Hey Pandas, What Are Some Hilarious Things You Have Heard People Say In Their Sleep?

#1

I playfully tickled my sleeping husband on the cheek and he screamed MOUSE! and punched me

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60points

Stephanie Did It

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tragicaltales 2 years ago

Oh no 💀

14points

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#2

My husband once randomly said, while deep in sleep “ bam bam bam, turn the keeeeeeeey! Oh nooooooo it’s inside they cat, ohhh maaan, all the wings are on fire” then made a very dissatisfied sigh and that was it… I sleep with one eye open

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37points

Apachebathmat

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago (edited)

I imagine it's a plane shaped like a cat and it was in a dogfight. EDIT: and let's just say the cat lost

8points

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#3

My dad when I was very young: "Gotta plow the fields and water the crops." (I knew he was dreaming, but it still kind of freaked me out)
Me, as overheard by my husband: "And just a little bit of lettuce" (placing a Subway order in my sleep)
My husband, sleepwalking: "I'm not sleeping, I'm surfing!" (immediately followed by a surfing pose)

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34points

Cheyanne Pavan

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Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano 2 years ago

The last one is amazing.

24points

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#4

When my oldest daughter was little, she use to sleep walk quite a bit. One night I got up and I found her in heavy conversation with the bathroom wall... "We can't steal the PIE DAVE, it's not made yet!"

... we did not know anyone named Dave at that time O.o

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34points

A Parker

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

Maybe she's coming into her precognitive powers...

8points

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#5

My brother ran as fast as he could down the stairs and stood at the bottom, and screamed bloody murder while still asleep. Apparently he was dreaming about clowns.

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33points

Arizona

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Kate Malcom 2 years ago

My brother got out of bed, went to the lounge room, to the shoe basket (with my parents and my mum's parents watching) and peed in it, all while asleep, and returned back to his bed, still asleep.

11points

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#6

When my son was a toddler, he dreamt about bugs sometimes. One night he had leapt out of his bed and was crying and screaming, “There’s a mosquito!” And I tried to tell him there was nothing there, until I realized he was still asleep. So I played along; “Where is the mosquito, buddy?” He pointed to it, I “squashed” it, asked if there were any more, and he promptly got back in bed, still asleep, and remembered none of it the next day.

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30points

Tricia Burcell

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HorseMuse 2 years ago

Film him from now on…

5points

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#7

My ex woke me up one night shaking me and screamed at me to get out of bed and run cos there are pieces of pig in the fridge!

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28points

Paul Harris

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Stephanie Goadsby 2 years ago

One sentence, and at least five valid reasons why they are an ex.

21points

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#8

My dad started screaming in Hindi about too many bunnies.

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26points

ORANGEpanda

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Who Panda 420 2 years ago

I have a reoccurring dream that I have a fish tank where the fish just keep breeding out of control and the next time I look there are tons of them and I have no idea what to do with them. Sometimes they've mutated into scary looking fish by breeding together weird but I keep having it.

8points

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#9

my son (getting progressively louder) "red, red, red, red RED, RED, RED...oh! I like ketchup "

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24points

Katherine Frances

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Samuel Joseph Stoecker 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

1point

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#10

"The 1996 Honda Civic hatchback in red... The 96 Civic in red..." My husband, sleep-talking.

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23points

Leo Domitrix

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Deutschland Mädchen 2 years ago

I guess we now know his taste in cars

15points

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#11

I tapped my mother because the alarm was ringing and she told me to stop licking her face.

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23points

Brooklynn Jackson

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*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago

😆

1point

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#12

My brother said "eh...put some ice on it".

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23points

Sleestak

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tragicaltales 2 years ago

Is he a school nurse?

16points

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#13

Apparently once in my sleep, my parents heard me telling myself a story. They still didn’t tell me what the story was about but apparently I was saying it so animatedly that they thought I was awake

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22points

AsexualShrimp

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#14

When I was around four, I dreamed that my mom asked me if I "wanted the sun or the moon." I responded out loud, "I'll take the moon." It seemed like a good decision.

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22points

Veronica Rabbit

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Nameless 4 2 years ago

Gru? Is that you?

16points

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#15

My dad said oh no don't eat the pickle

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21points

Animal lover xoxo

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Jackie Lulu 2 years ago

Heard my sister sing "the man blew his nose".

12points

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#16

I can’t wait to share!!!

A couple of months ago I started making sausages at home - I can’t eat pork sausage, and chicken is hard to come by. It was shortly after I made my first batch.

