Here is my story....We have been married for 8 years and my wife have a bumpy relationship with my parents and sister. Everytime we meet them there are some complaints and she is not entirely at fault I knew that my family didn't treat her well. I would ask her to ignore and try to convince her etc... coz I tried taking stand for her and didn't go well and it only made her look more bad infront of them.
Few years back my sister lost her husband in an accident and that just turned everything upside down for us. I was required ro give more support to my sister and my wife have been supportive. I was expecting her to say something abt how she is not ok with me sending all my free time there . That never happened. More over she would come with me whenever she could.I thought that the humanity version and expected of people.But what she did while she was there is what amazed me.
Giving their past differences they couldn't still look eye to eye and there are more than one incident when my sister snapped at my wife or said something rude.My wife would stay silent. Whenever she is over she started taming their plants , usually my BIL would be doing them. She spent all her time in renovating the garden or folding the laundry, or restocking the kitchen or just taking kids out for ice cream while I spent time with my sister. Just the silent help which actually made their life easy.
One evening when we were over my mom said something harsh to my wife and I was not ok . I made an excuse and we left. I took my wife for coffee and apologized to her. I asked her why did she stopped complaining although their behavior didn't change much towards her and how I have been observing all the nice things she has been doing all these months.
She said they are going through a hard time and if snapping at me releases some of that anger ,let it be. Moreover I am not bending backwards or being nice to them . Despite our differences I know how difficult it is to function when you lose someone. All the things I do helps them to function. Slowly they will recover till then we shouldn't think about our ego and avoid them.
All this while I am with such great partner and I have never realized. She has always been a good person and not just coz they are grieving.
Next time when I was over at my sister's ....I told her "you do realize that your garden is green again coz my wife right ? Despite how you treat her she is bringing good things in your life.I need you to remember that next time you meet her."

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