Hey Pandas, Share Your Best Dark Humor Joke (Closed)

Share your best/favorite dark humor jokes here!

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What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo

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Final score:

73points

Elyce

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Dark humor is like clean water.

Not everyone gets it.

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Final score:

73points

404 Panda Not Found

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You know what never gets old?

Dark humor and unvaccinated children!

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Final score:

64points

Tres D

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My grief counselor died. He was so good I didnt even care.

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Final score:

60points

Hxllokxty (They/it)

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When you kill 5 zombies and a vampire with a stake, and you start to wonder why they were carrying candy...

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Final score:

57points

Hazmat

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my therapist says time heals all wounds. I stabbed him and now, we wait.

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Final score:

55points

LeProudDork(She/They)

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So, the other day my mom was chopping onions and it made me tear up.

Onions was a good dog.

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Final score:

54points

SCP Panda [REDACTED]

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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater.A week later he told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

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Final score:

43points

Phantom682🇺🇦

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What do you call a summer program for kids with ADHD?

A concentration camp.

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Final score:

41points

RandomBeing

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#10

My doctor only gave me a week to live, so I killed her, and then the judge gave me life.

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Final score:

40points

thatawkwardhistorian

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#11

My friends and I were playing a game. I lost,got up,and called for a rematch and everybody started screaming. We were playing Russian Roulette.

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Final score:

40points

Phantom682🇺🇦

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#12

How would you feel if someone removed your left eye, left ear, left arm, and left leg?
Alright.

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Final score:

37points

Titas Burinskas

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#13

If you're born deaf, what language do you think in?

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Final score:

36points

Scagsy

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#14

Child:what's dark humor mom?
Mom:Hey son you see that man over there with no hands? Tell him to clap
Child:But mom I'm blind

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Final score:

36points

Phantom682🇺🇦

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#15

Dave and Alan went hunting in Montana for the first when Dave becomes unwell and collapses to the ground. Alan, very unexperienced, calls 911 and tells the operator his friend is on the ground and might have died.
The operator tries to calm him down first and then proceeds to say...Now first thing...we need to be sure he's dead, ok?
Alan, a little startled goes a little closer and a shot is heard.
He comes back on the phone and says, OK, and now what?

😱😱😱

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Final score:

33points

Pimpernella

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#16

I called suicide hotline in Iran. They were really excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

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Final score:

32points

Superb Owl

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#17

I saw a little girl and her mother having an argument the other day. "You've gotta stop having temper tantrums and hurting people every time someone asks you to do something you don't wanna do!" That was one smart kid, real shame her mom wasn't listening.

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Final score:

29points