORRY, if I still remember it as awful albeit ages ago it doesn’t mean we can forgive stuff from so long ago. Love from bitter and twisted.

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7points

Eleanor Watcin-Thomas

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

Time can heal but it doesn't mean you forget. And just because it was a long time ago doesn't mean it's "ok" now.

3points

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#40

When they try to take your mental health down with theirs. One of my ex-friends tried to do this to me and my friends. Our entire relationship was like a list of things that makes someone a toxic friend.

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6points

Emo Saiki

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Danniee Gyrl 2 years ago

I could write a book about this. Just because I tell (said) you, "If you need me, I am here." Does not mean to drop all of your emotional baggage on me, and do not listen to sound advice. Especially without asking me if I am available or how I am doing or never checking in on me. Just always taking and using and dumping (said) your life problems on me...

0points

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#41

if they pretend to be intrested but actually dont like you and pretend to date you for a while just so they can go

"did you really think i liked you"

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6points

liam mckirdy

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

That's terribly cruel and I sincerely hope this didn't happen to you.

4points

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#42

Normalizing getting only the best of grades, no matter what is going on in your personal lives.

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6points

And my name's Jennifer

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Agent 8433599 (Submission author) 2 years ago

In my family, you are supposed to get only A's and B's

2points

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#43

A bad feeling about them. always listen to your body.

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6points

-logansucrose-

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#44

When a potential partner is used to having their mum do everything for them.

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5points

Sue Denham

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Hagen Radcliffe 2 years ago

Oh good lord, are there still people like this? Are there still mums who are coddling the children into useless slugs?

5points

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#45

lying to your face when you clearly saw them do it

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5points

Scp_duck

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#46

If your new boyfriend wants to spend every waking moment with you and is upset when you spend time with friends w/o him. It's not romantic, it's controlling. Run.

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Final score:

5points

Jilly

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Danniee Gyrl 2 years ago

I pray that so many Teens/Young Women see this and have someone tell them this. It would save so many of our Young Women/Teens.

2points

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#47

"No one will ever love you like I do".

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5points

Nimues Child

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#48

1. Anger over superficial things.
ie. Playing sports for fun, and they keep missing things or "messing up" so they let out a yell, or start berating themselves. It's one thing to check yourself and try to do better, it's another to throw a tantrum and make a spectacle because the strike you tried went out of bounds. If this is how they get mad at themselves over small things, how much worse do you think they will act for the important ones? Do you really think they will be kinder to you than they are to themselves?

2. Making comments about stranger's appearance, and laughing at them because of their weight, or body hair, etc. Why would you want to be with someone who thinks it is not only alright to be so judgmental and hateful, but enjoys it too?

3. Has little patience and empathy. I keep this in mind especially for those who want/plan to have children. I have seen too many parents snap at toddlers, spank babies, say things like, "I told you no!" followed by"do you understand?" The eff? No they DON'T understand. You just hurt them physically, emotionally, and mentally, and they are 2. They don't even know enough words to put a sentence together and you expect them to always remember things you have previously told them? Or to understand every explanation you give them? I could go on and on. It just pisses me off.

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Final score:

5points

Pan-Panda

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#49

dating someone just for something they have and not for the person themselves

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4points

liam mckirdy

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#50

People don't realize how toxic narcissistic people can be, and I full-well think people ignore the red flags when they come across one. Narcissistic tendencies of flamboyancy in front of friends. This can be especially when the narcissist is with their partner or kids. They do not want anyone else in their group to get more attention than them. They'll be hyper-expressive, over enunciate their words, speak louder than anyone else in the room, move around a lot, fuss with every little detail, interrupt, direct the conversation to themselves constantly, and not allow anyone else chime in for long periods.
If their kids/spouse, or anyone they use as a scapegoat, tries to join in the socializing the narcissist will snap their name and scold them for trying to have a normal 2 way conversation, leaving guests bewildered and confused, and afraid to speak anymore to that person.
People ignore this red flag and think the narcissist is just trying too hard to be a good host and sociable. At the same time not feeling too good about the visit.