My partner woke up in the middle of the night and started shuffling items around on the shelf and dresser… this is what I texted my best friend the next day:

Me: what are you doing?!
Him: the sausages are out of order!
Me: What sausages?
Him: Not the ones we made, the PERSONAL sausages!
Me: I have no idea what you are talking about
Him: the PERSONAL sausages!! They're out of order!

He then walks to the bathroom and does his business. When he walks back in I ask “what was that about?”

Him: I have no idea what you're talking about
Me: you were sleep walking and talking about personal sausages

We laugh hysterically

But there’s MORE!

Him: what?! Personal sausages?! Kielbasa was invented by the guy in Poland
Me: yes, kielbasa is from Poland. But what does that matter?
Him: it was in the documentary I watched
Me: what documentary?!
Him: I don't know. I watch a lot of documentaries.

AND at some point after I said I was trying to sleep he did say "everyone sleeps better with a little sausage in them. That's from Beerfest.”

And he has ZERO recollection of ANY of the discussion from that night!!!

And THAT is the funniest thing I have ever heard someone say in their sleep!

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21points

Dippin Dot

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Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago

You're out of order, I'm out of order, the PERSONAL sausages are out of order

4points

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#17

I walked into the bedroom one night to my sleeping wife saying, “Me? No, but the dragon onions ate the frog. And I hardly wore any makeup so... “

I really wish I knew what obvious conclusion I was supposed to draw from that set of facts. However, I immediately crept out of the bedroom and wrote it all down. I pull this gem out everyone once in awhile when someone brings up the topic of people talking in their sleep.

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20points

Dan Fruchey

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Cheyanne Pavan 2 years ago

I love how you wrote it down so you'd remember every word! 😂

13points

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#18

I had a pen pal who lived in CA and I lived in CT. We had been writing back and forth for about 8 years when she came to visit for a long weekend. My mom said she came into my room to tell us it was time for bed because it was late, but we were both asleep... having a conversation with each other. I don't remember what it was about, but she said it was perfectly lucid.

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19points

Kristy P

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

My sister and I had a very serious discussion about the hypothetical existence of unicorns while we were sleeping in a hotel room. No recollection the next day. Our parents had to tell us

12points

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#19

My husband was snoring, so I poked him and said “Roll over, you’re snoring”, which usually worked. Except once when he replied “I’m not snoring, Shadow (the dog) is!”. He had no recollection of it the next day.

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17points

FlatRapids Pixie

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Jim Dixon 2 years ago

Typically that's NOT what we blame on the dog.

2points

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#20

Okay so my English speaking husband speaks fluent Spanish …..but only in his sleep!

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16points

Anastasia Beaverhausen

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*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago

That is actually cool. Have you ever translated it?

3points

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#21

My sister said "NOT THE SPIDERS" in the middle of the night

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15points

Mouseroach

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Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

I agree with her!

10points

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#22

Apparently i suddenly sat bolt upright in the middle of the night and mumbled something about slugs and scared my friend 😂 i had memory of it in the morning

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15points

Goth Mouse (he/they)

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Goth mouse (they/them) (Submission author) 2 years ago

*no memory of it 😅 my mum says i talk in my sleep a lot, i might get one of those sleep recorder apps to see what im saying

15points

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#23

Many years ago my now ex was asleep next to me and suddenly yelled out gopher rump's make good speed bumps!

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15points

Deni Mathews

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Elizabeth VanDyke 2 years ago

This one is too funny. If anyone was peeking in my window, they would call the men in white jackets to come and get me. An old lady, sitting in front of her computer, laughing like a maniac.

2points

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#24

my dad: "oh hello there little one.... DEMON HOBBIT" *takes hat off and throws it, then reaches for it and whines bc he can't reach it*
my best friend: "yk, [other friends name] is a b***h" me, awake: "oh yeah?" friend: "she's a b***h, I mean think abt it, she makes fun of my dad, people who are different from her, and me and I just listen, idek why" me: "why are you guys friends?" friend: "because *mumbles*........ BEHIND YOU CAPTAIN, RUNNNNNNNN"

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13points

rawr.

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Shari McLeod 2 years ago

I have 2. Both of my last husbands are gone. My third woke up one night to go pee. I woke up smelling something weird. I looked over (bathroom next to bedroom). He was peeing on the wall heater! I yelled at him " what are you doing "? He just turned around and looked at me and said "I'm putting out the fire"! My last husband, a retired electrician, started yelling one night, " it won't work"! I asked him what wouldn't work. He promptly answered " the windshield wipers on a duck's a*s"!

