Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
I haven't seen one of these in a while and thought it might be useful
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I've gotten a lot worse mentally in the last few weeks. Before this I still got suicidal but it always scared me and I felt like I could never do it, but I've stopped caring. I've been walking into streets without stopping when I see cars hoping they'll hit me and kill me because I'm tired of life. I just want it to be over but I'm too exhausted to actually end it. I'm pushing away my closest friends because the fact that they care about me is too difficult for me to understand. I'm not even scared anymore, I'm just tired. Even the things I used to love don't excite me at all. Before this, I would constantly think about how excited I was for summer and how much fun I would have and how happy I would be, but now all I can imagine is myself sitting there feeling like this. It feels like I'm already dead and my body just doesn't know. I don't even hate myself anymore, but I've stopped loving anything. All I can feel is apathetic and tired. I don't want to die because I think it would fix things, I want to die because my life is already over and it's just tedious living through it
Final score:
8points
cartoon.ghostss (Submission author) 2 years ago
It feels like I'm playing a part for the people around me, like I'm pretending to be the me I used to be. I don't think they've noticed that I'm not him anymore, partially because I've never been super important to anyone. I've only told one of my close friends about this and it didn't really help at all. They just said that they were really worried and they wouldn't be okay if I died and told me not to kill myself, which should have made me not want to die but I can't make myself care. I know it would hurt them and I know that if i was the version of me I used to be I'd hate myself for hurting them, but I'm not. They'll be alright eventually, and it'll be over for me. I don't really know what to do. I just want to be who I used to be again because he loved everything and felt so much joy over even the smallest thing. He was happy and I wish I could still be
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
I'm so sorry you are feeling that way! It sounds like major depression. I think you need to speak to someone you trust and get some help. See your doctor, either on your own or with someone else, and get a referral to a psychiatrist. I have been where you are and taking that first step is so hard but so worth it. I saw the doctor with my mum, got a mental health plan and a referral to a psychiatrist and it really helped. I was put on antidepressants which heled me to start to feel things again. It takes a lot of time and you don't get instant results but it really does help. Since than I have not had problems with depression (though I do have anxiety) and I got my life under control again. If you can see a psychologist too, that will make a difference. It took me a while to find the right one (I really didn't click with my first one) but when I did my anxiety became much easier to manage too. I really hope you can get some help as you will find you can get back to the person you were,
Load More Replies...
RELATED:
#2
i have been having some pretty bad dysphoria lately, to the point of not really being able to look at myself in the mirror, and I’ve also being feeling more anxious lately
Final score:
8points
twilight (he/they) (Submission author) 2 years ago
thankfully i haven’t self harmed in a while though
cartoon.ghostss 2 years ago
That's good, I'm proud of you. Please keep it that way
Load More Replies... cartoon.ghostss 2 years ago
I remember feeling that way before I transitioned. If you're in a safe area, you should start thinking about coming out. If you're not, I have tips for how to appear more masculine without coming out. Good luck either way
A Wild Bean (they/them/any) 2 years ago
I'm really sorry, that's a lot to deal with <3 Idk if this would help for you, but I found a video last week with some advice for dysphoria/passing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNWps3WLSIo
#3
I always feel so “different” from other people. It’s like I’m a sort of alien who is unable to cope with normal life. Everyone else can manage their own problems fine and then there’s me who cries because someone slightly criticised me. I also think there might be a bit of damage done mentally because I don’t feel much like myself anymore and my friend thinks I’m more different than usual. I feel like a small child most of the time and I started talking more and faster than usual. I also have started slurring my words and I’ve started forgetting basic words when I’m in the middle of talking and I’ve started forgetting which language I’m speaking so when I’m soeaking in English, I might suddenly switch to Hindi for no reason and I switch unconsciously
Final score:
7points
jordan (pineapple he/she) 2 years ago
that first half is a problem i used to have, i still have a problem with managing problems and coping though
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
It sounds like you might have anxiety. Forgetting words and just going blank, especially if it comes after you get upset, can be the amygdala responding to what it thinks is a threat by making your brain freeze (instead of fight or flight). If your friends have noticed a change, it's likely you have reached the stage where you can't hide the issue anymore. I would suggest seeing a doctor and a psychologist. They may or may not put you on medication, but talking it through with a psychologist helps. They can help you find strategies to deal with situations before you get to the freeze point. I have had anxiety most of my life, but it got worse once I started university. I was on antidepressants but hadn't found a psychologist I liked, until last year and then it changed. He was able to help me so much, and in a relatively short time.
