Hey Pandas, Should My Boyfriend’s Family Be Allowed To Use My Holiday Home For Free? (Closed)

Hello dear pandas,

I (40 F) am in the process of buying my first own flat. It is in a very touristy city and I plan to rent it out as an Airbnb to pay my own rent from the rental income and hopefully make some profit to make me more financially independent.

I have been living with my partner for 5 years. He has three siblings who are all married and have their own families. I have loose but very good contact with my partner's parents. We see each other about two to three times a year. I have almost no contact with my partner's siblings. We meet at family gatherings but have only made small talk for years. I would say we are loose acquaintances.

At the moment, my partner's brother is visiting the region where we live with his family and has asked my partner if he could stay overnight in my flat. I don't currently own the flat and it's not furnished yet, so that wasn't possible, but secretly, I was a little annoyed and felt taken advantage of. How should I react if similar requests come in the future? What would you do?

As background, it might be good to know that my partner is Swiss. I find the way he deals with his family polite and a bit stiff. But it could be that this is something cultural.

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This is a tricky situation. You have every right to ask for rental income from your partner’s family in my opinion. I understand the cultural expectations of helping out family, but I think this should be a two-way street - if you help them out then they have to be willing to help you out in some way in the future. As a compromise, you could consider letting the property at ‘family rates’ outside of busy tourist times, but obviously this depends on your financial situation and how important it is to you to make a profit from this endeavour.

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Penguin Panda Pop

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Vermonta 1 year ago

Not furnished is a great excuse. Your partner should find him a place. Hotel or other. It's his brother. Don't make it quid pro qou.

0points

The problem with helping people (especially family and friends) is that they start to take the p**s. Set a boundary right away.

I held a family function at my farm, I let a few of the kids have a toy from our shop because it was a long day and kept them occupied when they were starting to get agitated. It was at my own expense.

A few weeks later I was told that a family member had visited the farm again, taken some bubbles, bouncing eggs, and our eco friendly educational toys from the shop telling the server I was ok with it because they were family.

"Family rates" never includes inflation either. You charge them say, (just plucking figures from my a**e) 150 for a 300 per night property. The following year that property is in higher demand and now worth 500 per night, they are gonna expect 150 again because 'it was only last year'. So I recommend charging the going rate to start with and just not increasing the cost as much, or setting a clear x% off for family and friends.

As for cultural differences, that's where a conversation needs to happen. But generally it comes down to how comfortable you are with it.

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Donkey boi

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Your partner’s brother should have asked you, and if you felt taken advantage of, then you should definitely not do it. If he really needs a place to stay, he can rent a hotel, unless he doesn’t have enough money, which I’m guessing is unlikely if he’s visiting.

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River wolf (she/her)

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Hopefully you get a lot of paying guests and don’t have availability for not paying ones so you don’t have to say no. But if it’s free…. Maybe it’s my way of seeing it, but when I’m not using my house I don’t mind people using it. As long as they don’t abuse it, of course.

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