14points

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#25

My family and my sisters best friends family went to the beach one time. Me and her best friend slept in the same room, along with my sister. One day we were getting up to go downstairs and get some breakfast. When we suddenly saw her twitch. I was thinking that we had woken her up, and then she woke up and screamed GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE at the top of her voice.

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13points

Nightbright

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Nameless 4 2 years ago

Maverick, is that you?

5points

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#26

I sleep talk and my flat mate was going to work at 4am and heard and recorded mew sleep talking best line was. "What paddock are we moving the cucumbers and bananas into" made me laugh

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11points

Cammy

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Danniee Gyrl 2 years ago

I need the full conversation...LMAO...🤣🤣🤣🤣

6points

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#27

My mom is 85 years old. She has been talking in her sleep a lot since she came to live with me. The other night I race out of bed because my mother yells "get away from me you F**kface!! I didn't touch your butt!!! I wouldn't touch any part of you!! I tried not to laugh and then was slightly jealous that my 85 year old mother's dream life was far more interesting than my real one.

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11points

Sarah

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#28

Relayed by my wife about me: for context, I was a physics teacher at the time and the current topic was rotational mechanics. Some may recall the equations for linear mechanics and rotational mechanics are very similar, substituting rotational inertia for mass, torque for force, and angular velocity/acceleration for linear velocity/acceleration (example relationship is v=omega*r). While I was sleeping my wife asked me a question I can't remember, and I asked her "have you tried dividing by r?". Must have been dreaming about work or something.

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Final score:

9points

JMil

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Robert Trebor 2 years ago

"Some may recall... ? "Some may recall... ? I've made it to 73 without ever calling, let alone recalling, this.

4points

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#29

Sooo, apparently i said wheres beth, to my mom. (beth is my friend) and she said idk england and i said oh ok and fell asleep.

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9points

Olivia Cucinella

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#30

My Dad regularly talks in his sleep. Here are some of my favourite ones-

"SUPER WASP!"
"Get on that stage and fight the revolution. Shout fight, fight, fight!"
"I've done it. She's dead. There's a needle in my hand. Mrs. Hodge."
"There's someone in the wardrobe, my mother says so."
"ONE LUMP OF PORK (sung!)"

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9points

NapQueen

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PVR 2 years ago

This is hilarious! Can't stop laughing.

2points

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#31

I was said to loudly exclaim "The-The Among us is chasing me! Its hunting me down! Argh!!" This was back in the peak of among us, when it was really popular.

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7points

Da Heng

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DreamSMPistheBest2# 2 years ago

Everybody's sus.

3points

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#32

I apparently was sleepwalking and asked where the knives where.

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7points

Weirdest Bi You’ll Ever Meet

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PolyPenguin2224 2 years ago

This is a tad more than mildly concerning, I hope you are okay?

9points

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#33

I remember bolting up right in bed yelling but I don't want 100 pairs of black socks then went back to sleep

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7points

Cammy

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

The fact that you remember that is incredible

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#34

Ever since she was a little girl, my younger sister has been a "sleep swearer." She would wake up in night come down the stairs and just swear bloody murder at my dad or me. The funny thing is that she's also very suggestable when in this state, so we would just calmly tell her that she's sleepwalking and that she should go back to bed. Without fail, she'd stop her swearing, look confused, and then head back to bed without saying a word. My dad and I would have a chuckle and then go back to whatever it is that we were doing.

So fast forward about a decade and my sister now lives with her boyfriend (now husband) but her sleep swearing hasn't gone away. One sunny afternoon, my sister was out and it was just the boys hanging out when my BIL decided to tell us about this episode where she woke up in the night, tore a strip off of him and then spun around and went straight to bed. Of course, my dad and I laughed knowingly and told him the secret. Tell her she's sleepwalking and she'll go back to bed!

It did not work.

The way we figure it, my sister must have some kind of a subconscious 'pecking order' tucked away inside her brain because when my BIL tried to tell her to go to bed she paused (normal), looked confused (normal) and the continued to scream bloody murder at him even louder and 'swearier' than before.

Ha Ha. In her little brain, if it's her dad or her big brother, she'll listen and go to bed. If it's her hubby... no chance! And the funniest part is that it's kind of true. She kind of calls the shots over there (and now they both know it)!

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7points

Bell-icose

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#35

I once grabbed my brother's leg and he screamed that the alien was eating his leg

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7points

nog-93

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Chan Heng Li (Zhonghuass) 2 years ago

Wait... I do now. You almost woke me up!

