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Share your best/favorite dark humor jokes here!
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#1
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo
Final score:
73points
RELATED:
#2
Dark humor is like clean water. Not everyone gets it.
Final score:
73points
#3
You know what never gets old? Dark humor and unvaccinated children!
Final score:
64points
#4
My grief counselor died. He was so good I didnt even care.
Final score:
60points
#5
When you kill 5 zombies and a vampire with a stake, and you start to wonder why they were carrying candy...
Final score:
57points
#6
my therapist says time heals all wounds. I stabbed him and now, we wait.
Final score:
55points
#7
So, the other day my mom was chopping onions and it made me tear up. Onions was a good dog.
Final score:
54points
#8
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater.A week later he told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
Final score:
43points
#9
What do you call a summer program for kids with ADHD? A concentration camp.
Final score:
41points
#10
My doctor only gave me a week to live, so I killed her, and then the judge gave me life.
Final score:
40points
#11
My friends and I were playing a game. I lost,got up,and called for a rematch and everybody started screaming. We were playing Russian Roulette.
Final score:
40points
#12
How would you feel if someone removed your left eye, left ear, left arm, and left leg? Alright.
Final score:
37points
#13
If you're born deaf, what language do you think in?
Final score:
36points
Hans 4 years ago
If you google it as it stands here, you get tons of replies...mostly from deaf people. Apparently they think in sign language, or directly in images. Quite interesting, I think!
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Miguel justino C 4 years ago
I don’t see this as dark. It’s an actual question that connects humans. I’m color blind and my wife points out colors I can’t see. Couldn’t imagine being in my head with my own language. If a deaf person is reading this I love ya
Octavia Hansen 4 years ago
I always wondered when people wear glasses, and they dream -- dreams being formed in the mind, not focused through the eyes . . . are people wearing their glasses in their dreams?
S. 4 years ago
My dreams usually take place in first person view, but I'm aware that I am not wearing glasses yet my dreams are clear and not.... Blurry. But thanks for the interesting question!
Load More Replies...
Donna Martin 4 years ago
Thanks. This will be in my head for the next few nights while I'm trying to sleep.
Donna Martin 4 years ago
I think in English, as that's my first language. Please explain!
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#14
Child:what's dark humor mom? Mom:Hey son you see that man over there with no hands? Tell him to clap Child:But mom I'm blind
Final score:
36points
#15
Dave and Alan went hunting in Montana for the first when Dave becomes unwell and collapses to the ground. Alan, very unexperienced, calls 911 and tells the operator his friend is on the ground and might have died. The operator tries to calm him down first and then proceeds to say...Now first thing...we need to be sure he's dead, ok? Alan, a little startled goes a little closer and a shot is heard. He comes back on the phone and says, OK, and now what? 😱😱😱
Final score:
33points
#16
I called suicide hotline in Iran. They were really excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
Final score:
32points
#17
I saw a little girl and her mother having an argument the other day. "You've gotta stop having temper tantrums and hurting people every time someone asks you to do something you don't wanna do!" That was one smart kid, real shame her mom wasn't listening.
Final score:
29points
#18
Why did Suzzie fall off the swing? Suzzie had no arms... knock, knock who's there? not suzzie
Final score:
26points
#19
Give a man a match, keep him warm for a day, lite a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life!
Final score:
24points
#20
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 100 dead bodies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Final score:
23points
#21
I want to get depressed grass for my yard so it’ll cut itself.
Final score:
23points
#22
Why is dark spelt with a K not a C? Cause you can’t C in the dark.
Final score:
21points
#23
What do elephants use as tampons? sheep
Final score:
20points
#24
What does my will to live and a unicorn have in common? Neither of them exsist
Final score:
19points
#25
I heard they found Jimmy Hoffa when they conducted Jeffrey Dahmer’s autopsy
Final score:
17points
#26
What do you call a disabled person in a fire? Hot wheels !
Final score:
14points
#27
*WARNING* MAY BE TOO DARK What do you call a Jewish Pokemon player Ash.
Final score:
12points
Donna Martin 4 years ago
Why is it taboo to laugh at this kind of joke about Jewish people but ok to laugh at jokes about an Iranian suicide bomber (#24 above)? I find this funnier than #24!
#28
A local policeman came to school to deliver a lecture on drugs. Couldn’t understand a word the meth addled cop said!
Final score:
6points
#30
A guy with crutches was saying "I stand for equality". So I took his crutches, since he had them while I didn't. Now he can't even stand straight.
Final score:
4points
#31
What are 2 things that never get old? Dark humor and unvaccinated children.!
Final score:
4points
#32
When do you know when your kid sister is starting her period? Your dad's c**k tastes funny.
Final score:
2points
Steve Barnett (Submission author) 4 years ago
Too dark? I only submitted it because it was the darkest joke I've ever heard. I thought that was the point. Please don't shoot the messenger.
What do you think ?
littlesaresare 4 years ago
I've heard a version of this: "What's worse than 10 babies in a bin? 1 baby in 10 bins." I was wondering if anyone would post that.
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HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 4 years ago
My husband of 40+ years died on the day we were moving my mom in to live with us. Some guys will do anything to not live with their Mother In Law.....true story!
Kyler Bley 3 years ago
What do you call a black slave during the great depression The dark ages
Kyler Bley 3 years ago
What do you call a black slave during the great depression The dark ages
InsignificantFeline 4 years ago
I'll never forget my grandpas last words... "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE SH!T"
Phantom682 4 years ago
Johnny was a chemist's son but johnny is no more for what johnny thought was H20 (water) was H2S04(sulfuric acid)
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
I've just bought a house with period features. She doesn't like it when I call her that, though. (One of the darkest I've heard!)
Squish y 4 years ago
Dark humour is like clean water, not everyone gets it xD
Load More Replies... Effin Fred 4 years ago
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.
Nathan Fallaw 4 years ago
Wanna know what's cool about sex laws? It isn't child porn if it isn't a human child.
littlesaresare 4 years ago
I've heard a version of this: "What's worse than 10 babies in a bin? 1 baby in 10 bins." I was wondering if anyone would post that.
Load More Replies... HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 4 years ago
My husband of 40+ years died on the day we were moving my mom in to live with us. Some guys will do anything to not live with their Mother In Law.....true story!
Kyler Bley 3 years ago
What do you call a black slave during the great depression The dark ages
Kyler Bley 3 years ago
What do you call a black slave during the great depression The dark ages
InsignificantFeline 4 years ago
I'll never forget my grandpas last words... "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE SH!T"
Phantom682 4 years ago
Johnny was a chemist's son but johnny is no more for what johnny thought was H20 (water) was H2S04(sulfuric acid)
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
I've just bought a house with period features. She doesn't like it when I call her that, though. (One of the darkest I've heard!)
Squish y 4 years ago
Dark humour is like clean water, not everyone gets it xD
Load More Replies... Effin Fred 4 years ago
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.
Nathan Fallaw 4 years ago
Wanna know what's cool about sex laws? It isn't child porn if it isn't a human child.
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