Hey Pandas, How Do You Live Your Life When You Have Chronic Mental Illness?

I am twenty-seven years old, living with depression, anxiety, and personality disorder. I have been writing for over seven years now. I try to keep my personal and professional life separate, but writing is both of these things.

I have a borderline personality disorder, and it affects my life in numerous ways. I change my characteristics like I am buying groceries every week. Although things have been difficult and unbearable, I have learned to manage and function with intense and destructive feelings and emotions.

I have been a regular reader of Bored Panda, with it I laugh and get to know amazing artists. I thought I would share a glimpse of my world, my bubble that's expanding limitlessly.

Here is what longing feels like:

"While I roam the endless desert, a glimpse of her brings great joy:

Perhaps, I’m thirsty and tired and need a sanctuary before I roam again,

Go closer to an unknown destination where I may see her in person.

I didn’t know what fabrications this world offered my dying soul,

Yet a glimpse of her brings back the little life I’m keeping hold.

I can’t write more, the desert is calling and I must roam

And hope I will see her in person someday without a veil."

I hope you all would share your positive life. Any comments or suggestions are welcome. Thank you for reading.

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OCD and generalized anxiety here. Something positive….. That‘s not easy! Because of my issues I often feel unable to do things I‘d really like to do (like traveling), and a huge part of my life is just fighting. (I wrote about that for another post you made.)
I try to achieve a balance between keeping up the fight to „function in public“, doing the things I want to do (like I said in my other submission: meeting friends, visiting festivals, etc) and taking a break from fighting by staying at home without the feeling of wasting my time or giving up.
What helps me an awful lot is taking care of animals and plants. Of course I must not neglect them and I never ever do! I have two rescue cats and I also have a big garden with lots and lots of flowers, because I want to do something for bees, bugs, birds and bats. They all need me and that‘s something that motivates me!
Besides that I‘m very much into photography and I also like to make music videos and stop motion films about me and my issues. They are rather metaphorical and I don‘t show them to anyone, but the work itself is really meditative and it feels good to express my thoughts in this way to myself.

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Final score:

3points

Birgit M

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Borderline Writer 2 years ago

May the force be with you always! Love that cat part. I have a cat too...she had kittens last month. I feel you when you say that's not easy! Take care.

2points

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Dragging myself through the days. With my CPTSD and major depression I'm just living my life, working and resting. Barely able to get chores done, but learned to always be nice and smile when others are around. That's exhausting, but I can't stop. Never found a good therapist.
One greeted my on our first meeting with the words: "You do live in your own world, don't you" and they wouldn't say it in a good way but judgemental. Another told me that getting beat up in childhood was supposed to make me stronger and I should be careful talking about being sexually abused, because there would be no abuse without a proof of penetration.
Not mentioning the others.
So yeah, I'm just going on without therapy.
Kind of survived

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Final score:

3points

By Deleted User

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Birgit M 2 years ago

What these therapists said is so utterly awful! I‘m so, so sorry for you! I was frequently beaten up, too, and no, it did very much not make me stronger! I hope things will get better for you somehow! 🧡

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I have depression, adhd and anxiety disorder. I think the best advice I got was “Take one day at a time”. I heard it many times before but I could finally start applying it once i had to go on a sick leave from work due to my panic attacks.
Just don’t think where you are going to be in the future. Max future you should be thinking is a week if you have to. I still think it is harder to do in todays world where there’s a lot of deadlines and everything is connected to each other but you have to breath and focus on surviving the day.

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3points

Idkman

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Borderline Writer 2 years ago

Virtual hugs coming your way.

1point

My biggest struggle is depression. Medication is genuinely what helps me the most. It took me years and multiple psychiatrists to find the right combination. I was trying to get pregnant over the past few years and changed my meds to safer options and I could not function. We made the choice to give up on a second child so I could go back to meds that truly helped. I know I’m very lucky to have my first child (before finding my current meds) but I feel very guilty I can’t give him a sibling and I can’t give my husband another child. From ages 2 to 5 he asked for a brother or sister for his birthday and Christmas every year. My son is also a big part of how I’m able to survive. I live for him.

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Final score:

3points

Lauren S

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Borderline Writer 2 years ago

More power to you!!!

0points

Making the most of the good days (or hours or minutes).
Surviving the bad days (or hours or minutes).

The biggest and most dangerous thing for me is being overly self-critical. Like if I'm having a tough day and not really doing anything, then I tend to beat myself up for wasting my life. That feeds the illness. Catching it early is the best coping strategy I have learnt to date.

Big *HUGS* to anyone that needs one right now. You got this. xx

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$cagsy

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Borderline Writer 2 years ago

Big hugs! Big hugs!!!

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Very, very carefully.

I take my meds at the same time every day (I use an alarm on my phone to remind me). I get what's the right amount of sleep for me (too much or too little triggers my BPAD). I minimise contact with emotional vampires (aka my family) and I try to exercise. It's all made a huge and positive difference in my life. Five years ago I couldn't even get out of bed. Now I'm writing a novel.

It's a work in progress though. I'm also learning to accept that there are very few people who understand bipolar affective disorder. A lot of people I thought were my friends have disappeared since my diagnosis. I am making new friends, it's just a slow process.

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3points

Lyoness

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Remi (He/Him) 2 years ago

Good going and remember that slow and gradual is the real kind of progress. You'll find friends who get it sooner or later if you want (I don't like having friends outside the the bff 3, but people are different in this). Find a balance and don't play a character when socializing unless you need for a job or something.

2points

Borderline Writer: You have the same diagnosis combo I had at your age. It's not fun, but try to set yourself routines and remember to give big and even medium size decisions a 24 hour thinking period, because impulse control can be a bit shaky. Meds work if they're the right kind. For me venlafaxin has worked well for depression and anxiety without making me hyper like SSRIs and I used to take quetiapin for stability. But here's the good news: Many bpd patients are mostly stable by the age 40, and at 47 I even have the depression and anxiety mostly in control.

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Final score:

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Remi (He/Him)

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Remi (He/Him) (Submission author) 2 years ago

Oh I forgot one of the most important bits: Learn to sit down and take time to figure out what you're actually feeling. It's often harder to detect what's going on with yourself with these problems and it can be that you're just coasting along and the feels have been building in the back of your mind and then they come out in an explosion. When you can determine that you're a little sad, angry or happy about something would be the ultimate goal. I know when I'm medium sad or medium- happy angry I can't catch before roast- but it's still an improvement. Compared to my nothing or nuclear from before, that really makes a huge difference.

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