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Final score:

4points

LagoonaBlueColleen

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#51

When your partner abuses you and forces you to sexual content. They will say sorry, but they won’t stop doing it. If this happens,
breakup or get divorce papers.

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4points

Infinity8

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Jean Manske 2 years ago

Never got a sorry it was expected ANY day of the month....

0points

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#52

Being rude to waiters/waitresses. If they are rude to them they will be rude to you.

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4points

Bisexual_idiot

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#53

your partner saying, "If you love me, you will do..." so on so forth.

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3points

StevenTheNeat

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NicNor5560 2 years ago

Been there, done that. Did not succumb.

1point

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#54

A giant red flag in any relationship, whether it’s with a family member, partner, friend, etc., is that person doing really hurtful things, like saying your a mistake, and then like 5 minutes later after their done talking their like “I love you, you know that?” I’ve experienced that so many times in my life, and I’m honestly really done with it.

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3points

Annalynne Carter

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#55

Went on a job interview once. As I was talking to them, they suddenly hustled me into a conference room as a woman walked past. They told me I was interviewing for her job, but she wasn’t aware of that.
Needless to say, I intentionally blew that interview.
That was a huge red flag billowing in the wind.

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3points

Wayne Brinkley

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#56

I have two daughters. I have impressed upon them that any potential boy who expresses interest in them must pass the "tion-test". It is a four pronged test. The boy should have an education, occupation, transportation and motivation to be something better than what they are today. A failure in any one prong is an automatic failure of the test and he isn't worth thier time!

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2points

Mike Dragneff

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Scotira 2 years ago

I don't agree. At least not all four. Education ✅️ Occupation (one can be inbetween jobs, but still...) ✅️ , Transportation (there are people using public transportation their entire life, depending where you live, so...)❌️ , and if you very much love what you do, are happy with it and good at it, you DON'T have to aspire to be better than you are now! So ❌️ to the last "prong"

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#57

Sudden mood swings, gaslighting and dog whistle behavior that are designed to keep you off base and on the back foot. Soon, everything will be "your fault" and they'll need to control you "for your own good".

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2points

Nimues Child

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#58

If your family and friends don't like the guy. A green flag is when you start a new relationship and your family and friends keep remarking on how much happier you are.

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2points

Meg Jones

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#59

If you have a good relationship with your parents and all your other friends get along with them, but your prospective partner is really uncomfortable with the idea of being around them and avoids meeting them or talking to them.

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Final score:

2points

yellowphantom

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#60

If they complaining about earlier consultants/staff/contractors. Ask exactly why they were not happy with whoever they are complaining about. If the answer sounds like b******t, just walk away.

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Final score:

2points

Erik Ivan

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#61

Gaslighting.. I had an ex-friend do this several times to me

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Final score:

2points

MZ (she/they/he)

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#62

Commenting on someone’s body
Unless the person is your doctor(or maybe a parent if you’re a minor and dangerous under/over weight,anyone who says anything rude or creepy is usually not the best person.

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2points

Raccoon

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Gail Nicholson 2 years ago

If the way they say it is rude or creepy then it's WORSE if they're a parent or doctor!

0points

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#63

There was this young woman in our circle of friends. She was friendly and we shared many interests. I even found her to my liking for a week or two, but lost any romantic interest as it became evident she didn't share it.

Months later, she secretly fell in love with some guy. In this case, "secretly" meant everyone knew but the guy himself. Every time we met, spoke, texted, she would go on and on about how that guy was the most marvelous, talented, sexy, intelligent, etc.

After five months, she finally found enough courage to tell him how she feels. He just gave her the old "Sorry, I just don't feel like going into a relationship right now. Let's stay friends, and see where this goes."

From that point on, she was ranting about him twice as much. But this time, she was just tearing him apart, as he now was the worst pile of pre-manure-matter ever.

So, yeah, red flag: The way people react to rejection says a lot about their personnality. I sure dodged a bullet there.

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2points

Stéphane Lussier Johnson

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#64

Stop signs. Are signs considered flags?

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1point

Berdarien Brown

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Elizabeth Sundby 2 years ago

this is supposed to be a joke right?