1point

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#36

Exposing myself here … I got married in April this year and during our first night of married life I started giggling in my sleep, thanking everyone for coming, and cheerfully declaring it was the best day ever. My husband who was initially a little freaked out by the giggling I think recorded the audio on his phone and often replays it and has a good chuckle! I must have been replaying the day during my sleep and it’s an unusual but lovely marker of how good the day was!

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7points

Francesca Rachel

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Samuel Joseph Stoecker 2 years ago

Well I’m glad you had a good day

3points

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#37

Me, down at the bottom of the bed peering out of the door telling my husband to be quiet as the killer tomatoes are coming up the stairs!

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7points

Somewhere warm

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Stephanie Did It 2 years ago

Did you watch The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes? It's so bad it's hilarious.

2points

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#38

so one time my little brother was just sleeping normally right? and then he takes a deep snore and then says"you will make a fine specimen, a fine specimen indeed."and then not knowing he was sleep i asked "what. are you talking about?" and he answered with " mr . clicky, [name of favorite stuffed animal] he will be my greatest experiment yet!" and then goes like "MWAHHAHAHGGHGsnore"

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7points

Waffles

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

That sounds very concerning...

1point

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#39

Me, coming out of anesthesia; "Don't hurt the Uri!"

Uri was my doctor's Ukrainian PA. English wasn't his first language. First time performing a brief physical on me, instead of saying "Squeeze my fingers as hard as you can." He said, "Pull my fingers... " I did, he flew over my head, almost putting his head through the wall. My Doctor walks in and said, "Don't hurt the Uri, I need him!"

Needless to say, waking up saying that cracked up the entire surgical staff and my doctor still laugh's about it 7 year's later!

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6points

Shelly Graham

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Cheyanne Pavan 2 years ago

How hard could you have possibly pulled his fingers?! You must have superhero strength!

4points

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#40

Not me but my mom.
My dad apparently told her to get “the thing in the fridge”. When she asked for clarification, he just said “THE THING” and started snoring. He has a bit of a history of saying random things while he’s asleep

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6points

Grudge-holding Treefrog

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Grudge-holding Treefrog (Submission author) 2 years ago

Another time he randomly screamed “TOAST” at the top of his lungs 😂

5points

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#41

Apparently one time I jumped across the room, landed in my bed and went to sleep. I was told about it the morning after and have zero memory of doing it.

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6points

Connie Kendall

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#42

My sister once said “I’m just a cat!”

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6points

Abigail

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

Everybody wants to be a cat...

5points

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#43

Many many years ago (I was maybe 11 or 12), I had a nightmare about being in a haunted house where I was falling down and endless flight of stairs. While this was happening, my mom came in my room to find my eyes were wide open and I was essentially staring into her soul. As I'm staring at her, I'm demanding that she give me a hug. She comes over and hugs me and tells me to shut off my alarm since the next day is a snow day. I look at her, confused, and ask where my alarm clock is. She picks it up and hands it to me, to which I press a few random buttons that certainly did not shut the alarm off. After I was satisfied with my work, I promptly put it face down on top of my sheets in the end of my bed. She left the room very confused.

I woke up to my alarm the next morning to find my alarm clock on the end of my bed. I remember being really confused with no recollection of what happened the night before until my mom told me how it all played out.

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6points

LoyalHufflepuff07

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#44

My little brother: “now I have my TIK TOK”

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6points

Duckbadger

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#45

My Mom was still sleeping when I got a fresh towel from the closet in her bedroom. I tried to be as quiet as possible but she woke up and asked what I'm looking for. I told her that I needed a towel and she seemed to be relieved and sighed: "And I thought you were searching a Boring Fingernail!"

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6points

AVGucky

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Gloria Bethallen 2 years ago

What the.....

4points

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#46

My ex-boyfriend was sleeping and I tried waking him up telling him I had to go to an appointment and he says "Don't worry we'll take the magic surfboard." He's a comic nut so I think he was dreaming of silver surfer or something lol.

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6points

Who Panda 420

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

🎶 Ride on the magic surfboard... 🎶

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#47

Once my friend said 'But nanny, I have the longest hair in the village. I should be princess'

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6points

Luluu_j

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#48

While sleeping in my recliner my cat jumped on the foot and I said "hehe, Garfield".

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5points

The Mom

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

Did you give him his lasagna?

