Look at the title.
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The backseat of my car looks like a cookie got into battle with a bag of Doritos and they both lost.
Yeah mine sometimes looks like a dumpster it so sad I'll clean it out then boom, it looks like that again.
I wake up every morning, ready for a nap.
It is not unusual for me, to be asked at 8 pm, why the skin can heal itself, when the body cannot make a new arm if it has been removed.
Kids ask such odd questions sometimes lol sometimes I can't help but laugh but I love explain it to them.
For 5 years now I have spend a surprising amount of time talking about pee and poop. 😬
I can't use my phone in peahrkgdgvdjnzbzgxgbnznhgccvb
Grocery List: Toilet Tissue, Pop Tarts, Goldfish, Chicken Nuggets, Juice Packs, Potato Chips, Ice Cream, Red wine (2).
When you would rather scrub the toilet than try to match another pair of socks. You could eat off my toilet but not my dining room table, aka The Island of Misfit Socks.
How about having an empty hamper and clothes scattered across the floor. Sometimes sitting right next to the hamper. Why is this so hard to just put the clothes in the hamper? It's right there. Why for the love of all that is decent and holy can you not just put your clothes in the hamper?
I cannot see my floor through the sea of plastic collectables. And something smells like wee.
That feeling you get when you step on a Lego barefoot....
Yeah, i stopped that whole barefoot thing. I have my house flip flops. I also have cats, and they like pushing glass off tables. So it's toys and broken glass.
I have spent more time in hospital A & E departments, or doctors surgeries over the past 15 years than at any other time in my life
I am a bank. I don’t get paid. I get left with whatever they haven’t spent once I get my card back.
You have some left? I get the bills for the credit cards they charged the excess to!
I graduated college in 1993 but paid two universities over $30,000 in tuition and fees in 2021.
It still blows my mind that there are parents who pay for their kids' schooling, like it's just normal. I got the "out on your a*s at 18!" threats, along with "you don't need college." Thankfully, community college exists.
Three words: Roblox. YouTube. Videos.
I know more about Pokémon and Fortnite than I ever thought that I would
I make sure to lock the bedroom door to prevent unfortunate and sudden visits.
Or to pretend you are asleep when you are really just needing 10 minutes of peace.
I can sing along with every Disney movie, ever, and translate 'red girl bears' into Brave
I have a favorite color, verb, saying, fruit, vegetable, ...
Hey dad, what's your favorite song, so we can listen to it over and over until you want to burn the world if you ever hear it again.
My hair grew out past my waist and I stopped doing manicures except to cut my nails short. Neither was a conscious style choice.
I don't get a lot sleep, I have darkness invading me below my eyes. If you walk in my house before bedtime it may be kinda messy. An my house sounds like daycare but I only have three kids.
I was once discussing the "team rules" created by our team members with another lead engineer. I said, "really you could replace every one of those rules with the phrase 'use your best judgement'". He responded by saying that the problem is most people's best judgement isn't that great, and what I really mean is to use "my" best judgement. I told him "I have three kids" (he has two), and we both laughed a bit, and decided to leave the rules as they were.
When you hear a little tiny voice repeating words your husband says while playing video games...including the cuss words. My babysitter called me once and said "Yeah..your son is saying something that sounds like the S word...but I'm not sure." Probably... We since turned that word into "Sugarfoot."
I was once discussing the "team rules" created by our team members with another lead engineer. I said, "really you could replace every one of those rules with the phrase 'use your best judgement'". He responded by saying that the problem is most people's best judgement isn't that great, and what I really mean is to use "my" best judgement. I told him "I have three kids" (he has two), and we both laughed a bit, and decided to leave the rules as they were.
When you hear a little tiny voice repeating words your husband says while playing video games...including the cuss words. My babysitter called me once and said "Yeah..your son is saying something that sounds like the S word...but I'm not sure." Probably... We since turned that word into "Sugarfoot."