Aborted babies turn into lizard people who use the covid vaccine to make people be unable to see that the earth is flat!

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Final score:

12points

TheElementalGod️️ (He/him)

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Ask Pandas is a Deep State information collecting site. When you provide enough answers or comments, the government builds an AI version of your mind that can’t be distinguished from the real you, except by its new found loyalty to the Deep State, and then implants it in you, replacing your original personality.

I’m taking an awful risk telling you this. They could be here to stop me any mi

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Final score:

11points

UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him)

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We are trapped in a simulation played by the government and they're slowly leading us towards our death :)

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Final score:

10points

Lex <3 (they/them)

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They sell curtains for windows so you can't see the things that look into your house at night.

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Final score:

9points

mysterious(he/they, maybe?)

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Limes are just unripe lemons.

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Final score:

8points

Nick (He/Him)

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The sun is actually the only person who was able to hack real life, and gave him an exploding force field of that radius. In the center of this "sun" is the hack themselves.

(If you couldn't tell this is definitely satire.)

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Final score:

7points

MaximumKarmaSaint

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this one's not dumb, but BP staff are all ai. Their names are not real names, they don't do anything, and their bio is in 3rd person. It's all ai

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Final score:

6points

Trolling is still funny

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The reason we have stars is because we’re little bugs in some alien’s jar, and they poked holes in the lid for us to breathe.

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Final score:

6points

Kaz (they/them)

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Mr. Rogers is actually an alien sent here to improve the human race. And he didn't pass away! He actually returned to his home planet to regenerate and will return to finish his task. Rejoice! Mr. Rogers will save man yet!

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Final score:

6points

Bonesko

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Unfortunately this is a real conspiracy theory: the COVID vaccine has pig embryos. This may seem funny at first, but it caused a large drop in vaccinated Orthodox Jews.

Ok. Funny one here: the bird drones are secretly transmitting data from the microchips in our arm to the lizard kings who live in the hollow moon in an old Soviet base on the moon, and are controlling all the leaders of the world, and trump is the only one who can stop them. And the lizard kings are also secretly putting chemicals in the water supply to make people gay. And the there is also a secret world on the tails side of the earth. And the ISS is secretly a spy drone that is operated by the isis terrorists who are mercenaries of Biden. (Ten conspiracies in one go. Woo)

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Final score:

5points

Cosmologistinterntobe (human)

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When babys get aborted they are actually taken as embryos and experimented upon to create an unstoppable army to take over the world

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Final score:

4points

The wee giant

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We are actually living on the Moon but have been programmed to think we're on Earth

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Final score:

4points

Grizzly milk

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The government is changing people into lizards to eat the robotic flies sent by aliens.

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Final score:

4points

Emily Unicorn

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Alcohol was created by the devil to make people do bad things and then they end up in hell.

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Final score:

3points

Charlie Spring Fan (He/Him)

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Humans are all robots and potatos rule the world, we rechrarge humanity everytime humans start scrolling through shorts, think about it, try and remember a short that you saw a couple days back. The only shorts you remember are ones specifically designed for you not to question the potato dominance the sub-consious propaganda.

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Final score:

3points

By Deleted User

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That the reason Cards Against Humanity included the 'Beees?' card was to bring awareness to their decline, and has contributed to the population bouncing back.

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Final score:

3points

Huddo's sister

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Windows of a car are just screens so you think you driving but you’re actually not so we have created teleportation without even realizing it.
Aliens have come to planet earth already but they soon realized we were no use to them and erased our brains as they flew away. Or if that isn’t tempting enough then listen to this… aliens are abducting cows so they can practice for abducting other more useful living things on other planets. We are all just Barbie dolls and our lives are being controlled by giants.

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Final score:

2points

Ashlyn Ward

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when a person dies, they supposedly go to heaven or hell, or are just sitting in a coffin buried. but none of that is true. they were just chosen to play a simulation game called "Life", and their headset was taken off. that's why aneurysms happen for no reason. it's all a matter of if someone takes the headset off. (i know it's not dumb per se, but i wanted to make it psychological... in a sense?)

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Final score:

2points

ACosmicFool

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*EXTREMELY DARK*
Wizard of Oz
Munchkins are the souls of innocent people killed in WWII
Flying monkeys are the not-so-innocent souls

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Final score:

2points

Thatglutenfreegirly

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The reason afabs have periods is that the blood contains shed DNA. That blood is then taken from discarded pads, sent to the government, and put in vaccines.

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Final score:

1point

Skater Chick (they/them)

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"Bored Panda is a lithuanian website, those are real lithuanian names }:("
When the hell did all of them become lithuanian?

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Final score:

-10points

Trolling is still funny

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