4points

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#49

I went out into the living room one night and sat down on the couch, my mom and dad were sitting on the couch and I started air typing and when my parents asked me what I was doing, this was the response:
“I need to find (Ex’s) keys!!”.
I then went to the bathroom, still fully asleep and then went back to my room.
I find this astonishing because I have a loft bed with no latter so I need to climb up and down my bed to get up and down. I also didn’t learn about this till a week later.

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5points

Throwaway

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Cheyanne Pavan 2 years ago

I love the sleep-typing! Also, *ladder. ☺

4points

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#50

My sister’s story and not one where she spoke:
She was having this dream about an amazing cupcake. Apparently the cupcake tasted life changing (or it was at least supposed to). When she explained it she went on for about 5 min to tell us how perfect it looked and how great it was gonna taste. So she picked it up and bit down. But she said it tasted so bad she woke up. Turns out she woke up to find herself biting her comforter.

She physically bit something she was technically dreaming about!!! We all laughed for like 10 min

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5points

St34mpunk_Pirate

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Alicia GriffonLady 2 years ago

Was her pillow still there?

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#51

It's gonna make me fart

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5points

Aubrey Mortensen

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

I nearly died laughing reading this one I can't rn 🤣🤣

2points

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#52

"F@#%ing foxes" me according to my husband.

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5points

Kristin Gullard

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Gideon Issac Gamble 5 months ago

What do they say?

0points

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#53

My 6yr old (now 12) while out sleepwalking asked: "what about the dinosaurs? why can't they come with? whhhhhy??" followed by crying and then a giggle, then a snore.

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5points

Aubrey Mortensen

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#54

My Dad: Put out the fire, Put out the firee, SAVE YOUR SISTER 🤭

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5points

@coffeeberry

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#55

Sleeper: How come?
Partner, awake: How come what?
Sleeper: How come the apple juice has to be in the petri dish?

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5points

Random Okapi

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#56

My brother's a sleep talker, one night, mum was checking in on him and he sat up. Startled mum asked "what was wrong?" (I think he was frowning).
He mumbled "Can't find it"
Mum asked, "Can't find what?"
He said, I kid you not, "the Motchem," (pronounced the way it's spelled). Mum had no clue what a motchem is so she asked him.
"What's a motchem" My brother got really annoyed by that response and said/whined in a fissy tone,
"muuummm!" And lay back in bed, and continued to sleep.
In the morning mum asked him about it, more specifically, what he was dreaming about. My brother told mum he didn't dream. After mum told him (and the rest of the family) about the night and their interesting conversation, it turns out he had no recollection of any mothchem, nor did he know what it was. It became a family inside joke. Whenever he's (my brother) annoyed we always ask,
"What's wrong (brothers name)? Can't find the mothchem?"

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5points

KatieMal

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#57

Also, my dad randomly punched my mum in the middle of the night, while he was asleep (he is not an aggressive or violent person, so calm your horses). The next morning, when mum asked him about it his reply was that he was dreaming that he was wrestling Aaron Sandilands, and was winning, and punched him in the shoulder. Apparently the punch meant for Aaron, was served to my mum.

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5points

KatieMal

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#58

Not words. But when my son was an infant (a couple months old, as soon as he learned to laugh in waking life) and little kid he'd laugh in his sleep. It would start as a little giggle, and if I lay close and laughed too, he'd laugh harder and keep laughing until he got hiccups which woke him up...then I'd feel bad, lol.
I learned not to do it for too long, but worked until he was six or so and stopped sleeping so heavily.

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4points

Ray Arani

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Ray Arani (Submission author) 2 years ago

Now he still sleeps heavily, but will half wake up, open his eyes, have full conversations with me, then go back to sleep. Later when he's up he has no memory of it whatsoever. My dad does this too. He also can sleep with his eyes open, but he's a really loud snorer so it's not like you don't know he's asleep!

3points

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#59

Brother: are you awake?
Me: yes.
Brother: are you sure?
Me: yes.

I was sleeping.

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4points

tragicaltales

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Gloria Bethallen 2 years ago

And they say you cant say yes to that question

1point

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#60

Not me but when i was younger, my mom heard me say in an extremely loud voice "WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?". Everyone in the house was silent.

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4points

Construction site Pigeon

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Luke T 2 years ago

What do you mean not you??? Who said it then???