#4
the dysphoria has just been really bad, it’s always bad in summer but it’s worse than it’s ever been. i cant avoid reflections. and i can’t get out of my own head. i have trouble sleeping. and i’m getting to the point of being suicidal again. it just really sucks but ik other people have it worse and i try not to make it a big deal.
Final score:
6points
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
Ok. I’m not going to say “don’t compare your struggles to other peoples” because I know it’s not that simple and hearing that is infuriating for me sometimes. But it I do want to let you know that your feelings are valid. Other people’s problems aren’t a reason to invalidate your own.
cartoon.ghostss 2 years ago
Just because others have it worse doesn't mean you're in less pain. Please don't hurt/kill yourself, that'd suck for literally all of us, and you're going to get out of this eventually. I've heard that wearing multiple sports bras backwards can help with chest compression, and I tend to wear supper baggy t shirts cause they hide my shape. Maybe some of that will work for you?
Mercat Overlord (they/them) 2 years ago
There is almost always going to be someone who has it worse but that does not make your feelings meaningless. If feelings only mattered when no-one has it worse, only one person's feelings would matter and that is absolutely not true. Your feelings matter and we care about you.
jordan (pineapple he/she) 2 years ago
bee please talk to me, i want to help you but i cant, when i try to help people on that topic i need to distance myself but i cant do that with you, i want to try to help you, i dont trust myself to not make things worse im sorry now i cant, im getting too emotional i cant do anything right like this, im sorry
#5
i’m exhausted. i don’t care about my actions anymore because nothing feels real. i don’t recognize my face in the mirror. i feel numb. i hate myself.
Final score:
5points
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
Hey Amy, very small tip. This might not be helpful to you but sometimes during a dissociative episode it helps to sing to yourself a little, or sing under your breath if you are worried someone will hear. Hope you’re doing ok.
cartoon.ghostss 2 years ago
This sounds like really bad dissociation and possibly a dissociative disorder. You should really try to find a trusted adult to talk to and get therapy/a diagnosis. Good luck, you'll get through this
Percabeth Forever (she/they) 2 years ago
Does this have to do with what happened yesterday, something in real life, or both?
#6
i hate my life but schools almost over ig. i kinda dont wanna go to school but i do at the same time cuz ik i need an education. i am scared that i wont have a happy life/good job when i grow up. there is more but im in school and i dont want anyone to see this so ill tell you guys more later
Final score:
5points
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
It is really tough when you don't know what the future holds. I found that it was just as important to have strong relationships etc in school as it was to do my best schoolwork. In the end my grades weren't as high as I expected, but it worked out in the end as I was able to get into a smaller university, which was actually a better option for me. If you don't go to uni/college that is okay too. Don't put so much pressure on yourself that your mental health suffers as that can effect your grades too. It may seem scary not knowing what the best pathway is but it does work out in the end.
shanila.pheonix_ (Submission author) 2 years ago
thx. i really needed someone to tell me that.
Load More Replies... #7
Ik this is my second submission and probably no one is going to read it but I'm talking with one or my friends about whatever going on with me and they think I have autism which I genuinely could not live with like I'm fine with the stigmas around mood disorders and depression and anxiety but I couldn't live with being seen as less intelligent or awkward or childish or any of the things people think about people with autism. They're giving me a list of symptoms and it's really really scary because yeah im obsessed with plants and I have APD and might have seasonal depression and I codeswitch a s**t ton and I get over/understimulated and I've never been able to understand social cues and when I get excited I need to do stuff with my hands or else it feels like I'll actually just implode and like I just really really don't want to have autism literally anything else I can deal with but not that
Final score:
4points
twilight (he/they) 2 years ago
hey, it’s fine to feel that way :) i have a lot of those symptoms too. yeah, i understand, the stigma around mental health is not good, especially autism. i promise, you not everyone is like that though. and hey no-one ever said you had to tell anyone (if you are autistic) <3 i don’t know if this will help, but i hope it does
cartoon.ghostss (Submission author) 2 years ago
Thank you. I just feel like I need a diagnosis as an excuse for being the way I am and if that diagnosis is autism idk what I'll do. Like when I have an anxiety or panic attack and it makes me miss out on class or act weird I can say 'yeah I have anxiety sorry about that' but if I have a mental breakdown and say 'yeah I have autism sorry about that' people are going to be disgusted by me and they're not going to want to be around me. I don't want a diagnosis to define who I am and it feels like that's what autism does, like it takes everything about me that makes me a person with an identity and makes it about autism. Idk how I'm going to deal with this because honestly looking at it I do have autism it's pretty obvious and I just don't want to think about it