5points

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#65

There's a song called "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour that basically tells you how people get suckered. I can't believe a metal song from the 80s has more wisdom than so many people today. Google the lyrics and tell me I'm wrong.

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1point

Susan Stead

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#66

The flag of China

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1point

Dl B

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Bisexual_idiot 2 years ago

i think u mean an actual red flag lol

0points

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#67

"Can-you-please-take-my-shift-or-doing-my-work-you-are-so-good!" Without being paid extra for it.

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1point

Fenel F.

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#68

When your friends don't like them. I'm not saying it's a red flag for the individual people per se, but it's a red flag for the Relationship. Think about it, when has anybody ever married someone their friends hated?

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1point

Demon Child

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#69

Someone who doesn't respect your time or belongings, they don't respect you either.

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1point

Cyndielouwhoo

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#70

Knowing he was actually involuntarily committed for "Medicine adjustment"

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0points

Nicole Herron

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#71

Jaywalking.

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0points

Mikki

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Bob Stuart 2 years ago

If possible, I always cross without making anyone wait. It is safer, too.

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#72

They run off 2hen they start to loose in an argument

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0points

Cat the rat queen

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Minami Wahle 2 years ago

Cowards(?)

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#73

When you first meet a woman if one of the first questions she asks is "So, what do you do for a living" or some variation on that.

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Sean Sean

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Gail Nicholson 2 years ago

LOL I get where you're coming from, she's only interested in your money, but it's a perfectly reasonable question for anyone to ask when they're just getting to know someone! It's the reaction to your response that matters much more than the question itself.

3points

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#74

When someone tells you that you are a negative person and makes you feel like you dont have the right to change or be positive.

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Kem M

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#75

Some of the things they say are the reddest flag you can get:

"I always tell it like it is."
"I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare."
"I can't stand people who can't take criticism."
"I am sarcastic. It's just my nature."
"I'm just telling the truth / I'm just being honest."

Yet, people mostly ignore these flags. Instead, they think their honesty is "refreshing." Until they realize they just became one more target for that person's non-stop "honest and constructive criticism."

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Stéphane Lussier Johnson

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#76

Eating pizza crust to tip.

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Echo_of_the_River

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#77

If he is disrespectful to his parents, chances are he will be disrespectful to you.

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Mrs.King0315

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#78

When problems seem to follow you everywhere… actually, you’re the problem.

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KatFinZim

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Stéphane Lussier Johnson 2 years ago

Nice! The next time I hear a black family say they have to face racism everywhere they go, I'll send them your quote. Maybe they'll learn something, eh!?

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#79

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#79

The signs that tell people to wear a f****** mask

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🥔SaltyPotato🥔

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🥔SaltyPotato🥔 (Submission author) 2 years ago

I take this back. This was meant as a joke. I have a strange sense of humor. I'm sorry for the ones who got offended. I apologize!

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#80

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#80

Met a guy, he was in a relationship for 9 years, had two beautiful girls with his ex. He said they broke up bc she cheated. I’m a woman. If there are kids involved, women will do everything to keep the family together. He also said it was bc of his mental health issues. Made me wonder the real reason for the breakup. Suffice to say I didn’t pursue any type of relationship with him. If you’re willing to not see your kids for extended periods of time, then you’re a POS parent.

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Fickle_Pickle

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LagoonaBlueColleen 2 years ago

No. Just because you're a woman with kids doesn't default you in having maternal instincts. There are "mothers' who will abandon their children, take off and cheat. I can't even comment about his mental health issues. What does that mean? Does he have a disorder? A disability? Trauma from something, perhaps from his previous relationship? There's a lot of speculation here.

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#81

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#81

my best friend's mother was murdered because of this. i think the red flag people don't think of most is that they've had multiple relationships before.

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Elizabeth Sundby

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

Are you saying that we’re supposed to simply accept the first person who decides they want us? Because that’s just wrong…

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#82

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#82

The sticker on my car that reads "If you can read this sticker then you're too damn close!" Ignore this and I may just do the speed limit the entire time you're stuck behind me.

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-21points