2points

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#61

I once said "I wanna shave my whole body"

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3points

Just a panda

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loyalhufflepuff07 2 years ago

- What did you do? - I sHaVeD mY EyEbRoWs. - Why did you do that? - I dOn'T kNoW

1point

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#62

My oldest little sis was fighting with her friends in her sleep, and another time complained about breakfast and yelled gibberish. My littler sis sleep talks to, but it's always mumbles. Always notable though, because she sleepwalks... like a lot

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3points

EpicWolfandSparrow

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#63

Me at 4:00 a.m. before going to work at a summer camp. " Now girls, I am really tired please go to sleep so that I can get fully rested." I remembered this when I woke up in the morning, at the time I knew exactly where I was but was still perfectly okay with the fact that there were children in my room?!?

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3points

Rob DeVries

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#64

My mom told me a story from when she worked at a summer camp years ago. She and another counselor were sleeping in a basement for a night because there was a big storm, and the concrete walls were wet from rain and/or condensation. Mom suggested moving the beds away from the walls so they wouldn't get wet, and the two of them did so. In the morning, mom had no idea she'd said that, let alone moved them.

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Bethany Heller

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#65

My friend once sat straight up, shouted, "Hey, do we have the red gummy vitamins?! No, not for the cat, for me!!" Then lay back down. I didn't sleep that night 💀

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3points

colorfultragedy

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#66

Put the meat in the F*cking locker --you moron.

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3points

Sparks

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#67

My husband woke me up by shaking me in the middle of the night, he said “See I told you you’d like that movie” rolled over and went back to sleep. I was left wide awake - we don’t have a tv in the bedroom.
‘

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Julie Klein

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#68

I was told that once, in my sleep, I yelled "F**k you, doctor!" And then kicked my wife's legs, hard.

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Joseph Harmon

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#69

"Batman is an A*****e" and "Tom Holland's Spiderman is better animated"- My husband

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2points

Ariel Strong

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#70

It was me. I was told I yelled WHOOOOOO! I guess I turned into Rik Flair for a minute. XD

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2points

Pink Dahlia

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#71

When I was very young, my little sister and I shared a bed. I had an obsession with bats (still do honestly) and I dreamt I was a tiny, happy fruit bat that had found a wondrous peice of fruit. Just as I was about to enjoy it, a much larger bat appeared and threatened me, saying they'd found it first. In my dream, I very meekly replied, "I don't want it anymore" but according to my sister I SQUEAKED that sentence out in my sleep, pretty loudly. She woke me up and we had a good laugh.

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Ilonka Talbot

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#72

My brother once said while we were sleeping in a hotel, "just don't give the Pokemon trainer the potato..."

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2points

f*ck bp haha i got banned

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#73

My 10 year old son was napping in the back seat of the car, when my husband had to quickly brake.
My son, still sleeping, yelled "Who goes there!".
Apprantely not us, cause we had to brake.

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2points

Mini Yaya

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#74

My dad had a sleep talking problem. And here are some of the gems that we collected.
"I didn't fully cover him, I only slapped him with the whitewash as he rode by"
"I need to get the third bejeweled stone in line to make the anti-snore device"
And my personal favorite:
"PIZZA POCKETS!"

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2points

Ellie

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#75

Maybe cute more than hilarious, but here's my tidbit:
My husband is a fairly deep sleeper, so sometimes if I make noise it becomes part of the dream rather than waking him. In the latest case not long ago, I had been in bed for a bit before going to sleep, and when I put on the sleep noise app I use that includes rain as part of it, he suddenly said "Tut tut, looks like rain." in his sleep like Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh.

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2points

JewishPunnyBunny

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#76

My mum mumbles as she sleep talks. One time she said "mumble, mumble, Caitlin (my sister) mumble, cat litter, mumble". When I told her in the morning she had no idea what she was dreaming about so I don't know if it was about my sister having to clean up cat litter or what. For some reason I always thought she was telling her off for eating cat litter lol.

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Huddo's sister

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#77

My sister was once begging our grandmother to let her watch cartoons, in her sleep. Me and my mother were laughing at how even in her dreams grandma doesn't let her watch tv ;p

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Harshita Kulkarni

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Robert Trebor 2 years ago

Deep seated resentment+

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#78

At girls camp one summer, my good friend sat up and yelled, "Shut the d**n door!" Then laid back down and started snoring.

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Jessica Allred

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#79

"Oh, great David, now you've got yellow everywhere!"