Load More Replies... Blue_Mouse (queen) 2 years ago
People with autism are not less intelligent at all. Also autism is something that needs to be professionally checked too
#8
I really want to die. All the time. No one knows because I always act happy. Trauma really makes you funny and happy. I don’t like saying it on here either especially considering it looks like I want attention. I haven’t been taking my pills for months now. I haven’t cut in a while so that’s a plus. Idk. I’m tired. Lost. I come one here and try to bring people up. People have it worse than me. Anyways, it’s whatever, if anyone wants to talk im here
Final score:
3points
twilight (he/they) 2 years ago
hey, you’re an amazing person, and an awesome friend. we’re always here to talk, even if you think you don’t need it
Stardust she/her 2 years ago
You’re a very good person and you made my pfp so please don’t do anything bad to yourself
Blue_Mouse (queen) (Submission author) 2 years ago
Star I’ll be fine. You need to focus on urself :)
Load More Replies... Blue_Mouse (queen) (Submission author) 2 years ago
It’s chill though, I’m here for whoever needs it :D
#9
I don’t think anyone needs to respond to this because it isn’t that important, but I guess I’m very angry and sad all the time. I’m a pushover, I’m clingy, I’m too sensitive, and I’m way too indecisive. I don’t want to hurt or off myself, but I just feel like I exist only for other people. I bottle all my feeling as to not hurt others, and I don’t want to talk to anyone irl because I feel like I would just be complaining.
Final score:
3points
twilight (he/they) 2 years ago
it’s absolutely important perc. and you wouldn’t be complaining, you can talk to me if you feel comfortable
Percabeth Forever (she/they) (Submission author) 2 years ago
Sure, thanks Twilight.
Load More Replies... cartoon.ghostss 2 years ago
I've felt a lot of that before. It's important, even if it's not as bad as what's happening to others. You're not too sensitive or indecisive or clingy, all of those are okay as long as you respect others. You don't only exist for other people, you're just making yourself only think about them. You should take some time to think about yourself and make yourself happy before this gets worse. You deserve it
Percabeth Forever (she/they) (Submission author) 2 years ago
Thank you. I think I need to do that
Load More Replies... Stardust she/her 2 years ago
If you want then you can just vent out all of your bottled up feelings to me if it would make you feel better
Percabeth Forever (she/they) (Submission author) 2 years ago
Ok. I guess I’m just annoyed at my boyfriend because he is kind of rude sometimes. In the yearbook, he wrote his signature super super small(which is rude), and he sometimes makes sexist jokes(which when I tell him not to, he tells me he’s just kidding). Yesterday I told him that I won this competition, and he said, “Ok, and?”. It’s just annoying, but I feel like I’m over reacting. I’m also upset because literally all of my friends have classes together, and I have almost none with them. It’s the last week of school for us though, so it’s ok. There’s some other things, but that’s the main stuff right now.
Load More Replies...
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
It is possible those feelings are because of anxiety. Your feelings are valid, but maybe you are processing them differently because of anxiety. If you have someone to talk to and can also talk to a psychologist that is probably a good idea. I don't mean to sound like I'm diagnosing you, it's just that I have had similar problems in the past due to my anxiety.
Percabeth Forever (she/they) (Submission author) 2 years ago
Hmm. I don’t know if I have anxiety, but I will see if I can check.
Load More Replies... #10
my gender has been all over the place lately, when it finally settles down i either dont feel much anymore, or get major dysphoria to the point of not wanting to talk or see myself
Final score:
3points
cartoon.ghostss 2 years ago
I really feel you. My gender has the annoying habit of rapidly going between very nonbinary and very not nonbinary, giving me a ton of dysphoria. The best thing I've figured out to do is, if you can, just ignore it, and if you can't you can try to present more as one or the other gender and tell people which pronouns you prefer.
jordan (pineapple he/she) (Submission author) 2 years ago
ive got problems, 1: i have trouble telling people what pronouns i want to use, and 2: when i get dysphoria its like a second little voice saying "make the bad part of you go away or be uncomfortable for the rest of forever"
Load More Replies... #11
I’m a very optimistic person, and I don’t struggle with mental health much. I guess it’s just normal teen stuff, but I’ve been pretty insecure about my appearance lately and want to know if anyone has any tips to help girls, whether cis or trans, look more feminine? My mom gets very annoyed when I mention anything about disliking the way I look, so preferably subtle ideas? Also friendly reminder to all pandas out there, you are amazing, even if you don’t feel that way. I’m always here to talk.
