When my brother was born, I was like 2 or 3. My mom was super tired and cranky so she was in a way ‘quarantined’ by herself. My sister and Nana didn’t live with us, so they couldn’t see me. Instead, they stood outside my window, blowing kisses and making hearts with their hands. I sat there flipping them off, because I had a “boo boo” on my finger.

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Yakisoba

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Late 1970's . . . I started volunteering as a candy striper at a local hospital and was so very nervous around the doctors. I wanted to do a good job and didn't want to make any mistakes. I was taking some prescription slips down to the pharmacy and was waiting for the staff elevator when a doctor approached. We were waiting such a long time for the elevator and my nerves were getting increasingly frayed.
The doctor turned to me and asked, "How long have you been here?" I said, "Oh, about two weeks." He said, "Two weeks?! I'm taking the stairs!" He left and I facepalmed.

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Kathy L

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We were enjoying a family picnic at the house with people milling in and out for food and drinks. My Aunt Susan came in from the patio for a refill. As she made her way back out through the living room, fresh drinks in hand, she shouted to her sister, "Hey, Nita, you aren't making these drinks strong enough!" Susan then proceeded to walk through and mow down the screen door - she just shredded the thing!

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Kathy L

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We were in the process of potty training my daughter and all was going well except for bedtime. I told her I had a nice surprise for her if she didnt wet the bed that night. The next morning she came running into my room excited that she didnt wet the bed. She was soaked. I said, if you didn't wet the bed, why are you so wet. Her answer... I sweated really bad last night.

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Lovin' Life

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Davis the Greatest

Davis the Greatest

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3 years ago

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Haha, small kids always come up with the best explanations

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I worked in an office where we worked in pods of four. My pod had a desk in the middle for additional work space. We were archivists, and often worked out of large file boxes. One day a memo came to my desk. Each member of my group had to read it, sign it, and pass it on to the next. The only one in the pod who hadn’t read it yet was a girl who sat catercorner from me. I got up to take it to her. I didn’t know she had pulled a file box from under the spare desk, and I fell right over it. It was a full body slam. It took me about 30 seconds to even figure out what happened. There was dead silence, finally, as I was getting up one of the guys in the pod said, “I didn’t know if you were OK until you said F@&K! “ & we all kind of laughed. I was pretty shook, so I decided to take my lunch break right then. When I came back from lunch there was a chalk outline on the floor where my body had been.

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Deanna Crichley

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When I was in camp I was playing in an orchestra. My instructor was Russian and I have 2 funny stories with him.

When he would call us in after a break he would count from 5 5,4,2,1 right? Well we were all like you forgot three! So he said: that is Russian count. In my studio we are Russia no America.

Also there was this back room where people wrote on the walls and a kid I’ll call her Ana read out “John is gay” then he comes in and just says good. 😂

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Unknownperson

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One of my best friends is away right now, we’ll call her C. The other day at school, one of our other friends, A, was tapping my knee trying to show me something. C’s crush is sitting right behind me, so we’re all trying to act relatively normal. Our other friend K was scooting back a little and fell off her chair, getting salad EVERYWHERE in the process and some weird looks from the crush.

I have a knack for telling stories so they aren’t funny anymore lol

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the walrus

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i was making a comic, back when i was 10, and my best friend was screaming out the lyrics to "sweet home alabama" to annoy me.

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Axolotl

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Ok, so when I was registering for highschool, I had to get my ID picture taken. So im in line at school waiting to get my pic taken. And these two dudes stand behind me. I realize they are two dudes that had bullied me in the past for being gay. Which is a bit sus seeing as they should understand why I like ladies. Anyway that's irrelevant. so these kids are standing behind me and I hear them talking abt girls and which ones "Probably have stds" and stuff and im like ugh whatever. So then I hear kid 1 say, "Bro, my dad wants me to get a job but I don't want one. He told me I need to have an application on his desk by the end of today. What should I do?"
And kid 2 goes, "Ok you go to (Mexican Restaraunt in town) they give applications to anyone."
kid 1: "Aw dude sweet. Here's what Ill do. I'll get the application, get an interview and purposefully bomb it so my dad doesnt get mad at me for not having a job."
Kid 2 then says somethig and Kid 1 didn't here him and didnt say anything he just got this super offended look on his face. And he goes,
"did you just call me DYSLEXIC?????" and kid 2 says
"naw brah I called you an intellectual."

Thats it.

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MustardLemon

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So we were at the far just recently. This young guy around 16-17 comes over to our booth, and he was talking to a girl, he was asking her to buy him a honey stick and he was looking at them and says “I will take the organic one” the girl says “ that’s orange” and with our missing a beat the guy says” I’m sorry I’m not good at math” and walks away.

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Cheryl Low

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