--My son; age 7ish

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Synsepalum

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#80

So I was staying in a hotel with my mom and grandma. I had trouble getting to sleep, so I heard anything that's happening. So after a while I hear a sound coming from my grandma. She's saying stuff, so I wake up my mom. She's all like why did you wake up, and I'm telling her to shush so she can hear. Also some background that's important, my grandma is catholic(it's important, trust me). So we listen and she's saying no repeatedly and stuff other mumbling. Turns out in her dream me, her, Andy mom were surrounded by Baptist, who were trying to convert us to baptism. My grandma kept saying no, we're catholic, not Baptist and protecting us from them. It was really weird and always makes all of us literally crying from laughter everytime we talk about it.

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Guile main

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#81

My friend used to talk in his sleep, in Spanish (not his 1st language), and I could never tell him what he said bc I don’t speak Spanish. 😶

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Jode Mode

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#82

My husband woke me up by sitting up in bed and roaring like a lion. WTH I asked him. He said there was a lion at the end of the bed and hubby was letting him know who was the real lion king. Then he laid back down and started snoring. I on the other hand had to get up and change underwear

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Jean Lippman

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#83

"It wasn't perfect but it sure was interesting" - My very much still alive wife. If she wanted to be buried, that would be her epitaph!

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Pferdchen

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#84

My brother : no! Stop! Kelly peed in that yoghurt! I want to eat it~
I woke him up and told him what he said. I now sleep alone

Kelly’s his gf O.O

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xingqiu

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#85

My almost five year old brother about a week ago: "I'm going to Weekakun (Weehawkin) for a duel!" About ten minutes after that he yells in his sleep and scares the living daylights out of me: "BOOM!"
He's a bit obsessed with Hamilton at the moment...

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1point

Abby

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#86

Not what I said in my sleep, but what I did. When I was in fourth grade I had a can of Spiderman foaming soap in my bathroom. One night I went into the bathroom and started spraying it into the cup I used for rinsing out my mouth after brushing my teeth, filling the cup the rest of the way with water, and then dumping it into the toilet. I did this three or four times, and then woke up looking at the cup in my hand for a couple of minutes and wondering what the heck I was doing. Then I flushed the toilet, rinsed out the cup, and went back to bed, but that weird feeling of slowly drifting awake and not having the faintest idea of why I was doing what I was doing has stuck with me for decades.

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Khavrinen

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#87

When my son was 5…he stood up and yelled “ I WANT 30 INCH GANGSTA RIMS ON THE CAR” then climbed back into bed.

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Anastasia Beaverhausen

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#88

Our little one sleeps with us from time to time and her grandma has a very sassy puppy named Millie, I swear the two are linked. While jostling in her sleep one night she blurts out “Quit it, Millie!!!”. I couldn’t stop laughing!!!

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JustinTime

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#89

My brother once grabbed my leg and I screamed that the alien was eating my leg

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Da Heng

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#90

My wife once yelled in her sleep to hit the skunk with the shovel until its tail pops up and turns into a racoon. She made a noise with this, that all I can say is it that it sounded like a sound effect from an old Bugs Bunny cartoon. I don't think she has ever seen a skunk in her life, but we have no plans on hitting one with a shovel if we do.

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Darth Daddy

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#91

My son (5) is sleeping on our bed because he is getting over a cold. In the dead middle of the night, he sits up and says: “But I want to eat ALL the cupcakes!!”
My immediate mom reply was: “Eat as many cupcakes as you want. Just eat them quietly.”

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Bella Dementia

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#92

I don't really talk a lot in my sleep anymore, but I used to sleep walk as a kid sometimes. The best one was when my mom saw my head downstairs (you had to pass my parents bedroom to get downstairs), she asked me what I was doing. I told her very excited, I'm going to Paris! She was all, ok.... Then decided to follow me to see what I would do. I got into the shower, fully clothed, and turned the water on. Then I was up and was very confused as to why I was wet, in the shower with my mom cracking up in the bathroom doorway 😂

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Beth Burgh

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#93

Finally my time to share!
One time, my sister was asleep, and I heard her mutter something.
I woke myself up fully and she said “Bring me the cheese”
I was very confused, so I waited about 5 minutes to go back to sleep, but just before I did, she said “No, not THAT cheese. The GOOD cheese.”
Turns out she’s even a picky eater in her sleep!

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Unnamed Hooman

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#94

This happened just this morning. I get up for work before my husband and I was just leaving the room when he rolled over and said "Rectangle."
That it. Just "Rectangle". No follow up or recollection.

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Rachel Reynolds

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#95

I once got up in the night, ran into my brothers room, sat on his bed and holding my arms out like I was steering a plane, screamed that I was going down.

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Unstable_Artist

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#96

Just now. Husband apparently thought he was in the jungle because he just let out a Tarzan yell. He woke up the dog and me. Not happy.