Final score:
3points
#12
Ok so this is my second response so sorry about that but I finally found the words to explain this. So I’ve said a few times that my dad’s way of talking to me irritates me a lot. This is what it’s like. So imagine there’s a how-to manual for “101 responses to anything your 5 year old says” or something like that. You can probably imagine some of the examples (“hey dad I went to the pool today with my friends ” “oh you did! Did you have fun? I’m so proud of you for being such a good swimmer.”) not the best example but you get the point. But basically, ANY TIME I say anything, instead of trying to understand, have a conversation, think about it AT ALL, he just gives another generic response from the manual. Like if I mention someone at school was being a jerk, it’s always “well that’s not very nice is it? I’m sorry it made you sad. There are just some people like that in the world.” Ok but he doesn’t try to have a conversation, understand, listen. Just thinks about how he’s such a good dad for handling it so well. Thank you, but I’m fourteen. It’s infuriating to ONLY ever hear generic, vague responses to my problems. The thing is, he talks to all children and teens like that. He thinks it’s perfectly normal parenting to love your kid and be proud of them, but not know them at all because you never have any real conversations. And if I tried to tell him any of this, he would just be confused because he completely thinks it’s normal and doesn’t know how else to talk to me and my brother. I hope that made sense, I’m up late because I just realized how to put this into words. Whoah that was a long rant, sorry about that.
Final score:
2points
#13
Hey bp. I doubt anyone cares but I really hate school and summer really isn’t helping. During school, I have all of this religion and propaganda and specific political parties that come with my Catholic school. I believe in the religion for the most part and I pretend to be happy so no one can probably tell, but I’m not and I think my mom has a clue but she doesn’t know how to help. I help out at school and I’m part of a youth group and my volleyball season just ended but I really just don’t have any will to live right now. My dad went to a business class prison camp and now the government requires him to have a job (which he’s never had other than a business or two that he owned) and now I’m “co-parenting” my 9 y/o brother. I’ve been watching him all week while my parents are at work. Also, two years ago, while my dad was at his federal prison camp, I came out to my mom and she said she supported me. Within the week she was back to her normal self. On top if that I’ve had my first few panic attacks this year and they’re pretty bad when they do happen. The only thing keeping me on this earth right now are my two friends that I’ve known since first grade and one of them is becoming an entirely different person and the other is doing pretty well but I think she’s becoming scared of the future. This summer, I’m going to my moms hometown to visit my family for three weeks and stay with my brother by ourselves. I don’t know if it’ll be better bc I’ll be away from my parents or if it’ll be worse bc I’ll be with my distant family members. It might be better though because they aren’t awful. So anyways that’s where I’m at right now, thanks for reading this I guess.
Final score:
2points
#14
i just stared at myself in a mirror while saying “you’re not me” and alternating between crying and laughing.
Final score:
1point
Stardust she/her 2 years ago
Amy, do you just simply want to talk? It doesn’t have to be related to this if you don’t want it to. Is there any way I can help you?
#15
When i see myself i just feel like crying. also i cant wear hoodies bc its too hot out and i hate it i wish my dysphoria wasnt this bad but it is.
Final score:
1point
#16
My anxiety is horrible right now because my geography class has ended, I liked the other students in that class but I won't be able to talk to them until September. I also still need to do 2 culminating assignments and 1 exam for my classes and I am too stressed to do them right now. Sorry if I made any typos or grammatical mistakes.
Final score:
0points
Mercat Overlord (they/them) (Submission author) 2 years ago
I also have ADHD and have procrastinated to the point of failing multiple times.
What do you think ?
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
There is so much pain here! I hope anyone reading knows they can talk to me if they need it. It is not as good as talking in person, but it might be easier to do when you are feeling like no one in real life has your back. You are all really important and I hope you stay strong and things get better.
astral slug (he/she/they) 2 years ago
i don't need to vent at all but the amount of people who feel lost and confused on here is really sad. i swear you guys are all valid, and you are all blessings to this world, not burdens. i know i'm just a stranger but i love you all and i'm so sorry someone is making you feel like you're not enough. please take care of yourself.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
There is so much pain here! I hope anyone reading knows they can talk to me if they need it. It is not as good as talking in person, but it might be easier to do when you are feeling like no one in real life has your back. You are all really important and I hope you stay strong and things get better.
astral slug (he/she/they) 2 years ago
i don't need to vent at all but the amount of people who feel lost and confused on here is really sad. i swear you guys are all valid, and you are all blessings to this world, not burdens. i know i'm just a stranger but i love you all and i'm so sorry someone is making you feel like you're not enough. please take care of yourself.
Related on Bored Panda
