I really don't care what the joke is about just tell me a funny messed up joke.

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#1

WARNING this may come across slightly disturbing
How do you put a baby in a bucket? A blender.
How do you get it back out again? Tortilla chips 😋!
What’s the best part about dead baby jokes? They never get old 😀

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Bubblegum Witch
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#2

I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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jadachisolm1109 avatar
Queen J
Queen J
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so funny thank you so much for the dark humor 🤣

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#3

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#4

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back, and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#5

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather, not screaming like the passengers in his car.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#6

My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, “Knock knock,” we’d say, “Who’s there?”
Then she’d say, “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#7

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#8

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#9

What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#10

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#11

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

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Your Neighborhood Alien
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#12

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

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#13

Give a man a match
He'll be warm for a day
Light a man on fire
He'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Alex (she/they)
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#14

The reason I don't consider pets as family:
My uncle had 4 cats he considered his children.
He also had a serious heart condition.
One day he had a heart attack in the bathroom.
a couple days later someone came in to find his family hunched over eating his remains.

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Alex (she/they)
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