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Mrs.King0315

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#97

“monkeys and potatoheads”

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Calvin Suzuki

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#98

"It wasn't perfect but it sure was interesting" - my very much still alive wife. If she wanted to be buried, that would be her epitaph.

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Pferdchen

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Pferdchen (Submission author) 2 years ago

Sorry about the duplicate post, Pandas. There was a glitch in the login process; I didn't think the first post succeeded.

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#99

My sister heard me say, “well I guess your dad’s gone.” “I guess dreams really do come true”

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Claire Pusey

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#100

Son was 5 or 6 and fell asleep next to me watching TV. He suddenly shouted "WATCH OUT!! A SHARK!!" (TV was not shark related)

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Grownnutkid

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#101

While camping my daughter got out of bed, went to the snack bag and started saying 'is there any fruit snacks? Where's the ... Then trailed off... I told her to get back in bed and she started to lay down on the snacks. She is hard to get back to being in her bed.

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Lydia Owen the Bi-tch

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#102

I randomly started meowing like a cat

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Lia S

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#103

Once I came to bed after my husband was asleep, and as I gazed adoringly at his sleeping face, I couldn't help smiling and saying, "I love you." He turned towards me with a slight smile but eyes still closed and mumbled, "Mmmm, I love bacon!"

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Kate Hughey

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#104

My ex could fall asleep in the middle of just about anything so her sleeping in the car while I was driving was a regular occurrence. It also became a regular occurrence for her to suddenly straighten up, thrust her hand out toward the dashboard and scream "LOOK OUT," as if we were about to crash, then go back to sleep. The first time, it scared the hell out of me. After that, it was a constant source of amusement.

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CA3

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#105

“10% English, 10% sales tax. Cheer, Rima, cheer!”

“It’s he Kennedy razor shaver!”

“If I were there, I’d be eating shellfish.”

*the first two were from two different friends during the same sleepover.

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UnTethered

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#106

My dad wants said "my biscuits are getting cold" at 4:AM and I tried not to laugh

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Number1Chloe

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#107

My ex-husband once told me to collect all the little pigs and put them in his pockets before they all got away. Another night, I apparently insisted he made me a garden for the geraniums using the dirt from my belly button!

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Margaret H

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#108

My husband occasionally sleep walks. One night I found him about to pee into our pots cabinet and yelled for him to stop. He looked at me and said: "Like you never pee in the pots cabinet." Then he went back to bed.

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Sarah Fister Gale

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#109

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Lucy Worthen

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#110

My mom once said "Palm tree" while sleeping.

Yes, that's it.

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Error 404 (He/They)

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#111

In college, I leaned over and held my arm out to my roommate and told her to "put it in the basket."
"What?"
"Put it in the basket?"
"Put what in the basket?"
Me, flopping back on my bed is disappointment and disgust, "Nevermind. I lost the basket."

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KDav

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#112

Ever since I was a child, I had this reoccurring dream about some evil man chasing me to kill me. I try to yell, help, but I'm so terrified, no sound comes out.

One Saturday, my husband let me sleep in. I had that dream. But in it, I kept trying to scream, help, over and over. Finally, I was able to scream, help. But I did it out loud. I was so loud, I woke myself up. I heard my husband running up the stairs because he heard me scream for help. He was relieved when he found out I was just dreaming.

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Corinne

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#113

My younger sister and I almost always had to share a room growing up. She was a vocal sleeper. One night she sat straight up and looked at me, sang the current Subway jingle (Seven sandwiches with 6gramsoffatorless) and then fell back down asleep.

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Tabitha Martel

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#114

So my sister sleep talks in her sleep a TON (so does my mom, it runs in the family) and here are a few:

(Little bit of a backstory) we were in Germany with some friends and she and I had to share a bed, as told by my mom, she sat bolt upright, screamed, and said “(my name) you jerk”whilst I (still asleep) replied with “shut up, I didn’t do anything” and we went back to bed, fifteen minutes later she sat up again, screamed REALY LOUD and went back to sleep, I never woke up

NEXT STORY 😃 we recently moved about a year and a half ago, and and she and I share a room (it’s HUGE and takes up half the upstairs) and I’ve caught some things such as:

“No. Don’t hurt the cheeseburgers. They’re my fries…. Bye.” And went back to snoring.. we had McDonald’s a week before that

She once said “the fire hydrants was in the fire because Carla didn’t like them)
Never met a Carla in her not my life

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